Dads Jokes

Following is our collection of granddad puns and daddy one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Dads jokes for adults, dirty mom jokes and clean siblings dad gags for kids.

The Best Dads Puns

Dads are like boomerangs.

I hope.

The reason why I only date black girls

is because I don't like meeting dads.

A young boy is bathing with his mother

Boy says, Whats that hairy thing mom?

Mom replies, That is my sponge.

Oh yes, says the boy, The babysitters got one, I've seen her washing dads face with it.

I'm 99% sure one of my dads is gay.

An old man is about to die.

While he is laying in his bed waiting to die, he said to his sons ( a rich musician, a rich doctor and a lawyer ) : When i die i want you to put in my coffin 5K $ each for my after life.

One week later the old man dies.

At his funeral the musician came and put 5k $ in his dads coffin while he's crying.
The doctor did the same thing , he left 5k $ and left crying.
Finally, the lawyer took the 10k $ and left a check with 15k$ and said : thank you dad.


Today just shocked my whole life

First i find out im adopted, then I found out that both of my dads are gay.

2 kids arguing.

2 little kids were arguing over who's dad has a better job. First kid says,"My dads a doctor." Second kis say,"Yeah well my dad's lawyer." Astonished the first kid says," Honest?" The second kid replied "No, the usual kind."

Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?

Palm Sunday.

I Wasn't Too Keen On The Idea Of Gay Parenting Until

I met my wife, who was raised by two dads. That's when I came to my senses and realized.. NO MOTHER-IN-LAW!

Why are 1980 pennies worth more than 1979 pennies? (Dads joke)

The same reason 10 pennies is worth more than 9.

Now with all the kids outside, playing PokΓ©mon.....

Dads and moms can stay inside playing PokΓ©mom.


A new friend just told me he had two gay dads.

I said "that's good! ...because it would be really weird if only one of them was gay."

People always jump to ridiculous conclusions.

Like thinking, for some reason, that my dads are gay.

I hate meeting dads.

That's why I only date black girls.

Dads are like boomerangs

He'll be back.
Right?

2 dads walk into a bar...

One turns to the other and says "that hurt".

I don't see why so many Americans are anti-gay rights.

For a country with 4 dads, you would think they'd be more accepting.

I think same gender couples should not be able to get kids.

No matter how good they are, having 2 dads forces the poor kids to deal with TWICE the dad jokes. Having 2 mom's isn't much better, they're all gonna end up in an "Ask your mom" loop

Obedient husband

Little boy was curious why did his father do everything his mother asked, so one day he asked his dad: "Dad, why are you so obedient. None of other dads listen to their wife's like you."
Dad said: "Well, you see son, when you were born, your mother and I made a deal. If she would allow me to give you your name I would do anything she asks for the rest of our lives"
"Was it worth it, dad."
"It sure was, Goku."


Dads are like boomerangs

I wish I had a boomerang :(

I've been having a bad feeling lately..

I think one of my dads might be gay.

Dads are like a boomerang.

They come back.

...right?

Dads

(Dad support group)
Hi, I'm dad
"Hi dad, I'm dad"
*room breaks into laughter*
*dads starts building a shed together*

My dads nickname is lightning.

That way I can tell my friends I've been struck by lightning multiple times.

Turns out I am adopted!

suprised my dads never told me

How many dads does it take to change a light bulb?

Asking because it's been a week and mine still hasn't.

Learning to ride a bike is like losing your virginity...

No matter how many years go by, you never forget the feeling of your dads hands on your shoulders as he pushes.

My dads a women's rights activist.

Your dad? Not your mum?

No, dad wouldn't allow that.

*Courtesy of u/hihellow*

I've got diarrhoea, my dads got diarrhoea and my brothers got diarrhoea.

Runs in the family.

How do you know Jesus is okay with gays?

Because he had two dads

My dad eats lightbulbs

One day these three little boys were bragging about their dads. The first little boy said, "my daddy can lift 100lbs. over his head." The second little boy said, "thats nothing my daddy can lift 200lbs. over his head." The third little boy said, "Thats nothing my daddy can eat light bulbs!" The other two little boys were like really hows that? the boy said, "Yeah i heard my daddy tell my mommy in the bed room the other night you turn that light off and I'll eat that thang!

Two scared dads

Two kids are arguing over whose father was the biggest scaredy cat. Tommy says, My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bead.

