Dangerous Jokes

Following is our collection of reckless puns and hazardous one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Dangerous jokes for adults, dirty stranger danger jokes and clean harmful dad gags for kids.

The Best Dangerous Puns

A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...

She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.

"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"

The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."

What is long, black and dangerous to cut into?

the line at KFC

What's more dangerous than running with the scissors?

Scissoring with the runs

Cigarette warnings should also include how dangerous it is just going to purchase a package...

My dad left 19 years ago to buy some and he still hasn't made it back.

So to celebrate the Halloween season...

... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.


Why did KGB officers always travel in threes?

One who could read, one who could write, and the third to watch over those two dangerous intellectuals.

Cigarettes are just like squirrels.

They aren't dangerous until you stick one in your mouth and light it on fire.

A woman goes to the pharmacist and asks for five kilos of arsenic.

The chemist says, "That's very dangerous, what do you want it for?"
Wife replies, "I'm giving it to my husband. He had an affair"
Chemist says, "Oh no, I could get in a lot of trouble for giving you that"
Wife goes into her purse and pulls out a photo of her husband.....having sex with the chemist's wife.
"Oh, that's different. I didnt realise you had a prescription"

On my way home from work saw a man texting while driving..

Knowing how dangerous this can be I pulled up next to him, rolled down my window and threw my beer at him.

A police officer was assigned to hunt a dangerous cannibal on his first day on the job

All the more seasoned officers had already been eaten

Women's hockey is the most dangerous sport...

Twelve women, three periods each.


Im not going to vaccinate my kids because its too dangerous

Id rather the doctors do it to ensure its done right

Detroit is a such a dangerous city...

You can't even let your kids out at night.
The might rob someone.

Feminists are way more dangerous than someone with a gun

At least a gun only has one trigger...

Saudi Arabia banned chess, calling it a dangerous game

Reasons are:

1. The Queen doesn't wear a burkha.
2. The Queen roams freely wherever she wants to.
3. The Queen is more powerful than the King.
4. The Queen goes alone to opponent's territory.
5. Most importantly, there's only one Queen.

I don't like sex in the shower.

It's slippery, dangerous and one of the worst things about prison.

No one tells you how dangerous stargazing can be.

I did it all afternoon and now I think I'm blind.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic grocery bag?

One is made of plastic and dangerous for children to play with...

And the other carries groceries.

I'll tell you what's a dangerous insect...

....That Hepatitis Bee


I visited my doctor last week, and he told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked him why, because surely it's not dangerous.

He said it was distracting him.

Why is it dangerous to have more than one violin in your house?

Because it leads to domestic violins.

(From my 9 year old...)

So this nun is driving along...

... when suddenly a drunk staggers out into the road in front of her. She skids to a stop, gets out, and scolds him severely, making several derogatory remarks, and angrily lecturing him on how dangerous he was being. The drunk looks at her for a minute, then punches her in the face, knocking her out cold.

Standing over her prone form, the drunk grins triumphantly, and slurs out "Yeah! Not so tough now, are you Batman?".

Why do the Politsiya (Russian federal agency) always go around in groups of three?

One can read, one can write, and one keeps an eye on the two dangerous intellectuals.

A man is standing on a bridge over a dangerous river,

constantly saying "63, 63, 63..." over and over. Suddenly a tourist comes by and asks why is he just standing there repeating that number. The man didn't answer, instead he just pushes the tourist off the bridge into the river and says: "64, 64, 64..."

Cr

A boy is looking over a tall cliff...

A young boy is peering down a high cliff when an old man walks over. The old man says "Hey its dangerous up here, where are your parents?". The boy tearfully replies "my mom just fell off the cliff". The old man horrified asks "Where is your father?". This time the boy falls to his knees and cries "He fell trying to save her". The old man unzips his pants and says "Sorry kid, today just isn't your day".

Would it be dangerous for a human to live 65 million years ago?

You bet jurassic would.

Joke about how dangerous China is

An American tourist came to China and fell into a construction ditch, he came out, injured, and angrily told the tour guide, "In America, in a dangerous area, we always put up red flags to warn people! Why wasn't there one here?"

The Chinese tour guide very calmly replied, "Didn't you already see it when you entered the country?"

At the doctors office

I went to the doctors office due to a strange abdominal pain. My doctor adviced me to stop masturbating. "Is it dangerous?" I asked. "No", said the doctor " but it disturbs my concentration".

Don't join dangerous cults

Practice safe sects

What's the most dangerous, predominantly black area known to man?

Space

When I was a kid in Scotland...

...I asked my dad once day

"How come you always screw the sheep on the edge of the cliffs? Isn't that kind of dangerous?"

He said "Yes, son, it is, but it makes the sheep push back a lot harder."

A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Pastor make a bet.

They say, "Whoever goes into the woods and converts the most dangerous animal, wins". So a week goes by and they all return. The Pastor comes back with a rattlesnake and says "He goes to church every week!". The priest comes back with cougar and says "His first he's getting confirmed next month!". The Rabbi comes back in a full body cast and says " You know, I probably shouldn't have tried to circumcise a bear."

I live in such a dangerous part of town that I don't let my kids go out in the evening.

They might just rob someone.

Why is the letter S likely to prove dangerous in an argument?

because it turns words into swords

How do you avoid STDs while in a dangerous cult?

By making sure to practice safe sects

Because hippos are surprisingly dangerous, zoologists use the Pythagorean theorem to calculate the length of their backs.

This is called finding the hippotenuse.

Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?

Because if you add 4 plus 4, you get ate

Did you hear Stephen Miller's wife tested positive for COVID?

It turns out swallowing vampire is as dangerous as eating bat.

Seriously? You're asking me why I love watching documentaries of dangerous places?

Let's not go there.

People keep saying drugs are dangerous, I abused lots of drugs and I'm fine.

It's only the people watching me through power sockets that are annoying.

I'm about to have a dangerous cup of coffee...

...safe tea first, though.

A dangerous parasite walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here."

The parasite replies, "Well, you're not a very good **host**."

What's the most dangerous thing in your freezer?

Ice is.

What's the most dangerous part about Scrabble

It's all fun and games until someone loses an I

Moscow cops

Did you hear the one about why Moscow cops patrol in threes?

One who can read, one who can write, and another to keep an eye on the other two "dangerous intellectuals".

Short armed and dangerous.

Did you hear about the mind reading midget that escaped from prison? The papers said small medium at large.

When are riptides dangerous?

Currently

Studies show that owning a ladder is 10 times more dangerous than owning a gun.

That's why I own 10 guns. In case some maniac trys to come at me with a ladder.

My neighborhood is getting dangerous...

I was walking home the other night from the store with my hoodie on and the woman in front of me sped up, so I sped up. Then she started running so I started running to. I felt bad I passed her and left her behind. I never did see what we were running from.

I play the world's most dangerous sport.

I ~~sometimes~~ occasionally disagree with my wife.

Adderall is really dangerous

I'm not sure exactly what happened: I took some, and then I must have blacked out or something... all I know is that I'm a grad student now

I don't know why people think eating Tide Pods is dangerous...

I mean, you could start today and eat them for the rest of your life.

What's more dangerous than a serial killer?

A parallel killer.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

One is white, plastic, and dangerous to kids. You put groceries in the other.

Why are submarines more dangerous than regular ships?

They're built with sub-standard materials.

I just used a Saddam Hussein jelly mould....

I think I've set a dangerous president.

The internet is a scary place. It's dangerous to go alone! Take this

.

(It's a grain of salt)

There is an abundance of bravest jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 57 funniest jokes and dangerous puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any danger witze you can hear about dangerous.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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