Dads Jokes

Dads are like boomerangs.

I hope.

I Wasn't Too Keen On The Idea Of Gay Parenting Until

I met my wife, who was raised by two dads. That's when I came to my senses and realized.. NO MOTHER-IN-LAW!

2 kids arguing.

2 little kids were arguing over who's dad has a better job. First kid says,"My dads a doctor." Second kis say,"Yeah well my dad's lawyer." Astonished the first kid says," Honest?" The second kid replied "No, the usual kind."

I don't see why so many Americans are anti-gay rights.

For a country with 4 dads, you would think they'd be more accepting.

My dad eats lightbulbs

One day these three little boys were bragging about their dads. The first little boy said, "my daddy can lift 100lbs. over his head." The second little boy said, "thats nothing my daddy can lift 200lbs. over his head." The third little boy said, "Thats nothing my daddy can eat light bulbs!" The other two little boys were like really hows that? the boy said, "Yeah i heard my daddy tell my mommy in the bed room the other night you turn that light off and I'll eat that thang!

My dads favorite

When you're kissing with your honey
and your nose is kinda runny
you may think its kinda funny
but it's not

Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?

Palm Sunday.

Why are 1980 pennies worth more than 1979 pennies? (Dads joke)

The same reason 10 pennies is worth more than 9.

How do you know Jesus is okay with g**...?

Because he had two dads

Obedient husband

Little boy was curious why did his father do everything his mother asked, so one day he asked his dad: "Dad, why are you so obedient. None of other dads listen to their wife's like you."
Dad said: "Well, you see son, when you were born, your mother and I made a deal. If she would allow me to give you your name I would do anything she asks for the rest of our lives"
"Was it worth it, dad."
"It sure was, Goku."

My father told me a joke. How many Germans does it take screw in a lightbulb? He said Nein

My dads jokes are the wurst I tell you.

I'm 99% sure one of my dads is gay.

Dads

(Dad support group)
Hi, I'm dad
"Hi dad, I'm dad"
*room breaks into laughter*
*dads starts building a shed together*

Learning to ride a bike is like losing your virginity...

No matter how many years go by, you never forget the feeling of your dads hands on your shoulders as he pushes.

The reason why I only date black girls

is because I don't like meeting dads.

How many deadbeat dads does it take to change a lightbulb?

I wouldn't know, mine's never around.

(Alternately: "Well, he went out to get one...")

Now with all the kids outside, playing Pokémon.....

Dads and moms can stay inside playing Pokémom.

What do you call a black child with 2 dads?

An Orphan

2 dads walk into a bar...

One turns to the other and says "that hurt".

Are you bothered by the fact that the term "dad joke" refers to a certain kind of humor associated with dads, whereas the term "mom joke" refers to jokes that are derogatory towards mothers?

Hi, bothered by the fact that the term "dad joke" refers to a certain kind of humor associated with dads, whereas the term "mom joke" refers to jokes that are derogatory towards mothers, I'm dad.

How many dads does it take to change a light bulb?

Asking because it's been a week and mine still hasn't.

I've been having a bad feeling lately..

I think one of my dads might be gay.

Why do dads hate christmas?

They get a sweater. But they really wanted a moaner or a screamer..

My dad is like the Michael Jordan of dads.

He has a serious gambling problem.

I hate meeting dads.

That's why I only date black girls.

A new friend just told me he had two gay dads.

I said "that's good! ...because it would be really weird if only one of them was gay."

A man with a black eye

Walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks at him and says 'Wow, rough night?.' The man replies back, 'no my dads a panda.'

An old man is about to die.

While he is laying in his bed waiting to die, he said to his sons ( a rich musician, a rich doctor and a lawyer ) : When i die i want you to put in my coffin 5K $ each for my after life.

One week later the old man dies.

At his f**... the musician came and put 5k $ in his dads coffin while he's crying.
The doctor did the same thing , he left 5k $ and left crying.
Finally, the lawyer took the 10k $ and left a check with 15k$ and said : thank you dad.

My dads nickname is lightning.

That way I can tell my friends I've been struck by lightning multiple times.

I've got diarrhoea, my dads got diarrhoea and my brothers got diarrhoea.

Runs in the family.

Dads are like boomerangs

He'll be back.
Right?

People always jump to ridiculous conclusions.

Like thinking, for some reason, that my dads are gay.