Peter replies, Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lady next door.

My dad is like the Michael Jordan of dads.

He has a serious gambling problem.

How many dads does it take to change a bulb?

One to fetch the ladder, one to go back to the hardware store to get the right bulb, another to look up and say "yep", and the rest to just stand around, debating charcoal vs gas.

How many deadbeat dads does it take to change a lightbulb?

I wouldn't know, mine's never around.

(Alternately: "Well, he went out to get one...")

What do you call a black child with 2 dads?

An Orphan

A message to Christians who believe same-sex couples should not adopt:

Jesus had two dads and he turned out fine.

Why do dads hate christmas?

They get a sweater. But they really wanted a moaner or a screamer..

Are you bothered by the fact that the term "dad joke" refers to a certain kind of humor associated with dads, whereas the term "mom joke" refers to jokes that are derogatory towards mothers?

Hi, bothered by the fact that the term "dad joke" refers to a certain kind of humor associated with dads, whereas the term "mom joke" refers to jokes that are derogatory towards mothers, I'm dad.

How dads of kenya motivates their kids?

by saying: 'kenya do this?'

Dads are like boomerangs

Because it's probably your fault it didn't come back

Dads are like puppies

Mom can always get a new one, but he'll never be like the one that ran away.

A man with a black eye

Walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks at him and says 'Wow, rough night?.' The man replies back, 'no my dads a panda.'

My dads shittiest joke

me

Went to the Dad Bar the other night...

It was a slow night. There was only the bartender and few other dads sitting at the bar.

I walked up to the bar and the bartender greeted me, "How are ya?"

I replied, "I am thirsty."

Everyone shouted out, "Hi Thirsty!"

The bartender continued pointing to the other patrons, "and this is 'Starving, Tired, and uh...Horny."

Two kids are bragging about how fast their dads are.

One kid says, My dad is so fast he can throw a football up and run underneath it and catch it!

The other kid, who's dad is a state worker says, My dad is so fast he gets off work at 5, and is home at 4:30!

My dads favorite

When you're kissing with your honey
and your nose is kinda runny
you may think its kinda funny
but it's not

Dads are a lot like boomerangs.

I hope :(

Three boys are bragging about their dads

The first kid says: "My father is a cop. When people talk to him, they have to call him 'officer'."

The second kid: "I can do better. My father is a judge, and when people see him, they have to say 'Your honour'."

The third kid: "That's nothing! My father is immensely fat, and when people see him, they say 'Oh my God...'"

My father told me a joke. How many Germans does it take screw in a lightbulb? He said Nein

My dads jokes are the wurst I tell you.

It being Father's Day, it got me thinking... Dads are a lot like boomerangs.

I hope.

I tried to create an organization for dads to protest drunk driving

But it was just a FADD.

Palm Sunday

For Dads ... Fathers Day,
For mothers ... Mothers Day,
For Lovers ... Valentines Day
For Wankers there is Palm Sunday

Whats the most disappointing thing for dads on Christmas?

When he gets a sweater, but he was hoping for a screamer or a squirter.

I keep making jokes about my dads new Thai bride. He's getting pretty sick of them.

My dads getting sick of them too.

A blind answer poll was made to dads everywhere, whether they liked Republicans or Democrats.

The only answer they got back was "Yes."

Dads: What does A&W stand for?

Ambergers and Wootbeer.

Dads are like boomerangs

They only come back in movies.

Dads are like boomerangs.

That's why Batman uses batarangs.

There's a reason why Dads tell more dad jokes to kids who act up.

Pun-ishment

Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom

these people are called dads

What do dads never forget to include in their "dad" jokes?

PUNctuation






Okay, I'll leave.

This guy on Call of Duty said he was going to own me just like he owned my mom last night...

... Joke's on him. I have two dads.

How many dads does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to put it in and one to complain that he never screws anything anymore.

Dad: What do your friends think about you having two dads?

Son: They're fine with it, but they hate that I'm immune to Yo Mama jokes.

I hate it when girlfriends have overprotective dads.

That's why I work at an orphanage.

There's nothing wrong with having two dads...

...except you have to deal with twice the amount of dad jokes.

I hate seeing kids with two dads.

It's not fair since I didn't even have one.

There is an abundance of mother jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 68 funniest jokes and dads puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any dad witze you can hear about dads.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes