Dads Jokes
115 dads jokes and hilarious dads puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dads that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Embrace the wonderfully groan-worthy world of dad humor with our fun-filled list of Jokes about Dads. The corny, the cheesy, the cringey - dad jokes hold a special place in the comedic universe, often eliciting eye-rolls and giggles in equal measure.
These family-friendly quips are perfect to share at family gatherings, to make others chuckle on Father's Day, or to lovingly prank good ol' dad on his birthday. Our carefully curated collection not only celebrates the unique humor of paternal figures but serves as a go-to source for anyone looking to hone their dad joke skills.
We are promoting playful, light-hearted interaction that fosters a positive environment. So, get ready to guffaw, groan, and giggle your way through this joyful journey of dad jokery!
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Funniest Dads Short Jokes
Short dads jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dads humour may include short stepdad jokes also.
- A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing dad... ...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.
Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for? - What do you call a mac 'n' cheese that gets all up in your face? Too close for comfort food!
- Son: "Mom, Dad, I'm gay." Mom: *Stares at Dad*
Dad: *Clenches fist*
Mom: "Don't!"
Dad: *Sweats Profusely*
Mom: "..."
Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"
- When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
- As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said Y'know, one would have been enough.
- Son In iraq I killed 15 people. Son: Dad you were a helicopter mechanic
Dad:Never said I was a good one - My dad said people shouldn't get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing. So I took down his confederate flag.
- The son went to his dad and asked him, "Dad, what's an alcoholic?" So the dad replied, "Do you see those four trees? Well, an alcoholic would see eight."
The son replied, "But Dad, I only see two." - Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg
- "Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa ?" "Because your mum loves easter and it's an anagram of easter !"
"Thanks dad !"
"No problem Alan"
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Dads One Liners
Which dads one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dads? I can suggest the ones about daddy and moms.
- Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? I heard he made a mint.
- How does moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.
- Hey Dad, have you seen my sunglasses? No son, have you seen my dad glasses?
- Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!
- Dads are like boomerangs. I hope.
- What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.
- Wife: I'm pregnant. Me: Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad.
Wife: No you're not. - As a child, I always thought of my dad as a superhero The Invisible Man
- How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
- Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well!
- What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
- Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere
- A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!
- Dad can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is No sun
- What happens when you go to the bathroom in France? European.
Dads Bad Jokes
Here is a list of funny dads bad jokes and even better dads bad puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- All dad jokes are bad and here's why Why
- A dad joke my science teacher told me a long time ago: Why are bacteria so bad at math?
Because they multiply by dividing.
RIP Miss Henn. Miss her lots. - I feel bad for children of gay couples. They either suffer twice as many dad jokes or an endless cycle of ask your mother.
- I happily dad joked my fiancé While on her way to work, she texted me saying she only put deodorant on one side.
To which I replied, "At least you won't smell half bad!" - There's a reason dad joke rhymes with bad joke It's because they both contain most of the same letters.
- Good, bad, worse Good: I slept with my teacher after prom last night.
Bad: I was home schooled.
Worse: by my dad. - Dad joke alert: So when does a bad joke become a Dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent.
- I feel bad for children of gay parents They either suffer from twice as many dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mother"
- a pretty bad joke my dad once told me what do you get when you cross a elephant, rhino, and a hippo?
helliphino - Good night kids Me : good night kids
Kids : good night dad
Me : good night monster under the bed who eats bad kids
Wife ( through radio under the bed) : good night
Heartwarming Dads Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about dads you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mom dad jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dads pranks.
I Wasn't Too Keen On The Idea Of Gay Parenting Until
I met my wife, who was raised by two dads. That's when I came to my senses and realized.. NO MOTHER-IN-LAW!
2 kids arguing.
2 little kids were arguing over who's dad has a better job. First kid says,"My dads a doctor." Second kis say,"Yeah well my dad's lawyer." Astonished the first kid says," Honest?" The second kid replied "No, the usual kind."
I don't see why so many Americans are anti-gay rights.
For a country with 4 dads, you would think they'd be more accepting.
My dad eats lightbulbs
One day these three little boys were bragging about their dads. The first little boy said, "my daddy can lift 100lbs. over his head." The second little boy said, "thats nothing my daddy can lift 200lbs. over his head." The third little boy said, "Thats nothing my daddy can eat light bulbs!" The other two little boys were like really hows that? the boy said, "Yeah i heard my daddy tell my mommy in the bed room the other night you turn that light off and I'll eat that thang!
