The Best 33 Dane Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Dane jokes. There are some dane islander jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these dane chap puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Dane Jokes and Puns

51 Danes and 50 Norwegians were on a plane...

With no floor, and the passengers were hanging on a strap attached to the roof. The captain yelled: "The plane is too heavy! One of you have to fall to your death!" A Dane raised his hand and said: "I'll do it". Then all the Norwegians clapped their hands.

two dogs at the vet

A great dane and a poodle are in nearby kennels at a vet's office.

Poodle: "I get overly excited and pee on the floor when my owner comes home. His evil wife is having me put to sleep. What are you in for?"

Dane: "That's too bad. I got way too excited when my owner started doing Bikram yoga. I couldn't help it...I started humping her like crazy."

Poodle: "So is she putting you down too?"

Dane: "Naw, I'm just getting my nails done."

They walk in the bar

A bartender is working at an upscale bar downtown when all of the sudden, an Englishman, a Dane, a Frenchman, a German, a Russian, an American, a Canadian, a Mexican, a Peruvian, a Brazilian, a Colombian, a Chinese, a Japanese, a Korean, 29 different Africans from all different African countries, and an Indian all walk in to the bar.

And the bartender says to them, sorry gentlemen, but you can't come here without a Thai.

^thanks ^SnW

Dane joke, They walk in the bar

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman... (long joke)

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, an Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ghanaian, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, 2 Africans and you...
walk into a fine restaurant.

"I'm sorry," says the maรฎtre d', after scrutinizing the group, "but you can't come in here without a Thai."

Woman goes to the vet because her Great Dane keeps jumping on her when she is in the shower...

VET: Ok, so want him Neutered?
Woman: No, declawed.


Two dogs are at the vet talking.

Two dogs are at the vet talking.

Great Dane: So what are you here for?

Poodle: Well I've been wandering around the neighborhood too much lately looking for sex so they're having me castrated, you?

Great Dane: My mistress does the housework naked, she was bending over cleaning the vegetable draw in the fridge and I just couldn't help myself so I went for it.

Poodle: So you're here for castration too hey?

Great Dane: No, I'm here to get my claws trimmed.

Why did the boy name his dog Hamlet?

Because it was a Great Dane.

Dane joke, Why did the boy name his dog Hamlet?

A man takes his Great Dane to the vet

The vet picks the dog up and inspects him and says to the man.
Sir, your dog has cataracts and I will have to put him down
The man says You have to put my dog down for cataracts!?!?
The vet replies Oh no he`s just very heavy

"When I was younger they all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian," said Dane Cook.

"Nobody's laughing now!"

How many Danes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They're happy the way it is.

Screw this! I'm going to leave the original joke making to the professionals!

Dane Cook...

Amy Schumer...

Carlos Mencia...

You can explore dane isreali reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean dane turk dad jokes. There are also dane puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why does Dane look so much like done?

Because it's close to Finnish

What do you call an underwater adventure with a Great Dane?

Scooby-Diving

What do you call a Great Dane wearing a snorkel?

Scuba-Doo!

A guy goes into a bar . . .

. . . and the bartender offers him a Budweiser.

"No thanks," the guy says. "Last weekend I drank a case of Budweiser and I blew chunks."

"Well of course," the bartender says. "Anyone would throw up after drinking a case of beer."

"No, you don't understand," the guy says. "Chunks is my Great Dane!"

If Dane Cook was a dog, what kind of dog would he be?

Definitely not a Great Dane

Dane joke, If Dane Cook was a dog, what kind of dog would he be?

What do you get when you take a Great Dane and cross it with a Chihuahua?

A dead chihuahua.

TIL: A famous comedian's close family member was charge with killing a dog and spreading it on his Tacos!

It appears... Great Dane Cook's Great Grandfather Grated and cooked a great Great Dane.

Why is Danearys so cold?

7" of Snow


Today I saw a baby Chihuahua killing a Great Dane.

How?

Great Dane choked to death.

Guy walks into bar

Wanting to know who owns the Great Dane tied up outside because his dog just killed said Great Dane.

A man at the bar stands up obviously perplexed and says what kind of dog do you have that it just killed my Great Dane?

Other man responds proudly he owns a Chiwawa.

You're saying your Chiwawa killed my Great Dane? Not really believing what he was hearing.

Yes other man responds my dog got lodged in your dogs throat

What do you get when you mix a Great Dane with Dalmatian?

A Great Damnation

Whenever somebody says the next person like Trump is going to be worse than him...

I am heartened by the fact that they said the same thing about Dane Cook.

Despite the massive age difference, my dad was surprisingly relieved to hear I was dating Dane Cook.

He said at least he won't try anything funny.

How do you call the best veterinary hospital in Denmark?

Great Dane pets hospital.

An American, a Brit, a Canadian, a Dane, an Ethiopian, a Frenchman, a Greek, a Haitian, an Irishman, a Jew, a Kiwi, a Lithuanian, a Mongolian, a Nigerian, an Omani, a Peruvian, a Qatari, a Roman, a Scotsman, a Uruguayan, a Venezuelan, a Western Saharan, a xenophobe and a Zimbabwean walk into a bar

The bartender says
"Im sorry, but you can't come in here without a Thai"

A man walks into a bar and leaves his Great Dane outside

All of a sudden, someone bursts into the bar and asks the man: "Excuse me, is that your Great Dane outside? My Chihuahua has just killed it!"

The man stares back very confused. "What? Your Chihuahua has just killed my 150lb Great Dane? That's impossible! What could your Chihuahua have done to kill my Great Dane?"

"Well, I think it choked on my Chihuahua"

Dane Cook Karen joke

Karen, is ALWAYS a douchebag.

Me: I got bitten on my walk by a Great Dane

**Her:** My God โ€” imagine if it had been a small child

**Me:** I could have fought off a small child, Barb

American,Russian and Dane drinking. Who will win?

Liver inflammation.

Do you know why Scooby Doo is the most viewed cartoon in Denmark?

Because he's a Great Dane

I got mauled by a Great Dane and ended up in intensive care

Come on Scooby Doo, ICU

There was once a blind finn, deaf dane and a swede, who was in a wheelchair.

They found a bottle whose spirit promised everyone a wish.

The finn wished first, and soon yelled: I CAN SEE I CAN SEE!

then the dane wished, and soon yelled: I CAN HEAR I CAN HEAR!

Then the swede wished, and soon he yelled: NEW TIRES NEW TIRES!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the dane brazillian jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working dane dane cook piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes