The Best 62 Danger Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Danger jokes. There are some danger unsafe jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these danger stranger danger puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Danger Jokes and Puns

A lion walks into a bar...

Several people get up and leave predicting the impending danger.

Jesus had a twin that was abducted shortly after birth

In other words, there was doppelganger stranger danger in the manger.

So a rhino walks into a bar...

and several patrons pay their tabs and leave because they see the danger in this situation.

Danger joke, So a rhino walks into a bar...

A horse walks into a bar

A horse walks into a bar. The other customers promptly get up and leave, seeing the potential danger in the situation

What's the most dangerous place in an Excel file?

C4


What is the biggest danger to an ear f*cker?

Hearing AIDS.

The Philandering Duck

This swinging philandering duck suddenly became conscious of the danger of acquiring AIDS through sexual promiscuity.

To put himself at ease he went to his local druggist and asked for a condom. "How much will that be?" asked the duck. "1 dollar and 19 cents" replied the druggist. "Would you like me to put this on your bill"? "What kind of a duck to you think I am"? replied the duck.

Danger joke, The Philandering Duck

A wife is at home watching the news.

On the TV she sees footage of a crazy man driving the wrong way on the freeway. She realizes her husband takes the same path home from work. She immediately calls him and warns him of the danger. She says, "Be careful! There's a crazy man driving on the wrong side of the freeway!"

The husband replies, "One!? There's hundreds of them!"

What is more dangerous than a polar bear?

A bi-polar bear.

I'll tell you what's a dangerous insect...

....That Hepatitis Bee

Childbirth

Around 0AD childbirth was fraught with danger, but luckily for Jesus he was born in a stable condition

You can explore danger trouble reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean danger yonder dad jokes. There are also danger puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


An US tourist visiting the USSR fell down the open manhole...

After he was helped out, he started complaining: why on earth such as danger was not marked properly? In the USA there would be red lanterns or at least some red flags. "How did you arrive in Moscow?" asked one of the Russians who helped him out. "Well, via Sheremetyevo airport". "Haven't you noticed the huge red flag on its main building?"

What is the most dangerous state of water?

Ice is.

I'll show myself out now.

What's the most dangerous, predominantly black area known to man?

Space

Would it be dangerous for a human to live 65 million years ago?

You bet jurassic would.

What's the most dangerous place in Washington D.C.?

Between a politician and a news camera.

Danger joke, What's the most dangerous place in Washington D.C.?

Why is dangerous to have sex in canada

eh'ds everywhere

Which is the most dangerous page of the newspaper?

C4.

Have you heard the one about the suicidal farmer that liked to mutilate cows?

He was a danger to himself and udders.


Literary alcohol puns

I saw someone post some the other day. Has anyone thought of any new ones?

Here are a couple my friends and I thought of...

50 Shades of Grey Goose,
Into the Wild Turkey,
Beer and Present Danger,
Patriot Drinking Games,
The Sum of All Beers (I like Tom Clancy),
The Red Badge of Liquid Courage.

A gorilla walks into a bar...

And several people get up to leave seeing the possible danger of the situation.

What's the most dangerous thing in your freezer?

Ice is.

What's the most dangerous part about Scrabble

It's all fun and games until someone loses an I

Policeman stops priest on the bike...

Policeman: Hello father. Your light isn't working. That will be 20$.
Priest: Don't worry mister, i'm not in danger. Jesus is always with me.
Policeman: Sorry father. Then the fine is 40$ because two persons are not allowed to ride a bike.

What's more dangerous than a serial killer?

A parallel killer.

A horse walks into a bar...

People begin to quickly, but calmly leave the bar as they realize the potential danger of the situation.

The secret service doesnt yell "get down!" When the president is in danger.

Now they yell "Donald, duck!"

What's more dangerous than running with the scissors?

Scissoring with the runs

I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row…

They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts…

What's the most dangerous thing about Steven Seagal?

his Cholesterol level

The secret service used to yell "Get Down" whenever the president was in immediate danger

Now they yell "Donald Duck!"

A dangerous parasite walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here."

The parasite replies, "Well, you're not a very good **host**."

I'm about to have a dangerous cup of coffee...

...safe tea first, though.

The Secret Service just had to change protocol for when the president is in danger

Instead of yelling "Get down!" they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

Why is it dangerous to drive near churches?

Because there is so much cross traffic.

