Dad Jokes

161 dad jokes and hilarious dad puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dad that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

My Affection For Dad Jokes

As someone with an affinity towards humor, I find dad jokes to be an art form of their own. They might not be the most sophisticated or complex forms of humor, but their simplicity, fabulous puns, and the groans they elicit make them timeless.

Best Dad Jokes Ever

The best dad jokes ever, in my opinion, are the ones that catch you completely off guard. In their simplicity and predictability lies the appeal. You know where the punchline is headed, but you land at laughter town anyway. They are the jokes that make me shake my head while grinning from ear to ear.

Fresh Dad Jokes

The charm of a fresh dad joke is irresistible. New twists on old puns or an unusual word play offers a welcome surprise amidst the known banter. The freshness breathes life into social gatherings and creates a hilarious environment.

Dad Jokes for Kids

Dad jokes for kids are perhaps the purest form of this joke genre. The innocence, simplicity, and light-hearted nature of these jokes make them a perfect addition to a child’s humor palette. They often end in giggles, and seeing a child's face light up with laughter warms my heart.

Dad Jokes for Adults

Just because they're dad jokes, doesn't mean they're solely for children. Some dad jokes for adults have a slightly more nuanced humor, often offering a commentary on life, but in a light-hearted, fun way. I've often shared these with my friends to lighten the mood at gatherings.

Dad Jokes You've Never Heard

There are always those dad jokes that you've never heard of but wish you had. The unique, unexpected punchline, and surprising verve are so amusing that they instantly make it into my personal collection. Discovering such a gem is like finding humorous treasure.

In conclusion, dad jokes, in their different forms, have been a constant source of amusement for me. They add a layer of cheerfulness to our lives, reminding us to appreciate the simple, fun, and lighter side of life.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Dad Short Jokes

Short dad jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dad humour may include short daddy jokes also.

  1. A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing dad... ...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.
    Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for?
  2. What do you call a mac 'n' cheese that gets all up in your face? Too close for comfort food!
  3. Son: "Mom, Dad, I'm gay." Mom: *Stares at Dad*
    Dad: *Clenches fist*
    Mom: "Don't!"
    Dad: *Sweats Profusely*
    Mom: "..."
    Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"
  4. When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
  5. As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said Y'know, one would have been enough.
  6. Son In iraq I killed 15 people. Son: Dad you were a helicopter mechanic
    Dad:Never said I was a good one
  7. My dad said people shouldn't get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing. So I took down his confederate flag.
  8. The son went to his dad and asked him, "Dad, what's an alcoholic?" So the dad replied, "Do you see those four trees? Well, an alcoholic would see eight."
    The son replied, "But Dad, I only see two."
  9. Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg
  10. "Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa ?" "Because your mum loves easter and it's an anagram of easter !"
    "Thanks dad !"
    "No problem Alan"

Share These Dad Jokes With Friends

Dad One Liners

Which dad one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dad? I can suggest the ones about pop and papa.

  1. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? I heard he made a mint.
  2. How does moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.
  3. Hey Dad, have you seen my sunglasses? No son, have you seen my dad glasses?
  4. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!
  5. Dads are like boomerangs. I hope.
  6. What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.
  7. Wife: I'm pregnant. Me: Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad.
    Wife: No you're not.
  8. As a child, I always thought of my dad as a superhero The Invisible Man
  9. How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
  10. Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well!
  11. What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
  12. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere
  13. A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!
  14. Dad can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is No sun
  15. What happens when you go to the bathroom in France? European.

No Dad Jokes

Here is a list of funny no dad jokes and even better no dad puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Where do little jokes come from? Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.
  • A child asks his father what "gay" means The father says it means happy to his son, to which the son replies "Dad are you gay?" The father laughs and says "no son I have a wife".
  • Having homosexual parents must be terrible Either you have double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in cycle of go ask your mom
  • Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.
  • When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution
  • Wife was breastfeeding Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in
    Me: yeah he is really milking it
  • My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him
  • Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister.
    Daughter: "I don't have a si-"
  • My son came home as I was taking his door off it's hinges and asked Dad what are you doing?
    We've updated our privacy policy
  • Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!

