Daniels Jokes

Following is our collection of ethan puns and david one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Daniels jokes for adults, dirty rogers jokes and clean jack dad gags for kids.

The Best Daniels Puns

The only person Trump ever hired who was actually qualified to do their job was Stormy Daniels

Now you know who the best people are

What's the difference between Jack Daniels and John Wayne?

Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.

An indian lady visited a bar for the first time

She was nervous but sat on one tall stool in front of the bartender.

The guy sitting on her left said: "Jack Daniels, Single"

The guy on her right side ordered: "Johnny Walker, Single"

Then the bartender looked at the lady & said: And you..?

The lady replied: "Parmjeet kaur, Married.

Our family surname is Daniels

So rather hilariously we named our first child Jack.

She hates it.

Jack Daniels couldn't be here today,

But he's here in spirit.


I went to a liquor store yesterday on my bicycle.

I bought a bottle of Jack Daniels. I tied it to my bicycle carrier.

I was about to leave. Then I realised that if I fell off the bike on the way home, the bottle would break.

So I drank all the JD before I rode back.

Finally it turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.

I was fishing when I ran out of bait. I saw a small snake nearby trying to swallow a frog and knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket...

Now, the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit, so I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.

His eyes rolled back, he went limp.

I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.

A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.

It was that snake, with two more frogs...

Three women decide to compare their husbands to soft drinks.

Three women are out to brunch, and they're talking about who has the best husband. One of them decides they should compare their respective husbands to soft drinks (sodas).

First woman: "My husband is like 7UP, because he's 7 inches and he's always up."

Second woman: "Well my husband is like Mountain Dew, because when he's mountin' me, he knows what to do."

Third woman: "Well my husband is like Jack Daniels."

First woman: "That's not a soft drink!"

Third woman: "I know, but he's a hard licker."

Blondes and Blind Cowboy

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,
Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

* The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

* The bouncer is a blonde girl.

* I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in
karate.

* The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

* The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head
and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times

Three old women sneak some Jack Daniels into a baseball game, taking shots after each half inning. What inning is it now?

It's the bottom of the fifth, and the bags are loaded.

Johnnie Walker, Jack Daniels and Jim Beam walk into a bar

What is this, said the bartender, Alcoholics Eponymous?


A traditional Indian woman walks into a bar for the first time...

She sits down between two men.

She hears the first man says to the bartender "Johnny Walker, single."

Then second man says to the bartender "Jack Daniels, single."

The bartender turns to the Indian woman... She says "Pushpaben Patel, Married."

We are all like Stormy Daniels now.

Just waiting for him to finish.

Back when Stormy Daniels was in high school, none of her fellow classmen realized she would go down in history.

Guys were usually getting it in the gym locker room or behind the teacher's parking lot.

What does lebron james and stormy Daniels have in common

They both get paid to play with orange balls

I asked a group of women to describe their husbands using a soft drink [possibly NSFW]

The first said, "Mtn Dew, because he's always ready to mount 'n' do me"

The second said, "7up, because it may only be seven inches but it's always up"

The third said, "Jack Daniels"
I said, "But that's a hard liquor"
She relied, "Yes, and so is he"

A drunk orders a shot of Wild Turkey....

Sorry sir, we don't have Wild Turkey only a House bourbon? What can I get you?

I'll have a shot of Wild Turkey

I'm so sorry sir, we just ran out, how about a Jack Daniels

I'll have a shot of Wild Turkey

Okay sir, if you can spell Wild Turkey, I'll get you a shot

W-I-L-D T-U-R-K-E-Y, Wild Turkey

Sir you forgot the F

There's no F in Wild Turkey

That's what I've been trying to tell you,

What's the difference between Jack Daniels and Davy Crockett?

Jack Daniels is still killing Natives.

What does Stormy Daniels have in common with American farmers?

They both got screwed and paid off by Trump.


Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Jack Daniels.

Jack Daniels comes alive when you add coke.

My wife says I have a problem with alcohol abuse.

I politely told her I don't. I managed to stay calm and kiss her goodnight even though I was getting so angry.

When she went to bed I punched my bottle of Jack Daniels.

I made a drink called Hit The Road Jack

It's Jack Daniels mixed with methanol.

(Blind jokes are the best kind)

Worst foursome in golf history

1. Stormy Daniels
2. O. J. Simpson
3. Ted Kennedy
4. Bill Clinton

Why? You ask

1. Stormy is a hooker.
2. O. J. is a slicer.
3. Ted can't drive over water, and
4. Bill can't remember which hole he played last..

