Damage Jokes

117 damage jokes and hilarious damage puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about damage that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laughing can be therapeutic, but “damage jokes” have the potential to cause real harm. This article takes a deeper look into the various types of damage jokes, exploring the physical and emotional consequences of using them and the lasting impact they can have. Learn more about the dangers of “damage jokes” and ways to protect yourself from their harmful effects.

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Short Damage Jokes
Damage One Liners
Brain Damage Jokes
Water Damage Jokes
Fall Damage Jokes
Storm Damage Jokes
Emotional Damage Jokes
More Damage Jokes

Funniest Damage Short Jokes

Short damage jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The damage humour may include short danger jokes also.

COVID-19 is not a joke and should be taken seriously A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards that he wrongly believed he'd won an election that he actually lost by 7 million votes.
The doctor said my voice box is damaged and I may never speak again. I can't tell you how upset I am.
I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and said, I want to sue the airline. You don't have much of a case, he replied.
Covid is not a joke and should be taken seriously A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards, he wrongly believed he'd won an election he actually lost by millions of votes.
Women are like hex screws The more damaged they are, the more prone to stripping they become.
My local church had troubles getting their insurance to pay for the lightning damage The insurance claimed it was deliberate damage by the owner.
What's the worst part of running into your ex? You have to get out and check to see how bad your car is damaged.
Thankfully, someone created an online resource for everyone who suffered retinal damage watching the solar eclipse. It truly is a site for sore eyes.
I crashed into the back of a dwarf's car... He got out, looked at the damage and said "I'm not happy". So I replied " Which one are you then?"
If Croatia loses tomorrow, all of England will hope to beat their biggest rival on Sunday: liver damage

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Damage One Liners

Which damage one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with damage? I can suggest the ones about repair and impact.

Someone keyed the music teacher's car Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor
You know what hurts my feelings? Nerve damage
The doctor told me my vocal chords were damaged I was speechless
Your momma's so fat she gave her memory foam mattress brain damage....
If Alcohol can damage-your short term memory? Imagine the damage Alcohol can do.
What do you call a lizard that tells damaging lies about you? A slandermander
If you carve a swear word into a weapon Does that make it do curse damage?
I once skydived off a crane. Poor little fellow, I must have damaged his wings.
Seasonal Affective Disorder More like Fall Damage, mirite?
What is Two Face's favorite type of vehicular damage? An R.V. dent.
What do you call it when two ladders fall down? Co-ladder-al damage.
Two men walk into a bar They walk away with a concussion and brain damage
Two sharp criminals just vandalized your home! Luckily, the damage looks to B Minor
What does 1 HP of damage in real life? This trend, every time I see it.
If I had a nickel If I had a nickel for every time I hit my head, I'd have brain damage.

Brain Damage Jokes

Here is a list of funny brain damage jokes and even better brain damage puns that will make you laugh with friends.

My friend crashed his motorbike. He's brain-damaged and both his legs are broken.
You know, I'm really not surprised that he crashed his bike then.
COVID-19 can damage the heart, lung, and brain. Luckily for Trump, he just needs to worry about lung damage.
They're making a new beauty and the beast where the princess is brain damaged and everyone picks her up to do curls. She is a dumb Belle
If I could describe all the horrible things that a lifetime of inhaling paint has done to me in one word, ... ... that word would be brain damage.
Q tips can cause brain damage. Be careful not to put disinformation too far into your ear canal.
What are you watching tonight? The game where players make enough money to risk getting brain damage, or the debate where the players already have brain damage?
What is it called when starvation causes brain damage? A hungry hungry hippocampus!
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? By giving it severe permanent brain damage.
I was in a horrible accident a few years ago, and I suffered some brain damage and lost feeling to my whole left side. I'm feeling all right now
Pain is temporary... Brain damage is forever.

Water Damage Jokes

Here is a list of funny water damage jokes and even better water damage puns that will make you laugh with friends.