I was booed off stage and locked out of a karaoke bar for singing Danger Zone too many times very poorly

They told me I had too many unsuccessful Loggins attempts

A drunk is leaving a bar and heads to his car...

A police officer notices the drunk fumbling with the keys and knowing the iminent danger, says to the man, "where do you think you're going like this? You can barely walk!" The man then replies, "I know, that's why I'm driving!"

Where is the most dangerous place to swim?

Hepatitis C.

Boston's dead crows

On interstate I-95 running from Boston to New Hampshire they had a problem with crows being hit by vehicles. They were being killed by the hundreds. They hired a professor from MIT to figure out why so many crows were being hit. He discovered that when crows land to feed, they leave one crow in the tree to watch for danger. They found out that the Boston crows could say caw caw but they couldn't say truck truck .

It's actually really dangerous to steal kitchen utensils from bakeries.

But you just have to be willing to take the whisk

The most dangerous thing about the World Cup being held in Russia

is ensuring the Kremlin doesn't eat after midnight

Why is it dangerous to have more than one violin in your house?

Because it leads to domestic violins.

(From my 9 year old...)

What's the most dangerous Caribbean food?

Ricin peas.

My friend got fired from his cow milking job because of his erratic behavior.

He was considered to be a danger to himself and udders.

A serial killer who was known for taking body parts as trophies

A serial killer who was known for taking body parts as trophies was captured after attacking a uniformed police officer and severing her arm. When asked why he went after the officer despite knowing the danger, he simply replied, "It was a wrist I was willing to take."

It was really dangerous driving home from the pub yesterday...

Especially since I walked there.

Did you know that tornadoes can displace shellfish?

Apparently the locals in danger areas are able to identify oncoming bad weather due to the shellfish preceding it.

They call it the clam before the storm.

On a river rafting trip in Egypt, a couple began to sink. The husband urged his wife to swim to safety before the water got too deep, but she refused to believe she was in any danger.

She was too deep in de Nile.

Worst thing to read in Braille

DANGER. DO NOT TOUCH!

Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?

Because if you add 4 plus 4, you get ate

Did you hear that the guy that wrote Danger Zone had his identity stolen online?

They got all his Kenny logins

Have you heard the undead are attacking people?

Yeah we're in grave danger

God's assistant: why did you give man two eyes?

God: So he can know how far or close danger is

God's assistant: why two ears?

God: So he can know if danger is on the left or right

God's assistant: then why only one nose? Surely it won't help identify location of danger.

God: Yes but wouldn't it be funny when he won't know who farted in the room.

Why is it dangerous to listen to too much Queen?

Because of its high Mercury content.

You've been warned

A stranger enters a store and spots a sign: DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! Inside, he sees a harmless old hound asleep on the floor.
"Is that the dog we're supposed to be aware of?" he asks the owner.
"That's him," comes the reply.
"He doesn't look at all dangerous to me. Why would you post that sign?"
"Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

What is the most dangerous bug at the moment?

The asymptoma tick

A farmer was fed up with drivers speeding down the road where he lived, so he asked the police to put up a sign...

They put up a "Slow down, speed limit" sign - with no effect. Then, "Danger, road hazard!" sign was put up, but had no effect, either. Then the police tried a sign stating "Children crossing" - and still nobody slowed down.

Finally, the farmer asked the police if he could put up his own sign. They agreed, and to their surprise, just days later a passing officer saw a row of cars moving very slowly past the farmer's place. The policeman approached the farm, and saw a new, hand-painted sign stating: "Nudist Colony".

It's going to be dangerous to trick-or-treat this Halloween due to the coronavirus pandemic.

The only way you're getting candy from a stranger this year is by putting on a mask and going to the grocery store.

In a dangerous situation, I'd always put my children first.

I do this because I have a crippling habit of hiding behind my mistakes.

the inventor of the revolving door looked at a perfectly normal door and boldly asked "what if i added social anxiety?"

if i go too slow? surely everyone behind me hates me.

too fast? everyone behind me is in danger.

perfect invention.

let's put them in the busiest buildings.

A preacher is being chased in the woods by a large grizzly bear.

Exhausted, he fell to his knees praying, "Good Lord! Deliver me from danger!" Looking back he saw the bear kneeling, paws together in prayer and exclaimed, "It's a Christian bear! Thank God I am saved!" Meanwhile the bear started praying, "For this food I am about to receive, Lord, I give you thanks."

What's the most dangerous thing a flat-earter can do?

Living life on the edge.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the danger risk jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working danger divert piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes