Dads Bad Jokes
115 dads bad jokes and hilarious dads bad puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dads bad that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Dads Bad Short Jokes
Short dads bad jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dads bad humour may include short dads jokes also.
- A dad joke my science teacher told me a long time ago: Why are bacteria so bad at math?
Because they multiply by dividing.
RIP Miss Henn. Miss her lots. - I feel bad for children of gay couples. They either suffer twice as many dad jokes or an endless cycle of ask your mother.
- I happily dad joked my fiancé While on her way to work, she texted me saying she only put deodorant on one side.
To which I replied, "At least you won't smell half bad!" - There's a reason dad joke rhymes with bad joke It's because they both contain most of the same letters.
- Good, bad, worse Good: I slept with my teacher after prom last night.
Bad: I was home schooled.
Worse: by my dad. - Dad joke alert: So when does a bad joke become a Dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent.
- I feel bad for children of gay parents They either suffer from twice as many dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mother"
- a pretty bad joke my dad once told me what do you get when you cross a elephant, rhino, and a hippo?
helliphino - Good night kids Me : good night kids
Kids : good night dad
Me : good night monster under the bed who eats bad kids
Wife ( through radio under the bed) : good night - I feel bad for children of gay parents They either have to deal with twice as many dad jokes, or be stuck in an endless cycle of "go ask your mom"
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Dads Bad One Liners
Which dads bad one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dads bad? I can suggest the ones about bad dad and dead dad.
- All dad jokes are bad and here's why Why
- They say good dads are hard to find But bad dads are even harder to find
- I've been having a bad feeling lately.. I think one of my dads might be gay.
- How did bad jokes become dad jokes? Autocorrect
- What's the difference between a Dad joke and a bad joke? A letter
- My mom's french and my dad's greek Too bad I'm a freek
- When does a regular joke turn into a bad dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- Where do bad dad joke tellers get sent? To the punitentiary.
- My dad just lost his leg in a motorcycle accident Now his feet only smell half as bad.
- Wanna hear a dad joke? Well, too bad. It left to go get the milk a year ago.
- Roses Are Red, Violets Are Bad Oh boy, how I wish I had a dad
- My dad just burned my little bro so bad He's in prison now.
- Roses are red, Jeff is my dad He hits me if I've been bad
- There is a gun fight at exibition of contemporary jokes Bad News: they are all dad.
- My dad has really bad paranoia I'm afraid that I might end up like him.
Gather Around for Fun Dads Bad Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about dads bad you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dumb dad jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dads bad pranks.
A young boy comes home from school in a bad mood.
His father asks him, "What's wrong, son?" The kid tells his dad that he's upset because another kid has been teasing him and calling him gay. The father says, "Punch him in the face next time he does that. I bet he'll stop." The kid replies, "Yeah, but he's so cute!"
A young boy comes home from school in a bad mood.
His father asks him, "What's wrong, son?" The kid tells his dad that he's upset because another kid has been teasing him and calling him gay. The father says, "Punch him in the face next time he does that. I bet he'll stop." The kid replies, "Yeah, but he's so cute!"
3-year-old: What's a swear word?
Me: A bad word moms and dads only say when they're mad.
3:
Me:
3: Is my middle name a swear word?
Who was Michael Jackson?
Son: Dad, is God man or a woman? Dad: He's both, son. Son: Dad, is God black or white? Dad: He's both, son. Son: Dad, is God good or bad? Dad: He's both, son. Son: Dad, is God - Michael Jackson?
One day a dad gets a call and is told his son has been using dirty language.
When he gets home that night, he sits down with his son.
"Son," he says, "You know this isn't acceptable behavior. Now I want you to tell me all the dirty words you know."
His son says "Well Dad, I know the S word, I know the B word, and I know the M word."
His dad asks "What's the S word?"
His son says "s**...."
The father is taken aback but pushes on. He asks "OK, what's the B word?"
His son says "Bad."
His father is starting to feel relieved and a faint smile is playing at his lips. With a kind, fatherly smile he asks "And what's the M word?"
His son says "MotherwhoringSpicnigger."
"Little Johnny, why weren't you in school yesterday?"
"Little Johnny, why weren't you in school yesterday?"
"My dad got burnt."
"Oh, that's terrible. I hope he wasn't burned too badly."
"Nah. They really know what they're doing at those crematoriums."
Bad Bernie
Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car. The only thing he said was, "F.F."
His wife turned to him and answered, "E.F." Out on the highway, he said, "F.F." She responded simply, "E.F." He repeated, "F.F." She again replied, "E.F."
"Mom! Dad!" their son yelled. "What's going on?" Bad Bernie answered: "Your mother wants to eat first!"
What Does Your Father Do?
It is the first day of kindegarten and the teacher is going around the room asking everyone what their father does for work.
1st Child: My dad is a policeman, he sends bad guys to jail!
2nd Child: My dad is a fireman, he puts out fires!
3rd Child: My dad is dead.