LPT: If your phone gets water damage, leave it in a bowl of rice overnight. When you're sleeping, Asians will come to eat the rice and will fix your phone for fun
How to fix water-damaged electronics If you drop your phone in water, just leave it in a bag of rice over night.
The rice attracts Asians who will come fix it for you.
Why do you put water damaged electronics in rice? Cuz at night it will attract asians to fix your electronics.
Did you hear about the old water turbines that rusted out? Insurance wouldn't pay for the dam-ages.
Why doesn't apple cover water damage in their warranty? They don't have any courage.
I think my TV had gotten water damage It was warped when I took it out of the box.

Damage joke, I think my TV had gotten water damage

Fall Damage Jokes

Here is a list of funny fall damage jokes and even better fall damage puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Just had a stack of toilet rolls fall on me in the supermarket I'm ok though, just soft tissue damage
If a tree falls down in the forest………… Can it hire a personal injury lawyer and sue for damages?

Storm Damage Jokes

Here is a list of funny storm damage jokes and even better storm damage puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Bad weather? FEMA representative: During the last storm did you receive any damage to your property?
Homeowner: Hail, yes.
My friend told me that storm Diana was on its way from the east, bringing high winds and rain and it could cause a lot of damage. I told him not to worry as it would probably c**... out in France

Emotional Damage Jokes

Here is a list of funny emotional damage jokes and even better emotional damage puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Let's emotionally damage each other and call it Love.

Comedy Damage Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle

What funny jokes about damage you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean broken jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make damage pranks.

A blond walks into the hospital with a shattered right hand...

The doctor asks "what happened?"
So she says, "I was feeling really depressed so I took a gun, held it to my left ear and fired."
The doctor says "how did that damage your hand?"
"Well, before I fired I thought that it might be loud so I plugged the other ear."

No harm done.

I got bit on the leg by a sheep today, didn't do too much damage though.
Just grazed the knee.

A lady was driving along the highway...

...when suddenly she is distracted and crashes into the car in front of her, causing a bit of damage. She immediately jumps out of her car to give her details to the person she's crashed into. She walks to the driver's door and out hops a dwarfed man. 'I'm very sorry for the accident I've caused,' the lady says, 'I'll pay for any damage.' To which the dwarf replies, 'I'm not happy...' The lady says, 'If you're not happy, then which one are you?'

Winds of 108mph, structural damage, flying debris, massive depression, icy blasts, communication difficulties, untold misery and suffering...

Yes, I forgot our anniversary again.

I crashed into the back of someones car on the way home from work...

I got out to check the damage and a midget jumped out of the drivers seat shouting,
"I'm not happy!"
I took one look and replied,
"well which one are you then?"

My doctor said I should stop thinking so much, it's bad for my health and could damage my liver

He also say's I'm half deaf

I fell over a toilet roll display at my local supermarket

I cut my leg badly and was rushed to hospital. I said to the doctor, "what's the damage" He replied, "just some torn tissue".

Little boy on bus sitting next to an old man.

A little boy on bus was eating a chocolate. Then he took another one out from his bag and ate it, and then another one.
An old man sitting next to him said: "Do you know too much of it will damage your teeth."
The boy replied: "You know, my grandfather lived for 122 years."
Old Man said: "Was it because of eating chocolate?"
The boy replied:"No, He was always minding his own business."

I was driving my moms car.

I was driving my moms car and she was yelling at me. Then i crashed her car into the garage she told me "You have to pay for the damage you've done." So now when i get the bill from the therapist i send it to her.

The little boy was in a bus eating a chocolate

The little boy was in a bus eating a chocolate, then he took another one and then another ...
A man next to him said, "Do you know that too much of it will damage your teeth??"
The boy replied, "My grandfather lived for 132 years"
The man asked , "Was it because of eating chocolate?"
The boy replied, "No, he was always minding his own business!".

An ISIS attack wouldn't do any damage to Chicago

What's one more p**... hole?

A Paladin goes into a mechanic's shop...

