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Dad Birthday Jokes

76 dad birthday jokes and hilarious dad birthday puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about dad birthday that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

It was dad's birthday and as usual, the family was gathered around the table for a celebratory dinner. After dinner, the kids started to bring out the presents and one by one, they started to read the birthday dad jokes that they had found. At first, dad was a little apprehensive, but soon enough he was laughing along with the rest of the family. It was a great way to celebrate his birthday and everyone had a good time.

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Funniest Dad Birthday Short Jokes

Short dad birthday jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The dad birthday humour may include short daughter birthday jokes also.

  1. As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said Y'know, one would have been enough.
  2. TIL that I was born exactly 9 months after my Dad's 32nd birthday... and my mom gives awful birthday gifts.
  3. How does a cat like its steak cooked... Raaaaaaaare.
    I know I know. Dad joke but I'm desperate for some love since it's my birthday.
  4. My dad just told us that he wants his next birthday party to be exactly a minute long. It's his sixty second birthday.
  5. I dint know what to buy for my dad as his birthday present, so I gave him 100 dollars and told him to buy something that will make his life easier He bought something for my mum.
  6. You know the difference between my birthday and a courtroom? My dad shows up at a courtroom.
  7. Dad gets mom a cake for her birthday every year But for Mother's Day he gives her a cream pie.
  8. Dad joke for my birthday I just opened my birthday card from my Dad...
    "How time has flown, it only seems like 12 months since your last birthday"
  9. So it was my 18th birthday the other day... Maybe now I can help my dad find those cigarettes he's been looking for the last 12 years.
  10. I bleached my hair on my 18th birthday. "I guess now you're legally blonde," my dad chuckled.

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Dad Birthday One Liners

Which dad birthday one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with dad birthday? I can suggest the ones about wife birthday and mother birthday.

  1. My dad was going to tell a joke on my birthday... But he left during the delivery.
  2. Dad keeps breaking into my phone, so I found a password he won't remember. My birthday.
  3. Do you know what my dad and Brad Pitt have in common? Neither came to my birthday party
  4. My dad tried to surprise me with a truck for my birthday. But he missed.
  5. What did the mathematician dad think of getting a yardstick on his birthday? It's rules
  6. Dad! My friend gave me a cheese grater for my birthday! That's grate, son.
  7. Today is my dad's birthday He's the opening act for Christ.
  8. I got my dad a melted chocolate bar for his birthday He said that I'm a good sun.
  9. Soul's Dad built him a hen house on his birthday He calls it "Chicken Coop for the Soul"
  10. What does a gay kid get for his birthday? Beats By Dad
  11. "Dad, I want 1 Bitcoin for my birthday."
  12. I bought my Dad a samsung tablet for his birthday. Thanks for the ipad son.

Great Dad Birthday Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about dad birthday you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean friend birthday jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make dad birthday pranks.

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
Ҭ"Of course child. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my Mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"

When you were born your mom said: "It's a treasure."
Dad said: "Ya let's bury."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

You want what?

While in the playground with his friend, Little Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch.
"Did you get that for your birthday?" asked Little Johnny.
"Nope." replied Jimmy.
"Well, did you get it for Christmas then?".
Again Jimmy says "Nope."
"You didn't steal it, did you?" asks Little Johnny. "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were 'doing the n**...'. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.
Little Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night, he waited outside his parents' bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises of l**.... Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom.
His father, caught in mid s**..., turned and said angrily. "What do you want now?" "I wanna watch," Johnny replied.
Without missing a s**..., his father said, "Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet."

"Poor Kid"

A couple is due to have a child. The day finally comes and the wife has the child but it comes out with just a head. The couple are a little let down by it, but they are determined to give that head the best life it could live. They give it all its shots, feed it, and nurture it. The head comes up on its 21st birthday when the dad wants to take him out for a drink. They get to the bar and the father orders a couple beers. He helps the head down its first beer when it grows a neck. The father is shocked, so he orders another beer and gives it to the head and it grows some shoulders. The father keeps giving the head more and more beers until it grows a full body. The kid, so excited to have a complete body, is just running around dancing with wild drunken joy, and he runs out into the street only to get hit by a bus. The bartender says to the father "aw, poor kid; should have quit while he was a-head."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

In my birthday suit

A mum comes home to find her teenage daughter n**... on the couch.
"Be decent dear; go put on something to cover your nakedness", says the mum.
"I'm not n**..., I'm in my birthday suit", says the daughter.
A few days later, the dad comes home to find his middle-aged wife n**... on the couch.
"Since when do you get n**... around the house; the kids could be coming back at any time", the husband shouts, surprised.
"I'm not n**..., I'm in my birthday suit", claims the wife.
"Next time, you should iron it before you put it on!"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Jacob's 5th birthday. He wants to be a doctor as his parents.