A blonde visited a bar...

A blonde visited a bar for the first time, sat at the table in front of the bartender.

A guy at her left ordered, "Jack Daniels, Single"

A guy at her right ordered, "Johnny Walker, Single "

The bartender looked at the lady, said ,"and what about you?"

Lady replied,"Amber Smith, Married"

A lady from India visited the USA for the first time and visited a bar...

She sat in front of the bartender with two guys sitting on either side of her.
"Jack Daniels, single." Ordered the one on her left.
Johnny Walker, single." Ordered the one on the right.
The bartender then looked at the lady and asked, "And you, ma'am?"
"Sonia Patel, married." She replied.

I'm seeing a lot of blonde jokes, so here's mine.

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were talking about their boyfriends and decided they wanted to give them nicknames.

The brunette says, "I'll name mine 7-Up because he is 7 inches and always up for me."

The redhead says, "I'll name mine Mountain Dew because he always wants to mount and dew me."

The blonde thinks for a moment and says, "I'll name my boyfriend Jack Daniels. He's a hard liquor."

Instead of Hillary Clinton, maybe Stormy Daniels should have run against Trump?

I'm pretty sure she would've spanked him.

My girlfriend gave me the nickname Jack Daniels

Because she says I'm a hard licker!

Apparently Stormy Daniels was misquoted, and what she actually said was that Trump's junk looked like A Little Potato. You know...

A little *dick-tater*

Michael Avenatti is no longer representing Stormy Daniels

In other words - he pulled out

What's the difference between the G-Spot and Jack Daniels?

I'll actually look for the Jack Daniels.

Who's killed more natives than General Custer?

Jack Daniels

A doctor, a nurse, and a mom walk into a bar

The doctor sits first and orders a shot of Jack Daniels

The nurse sits second and orders a shot of Jose Cuervo

The mom sits last and says I'm sorry, I don't do shots. then falls to the floor dead from measles.

If you enjoy Jack Daniels...

Then try his sister Stormy!

A priest is in the confessional box...

A priest is in the confessional box and he has to go to the restroom, so he grabs an alter boy and says, "Take over for me for a couple minutes."

A man enters the box. "Bless me father for I have sinned..."

The boy says, "The priest will be back in a few minutes."

The man replies,"I'm in a bit of a hurry. Do you know what Father Daniels usually gives for oral sex?"

The boy says, "Well, he usually gives me a candy bar and a five bucks."

Hurricane Florence

White House advisor.......

"Mr Trump , Hurricane Florence is causing trouble."

President Trump.....

"Offer her the same deal as Stormy Daniels!"

Nicked from fb

The best thing about tea is you can drink it at work

The best thing about Jack Daniels is it looks like tea!

People often ask me if I'm team Edward or team Jacob

I'm actually team Jack Daniels

Nancy Pelosi just thrashed Trump over this shut-down business.

But Stormy Daniels showed us that Trump likes getting spanked by a woman.

What's the difference between Michael Avenatti and the average veterinarian?

One deals with Stormy Daniels, one deals with wormy spaniels.

Stormy Daniels has a gag order.

How small is it that you have to tell someone to gag?

At this morning's White House press briefing...

JOURNALIST: Mr President! Are you concerned about coups?

TRUMP: Stormy Daniels? Believe me, it never happened.

The morgue needed someone to identify the exact weapon used to kill Native Americans...

Apparently Jack Daniels still does.

One of Trump's advisors ran up to him and asked in a panic what to do about Hurricane Katrina...

Trump said: "Give her the same deal we gave Stormy Daniels."

Breaking: Stormi Daniels reaction to president Trumps Syria decision.

Shocked Trump pulls out when he said he would

I was really impressed with Stormy Daniels Memoir

It's 200 pages. I really thought it was going to be coloring book.

"Come on everybody let's hit the polls like our lives depend on it!"

- Stormy Daniels

Stormy Daniels was just admitted to a hospital...

Her condition is stable.

Today Donald trump Called Stormy Daniels a horse face and I find that highly offensive...

To horses everywhere who now have to deal with the stigma of now being compared to stormy daniels.

What does Stormy Daniels got in common with her lawyer Michael Avenatti?

They're both insatiable self-pluggers

Secretary walks into the President's room

Secretary: Mr.President, Hurricane Florence is causing trouble.
Trump: Offer her the same deal as Stormy Daniels.

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Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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