Dane Jokes

Following is our collection of isreali puns and islander one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Dane jokes for adults, dirty turk jokes and clean chap dad gags for kids.

The Best Dane Puns

Me: I got bitten on my walk by a Great Dane

**Her:** My God — imagine if it had been a small child

**Me:** I could have fought off a small child, Barb

Guy walks into bar

Wanting to know who owns the Great Dane tied up outside because his dog just killed said Great Dane.

A man at the bar stands up obviously perplexed and says what kind of dog do you have that it just killed my Great Dane?

Other man responds proudly he owns a Chiwawa.

You're saying your Chiwawa killed my Great Dane? Not really believing what he was hearing.

Yes other man responds my dog got lodged in your dogs throat

Two dogs are at the vet talking.

Two dogs are at the vet talking.

Great Dane: So what are you here for?

Poodle: Well I've been wandering around the neighborhood too much lately looking for sex so they're having me castrated, you?

Great Dane: My mistress does the housework naked, she was bending over cleaning the vegetable draw in the fridge and I just couldn't help myself so I went for it.

Poodle: So you're here for castration too hey?

Great Dane: No, I'm here to get my claws trimmed.

What do you call a Great Dane wearing a snorkel?


Dane Cook Karen joke

Karen, is ALWAYS a douchebag.

They walk in the bar

A bartender is working at an upscale bar downtown when all of the sudden, an Englishman, a Dane, a Frenchman, a German, a Russian, an American, a Canadian, a Mexican, a Peruvian, a Brazilian, a Colombian, a Chinese, a Japanese, a Korean, 29 different Africans from all different African countries, and an Indian all walk in to the bar.

And the bartender says to them, sorry gentlemen, but you can't come here without a Thai.

^thanks ^SnW

51 Danes and 50 Norwegians were on a plane...

With no floor, and the passengers were hanging on a strap attached to the roof. The captain yelled: "The plane is too heavy! One of you have to fall to your death!" A Dane raised his hand and said: "I'll do it". Then all the Norwegians clapped their hands.

Woman goes to the vet because her Great Dane keeps jumping on her when she is in the shower...

VET: Ok, so want him Neutered?
Woman: No, declawed.

What do you call an underwater adventure with a Great Dane?


An American, a Brit, a Canadian, a Dane, an Ethiopian, a Frenchman, a Greek, a Haitian, an Irishman, a Jew, a Kiwi, a Lithuanian, a Mongolian, a Nigerian, an Omani, a Peruvian, a Qatari, a Roman, a Scotsman, a Uruguayan, a Venezuelan, a Western Saharan, a xenophobe and a Zimbabwean walk into a bar

The bartender says
"Im sorry, but you can't come in here without a Thai"

"When I was younger they all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian," said Dane Cook.

"Nobody's laughing now!"

A man takes his Great Dane to the vet

The vet picks the dog up and inspects him and says to the man.
Sir, your dog has cataracts and I will have to put him down
The man says You have to put my dog down for cataracts!?!?
The vet replies Oh no he`s just very heavy

two dogs at the vet

A great dane and a poodle are in nearby kennels at a vet's office.

Poodle: "I get overly excited and pee on the floor when my owner comes home. His evil wife is having me put to sleep. What are you in for?"

Dane: "That's too bad. I got way too excited when my owner started doing Bikram yoga. I couldn't help it...I started humping her like crazy."

Poodle: "So is she putting you down too?"

Dane: "Naw, I'm just getting my nails done."

What do you get when you take a Great Dane and cross it with a Chihuahua?

A dead chihuahua.

Why is Danearys so cold?

7" of Snow

Today I saw a baby Chihuahua killing a Great Dane.


Great Dane choked to death.

A guy goes into a bar . . .

. . . and the bartender offers him a Budweiser.

"No thanks," the guy says. "Last weekend I drank a case of Budweiser and I blew chunks."

"Well of course," the bartender says. "Anyone would throw up after drinking a case of beer."

"No, you don't understand," the guy says. "Chunks is my Great Dane!"

Why did the boy name his dog Hamlet?

Because it was a Great Dane.

A man walks into a bar and leaves his Great Dane outside

All of a sudden, someone bursts into the bar and asks the man: "Excuse me, is that your Great Dane outside? My Chihuahua has just killed it!"

The man stares back very confused. "What? Your Chihuahua has just killed my 150lb Great Dane? That's impossible! What could your Chihuahua have done to kill my Great Dane?"

"Well, I think it choked on my Chihuahua"

American,Russian and Dane drinking. Who will win?

Liver inflammation.

What do you get when you mix a Great Dane with Dalmatian?

A Great Damnation

If Dane Cook was a dog, what kind of dog would he be?

Definitely not a Great Dane

Why does Dane look so much like done?

Because it's close to Finnish

Screw this! I'm going to leave the original joke making to the professionals!

Dane Cook...

Amy Schumer...

Carlos Mencia...

How do you call the best veterinary hospital in Denmark?

Great Dane pets hospital.

Despite the massive age difference, my dad was surprisingly relieved to hear I was dating Dane Cook.

He said at least he won't try anything funny.

Whenever somebody says the next person like Trump is going to be worse than him...

I am heartened by the fact that they said the same thing about Dane Cook.

TIL: A famous comedian's close family member was charge with killing a dog and spreading it on his Tacos!

It appears... Great Dane Cook's Great Grandfather Grated and cooked a great Great Dane.

How many Danes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They're happy the way it is.

There is an abundance of brazillian jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 29 funniest jokes and dane puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any dane cook witze you can hear about dane.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes