The Best 61 Dangerous Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Dangerous jokes. There are some dangerous hazardous jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dangerous harmful puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Dangerous Jokes and Puns

I don't like sex in the shower.

It's slippery, dangerous and one of the worst things about prison.

Joke about how dangerous China is

An American tourist came to China and fell into a construction ditch, he came out, injured, and angrily told the tour guide, "In America, in a dangerous area, we always put up red flags to warn people! Why wasn't there one here?"

The Chinese tour guide very calmly replied, "Didn't you already see it when you entered the country?"

Short armed and dangerous.

Did you hear about the mind reading midget that escaped from prison? The papers said small medium at large.

Dangerous joke, Short armed and dangerous.

When I was a kid in Scotland...

...I asked my dad once day

"How come you always screw the sheep on the edge of the cliffs? Isn't that kind of dangerous?"

He said "Yes, son, it is, but it makes the sheep push back a lot harder."

Women's hockey is the most dangerous sport...

Twelve women, three periods each.


So to celebrate the Halloween season...

... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.

A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Pastor make a bet.

They say, "Whoever goes into the woods and converts the most dangerous animal, wins". So a week goes by and they all return. The Pastor comes back with a rattlesnake and says "He goes to church every week!". The priest comes back with cougar and says "His first he's getting confirmed next month!". The Rabbi comes back in a full body cast and says " You know, I probably shouldn't have tried to circumcise a bear."

Dangerous joke, A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Pastor make a bet.

My neighborhood is getting dangerous...

I was walking home the other night from the store with my hoodie on and the woman in front of me sped up, so I sped up. Then she started running so I started running to. I felt bad I passed her and left her behind. I never did see what we were running from.

I'll tell you what's a dangerous insect...

....That Hepatitis Bee

What's the most dangerous, predominantly black area known to man?

Space

Detroit is a such a dangerous city...

You can't even let your kids out at night.
The might rob someone.

You can explore dangerous reckless reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dangerous stranger danger dad jokes. There are also dangerous puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Don't join dangerous cults

Practice safe sects

Why did KGB officers always travel in threes?

One who could read, one who could write, and the third to watch over those two dangerous intellectuals.

So this nun is driving along...

... when suddenly a drunk staggers out into the road in front of her. She skids to a stop, gets out, and scolds him severely, making several derogatory remarks, and angrily lecturing him on how dangerous he was being. The drunk looks at her for a minute, then punches her in the face, knocking her out cold.

Standing over her prone form, the drunk grins triumphantly, and slurs out "Yeah! Not so tough now, are you Batman?".

Would it be dangerous for a human to live 65 million years ago?

You bet jurassic would.

I visited my doctor last week, and he told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked him why, because surely it's not dangerous.

He said it was distracting him.

Dangerous joke, I visited my doctor last week, and he told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked him why, because s

A boy is looking over a tall cliff...

A young boy is peering down a high cliff when an old man walks over. The old man says "Hey its dangerous up here, where are your parents?". The boy tearfully replies "my mom just fell off the cliff". The old man horrified asks "Where is your father?". This time the boy falls to his knees and cries "He fell trying to save her". The old man unzips his pants and says "Sorry kid, today just isn't your day".

What is long, black and dangerous to cut into?

the line at KFC

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic grocery bag?

One is made of plastic and dangerous for children to play with...

And the other carries groceries.


What's the most dangerous thing in your freezer?

Ice is.

Moscow cops

Did you hear the one about why Moscow cops patrol in threes?

One who can read, one who can write, and another to keep an eye on the other two "dangerous intellectuals".

What's the most dangerous part about Scrabble

It's all fun and games until someone loses an I

People keep saying drugs are dangerous, I abused lots of drugs and I'm fine.

It's only the people watching me through power sockets that are annoying.

A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...

She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.

"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"

The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."

Cigarette warnings should also include how dangerous it is just going to purchase a package...

My dad left 19 years ago to buy some and he still hasn't made it back.

Cigarettes are just like squirrels.

They aren't dangerous until you stick one in your mouth and light it on fire.

What's more dangerous than running with the scissors?

Scissoring with the runs

On my way home from work saw a man texting while driving..

Knowing how dangerous this can be I pulled up next to him, rolled down my window and threw my beer at him.

A man is standing on a bridge over a dangerous river,

constantly saying "63, 63, 63..." over and over. Suddenly a tourist comes by and asks why is he just standing there repeating that number. The man didn't answer, instead he just pushes the tourist off the bridge into the river and says: "64, 64, 64..."

Cr

A dangerous parasite walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here."

The parasite replies, "Well, you're not a very good **host**."

Saudi Arabia banned chess, calling it a dangerous game

Reasons are:

1. The Queen doesn't wear a burkha.
2. The Queen roams freely wherever she wants to.
3. The Queen is more powerful than the King.
4. The Queen goes alone to opponent's territory.
5. Most importantly, there's only one Queen.

Why do the Politsiya (Russian federal agency) always go around in groups of three?

One can read, one can write, and one keeps an eye on the two dangerous intellectuals.

