Dairy Jokes

What are some Dairy jokes?

My brother just threw a milk carton at me

How dairy.

What do you call a gay milkman?

A dairy queen.

A man threw a milk bottle at me today

How dairy

A man just assaulted me with milk, butter and cheese

How dairy

This guy just threw milk on me!

How dairy....

Did you hear about the farmer that failed dairy farming school?

He didn't work well with udders.

How often does an oriental farmer milk his cows?

Dairy

A penguin notices his car is leaking fluid...

so he takes it to the closest garage. Mechanic says he'll check it out, and to come back in a half hour. The penguin sees a Dairy Queen, strolls over, and buys himself a vanilla cone. Being a penguin, without hands, he makes quite a mess, getting ice cream all over himself. When he gets back to check on his car, the mechanic looks up, shakes his head, and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies, "Na, it's just ice cream."

Why did the Dairy Queen get pregnant?

The Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper

So a biologist, engineer and physicist are called to help make a dairy farm more efficient...

The biologist tells the farmer that he should feed the cows certain hormones to make it lactate more. The farmer asked how much it'll cost and the biologist says it'll cost many thousands of dollars. The engineer proposes to make a better milking machine to get more milk per cow. The farmer asks how much it'll cost and the engineer says it'll cost many thousands of dollars. The farmer then asks the physicist how much his idea will cost. The physicist say "It'll cost nothing and can be implemented immediately!" The farmer was astonished and ask how this is possible. The physicist responds, "Now assume a spherical cow....."

I walked out my house this morning...

And a man threw milk and cheese at me.

I thought, How dairy?

A man robbed me of all my milk, cream, cheese, and butter.

How dairy..

I was walking down the road...

...when the guy in front of me turned around and started throwing milk, eggs, yoghurt and butter at me.

I thought, "How dairy!".

What did the lactose intolerant guy say after having a glass of milk?

Please excuse my dairy air

Whats the difference between a dairy farm and a McDonalds.

You'll get arrested if you try to milk the cows at McDonalds.

My brother just hit me with a milk carton

How dairy

How often did the asian cow go to the gym?

Dairy

Man just attacked me with milk, cream and butter

How dairy.

Man, some dude just poured a gallon of milk all over me

How dairy!

Went to the shop earlier today, saw a man throwing all the milk, cheese, yoghurt etc

I thought to myself...

"How dairy?".

So I was walking past my local supermarket the other day and a man started to throw cheese, butter and milk at me.

How dairy.

What does Activision and a Dairy worker have in common?

They both love milking.

This guy came at me with a bottle of milk.

How dairy

What do you call the work of a famous cow?

Legend Dairy

Why didn't the burger king get the dairy queen pregnant?

Because the whopper always comes in a wrapper!

Vegans don't beat their meat

They beat their "0% dairy all organic tofu"

Dear Dairy,

Today I found out I have dyslexia.

An evangelical dairy farmer stopped by my house on Sunday

He wanted to talk about Cheeses.

If Dairy Queen and Burger King had a baby, what do you call it?

Restaurants can't have sex you moron.

This might be hard for some people to digest...

Dairy.

"Hey bro, so I just got diagnosed with a dairy allergy."

"No whey, man."

A man just attacked me with cheese and milk

How dairy

What is the dairy farmer's favorite exercise?

Calf Raises.

Why don't dairy farmers wear flip flops?

Because they lactose.

What do you call an Arabic dairy farmer?

A milk sheikh.

I was turned into butter once.

It's dairy important to me, it was a churning point in my life and I think I'm a butter man now

A cow joke

Our professor started our lecture on ketosis of dairy cows by telling us about an exciting new research project at our veterinary school's dairy facility. They are working with NASA to launch some cows into outer space to orbit the earth. The title of the project is The herd shot round the world.

How did Dairy Queen wind up pregnant?

Burger King didn't wrap his Whopper

My housemate threw milk on me...

how dairy.