My Dad Jokes

Here is a list of funny my dad jokes and even better my dad puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'm starting a new dating service in Prague. It's called Czech-Mate.
  • What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory!
  • I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary. I told him, - Mark, my words!
  • A boy asks his father Dad, what does 'gay' mean? Father: It means 'to be happy'.
    Son: Are you gay?
    Father: No, son. I have a wife.
  • Gay parents are awesome! * "Hey dad, why is my sister named rose?"
    * "Because your other dad loves roses"
    * "Thanks dad"
    * "No problem, Richard"
  • Son: "Dad, Am I adopted"? Dad: "Not yet. We still haven't found anyone who wants you."
  • "Dad. Are we pyromaniacs?" "Yes, we arson."
  • I always wanted to be a multimillionaire, just like my dad. He always wanted to be a multimillionaire too.
  • What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire!
  • I want to be a millionaire just like my dad!! Wow, your dad's a millionaire?
    No, but he always wanted to be.

Dad And Son Jokes

Here is a list of funny dad and son jokes and even better dad and son puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Son, I killed 12 people in Afghanistan Son: Dad you were a cook.
    Dad:Never said I was a good one
  • My son asked me, Dad, can we watch Spider Man—Far from Home tonight? I said, Why? It is the same movie if you watch it nearby.
  • A man is washing his car with his son... ...after a while the boy says to his Father Dad, why can't we just use a sponge?
  • "Son, I wanted to let you know you were adopted," my dad told me. "Are you kidding? Really?" I shouted.
    "Yup, get ready," he said. "They'll be picking you up in about an hour."
  • Today my son asked me, Dad are we pyromaniacs? I replied: yes, we arson.
  • A man is washing his car with his son. The son asks: "Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"
  • "Remember, son, a smart person always has doubts about something. Only a total idiot can be 100% sure about everything." "Dad, are you sure?"
  • Son: why is my sister called Teresa? Dad: Coz your mum loves Easter - it's an anagram
    Son: Thanks dad
    Dad: No problem Alan
  • Dad joke..... Dad: what are you drinking, son?
    Son: Soy Milk
    Dad: Hola Milk, soy padre
  • A boy asked his father, "Dad, what does gay mean?" "It means happy son." Replied the father.
    Then the boy asked, "Then Dad, are you gay?"
    "No son, I am married." the father replied.

Mom Dad Jokes

Here is a list of funny mom dad jokes and even better mom dad puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I feel sad for people with gay parents They either get twice the number of dad jokes or are stuck in the infinite loop of 'ask mom'
  • Having gay parents must be horrible You either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom"
  • My dad was always drunk when I was a kid The punchline?
    It was my mom, then my sister, then me
  • having gay parents must be awful Either 2 times the normal amount of dad jokes, or you get stuck in a loop of go ask your mom.
  • This Mother's Day, my dad got a new car for my mom. He said it was the best trade he's ever made
  • I said to my parents, "Mom, dad... I've decided to live on my own from now on." "Okay, that's fine." they replied.
    I added, "Your luggage is outside."
  • What do Bernie Sanders supporters call their roommates? Mom & Dad
  • Son: Mom, Dad, I'm gay Mom: *looks at Dad*
    Dad: *clenches fist*
    Mom: don't you dare!
    Dad: hi gay, I'm Dad!
  • TIL that I was born exactly 9 months after my Dad's 32nd birthday... and my mom gives awful birthday gifts.
  • My parents decided the key to a successful marriage is going out to a fancy restaurant twice a week. My dad goes out Mondays and my mom goes out Fridays.

Hilarious Dad Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends

What funny jokes about dad you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dude jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dad pranks.

I had the best Dad moment last night... *actual conversation with my 8 year old*

Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?
Me: Two. You have two, son.
Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here!
The student has become the teacher.

When I was a teen, my dad showed me a 30 minute PowerPoint presentation on why one should always wear a c**... during s**....

All the slides were just pictures of me.

Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies,

"No, just leave it in the carton! "
P. S. thanks for the 4 people who sort by new. appreciate it.

I rode the elevator to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said "Have a good day, son"

"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad."
He scratched his head. "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"

Isn't it weird when sometimes you're thinking about someone and then they suddenly appear?

Anyway, my dad just caught me m**...

My dad first talked to me about s**... when I was going to college.

He said, "Son, in college you're going to be surrounded by beautiful girls, so I got you something from the chemist."
"Dad," I said, "I have condoms."
And he said, "You won't need condoms, I got you some anti-depressants."

A boy and his dad are talking.

"Hey Dad."
"Yes son?"
"Did you ever get shot in the army?"
He looks at his son in silence. Tears start to form in the Dad's eyes, and he quietly replies;
"No, but I was shot in the leggy."

My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday. He said; maybe they'll marry each other.

Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...

Do you know any jokes?

