Dang Jokes

Following is our collection of damn puns and imma one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Dang jokes for adults, dirty whew jokes and clean ugh dad gags for kids.

The Best Dang Puns

Guy goes into a bar

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve beers and starts drinking them as fast as he can.


The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."

The bartender says, "What do you have?"


The guy says, "Only 75 cents."

What's more dangerous than running with the scissors?

Scissoring with the runs

I'll tell you what's a dangerous insect...

....That Hepatitis Bee

Why is it dangerous to have more than one violin in your house?

Because it leads to domestic violins.

(From my 9 year old...)

Genius

A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot. The genius says, "Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can't answer yours I will give you $5,000." The idiot says, "Okay." The genius then asks, "How many continents are there in the world?" The idiot doesn't know and hands over the $5. The idiot says, "Now me ask: what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?" The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5000. The genius says, "Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?" The idiot hands over $5.


Dang girl. Are you a werewolf...

Cause I'm lycan what I see.

Bra Sazes

Have u ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for? Well its time you became informed!


(A) Almost boobs.
(B) Barely there.
(C) Can't Complain!
(D) Dang!
(DD) Double Dang!
(E) Enormous!
(F) Fake.
(G) Get a Reduction.
(H) Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!!!

Dang girl are you a zero percent APR loan?

cuz I don't understand your terms and conditions and you keep saying you have no interest

Would it be dangerous for a human to live 65 million years ago?

You bet jurassic would.

What's the most dangerous, predominantly black area known to man?

Space

Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?

Because if you add 4 plus 4, you get ate


I'm about to have a dangerous cup of coffee...

...safe tea first, though.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants...

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. Bartender asks "Dang man, doesn't that hurt?". The pirate replies "ARRRGGH IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS!!!"

A doctor walks into a bank...

When he goes to sign a check, he pulls a rectal thermometer out of his pocket. He looks up at the banker and says "Dang it, some ***hole has my pen!"

A dangerous parasite walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here."

The parasite replies, "Well, you're not a very good **host**."

What's the most dangerous thing in your freezer?

Ice is.

What's the most dangerous part about Scrabble

It's all fun and games until someone loses an I

What's more dangerous than a serial killer?

A parallel killer.

Dang girl, I want to treat you like my big toe...

...and bang you on every piece of furniture in the house.
(sorry if its been submitted before)


It's actually really dangerous to steal kitchen utensils from bakeries.

But you just have to be willing to take the whisk

What did the gingerbread man say when his house burned down?

Dang that cost me a lot of dough.

Where is the most dangerous place to swim?

Hepatitis C.

Dang girl, are you a depolarizing cell membrane?

'cause you look like action potential!

It's going to be dangerous to trick-or-treat this Halloween due to the coronavirus pandemic.

The only way you're getting candy from a stranger this year is by putting on a mask and going to the grocery store.

Which is the most dangerous page of the newspaper?

C4.

What is the most dangerous state of water?

Ice is.

I'll show myself out now.

Here's a joke about a missing locomotive full of concepts and ideas.

Dang, I just lost my train of thought.

Why is it dangerous to listen to too much Queen?

Because of its high Mercury content.

The most dangerous thing about the World Cup being held in Russia

is ensuring the Kremlin doesn't eat after midnight

What's the most dangerous thing about Steven Seagal?

his Cholesterol level

It was really dangerous driving home from the pub yesterday...

Especially since I walked there.

Dang girl are you the Cross of Coronado?

Because you belong in a museum ;)

What's the most dangerous place in Washington D.C.?

Between a politician and a news camera.

Why is it dangerous to drive near churches?

Because there is so much cross traffic.

Beer nuts are so dang expensive...

...luckily deer nuts are just under a buck.

What's the most dangerous Caribbean food?

Ricin peas.

I still remember the gorilla who became super famous really quickly

Dang, the fame hit him like a bullet.

Why is dangerous to have sex in canada

eh'ds everywhere

What is more dangerous than a polar bear?

A bi-polar bear.

What did the Italian Dictator say to those dang Allies?

Get off Mi-Lan!

What is the most dangerous spectrum of light?

Ultraviolent.

What is more dangerous than a pitbull with AIDS ?

The guy who transmitted it to him.

Dang girl, Are you part of a ponzi scheme?

...because something smells fishy.

What's the world's most dangerous city?

Electricity

Danger is my middle name.

Avoid is my first, and Completely is my last. Nice to meet you.

What is the most dangerous bug at the moment?

The asymptoma tick

How did NASCAR get its name?

One day a redneck looked at his friend's car and said dang that's a nas car ya got thare

Currently dangling on my shoelaces while tip toeing on a chair

You can say im hanging in there

What's the most dangerous tree in the world?

Dysentry.

Chicago's a dangerous place.

Last time I visited I stole two cars and a lady's purse.

If Danger Dolan started making fun of people, would he be known as

Danger Trollan

I'm never buying clothes for my kids again

Dang baby goats just eat everything!

What did grandma say when she removed her bra?

Dang! The floor is COLD.

Dang this new wedding planner is great

For only an extra 200 bucks he'll consummate my marriage for me - whatever that means haha

What's the most dangerous thing in the corporate ocean?

The Loan Shark

What is the most dangerous color?

Sharktreuse

The most dangerous rollercoaster in the world is the Wolfcoaster

The dangerous part isn't the velocity. It's the wolves.

Dang girl are you a CS map?

Cause you're looking DE_licious tonight.

What's the most dangerous place in an Excel file?

C4

That's Dangerous!

I'm never jumping out of the 3rd floor window again...



I could've killed myself!

What's a danger in driving underground with friends?

Carpool Tunnel Syndrome

Dang girl are you a Mexican wrestler?

Cause I luchadore you

It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.

They often had to wear mail armor.

What's more dangerous than a pit bull with AIDS?

The guy who gave his AIDS.

During these dangerous times, whites have to stay together.

Who would watch the door and who would turn on the gas when whites don't work together.

The most dangerous place in the world is Gunpoint.

I'm always hearing about it in the news, robbed or kidnapped at Gunpoint. Crazy.

An animal health inspector will be here in a few minutes, but the dang farmhand just gave the cows a bunch of marijuana

The steaks have never been higher.

What is dangerous when it falls from a tree?

A refrigerator.

An Asian man walked past me today

He was yawning. That made me yawn. I said Dang, you made me yawn. He laughed, then got a puzzled look on his face and asked me How did you know my name?

I was on OkCupid and a girl said "Blonde haired immigrant here to steal your jobs."

I was like hahaha jokes on you. I don't have a job...

Dang it.

What is dangerous?

Sneezing while having diarrhea!

What is the most dangerous animal?

A bipolar bear.

What's the most dangerous family?

Nuclear family

A woman has a water bottle filled with wine in her car.

A cop pulls her over

"Dang it Jesus did it again"

What is the most dangerous animal?

A T- Rex...
He's licenced to carry small arms.

What's the most dangerous bar to go to in the middle east?

The allahu ak-bar

When in dangerous situation - you should always sleep with one eye opened.

Especially if you're a Cyclops.

What's the most dangerous animal in the world?

A Bluebird with a Tommy Gun.

How does Boomhower describe the Genitals of the Lieutenant from the Reno Police Department?

Dang ol' Dangle dangle.

There is an abundance of gee jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 79 funniest jokes and dang puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any duh witze you can hear about dang.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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