My dads favorite
When you're kissing with your honey
and your nose is kinda runny
you may think its kinda funny
but it's not
Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
How many dads does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to put it in and one to complain that he never screws anything anymore.
Why are 1980 pennies worth more than 1979 pennies? (Dads joke)
The same reason 10 pennies is worth more than 9.
How do you know Jesus is okay with g**...?
Because he had two dads
Obedient husband
Little boy was curious why did his father do everything his mother asked, so one day he asked his dad: "Dad, why are you so obedient. None of other dads listen to their wife's like you."
Dad said: "Well, you see son, when you were born, your mother and I made a deal. If she would allow me to give you your name I would do anything she asks for the rest of our lives"
"Was it worth it, dad."
"It sure was, Goku."
My father told me a joke. How many Germans does it take screw in a lightbulb? He said Nein
My dads jokes are the wurst I tell you.
Two kids talking about their dads achievements
Kid1: have you heard of panama canal?
Kid2: yes.
Kid1: you know my dad dug it.
Kid2: ok, thats it. Have you heard about the dead sea?
Kid1: yes
Kid2: My dad killed it.
I'm 99% sure one of my dads is gay.
Dads
(Dad support group)
Hi, I'm dad
"Hi dad, I'm dad"
*room breaks into laughter*
*dads starts building a shed together*
Learning to ride a bike is like losing your virginity...
No matter how many years go by, you never forget the feeling of your dads hands on your shoulders as he pushes.
The reason why I only date black girls
is because I don't like meeting dads.
How many deadbeat dads does it take to change a lightbulb?
I wouldn't know, mine's never around.
(Alternately: "Well, he went out to get one...")
Now with all the kids outside, playing Pokémon.....
Dads and moms can stay inside playing Pokémom.
What do you call a black child with 2 dads?
An Orphan
2 dads walk into a bar...
One turns to the other and says "that hurt".
I keep making jokes about my dads new Thai bride. He's getting pretty sick of them.
My dads getting sick of them too.
Are you bothered by the fact that the term "dad joke" refers to a certain kind of humor associated with dads, whereas the term "mom joke" refers to jokes that are derogatory towards mothers?
Hi, bothered by the fact that the term "dad joke" refers to a certain kind of humor associated with dads, whereas the term "mom joke" refers to jokes that are derogatory towards mothers, I'm dad.
How many dads does it take to change a light bulb?
Asking because it's been a week and mine still hasn't.
I've been having a bad feeling lately..
I think one of my dads might be gay.
Whats the most disappointing thing for dads on Christmas?
When he gets a sweater, but he was hoping for a screamer or a squirter.
Why do dads hate christmas?
They get a sweater. But they really wanted a moaner or a screamer..
My dad is like the Michael Jordan of dads.
He has a serious gambling problem.
I hate meeting dads.
That's why I only date black girls.
A new friend just told me he had two gay dads.
I said "that's good! ...because it would be really weird if only one of them was gay."
I hate it when girlfriends have overprotective dads.
That's why I work at an orphanage.
A man with a black eye
Walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks at him and says 'Wow, rough night?.' The man replies back, 'no my dads a panda.'
Dads: What does A&W stand for?
Ambergers and Wootbeer.
An old man is about to die.
While he is laying in his bed waiting to die, he said to his sons ( a rich musician, a rich doctor and a lawyer ) : When i die i want you to put in my coffin 5K $ each for my after life.
One week later the old man dies.
At his f**... the musician came and put 5k $ in his dads coffin while he's crying.
The doctor did the same thing , he left 5k $ and left crying.
Finally, the lawyer took the 10k $ and left a check with 15k$ and said : thank you dad.
My dads nickname is lightning.
That way I can tell my friends I've been struck by lightning multiple times.
I've got diarrhoea, my dads got diarrhoea and my brothers got diarrhoea.
Runs in the family.
Dads are like boomerangs
He'll be back.
Right?
People always jump to ridiculous conclusions.
Like thinking, for some reason, that my dads are gay.
Dads are like a boomerang.
They come back.
...right?
Two kids are bragging about how fast their dads are.
One kid says, My dad is so fast he can throw a football up and run underneath it and catch it!
The other kid, who's dad is a state worker says, My dad is so fast he gets off work at 5, and is home at 4:30!
Dads are like puppies
Mom can always get a new one, but he'll never be like the one that ran away.