Did you hear about the man who killed a cow?

How dairy.

Me and my best friend went to the local supermarket...

He started to throw the milk and cheese all over the aisle. I thought, how dairy?

Spilt milk

I hate how every time I come home and go to the kitchen my flat mate has spilled milk everywhere. How dairy

Did you hear about the terrorist attack on the dairy / cow farm?

It was an udder disaster.

What is Thanos' favorite dairy product?

Half and Half

I was drinking my milkshake on a cliff and thought to myself...

Wow, this is ledge 'n dairy!

A man just threw a glass of milk at me......

how dairy?!?!

Shout out ATH

My hayfever makes me sneeze like my dairy intolerance makes me fart.

I hate my analogies.

I just drove by an abandoned Dairy Queen.

I guess you could say it was *dessert*ed

Did you guys hear about the fruit and dairy tycoon from the middle East?

We call him the Banana Milk Sheikh

Why was two piece swimsuit invented?

To separate the hairy from the dairy.

I hope puns are okay.

If you live downwind from a milk processing plant, everything smells like dairy air.

So an engineer, a psychologist, and a physicist are called into a dairy farm that is low on production...

They're each given a day to inspect the farm, then they each deliver a thesis on how best to increase production.

The engineer goes first; he says that if each stall is decreased in area by 40 inches, housing capacity could be doubled.

The psychologist then says that if the walls were painted green the cows would be more relaxed and likely produce more milk.

When the physicist is called in he immediately draws a circle on a blackboard and says, "Now assume a cow is a sphere..."

What do you call a religious dairy farmer?

Cheesus Christ

I was walking down the road and some guy tipped a whole carton of milk on me...

How dairy

Why do cow farms stink?

They're full of dairy airs.

What do you call a milkman wearing high heeled shoes...?

A Dairy Queen.

Deputy Investigation goes Wrong.

WASHINGTON COUNTY SHERIFF 'S DEPT. Investigation





A Deputy stops at a dairy farm and talks with the old farmer who's the owner.



He tells the farmer, 'I need to inspect your property for illegal grown marijuana.'



The old Farmer says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.'



The officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me"!! Pointing to the badge on his chest he proudly says,



"See this badge"!? "This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…on any land". "No questions asked or answers given". "Have I made myself clear!!??" "Do you understand!!??"



The old farmer nods politely and goes about his chores.



Later, the old guy hears loud screams and spies the deputy running for his life and close behind is the a huge breeder bull.



With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer.



The officer is clearly terrified.



The old farmer immediately throws down his **** fork, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....





"Your badge! Show him your F**king badge!"

Cheese & Milk

Just as I was getting home last night a guy hit me with a block of cheese.

I thought that wasn't very mature.

He then ran over and pour milk all over my head.

I thought HOW DAIRY!!!

Bubba n' Buford III

Bubba n' Buford jes left Texas A&M where they'd attend a seminar entitled "Advanced Composting" n' were a headin' back up Highway 79 towards east Texas. After a bit they got into an argument over whether Marquez was pronounced Mar-KEY or Mar-KAY. Well, they decided since they were about to go through Marquez they'd stop at the Dairy Queen for lunch n' ask, n' whoever was right would pay for lunch n' that they did. After orderin' Bubba smiles n' asks the waitress, "My friend Buford n' I been arguin' over how to pronounce this place. Could you tell us." The blonde waitress smiles n' says very slowly... "Dairy Queen."

Dear Dairy

There sure are a lot of cows around here.

Why is Dairy Queen always in a bad mood?

Because she's married to Mister Softee.

An Arab prince acquires a dairy farm

He's known far and wide as the Milk Sheikh

A guy spilt his cup of milk on me

How dairy!

A man threw milk at an old woman before...

I said how dairy

What do you call a milkman in high heels?

Dairy Queen

What did the cow say to the other cow when she found out the bull was cheating on her?