A paladin goes in to a mechanic's shop, and says "Hey, you've got to help me. Normally, I'm a perfect, upstanding paladin. I help old ladies cross the street, I tithe, I slay evil demons. But when I get in my car, I only have the urge to cause property damage and run people over. What's going on?"
The mechanic responds almost immediately. "Oh, yeah. What you've got there is a problem with your alignment."

My brother threw a can of Pepsi at me from the roof...

I'm just glad it was a soft drink otherwise that may have caused some serious damage.

Why is it i... to commit s...?

You aren't allowed to damage the government's property.

What's the difference between a republican and a democrat?

How much damage can their w**... make...

I met a girl at a bar...

Things were getting hot and heavy and she said lets get out of here. I said where do you want to go back to? She said in a seductive voice, "wherever we can cause the most damage".
So I took her to my therapist.

A part of a tree fell on my car!

Luckily, that leaf didn't do much damage.

A guy isn't paying attention and rear ends someone at the traffic lights...

...He gets out of his car to inspect the damage and a dwarf gets out of the other car. He says "I'm not happy, you know"!
The guy says "No? Well which one are you then"?

Given how much damage Trump is doing to the environment...

his secret service code name is officially "Agent Orange".

I hate working with my hands.

One is always asleep, the other one can't feel a thing.
I hate nerve damage.

Job Security

After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, Joe was hired by a warehouse.
One day he lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock.
Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said he'd have to withhold 10 percent of Joe's wages to pay for the repairs.
"How much will it cost?" asked Joe.
"About $5,500," said the owner.
"What a relief!" exclaimed Joe. "I've finally got job security!"

I was reading the other day about the damage that cigarettes can do to children.

The first thought that hit me was "What ever happened to using ashtrays?".

Two med students are walking down the street...

When they see an older gentleman limping in front of them. Every time he took a step his right foot would shake.
"I bet it is a degenerative nerve damage issue" says the first one.
"It looks more like a hip joint issue" says the second.
They argue for a while and then decide to ask the man what his problem is.
The gentleman listens to them and then he says:
"I thought it was only a f**..."

A tree fell on our car during the recent Hurricane, and my dad won't get it repaired. He even named the damage.

Harvey Dent

Some bloke started talking to me in the pub last night.

"My mate came off his motorbike today," he said.
"Oh really?" I asked.
"Yes," he replied. "He has slight brain damage, two broken arms and is completely blind in one eye."
"Blimey," I said. "No wonder he came off it then."

A blonde teen goes to the doctor complaining of chest pain

Doctor : I guess I need see an x Ray to determine any damage to ribs
Blonde : Promise to delete after seeing

Cigarette packets says smoking kills so I stopped smoking them

I just smoke the ones that seriously damage health instead

What did the German general say to the fuhrer when ice chunks started to damage the planes?

Hail, h**...!

I was walking through a supermarket when a tower of toilet paper fell on me

I'm worried I have soft tissue damage.

There was a fire at my local dollar store

Damage is estimated to be in the tens of dollars

My ex called me today, begging me to look at an MRI she had recently

She said it would prove she had been acting crazy due to brain damage. Having been lied to so many times before I scoffed. Told her I wasn't having any of her psycho schematic b**...

I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.

I call it "Book Club"

What does an angry narcissist and a rooster have in common?

When a rooster crows, their hearing closes off so they don't damage their hearing. The narcissist does the same when yelling.

The pope blessed the people of Ireland today.

So don't pick a fight with an Irishman. For a short time, all their attacks do maximum damage.

I was painting a ladies deck and noticed she had some carpenter bee damage.

She nearly slapped me when I offered to make the necessary repairs. I suppose I shouldn't have asked her if she wanted me to shove some caulk in her bee holes

A teacher asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Little Johnny raised his hand. The
teacher hesitated because she had
been burned by Johnny before. She
finally decided there was no way he
could damage the word 'fascinate', so
she called on him. Johnny said, "My
Aunt Gina has a sweater with ten
b**..., but her b**... are so big she
can only fasten eight."