**Her:** "Do you know any jokes?"
**Me:** "No."
**Her:** "I'll teach you one."

"Knock! Knock!"
**Me:** "Who's there?"
**Her:** "Ash."

"Now ask, Ash: who?"
**Me:** "Ash: who?"
**Her:** "Please cover your mouth when you sneeze."
**Me: rekt**

My 7 year old son came in from school today and asked me:

"Dad, what kind of mouse can walk on 2 legs?"
"Erm, I don't know" I replied
"Mickey Mouse" he replied laughing
"Dad, what kind of duck can walk on 2 legs"
"Donald Duck" I replied
"No, all ducks you idiot"

My dad just died. This isn't a joke, I'm lost. I remember at his dads f**... he told me:

Why do they put fences around cemetery's? Because people are dying to get in.
I told my daughters this joke years ago and told them it was from my dad. I want a joke that I can make at his f**... to my children in his honor. Can you help me out?

Dropped my best ever dad joke & no one was around to hear it

I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

A young boy is listening to the radio in the car with his father. Dad, what music did you like growing up?

I was a huge fan of Led Zeppelin, the father replies.
Who? the son asks.
Yeah, the dad responds, I liked them too.

I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up.

Good thymes.

I got a lift to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said "Have a good day, son."

"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad."
He scratched his head, "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"

I tell dad jokes all the time even though I'm not actually a dad

I'm a faux pa.

A guy goes to his doctor because he can see into the future.

The doctor asks him - How long have you suffered from that condition?
The guy tells him - Since next Monday.

What rock group has four men that don't sing?

Mount Rushmore.

I love dad jokes

WIFE: I have a couple of important announcements... First: I'm pregnant.
HUSBAND: Hi Pregnant, I'm dad
WIFE: Second: No you're not

My dad always told me he never made the same mistake twice

Must be why I'm an only child

How much does Santa's sleigh cost?

$0, it's on the house.

I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don't. And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can't be buried here. I was really confused so I asked why?

He rasped, "Cuz they're still alive!"

Dad: What's a lion and a witch doing in your wardrobe

Me: it's Narnia Business....

Today my son threw a quarter in the well at the mall and said "I wish my dad was dead." And because of his attitide we went home without buying anything.

When we got to our house we saw an ambulance and the coroner at Jim's house, apparently he had a freak heart attack about thirty minutes before hand, it was odd because he was a personal trainer and in great shape, my wife seemed real upset by his passing. Though it was strange because I've never even seen them speak to eachother.

A girl tells her mom she's dating the guy next door

The mom's like you can't date him he could be your dad
And the daughter is like so there's an age difference who cares
I think you misunderstood me

My teenage daughter came home in a rage.

"I've just had s**... education in school today, Dad!
You lied to me!
You told me if I have s**... before my sixteenth birthday my boyfriend will die!"
I put down my paper: "Oh, he will sweetheart, he will.

My dad says we shouldn't reward people with trophies for participation, because it's like a reward for losing.

So I took his Vietnam Veteran hat

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He couldn't see himself doing it.

Then Ok!

Dad: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice."
Son: "No."
Dad: "The girl is Bill Gate's daughter."
Son: "Then Ok!" \*\*
\*\* Dad goes to Bill Gates. \*\*
Dad: "I want your daughter to marry my son."
Bill Gates: "No."
Dad: "My son is the CEO of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Then ok!"
\*\*Dad goes to the President of the World Bank. \*\*
Dad: "Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank."
President: "No!"
Dad: "He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates."
President: "Then OK."

Whoever coined the phrase dad bod missed a golden opportunity...

Should've called it "the Father-figure"

R.I.P. dad

My dad passed away yesterday (this is true). He was 87 and had a good innings. We've done the bulk of our grieving and all is good. My brother sent me this message this morning:
"I reckon dad has already told Eddie Van Halen to turn the volume down."

A kid came out as bisexual to his dad and the dad said they have to move

"This apartment has a strict no-animal policy.", he says. "Wait until they find out I have a bison."

After my dad died, I went to his favorite park to scatter his remains

A park employee came running, yelling "STOP! You cant do that here!"
I said "Why not?"
He said "You have to cremate him first!"

Just a Dad Joke

Wife:Hey Honey, I'm Pregnant
Husband:Hey Pregnant, I'm Dad
Wife:No you're not

Lots of guys aren't too happy with getting a "dad bod" eventually in life. But I'd say im pretty excited for it

Because it's the closest thing I'm gonna get to having a father figure in my life

jokes about dad