How Dairy

When I was in China, everybody always told jokes about cow's milk.

I would hear them on a dairy basis.

A man just came up and threw milk in my face.

How dairy.

What do you call a dairy cow who doesn't produce any milk? (OC)

An utter disappointment

A man went to the doctor asking what he could do to live longer.

The doctor asked him some preliminary questions.

"Do you drink much?"

"No, Doctor."

"Do you smoke?"

"No, Doctor."

"Do you stay up late or go to wild parties?"

"No, Doctor."

"Do you eat fatty or sugary foods?"

"No, Doctor."

"Do you consume milk or dairy products?"

"No, Doctor."

"Do you eat meat?"

"No, Doctor."

The doctor continued to ask the man about his lifestyle, and found that the man was leading a very healthy life. At this, the doctor was perplexed.
"So is there a way I can live longer?" The man asked.

The doctor replied, "Perhaps - but why would you want to?" :P

Did you know you can't go into a Kosher kitchen if you're having an argument with dairy?

Because then you would be having beef with cheese.

Who is the fastest cow alive?

Dairy Allen, because he's pasteurized before you see him.

Some people may be brave enough to try to get into the milk business.

Me? I wouldn't dairy.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a celestial Greek dairy product?

Apollo cheese for the punchline.

Why did the dairy farmer decide not to start growing weed near the cows?

The steaks would be too high

what did the lactose intolerant man say after eating an ice cream cone?

please excuse my dairy air

Why did Burger King and Dairy Queen have a baby?

Because Burger King forgot to wrap up his Whopper

I started a project to hire people with depression on my dairy farm...

if there's one thing they're good at its milking it.

Finally found out why dairy cows lose their balance so easily

They lactose

A rancher and his family have a milk cow...

A rancher and his family have a milk cow, and not much else to their name. The milk is the sweetest, toppest grade dairy around.

One day, the rancher wakes up and finds his milk cow dead. Unable to face life with his sole source of income gone, he sets up a noose in the barn and takes his life.

The rancher's wife wakes up that same day, and goes to find her husband. When she sees the cow dead, and her husband hanging beside it, she goes to the nearby river and drowns herself.

The rancher's eldest son wakes up, finds the cow, his dad, and his mother all dead. He is approached by a beautiful woman who says that if he can make love to her 10 times in a row, that she will revive his parents and the cow. If he failed, she would kill him.

The eldest son, of course eager, immediately agrees. He doesn't make it, and she kills him on the spot.

The second eldest son wakes up, finds his family dead along with the cow, and is approached by this same mysterious beautiful woman, who proposes the same arrangement. This son, also eager, quickly jumps at the opportunity.

Again, the son falls short and is killed.

The third and youngest son wakes up and finds his family and cow dead, and is approached by the woman.

"Rough day, huh?" She said, offering him the same deal as her brothers.

"So I make love to you 10 times without stopping... and you bring everyone back... What if I make love to you 15 times?"

"Well... I'll bring everyone back, even the cow, and put a mansion where your little ranch is."

"Ok... well what if I make love to you 20 times without stopping?"

Laughing, the mysterious woman says, "Well, I'll give you a great big bag of gold, jewels, and money. So much that you and your family will be set for life."

"Fine, fine... but last question. If I make love to you 20 times without stopping, what's to stop you from dying from it? The milk cow did."

What did the cheese maker say when he found out his dairy supply spoiled?

That's not Gouda.

How do you keep a vegan from eating all your dairy?

Invite two of them.

Why did Dairy Queen get pregnant?

Burger King didn't cover his whopper.

I was in a shop and seen a man throwing milk and cheese around

I thought "how dairy"

What's the worst smell at a cow farm?

The dairy air

What do you call a good looking daughter of a milk cow farmer?

One Fine Dairy Heiress

How to make Dairy jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Dairy to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Dairy? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Dairy pick up lines to share with friends.

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