A young boy is bathing with his mother
Boy says, Whats that hairy thing mom?
Mom replies, That is my sponge.
Oh yes, says the boy, The babysitters got one, I've seen her washing dads face with it.
Turns out I am adopted!
suprised my dads never told me
Dads are like boomerangs.
That's why Batman uses batarangs.
Dads are like boomerangs
I wish I had a boomerang :(
Two scared dads
Two kids are arguing over whose father was the biggest scaredy cat. Tommy says, My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bead.
Peter replies, Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lady next door.
Palm Sunday
For Dads ... Fathers Day,
For mothers ... Mothers Day,
For Lovers ... Valentines Day
For Wankers there is Palm Sunday
A blind answer poll was made to dads everywhere, whether they liked Republicans or Democrats.
The only answer they got back was "Yes."
My dads a women's rights activist.
Your dad? Not your mum?
No, dad wouldn't allow that.
*Courtesy of u/hihellow*
Dads are like boomerangs
They only come back in movies.
I think same gender couples should not be able to get kids.
No matter how good they are, having 2 dads forces the poor kids to deal with TWICE the dad jokes. Having 2 mom's isn't much better, they're all gonna end up in an "Ask your mom" loop
A message to Christians who believe same-s**... couples should not adopt:
Jesus had two dads and he turned out fine.
Went to the Dad Bar the other night...
It was a slow night. There was only the bartender and few other dads sitting at the bar.
I walked up to the bar and the bartender greeted me, "How are ya?"
I replied, "I am thirsty."
Everyone shouted out, "Hi Thirsty!"
The bartender continued pointing to the other patrons, "and this is 'Starving, Tired, and uh...h**...."
How many dads does it take to change a bulb?
One to fetch the ladder, one to go back to the hardware store to get the right bulb, another to look up and say "yep", and the rest to just stand around, debating charcoal vs gas.
How dads of kenya motivates their kids?
by saying: 'kenya do this?'
Dads are like boomerangs
Because it's probably your fault it didn't come back
Three boys are bragging about their dads
The first kid says: "My father is a cop. When people talk to him, they have to call him 'officer'."
The second kid: "I can do better. My father is a judge, and when people see him, they have to say 'Your honour'."
The third kid: "That's nothing! My father is immensely fat, and when people see him, they say 'Oh my God...'"
Today just shocked my whole life
First i find out im adopted, then I found out that both of my dads are gay.
Dads are a lot like boomerangs.
I hope :(
I tried to create an organization for dads to protest drunk driving
But it was just a FADD.
It being Father's Day, it got me thinking... Dads are a lot like boomerangs.
I hope.
My dads s**... joke
me
There's a reason why Dads tell more dad jokes to kids who act up.
Pun-ishment
Just got some shocking news.
Both my dads are gay.
One of my dads faves
Burglars have broken into Scotland Yard and stolen all the toilets
Police say they have nothing to go on
Where do dads learn how to tell their jokes?
In the delivery room.
Archery
When asked what they are aiming for,
A newbie will say precision,
A pro will say grouping,
And dads will say "the target."
How many Dads does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one. The rest are too busy trying to think of a joke to tell about it.
Where do dads keep their dad jokes?
In their dada base.
What's the worst part about having two dads?
Twice the dad jokes.
**Bonus**
What's the worst part about having two moms?
Getting stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."
They say good dads are hard to find
But bad dads are even harder to find
I always remember my dads last words
"HIT THE BRAKES SON!!!!"
Dad jokes are like dads
Not everyone gets them.
A woman goes to dump her dads ashes in the ocean to fulfill his wishes.
When she tries to pour the ashes into the ocean, the wind blows the ash back into her eyes.
She hears her dad say "Whats wrong, you cant sea?"
What do dads eat for breakfast?
Groan-ola!
I'll see myself out.
"Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?"
"In case they get a hole in one!"
All of us dads are really funny
But then again, looks aren't everything
My dad just died. This isn't a joke, I'm lost. I remember at his dads f**... he told me:
Why do they put fences around cemetery's? Because people are dying to get in.
I told my daughters this joke years ago and told them it was from my dad. I want a joke that I can make at his f**... to my children in his honor. Can you help me out?
Where do dads keep all of their dad jokes?
In the dadabase
There are hot dads in your area...
And they want to know who touched the thermostat.
Why do dads tell jokes here?
For the groan up votes.
One of my dads favorites.
Why do golfers always bring an extra pair of pants?
In case they get a hole in one!