A local Game Stop burnt to the ground. An insurance adjuster came out to inspect the damage

After looking at the rubble, he asked the manager if the building was a new structure. The manager said, "I don't think so, it was built in the 1970s."
The adjuster said, "I that case, the best payout I can give you is $50,000. If it was a new building I could have given you 95,000.

I got hit in the head when someone threw a can of cod liver oil at me yesterday...

Luckily the damage was just super fish oil

If someone gets burn damage and needs a skin graft, can I donate buttock tissue to help them?

a**... skin for a friend.

I am not turning my clocks back in November.

I am not giving 2020 an extra hour's worth of damage.

A music teacher walks into a bar

As he is very upset he sees only one person sitting at the bar, who is actually a student of his.
He asks angry: "Are you the little s**... who keyed music notes on my car?!"
The student says: "Yes, but why are you so mad? The damage appears to B minor."

It's going to be ok...

Yesterday I ended up in the hospital. Tripped over a box of Kleenex. Thankfully it was only tissue damage.

Two friends are driving through a town...

They see a billboard saying:
v**... + water = kidney problems;
r**... + water = liver problems;
Whiskey + water = heart issues;
Gin + water = brain damage;
Says one to the other dude, looks like there are some serious issues with water supply in this town

You know how people say if you damage one sense, the others get better?

Well if that's true I hope my friend hurts his hearing.
Because then he'll get a better taste in music.

A parrot accidentally swallowed a viagara tablet and went berserk

He started h**... everything he could lay his wings on .
The owner called the vet who said that the overheating could damage his brain so asked him to put the parrot in a freezer.
The owner somehow caught the parrot and forced into the freezer and forced it shut.
After 10 mins, he slowly opened only to find the parrot sweating profusely.
The owner asked 'why are you sweating?'.
The parrot said ' Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?'

An 85-year-old grandfather was rushed to the hospital with no memory and brain damage.

The doctor asked him a series of questions:
Do you know where you are?
I'm at Rex Hospital.
What city are you in?
Raleigh.
Do you know who I am?
Dr. Hamilton.
the old grandfather then turned to the nurse and said, I hope he doesn't ask me any more questions. Why? she asked. Because all of those answers were on his badge.
guys i have copied this joke and edited formating. its not my original creation.

Six stormtroopers decided to play Russian Roulette.

They got away with a warning but had to pay for the damage.

Do you know the reason children seem invincible?

It's because they can only take minor damage.

Your mothers so fat

They started calling her h**... at the s**... club for all the damage she did to the Poles.

Some a**... just keyed my brand new car!

Thankfully, the damage seems to B minor

A lawyer is out for a drive when he gets violently sideswiped, seemingly out of nowhere.

A police officer arrives at the scene to take his statement, but the driver keeps ranting on and on about the damage to his car.
"My beautiful BMW! The g**... door was torn right off!"
The police officer rolls his eyes and says "You lawyers are so materialistic it makes me sick. Here you are, going on about your precious car, and you didn't even notice your left arm was torn off in the c**...."
The man looks down at the b**... stump, and with mounting horror, exclaims, "*My Rolex!*"

Heard about the insurance that refused to pay for the lightning damage of the church?

It was judged to be an Act of God, and thus deliberate damage by owner.

A little boy never saw his buttocks.

The boy never saw his buttocks all these years. One day at school he did not complete his homework so got a spanking from the teacher on the bottoms. Sobbing he rushed home and to look at the damage turned towards a mirror and shouted..
"Oh my God she split it in half. "

What do brain damage and m**... have in common?

After the first few strokes, there's no going back.

My county has just been under a tornado warning. As a redditor, I am excited thinking about the possible damage to my fence.

I could have so much reposting to do!

A woman is reading the newspaper and tells her friend about a deer that broke trough the front glass of a dollar store, doing $10,000 in damage.

He says, well, good thing it wasn't a $2 store

I wish people would stop jumping on James Corden for stealing Ricky Gervais' joke....

This could permanently damage his career, and we need to remember he's got a wife and three chins to support.