I'm about to have a dangerous cup of coffee...

...safe tea first, though.

Why is the letter S likely to prove dangerous in an argument?

because it turns words into swords

A police officer was assigned to hunt a dangerous cannibal on his first day on the job

All the more seasoned officers had already been eaten

Seriously? You're asking me why I love watching documentaries of dangerous places?

Let's not go there.

How do you avoid STDs while in a dangerous cult?

By making sure to practice safe sects

Feminists are way more dangerous than someone with a gun

At least a gun only has one trigger...

Why is it dangerous to have more than one violin in your house?

Because it leads to domestic violins.

(From my 9 year old...)

Studies show that owning a ladder is 10 times more dangerous than owning a gun.

That's why I own 10 guns. In case some maniac trys to come at me with a ladder.

I live in such a dangerous part of town that I don't let my kids go out in the evening.

They might just rob someone.

Im not going to vaccinate my kids because its too dangerous

Id rather the doctors do it to ensure its done right

Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?

Because if you add 4 plus 4, you get ate

Because hippos are surprisingly dangerous, zoologists use the Pythagorean theorem to calculate the length of their backs.

This is called finding the hippotenuse.

Did you hear Stephen Miller's wife tested positive for COVID?

It turns out swallowing vampire is as dangerous as eating bat.

At the doctors office

I went to the doctors office due to a strange abdominal pain. My doctor adviced me to stop masturbating. "Is it dangerous?" I asked. "No", said the doctor " but it disturbs my concentration".

A woman goes to the pharmacist and asks for five kilos of arsenic.

The chemist says, "That's very dangerous, what do you want it for?"
Wife replies, "I'm giving it to my husband. He had an affair"
Chemist says, "Oh no, I could get in a lot of trouble for giving you that"
Wife goes into her purse and pulls out a photo of her husband.....having sex with the chemist's wife.
"Oh, that's different. I didnt realise you had a prescription"

No one tells you how dangerous stargazing can be.

I did it all afternoon and now I think I'm blind.

A man walks into a bar. Looking visibly distraught, he orders his drink.

A man walks into a bar. Looking visibly distraught, he orders his drink. "Having a bad day?", the barkeep asks. "I guess you could say so. I just accidently time travelled back into the 20th century." "Really? What did you change?" "Oh heavens, nothing! I just went straight back to the present. Do you know how dangerous time travel is? Who knows what I might have changed if I hadn't been so careful. I might have caused a second world war."

A mate of mine just told me that he has been drinking brake fluid!

I told him how dangerous that is and how it could kill him if he keeps it up, but he said he can stop anytime he likes.

I robbed a bakery today.

It was dangerous, but I took the whisk.

I've heard rumors acid is dangerous.

Pretty sure they are baseless though.

A man has a wonderful Horse

It's a marvellous Horse, good looking and everything. But it also occasionally gets very dangerous and vicious.

Causes tons of trouble, breaks things, violent etc.

So he goes to the vet and asks what can I do with this horse

The vet says that's a very easy problem and I am glad to help you

The man says ok, so what should I do

The Vet says the next time your horse is behaving well, sell it

After attempting to climb Everest and failing, John has severe frostbite, hypothermia and goes into a coma.

After a lengthy and dangerous mountaintop rescue he's rushed to the nearest hospital, where after several days he finally wakes and is greeted by the Nepalese doctor.

Sir, I have bad news and good news. John, ever the optimist asks for the good news first.

Okay, the good news is the patient in the next bed has offered you a very generous amount for your slippers...

I told my son it's ok to swear at the gun range

Because yelling "SHOOT" is just to dangerous

A Canadian park ranger is giving some ramblers a warning about bears,

Brown bears are usually harmless. They avoid contact with humans so we suggest you attach small bells to your rucksacks and give the bears time to get out of your way. However, grizzly bears are extremely dangerous. If you see any grizzly-bear droppings leave the area immediately.

So how do we know if they're grizzly bear droppings? asks one of the ramblers.

It's easy, replies the ranger. They're full of small bells.

Two guys are attempting an escape from an insane asylum

Eventually they escape the main building but there are walls around the encampment so they get to a roof to get over the wall, they look at the gap between the roof and the wall and decide it's too dangerous. the first guy says,
Alright, we can't jump across so I'll just shine my flashlight over to the other side and you can walk across the light
The second guy looks at the first guy baffled by what he just said, he replies
What?? Do you think I'm stupid or something?… You'll just turn the flashlight off when I'm halfway!

What's the most dangerous thing a flat-earter can do?

Living life on the edge.

Sounds are very dangerous, you know?

If you listen to high frequencies, it really Herz.

Old Soviet Joke

Picked this up from a collection of Soviet-era jokes

\*\*\*

Q: "Why do the secret police patrol in groups of three?"

A: "That way there's always one who can read, and one who can write."

Q: "What about the third?"

A: "Someone's got to keep an eye on the two dangerous intellectuals."

I used to fear the robot apocalypse

But now, after seeing how dangerous stupid people can be...

I'll take artificial intelligence over no intelligence any day.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dangerous bravest jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working dangerous danger piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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