Following is our collection of funny Damage jokes. There are some damage discomfort jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these damage destruction puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
The doctor asks "what happened?"
So she says, "I was feeling really depressed so I took a gun, held it to my left ear and fired."
The doctor says "how did that damage your hand?"
"Well, before I fired I thought that it might be loud so I plugged the other ear."
I got bit on the leg by a sheep today, didn't do too much damage though.
Just grazed the knee.
...when suddenly she is distracted and crashes into the car in front of her, causing a bit of damage. She immediately jumps out of her car to give her details to the person she's crashed into. She walks to the driver's door and out hops a dwarfed man. 'I'm very sorry for the accident I've caused,' the lady says, 'I'll pay for any damage.' To which the dwarf replies, 'I'm not happy...' The lady says, 'If you're not happy, then which one are you?'
Yes, I forgot our anniversary again.
I got out to check the damage and a midget jumped out of the drivers seat shouting,
"I'm not happy!"
I took one look and replied,
"well which one are you then?"
He got out, looked at the damage and said "I'm not happy". So I replied " Which one are you then?"
I'm feeling all right now
He also say's I'm half deaf
I cut my leg badly and was rushed to hospital. I said to the doctor, "what's the damage" He replied, "just some torn tissue".
A little boy on bus was eating a chocolate. Then he took another one out from his bag and ate it, and then another one.
An old man sitting next to him said: "Do you know too much of it will damage your teeth."
The boy replied: "You know, my grandfather lived for 122 years."
Old Man said: "Was it because of eating chocolate?"
The boy replied:"No, He was always minding his own business."
I was driving my moms car and she was yelling at me. Then i crashed her car into the garage she told me "You have to pay for the damage you've done." So now when i get the bill from the therapist i send it to her.
You can explore damage extensive reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean damage severe dad jokes. There are also damage puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
The little boy was in a bus eating a chocolate, then he took another one and then another ...
A man next to him said, "Do you know that too much of it will damage your teeth??"
The boy replied, "My grandfather lived for 132 years"
The man asked , "Was it because of eating chocolate?"
The boy replied, "No, he was always minding his own business!".
What's one more pot hole?
Totally worth the damage to my truck!
A paladin goes in to a mechanic's shop, and says "Hey, you've got to help me. Normally, I'm a perfect, upstanding paladin. I help old ladies cross the street, I tithe, I slay evil demons. But when I get in my car, I only have the urge to cause property damage and run people over. What's going on?"
The mechanic responds almost immediately. "Oh, yeah. What you've got there is a problem with your alignment."
I'm just glad it was a soft drink otherwise that may have caused some serious damage.
Strong people don't put others down. They pick them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.
When you're sleeping, Asians will come to eat the rice and will fix your phone for fun
You aren't allowed to damage the government's property.
The game where players make enough money to risk getting brain damage, or the debate where the players already have brain damage?
How much damage can their Weiner make...
Things were getting hot and heavy and she said lets get out of here. I said where do you want to go back to? She said in a seductive voice, "wherever we can cause the most damage".
So I took her to my therapist.
Luckily, that leaf didn't do much damage.
Nerve damage
...He gets out of his car to inspect the damage and a dwarf gets out of the other car. He says "I'm not happy, you know"!
The guy says "No? Well which one are you then"?
You take 1d4 damage.
his secret service code name is officially "Agent Orange".
One is always asleep, the other one can't feel a thing.
I hate nerve damage.
After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, Joe was hired by a warehouse.
One day he lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock.
Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said he'd have to withhold 10 percent of Joe's wages to pay for the repairs.
"How much will it cost?" asked Joe.
"About $5,500," said the owner.
"What a relief!" exclaimed Joe. "I've finally got job security!"
By giving it severe permanent brain damage.
The first thought that hit me was "What ever happened to using ashtrays?".
A dentist.
When they see an older gentleman limping in front of them. Every time he took a step his right foot would shake.
"I bet it is a degenerative nerve damage issue" says the first one.
"It looks more like a hip joint issue" says the second.
They argue for a while and then decide to ask the man what his problem is.
The gentleman listens to them and then he says:
"I thought it was only a fart"
Harvey Dent
It truly is a site for sore eyes.
An R.V. dent.
"My mate came off his motorbike today," he said.
"Oh really?" I asked.
"Yes," he replied. "He has slight brain damage, two broken arms and is completely blind in one eye."
"Blimey," I said. "No wonder he came off it then."
If the demonic possession hasn't been so often misdiagnosed for brain damage ...
Doctor : I guess I need see an x Ray to determine any damage to ribs
Blonde : Promise to delete after seeing
This trend, every time I see it.
If I had a nickel for every time I hit my head, I'd have brain damage.
For starters, they both do damage to the surrounding area when fired
I just smoke the ones that seriously damage health instead
Hail, Hitler!
if only the unwrapping process didn't damage the box so much.
I'm worried I have soft tissue damage.
Damage is estimated to be in the tens of dollars
She said it would prove she had been acting crazy due to brain damage. Having been lied to so many times before I scoffed. Told her I wasn't having any of her psycho schematic bullshit
I call it "Book Club"
The damage it caused was catastrophic
Liver damage
When a rooster crows, their hearing closes off so they don't damage their hearing. The narcissist does the same when yelling.
she gave her memory foam mattress brain damage....
So don't pick a fight with an Irishman. For a short time, all their attacks do maximum damage.
I told them I was out of sight, out of mind
A hungry hungry hippocampus!
The captain gathers everyone on deck and explains the situation, and solemnly asks if anyone knows any good prayers. The yeoman steps up and says that years of seminary have made him and the Lord really close and he has just a prayer for this situation.
The captain says "Good, you get to stay behind we only have enough life jackets for everyone else."
Grow green grapes to avoid damage and loss.
Co-ladder-al damage.
Brain damage is forever.
Scientists had first guessed it was too small to do much damage.
Later, they reassessed and realized this collision would be on par with the impact that wiped out the dinosaurs.
It was an underrated comet.
She nearly slapped me when I offered to make the necessary repairs. I suppose I shouldn't have asked her if she wanted me to shove some caulk in her bee holes
Little Johnny raised his hand. The
teacher hesitated because she had
been burned by Johnny before. She
finally decided there was no way he
could damage the word 'fascinate', so
she called on him. Johnny said, "My
Aunt Gina has a sweater with ten
buttons, but her boobs are so big she
can only fasten eight."
Be careful not to put disinformation too far into your ear canal.
The front right leg on each of the works has been removed.
The worker sprints to the front of the store to alert his manager of the vandalism. On his way, he spies a redneck carrying the missing appendages.
"SIR!" the worker shouts. "You have damaged valuable pieces of merchandise. Exit the store. IMMEDIATELY!"
"Why?" drawls the redneck innocently. "I have the right two bear arms!"
Me: Sorry can't come
Friend: Why not
Me: Might get arrested
Friend: So what it'll be such a great party you won't care about a petty fine
Me: But I'll be on the police database which could damage my future career
Friend: What do you want to be?
Me: A criminal
After looking at the rubble, he asked the manager if the building was a new structure. The manager said, "I don't think so, it was built in the 1970s."
The adjuster said, "I that case, the best payout I can give you is $50,000. If it was a new building I could have given you 95,000.
Luckily the damage was just super fish oil
Ass skin for a friend.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor
Luckily for Trump, he just needs to worry about lung damage.
I am not giving 2020 an extra hour's worth of damage.
More like Fall Damage, mirite?
Does that make it do curse damage?
As he is very upset he sees only one person sitting at the bar, who is actually a student of his.
He asks angry: "Are you the little shit who keyed music notes on my car?!"
The student says: "Yes, but why are you so mad? The damage appears to B minor."
They walk away with a concussion and brain damage
Yesterday I ended up in the hospital. Tripped over a box of Kleenex. Thankfully it was only tissue damage.
They see a billboard saying:
Vodka + water = kidney problems;
Rum + water = liver problems;
Whiskey + water = heart issues;
Gin + water = brain damage;
Says one to the other dude, looks like there are some serious issues with water supply in this town
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the damage havoc jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working damage devastate piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.