Danger Jokes

Following is our collection of trouble puns and unsafe one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Danger jokes for adults, dirty yonder jokes and clean stranger danger dad gags for kids.

The Best Danger Puns

I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row…

They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts…

What's more dangerous than running with the scissors?

Scissoring with the runs

A farmer was fed up with drivers speeding down the road where he lived, so he asked the police to put up a sign...

They put up a "Slow down, speed limit" sign - with no effect. Then, "Danger, road hazard!" sign was put up, but had no effect, either. Then the police tried a sign stating "Children crossing" - and still nobody slowed down.


Finally, the farmer asked the police if he could put up his own sign. They agreed, and to their surprise, just days later a passing officer saw a row of cars moving very slowly past the farmer's place. The policeman approached the farm, and saw a new, hand-painted sign stating: "Nudist Colony".

I was booed off stage and locked out of a karaoke bar for singing Danger Zone too many times very poorly

They told me I had too many unsuccessful Loggins attempts

The secret service used to yell "Get Down" whenever the president was in immediate danger

Now they yell "Donald Duck!"


I'll tell you what's a dangerous insect...

....That Hepatitis Bee

My friend got fired from his cow milking job because of his erratic behavior.

He was considered to be a danger to himself and udders.

Why is it dangerous to have more than one violin in your house?

Because it leads to domestic violins.

(From my 9 year old...)

The Secret Service just had to change protocol for when the president is in danger

Instead of yelling "Get down!" they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

A wife is at home watching the news.

On the TV she sees footage of a crazy man driving the wrong way on the freeway. She realizes her husband takes the same path home from work. She immediately calls him and warns him of the danger. She says, "Be careful! There's a crazy man driving on the wrong side of the freeway!"


The husband replies, "One!? There's hundreds of them!"

Worst thing to read in Braille

DANGER. DO NOT TOUCH!


Would it be dangerous for a human to live 65 million years ago?

You bet jurassic would.

What's the most dangerous, predominantly black area known to man?

Space

Policeman stops priest on the bike...

Policeman: Hello father. Your light isn't working. That will be 20$.
Priest: Don't worry mister, i'm not in danger. Jesus is always with me.
Policeman: Sorry father. Then the fine is 40$ because two persons are not allowed to ride a bike.

Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?

Because if you add 4 plus 4, you get ate

God's assistant: why did you give man two eyes?

God: So he can know how far or close danger is

God's assistant: why two ears?

God: So he can know if danger is on the left or right

God's assistant: then why only one nose? Surely it won't help identify location of danger.

God: Yes but wouldn't it be funny when he won't know who farted in the room.

I'm about to have a dangerous cup of coffee...

...safe tea first, though.

A gorilla walks into a bar...

And several people get up to leave seeing the possible danger of the situation.

A dangerous parasite walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here."

The parasite replies, "Well, you're not a very good **host**."


What's the most dangerous thing in your freezer?

Ice is.

What's the most dangerous part about Scrabble

It's all fun and games until someone loses an I

What is the biggest danger to an ear f*cker?

Hearing AIDS.

What's more dangerous than a serial killer?

A parallel killer.

A serial killer who was known for taking body parts as trophies

A serial killer who was known for taking body parts as trophies was captured after attacking a uniformed police officer and severing her arm. When asked why he went after the officer despite knowing the danger, he simply replied, "It was a wrist I was willing to take."

A drunk is leaving a bar and heads to his car...

A police officer notices the drunk fumbling with the keys and knowing the iminent danger, says to the man, "where do you think you're going like this? You can barely walk!" The man then replies, "I know, that's why I'm driving!"

Have you heard the undead are attacking people?

Yeah we're in grave danger

On a river rafting trip in Egypt, a couple began to sink. The husband urged his wife to swim to safety before the water got too deep, but she refused to believe she was in any danger.

She was too deep in de Nile.

It's actually really dangerous to steal kitchen utensils from bakeries.

But you just have to be willing to take the whisk

Did you hear that the guy that wrote Danger Zone had his identity stolen online?

They got all his Kenny logins

Where is the most dangerous place to swim?

Hepatitis C.