The teacher asks:
Well, what did your father do before he died?
3rd Child: Well, he went "AAAAKKKKKKKKK"
So Jesus, Moses and an old man go golfing
The first to play is Jesus. After his swing, the ball land in the lake. He runs towards it, walks on the water and grabs the ball. Then it's Moses' turn. Bad luck, the same thing happens to him. He walks to the lake, spreads the water into two parts and grabs the ball on the dry ground. Finally, it's time for the old man to play. His ball lands on the top of a tree. Instead of getting the ball, he just waits. After a few minutes, a squirrel hiding in the tree takes the ball and goes down. Then a wolf attacks the squirrel, kills it and eats it. He goes further and ends up vomitting the ball, which is then taken by an eagle. The eagle goes even further, but a hunter shoots it down. The ball falls down and lands exactly in the golf hole. It's hole-in-one and the old man wins. Moses looks at Jesus and says: "I hate playing with your dad."
Sorry if it's a bit long, but I really like that one. Also sorry for my writing, I'm not a native English speaker.
Bad religious joke I created.
One day Jesus is talking to god and says,
"Hey dad, guess what I did today?"
God: "What?"
Jesus: "I walked on water."
God: "No way."
Jesus: "Yahweh!"
Badum, tss
Hi. I am here. First post, go easy on me.
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.
"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."
Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
3 bad dad jokes
I use these back to back to back all the time.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
FSHHHHHHHH
Potato Patch
An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his potato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son Fred, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Fred, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad, For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden! That's where I buried the BODIES! Love, Fred
At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Fred
My dad got carpal tunnel syndrome from being on a keyboard in an office all day.
It got so bad his boss made him get rid of the piano.
Classic dad joke, but in bad taste
So we were having a family dinner for the first time in a while.
My mum was saying how terrible the situation in Nepal is, when my Dad says "it's nepalling isn't it?"
I had a good laugh, feeling guilty after :(
Aren't dad jokes great?
I got a bad sunburn a week ago, and my skin is staring to peel of.I guess you could say that it's.....appealing
From My Dad: You were voted most handsome at camp!
Too bad it was a concentration camp.
A joke my kid told me today.
Him: dad guess who is the smallest family in the world?
Me: I don't know, who?
Him: the atoms family.
Not bad for 7 years old.
I've really got into dating black chicks recently.
Not because they take my fancy but I'm really bad at meeting the dad.
My mother is horrible at breaking bad news...
I came home one day and my mother looked distressed. She told me that she felt really terrible and that she'd been having an affair. She also told me that I couldn't tell dad.
"Why not?" I asked.
She replied, "Because he just passed away."
Adopted Friend
I feel really bad for my adopted friend. He is going through an existential crisis. Which sort of makes him like his Dad. He doesn't really know who he is.
So a dad catches his son m**......
A dad walks into his son's bedroom and finds him m**....
"Son! That is bad for you, it'll make you go blind".
"Dad, i'm over here''.
An old man wants to get life insurance
The employee working at the insurance company asks:
'How old are you, sir?'
'I'm 102.'
'102?! And you wanna get life insurance at *your* age? You know what? Come back tomorrow.'
'Tomorrow ain't good. We'll be celebrating my dad's birthday.'
'Your dad's birthday?! How old is he?'
'He's 139.'
'Okay, come back next week then.'
'Next week is definitely a bad time for me. We're gonna have a week-long party for my grandfather's wedding.'
'Your grandfather's weddig?! How old is he?'
'He's 164.'
'And he wants to get married at *his* age?'
'Nah, he doesn't, it's just that his parents are forcing him...'
My dad had the worst temper when he watched sports. One day it got so bad he ripped off his shirt and began shouting racial slurs...
Really ruined my little league game.
A son runs to his dad screaming: "Dad, I think I'm gay!"
The dad says: "And why's that?"
The child replies: "I think that Justin Bieber is kinda hot..."
The dad then says: "That doesn't mean you're gay, you just have a really bad taste in women!"
What do you call a bear without teeth?
A gummy bear.
I know it's bad, but everyone deserves a good arsenal of dad jokes.
A Christian man and his children are talking..
Girl: Dad, I have some bad news.
Dad: What?
Girl: I'm a lesbian.
Dad: Okay.
Sister: Dad, I have some bad news too.
Dad: What?
Sister: I'm a lesbian too.
Dad: God, does anyone in this house like boys?
Son: I do.
What's the difference between OP's dad and bad drivers?
Bad drivers pull out when they shouldn't.
OP's dad doesn't pull out when he should
Son and Dad $$$
Son is away for the summer in a camp. He runs out of pocket money so he writes to his dad:
No money
No fun
Your son
Dads response:
How sad
Very bad
Your dad
My dad always taught me to go the extra mile...
I guess that was pretty bad advice though - it just got me fired from my job as a taxi driver.
Everyone makes fun of dad jokes...
When they should be making fun of BAD jokes. Am I right?
What does a dad say when demolishing the washroom with thier son?
