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Dangerfield Jokes

71 dangerfield jokes and hilarious dangerfield puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dangerfield that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Dangerfield Jokes

Short dangerfield jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dangerfield humour may include short easy jokes also.

  1. My doctor he dont help either, he told me to run 5 Miles a Day for two weeks I called him up I said "Doc im 70 miles from my house"
    -Rodney Dangerfield
  2. I went to see my doctor, and he told me I was overweight. I said, "I want a second opinion."
    He said, "Alright. You're ugly."
  3. Dangerfield on Carson: : "One night my wife went out and her car was stolen" "I asked her 'did you see what he looked like?' She said, 'no but I got the license plate number.'"
  4. I asked my wife if shed like me to be in the room with her when she delivered our child She said "Why? It's not like you were in the room when she was concieved.
    RIP Rodney Dangerfield
  5. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I told him I wanted another opinion.. He said fine, you're ugly too
    -Rodney Dangerfield
    -
  6. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy so I told him I want a second opinion. He said, Okay, you're ugly too.
    -Rodney Dangerfield
  7. I think my wife is cheating on me with my best friend... ...he's been pretty miserable lately.
    -Rodney Dangerfield
  8. I come from a small town. I come from a town where the population never changes. Everytime a kid is born, some guy leaves town.
  9. I Don't Get No Respect I went into a bar and asked for a double. The bartender went into the back and came out with a guy who looked like me.
    -Rodney Dangerfield
  10. What a kid I got I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

Quick Jump To


Dangerfield joke, What a kid I got


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about dangerfield can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of dangerfield puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Dangerfield One Liners

Which dangerfield one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dangerfield? I can suggest the ones about grammar and age.

  1. My wife has to be the worst cook ever. In my house we pray after we eat.
  2. My parents moved a lot when I was a kid But I always found them. - Rodney Dangerfield
  3. When I was born I was so ugly... the doctor slapped my mother.
  4. My mother never breast fed me... she told me she only liked me as a friend.
  5. My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield
  6. I Was So Poor in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black and white!
  7. I went window shopping yesterday with my wife.... We bought three windows.
  8. My wife is such a bad cook, the flies chipped in to fix the screens.
  9. You ever hear about that time Rodney Dangerfield played World of Warcraft No respec
  10. What do Rodney Dangerfield and Aretha Franklin have in common? They're both dead
  11. My wife likes to talk after s**..... So she called me from a hotel room.
  12. I only get laid because of who I am... A r**...!
  13. The first time I had s**..., I was really scared... I was all alone!
  14. What do you call an o**... that gets no respect? Kidney Dangerfield

Rodney Dangerfield Jokes

Here is a list of funny rodney dangerfield jokes and even better rodney dangerfield puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • bad day today I put on my shirt, a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom!!
    Credit Rodney Dangerfield
  • My girlfriend called me up. She said, "Come over there's nobody home... I went over. There was nobody home.
  • A girl told me to come over... A girl told me, "Come over, nobody's home."
    I went over, nobody was home.
  • A couple came up to Rodney Dangerfield for an autograph. Trying to make small talk, they said "Whaddya think? We just got married!" Rodney: "You both could've done better!"
  • Is there someone else? I was making love with my wife, and she had a faraway look in her eyes.
    I said, 'Darling, is there someone else?' and she said, 'There must be.' 
  • My childhood was tough. I'm so ugly, that when I was a baby my mother refused to breastfeed me.
    She told me she just liked me as a friend.
  • Well I finally solved my drinking problem, I joined Alcoholics Anonymous Yeah I still drink, I just use a different name, that's all
  • This is how good my dog is, LOL. I tell ya, my dog is lazy. He don't chase cars. He sits on the curb and takes down license plate numbers.
  • What do you get when you are the daughter of Rodney Dangerfield and Aretha Franklin? No R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
  • I was watching a movie where the acting was so bad that it turned into a football (soccer to us yanks) game.

Rodney Dangerfield Wife Jokes

Here is a list of funny rodney dangerfield wife jokes and even better rodney dangerfield wife puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My wife said she wanted to have s**... in the backseat of the car and she wanted me to drive
  • Wife told me she wants to have s**... in the back of the car... She asked me if I could drive :-(
  • My wife and I only smoke after s**...; I've had the same pack since 2003. She's up to three packs a day.
  • I went into a bar and said to the bartender, Surprise me... So he showed me a n**... picture of my wife.
    ~Rodney Dangerfield
  • I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike.
    She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the t**...!
  • Y'know, my wife and I, we never have s**...... ... we get undressed, we can't stop laughing.
  • My wife met me at the front door wearing s**... l**... The only trouble was, she was coming home.
  • I called my wife from work and said "Honey, I've been thinking about our s**... life and I'm getting excited!" She said "Who IS this?!"
    (Rodney Dangerfield)

Rodney Dangerfield No Respect Jokes

Here is a list of funny rodney dangerfield no respect jokes and even better rodney dangerfield no respect puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I don't get no respect. I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly when I was born the doctor slapped my mother.
Dangerfield joke, I don't get no respect. I was an ugly kid.

Great Dangerfield Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about dangerfield you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean comedian jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make dangerfield prank.

Thanks, Rodney

(Assume the Dangerfield voice) "My wife and me don't get along too good, y'know? She said she was gonna cut me down to once a month. Once a month!
"Yeah, I guess it's not so bad. I know two guys she cut off completely!"

Today just wasn't my day.

I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. Finally leave the house for work and the doorknob comes loose and just breaks off.
I'm afraid to go to the bathroom..

When I was little I got lost at the fair. I got a policeman to help me look for my parents.

I asked him if we would find my parents. He said I don't know kid.... there's so many places they could hide.

The only problem with having an o**... is,

you don't know who to thank afterwards..
- The late great Rodney Dangerfield..

No Respect

"A girl phoned me up the other day and said, 'Come on over, no one is home.'
I went over there.
And nobody was home!"
Rodney Dangerfield
What are some of your favourites from Mr. No Respect?

Dangerfield joke, My doctor he dont help either, he told me to run 5 Miles a Day for two weeks

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these dangerfield jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.