It's going to be dangerous to trick-or-treat this Halloween due to the coronavirus pandemic.

The only way you're getting candy from a stranger this year is by putting on a mask and going to the grocery store.

Which is the most dangerous page of the newspaper?

C4.

What is the most dangerous state of water?

Ice is.

I'll show myself out now.

Boston's dead crows

On interstate I-95 running from Boston to New Hampshire they had a problem with crows being hit by vehicles. They were being killed by the hundreds. They hired a professor from MIT to figure out why so many crows were being hit. He discovered that when crows land to feed, they leave one crow in the tree to watch for danger. They found out that the Boston crows could say caw caw but they couldn't say truck truck .

A horse walks into a bar

A horse walks into a bar. The other customers promptly get up and leave, seeing the potential danger in the situation

The secret service doesnt yell "get down!" When the president is in danger.

Now they yell "Donald, duck!"

A lion walks into a bar...

Several people get up and leave predicting the impending danger.

Why is it dangerous to listen to too much Queen?

Because of its high Mercury content.

The most dangerous thing about the World Cup being held in Russia

is ensuring the Kremlin doesn't eat after midnight

What's the most dangerous thing about Steven Seagal?

his Cholesterol level

An US tourist visiting the USSR fell down the open manhole...

After he was helped out, he started complaining: why on earth such as danger was not marked properly? In the USA there would be red lanterns or at least some red flags. "How did you arrive in Moscow?" asked one of the Russians who helped him out. "Well, via Sheremetyevo airport". "Haven't you noticed the huge red flag on its main building?"

It was really dangerous driving home from the pub yesterday...

Especially since I walked there.

What's the most dangerous place in Washington D.C.?

Between a politician and a news camera.

The Philandering Duck

This swinging philandering duck suddenly became conscious of the danger of acquiring AIDS through sexual promiscuity.

To put himself at ease he went to his local druggist and asked for a condom. "How much will that be?" asked the duck. "1 dollar and 19 cents" replied the druggist. "Would you like me to put this on your bill"? "What kind of a duck to you think I am"? replied the duck.

So a rhino walks into a bar...

and several patrons pay their tabs and leave because they see the danger in this situation.

You've been warned

A stranger enters a store and spots a sign: DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! Inside, he sees a harmless old hound asleep on the floor.
"Is that the dog we're supposed to be aware of?" he asks the owner.
"That's him," comes the reply.
"He doesn't look at all dangerous to me. Why would you post that sign?"
"Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

Did you know that tornadoes can displace shellfish?

Apparently the locals in danger areas are able to identify oncoming bad weather due to the shellfish preceding it.

They call it the clam before the storm.

Why is it dangerous to drive near churches?

Because there is so much cross traffic.

A horse walks into a bar...

People begin to quickly, but calmly leave the bar as they realize the potential danger of the situation.

Jesus had a twin that was abducted shortly after birth

In other words, there was doppelganger stranger danger in the manger.

What's the most dangerous Caribbean food?

Ricin peas.

Women can be likened to roads

The more curves, the bigger the danger

Literary alcohol puns

I saw someone post some the other day. Has anyone thought of any new ones?

Here are a couple my friends and I thought of...

50 Shades of Grey Goose,
Into the Wild Turkey,
Beer and Present Danger,
Patriot Drinking Games,
The Sum of All Beers (I like Tom Clancy),
The Red Badge of Liquid Courage.

Have you heard the one about the suicidal farmer that liked to mutilate cows?

He was a danger to himself and udders.

Why is dangerous to have sex in canada

eh'ds everywhere

Childbirth

Around 0AD childbirth was fraught with danger, but luckily for Jesus he was born in a stable condition

What is more dangerous than a polar bear?

A bi-polar bear.

What is the most dangerous spectrum of light?

Ultraviolent.

What is more dangerous than a pitbull with AIDS ?

The guy who transmitted it to him.

What's the world's most dangerous city?

Electricity

Danger is my middle name.

Avoid is my first, and Completely is my last. Nice to meet you.

There is an abundance of risk jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 61 funniest jokes and danger puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any divert witze you can hear about danger.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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