That will teach you to get bad grades in school.
I just found out that my dad is dyslexic...
Turns out his 'dad jokes' were just 'bad jokes'.
My first time having s**..., was like my first time playing golf.
It seemed like I was doing bad at first, but my dad helped me along the way saying, "it's all in the hips".
What do you call a Hurricane with a bad attitude?
What do you call a Hurricane with a bad attitude? A Hurri-cant!
Currently evacuated for the second time (Mathew, now Irma). Shared this joke with my sister in law last year and it's an all-star dad joke if I say so.
7 year old daughter was looking at mom's driving licence and saw s**...:F and started laughing
She then said you must. be so bad at s**... to get an F no wonder dad's with the maid all the time
My dad just called me and asked me what was good for a bad cough, and he knows that I am not a doctor, what should I tell him?
My dad is a bad driver. He has had a lot of accidents.
He still hasn't learned how to pull out.
My dad's favorite. (Get the groan ready)
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and...with his odd diet...he suffered from bad breath.
This made him...
...a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
A kid looks at his mother's medical report....
**s**...: F** It said.
The kid started laughing.
Mom: What's so funny?
Son: Mom you're so bad at s**... that you failed in it!
Dad dies laughing.
What is the difference between an elephant and a parakeet?
One is an elephant, the other is a parakeet.
Sorry for the bad dad joke, I will show myself out
Hey dad, why is my sister named Uma Thurman?
"Oh it's your mother's favorite fall out boy song"
"Thanks Dad"
"No problem I've Got A Bad Idea And A Dark Alley That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth!"
Jonny: "Babe, you know I would marry you in a heartbeat, but your dad would never let us!" Sarah: "Honey...
...dew you think we cantaloupe?"
.
.
.
.
.
.
I know, its bad. I'm sorry.
My Grandpa has Alzeimer's disease, and whenever I go visit him, he thinks I'm my dad when he was young.
It wouldn't be so bad if he'd at least stop molesting me.
Dad: Participation trophies are bad. It rewards people for losing and is unfair to the winners.
Me: *slowly takes down his confederate flag*
Why are moms and dads of transgender kids bad jokers and horrible magicians?
They're transparent.
A poor student writes to his dad for help.
Being the eloquent teen he is, all he can muster is;
"No mon, no fun, your son."
To which the father replies;
"Too bad, so sad, love dad."
My dad always said
" First rule of theater is always leave them wanting more"
Good actor, bad anesthesiologist.
Bad Dad Joke:
Q: Did hear about the meeting the Democrats had with the Republicans about m**... legalization?
A: They assembled a joint commission
Bad Dad Joke:
Q: Did you hear two University Geologists broke off their engagement?
A: the relationship was rocky from the start
I always wanted to be a comedian as a child.
My Dad told me I should practice in the bath, so I did. The bad thing is, he said the same thing to my brother. He wanted to be an electrician.
You guys think "See you next year" is bad?
Imagine how kids in 1999 felt when their dad told them "See you next Millennium"
What did one tree say to the other?
Nothing trees cant talk.
Yea I know that's a pretty bad dad joke. Its apparent. Just like paper its tearable.
Ok I'm done.
Dirty dead baby jokes?
My dad told me some pretty bad ones, so I guess let's collectively get them out there
Q: What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Cadillac?
A: I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend?
A: I don't kiss my girlfriend after s**....
My dad's puns are so bad, they could kill anyone who hears them.
He calls them his weapuns of mass destruction
I feel bad for kids of gay parents
They have to put up with twice the amount of dad jokes.
i**... isn't really that bad. You can ask my mom, dad, sister, brother, uncle, aunt, and cousins.
They're both in the next room.
What's the difference between dad jokes and bad jokes?
The first letter.
PS: as a dad I'm allowed.
3 reasons why my parents are bad at hide and seek.
1. They always hide in their bedroom.
2. They make too much noise.
3. my dad takes a pill that makes him think he is invisible and proceeds to take off his clothes
When I was a kid, I asked my dad where God would send children who were bad.
"Well," he said after a pause, "I guess they get to the same place as the priests who were good."
My dad's answer to everything is alcohol.
He doesn't drink, it's just that he's really bad at crossword puzzles.
A girl asks her father
Dad, what's the difference between good, bad, and f***d up?
The father replies:
Well my love, good is when your boyfriend likes your clothes, bad is when he wears them and f****d up is when they look better on him than you!
(Bad translation from spanish from yours truly, have a wonderful day!)
Lil Johnny's Sheep
Lil Johnny is walking a sheep through town. The Mayor stops and asks Lil Johnny what he is doing.
"Silly Billy has a boy sheep and I'm taking our girl sheep to his ranch to get her pregnant," replies Johnny.
The mayor thinks this is a bad idea and tells Lil Johnny that this is a job his father would be better off doing.
"Nah," Lil Johnny says, "I've seen dad trying a quite a few times and our sheep hasn't got pregnant yet."