Dads are like a boomerang.

They come back.

...right?

Two kids are bragging about how fast their dads are.

One kid says, My dad is so fast he can throw a football up and run underneath it and catch it!

The other kid, who's dad is a state worker says, My dad is so fast he gets off work at 5, and is home at 4:30!

Dads are like puppies

Mom can always get a new one, but he'll never be like the one that ran away.

A young boy is bathing with his mother

Boy says, Whats that hairy thing mom?

Mom replies, That is my sponge.

Oh yes, says the boy, The babysitters got one, I've seen her washing dads face with it.

Turns out I am adopted!

suprised my dads never told me

Dads are like boomerangs

I wish I had a boomerang :(

Two scared dads

Two kids are arguing over whose father was the biggest scaredy cat. Tommy says, My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bead.

Peter replies, Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lady next door.

Palm Sunday

For Dads ... Fathers Day,
For mothers ... Mothers Day,
For Lovers ... Valentines Day
For Wankers there is Palm Sunday

My dads a women's rights activist.

Your dad? Not your mum?

No, dad wouldn't allow that.

*Courtesy of u/hihellow*

I think same gender couples should not be able to get kids.

No matter how good they are, having 2 dads forces the poor kids to deal with TWICE the dad jokes. Having 2 mom's isn't much better, they're all gonna end up in an "Ask your mom" loop

A message to Christians who believe same-s**... couples should not adopt:

Jesus had two dads and he turned out fine.

Went to the Dad Bar the other night...

It was a slow night. There was only the bartender and few other dads sitting at the bar.

I walked up to the bar and the bartender greeted me, "How are ya?"

I replied, "I am thirsty."

Everyone shouted out, "Hi Thirsty!"

The bartender continued pointing to the other patrons, "and this is 'Starving, Tired, and uh...h**...."

How many dads does it take to change a bulb?

One to fetch the ladder, one to go back to the hardware store to get the right bulb, another to look up and say "yep", and the rest to just stand around, debating charcoal vs gas.

How dads of kenya motivates their kids?

by saying: 'kenya do this?'

Dads are like boomerangs

Because it's probably your fault it didn't come back

Today just shocked my whole life

First i find out im adopted, then I found out that both of my dads are gay.

Dads are a lot like boomerangs.

I hope :(

My dads s**... joke

me

Just got some shocking news.

Both my dads are gay.

One of my dads faves

Burglars have broken into Scotland Yard and stolen all the toilets

Police say they have nothing to go on

Where do dads learn how to tell their jokes?

In the delivery room.

Archery

When asked what they are aiming for,

A newbie will say precision,

A pro will say grouping,

And dads will say "the target."

Where do dads keep their dad jokes?

In their dada base.

What's the worst part about having two dads?

Twice the dad jokes.

**Bonus**

What's the worst part about having two moms?

Getting stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."

They say good dads are hard to find

But bad dads are even harder to find

I always remember my dads last words

"HIT THE BRAKES SON!!!!"

Dad jokes are like dads

Not everyone gets them.

"Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?"

"In case they get a hole in one!"

All of us dads are really funny

But then again, looks aren't everything

My dad just died. This isn't a joke, I'm lost. I remember at his dads f**... he told me:

Why do they put fences around cemetery's? Because people are dying to get in.

I told my daughters this joke years ago and told them it was from my dad. I want a joke that I can make at his f**... to my children in his honor. Can you help me out?

Where do dads keep all of their dad jokes?

In the dadabase

There are hot dads in your area...

And they want to know who touched the thermostat.

Why do dads tell jokes here?

For the groan up votes.

One of my dads favorites.

Why do golfers always bring an extra pair of pants?

​

In case they get a hole in one!

My dads fave

Two peanuts were walking down the street… One was a salted

What is the temperature inside of a ton ton

About Luke warm (this is my dads joke)

Why do Dads bring an extra pair of socks to the golf course?

In case they get a hole-in-one!

All you dads must be quite good at the sport of fencing…

… based on all the ripostes i see here.


Zing!

Why do some kids dip their Oreos in water?

Their dads never came back with the milk...

My dads best piece of advice growing up was "you only get one chance to make a good first impression"

I've always gone with Schwarzenegger, it's recognisable and its always a crowd pleaser

What do magicians and dads have in common?

Now you see them, now you don't.

Where do dads store all of their jokes?

In the Dadabase