Dallas Texas Jokes
10 dallas texas jokes and hilarious dallas texas puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dallas texas that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Dallas Texas Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good dallas texas joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A 4th grade '49ers fan in Dallas
The scene is a 4th grade classroom in Dallas, Texas. The teacher asks for a show of hands:
"Hey kids, how many of you are Dallas Cowboys fans?"
Everyone in the class raises their hand, except for little Suzy. The teacher says:
"Little Suzy, I notice you didn't raise your hand. Why is that?" Little Suzy responds:
"Because I'm a 49ers fan!"
"A 49ers fan?," the teacher asks incredulously, "Why on Earth are you a 49ers fan?"
"Because my Mommy is a 49ers fan, my Daddy is a 49ers fan, so I'm a 49ers fan."
The teacher doesn't like Suzy's answer:
"Little Suzy, that's no kind of logic. What if your Daddy was a drug dealer and your Mommy was a p**...?"
Suzy doesn't blink an eye:
"Well then I'd be a Raiders fan!"
For a second consecutive year a team competing in the Super Bowl has home field advantage.
To ensure this doesn't happen again, all subsequent Super Bowls will be held in Dallas, Texas.
I knew a friend that went to Texas and didn't enjoy her stay there.
Told me it was Dallas time she ever goes there again.
Why did the Indian restaurant in Dallas have al fresco seating?
Because Texas is an open curry state.
Why did only two people in Texas get Ebola?
Because Dallas can't catch anything.
Even though Chuck Norris' lives in Dallas, Texas, his house still has spectacular views of both the Atlantic and Pacific oceans.
A Texan in Scotland
A Texan is touring Europe and he ends up in a Scottish pub sitting across from an older Scotsman. As Texans tend to do, he starts bragging about how big everything is in Texas.
Down on my ranch outside Dallas, I can walk out my front door at sunrise, get in my big ol' Cadillac, start 'er on up, put my boot flat down on the gas, and when the sun goes down, I still ain't reached my front gates.
The Scotsman takes a big swing of his stout, and says,
Ach, aye. I had a car like that once, too!
So a wealthy Texan's son is getting married...
...and his son asks if he can give his deceased mother's ring to his bride. His father is all for this, and someone suggests that he have it appraised for insurance purposes.
The father has a lady friend who is a professional appraiser, so he invites her to look at the ring. She agrees, and says that her "fee" will be a supper at a very nice Dallas restaurant.
After dessert, they are lingering over coffee; he presents the ring to his friend, she opens the box and takes out her jeweler's loupe, carefully examines it for awhile...
...puts it back in the box and returns it to him...
...and at the next table, someone exclaims, "My God, I've heard these Texas women were picky, but THAT takes the cake!"
I don't believe there is Ebola in Texas
No one in Dallas knows how to catch anything!
TEXAS SURVIVOR
Texas is trying to capitalize on the popularity of the show "Survivor" by hosting its own version.
Contestants will have to drive from Amarillo and visit checkpoints in the following cities, Lubbock - Dallas - Waco - Austin - Houston - Laredo - San Antonio - El Paso and finish back in Amarillo.
Contestants will be give a pink Saab with a bumper stickers that read, "I'm Gay, I'm Vegan, I Voted for Al Gore, and I'm here to confiscate your guns!"
The contestant who makes it back to Amarillo alive...wins.
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