5th birthday of Jacob who wants to be a doctor as his parents.
His mom is a 'Ear Nose And t**...' doctor. His father is gynecologist. Guests approach Jacob with gifts asking if he want to be a 'Ear Nose And t**...' doctor as his mom or a gynecologist as his dad. Jacob thought about it a little then said: I want to be gynecologist. Why would you, they asked in astonishment. Cause I have no idea about ears and noses. Jacob replied.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A young boy wakes up on his 12th birthday.

He then decides to figure out who knows how old he is. First, he comes to his dad and asks:
- Hey dad, it's my birthday today! Do you know how old am I? Dad replies.
- I don't remember son, maybe 14?
-No dad, I'm 12!
After that he decides to ask his grandma, because she is old and probably doesn't know a thing.
- Hey grandma, it's my birthday! Do you know how old am I?
- I can figure it out, - she says, and then proceeds to put her hand inside boy's underwear. She starts to squeeze and roll his t**... around and after about 5 minutes she says:
- You're 12.
The boy amazed by grandma's technique asks how did she figure it out.
- I've heard you and dad talk.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A young boy was obsessed with tractors..

He got a toy tractor and tractor pyjamas for his birthday, and he loved them with all his heart. 2 years later he got his first mini tractor, and rode it everyday until it became too small. Skip forward again, it was his 16th birthday, and his dad bought him his first real tractor. He takes it out to work around his dad's farm, which is what he always wanted to do. After a month he suddenly decided that farming wasn't for him and he was no longer interested in tractors. Skip ahead another 5 years, and the man is walking home from his office job when he spots a house burning down. He walks over to the house and positions himself in front of it. He suddenly takes a huge breath and s**... in all the smoke, the fire goes out, and the people are saved. A bystander asks him "How on earth did you do that?!" The man replied calmly, "Easy, I'm an ex-tractor fan"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

The Shiny Watch of Jimmy

Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch. Did you get that for your birthday? – asked Johnny.
Nope. – replied Jimmy. Well, did you get it for Christmas then?
Again Jimmy said Nope. You didn't steal it, did you? – asked Johnny.
No, said Jimmy. I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were 'doing the n**...'. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.
Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night, he waited outside his parents' bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises of l**....
Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid s**..., turned and said angrily. What do you want now? I wanna watch, Johnny replied.
Without missing a s**..., his father said, Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet.

I want to make a special present for my dad's birthday. How do I make a St. Patrick's Day mocha?

He says Irish coffee is the only thing keeping this family together

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

At the end of my 21st birthday meal, I mentioned to my dad that the waiter had been really friendly and accommodating.

So he hands him a 100 euro note and goes, "As the l**... said to the p**..., 'You can keep the tip!'"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A boy was born without a body

A boy was born without a body, no arms, no legs, he was just a head.
So for his 18th birthday his dad takes him the pub for his first pint. He takes a sip and BOOM - his body pops out. "Take another sip!" everyone shouts, then BOOM - his arms pop out. "Another!" everyone chants, so he takes another sip and his legs pop out.
The boy is really happy and he runs outside in excitement and he'**... by an oncoming truck and killed instantly.
"What a shame" his dad said.
"He should have quit while he was ahead"

What did the dad say when his daughter gave him gravel for his birthday?

Thanks for sediments

At first, I never understood why my parents had a bitter relationship

Until I realized my birthday was 9 months after my dad's...

An old man wants to get life insurance

The employee working at the insurance company asks:
'How old are you, sir?'
'I'm 102.'
'102?! And you wanna get life insurance at *your* age? You know what? Come back tomorrow.'
'Tomorrow ain't good. We'll be celebrating my dad's birthday.'
'Your dad's birthday?! How old is he?'
'He's 139.'
'Okay, come back next week then.'
'Next week is definitely a bad time for me. We're gonna have a week-long party for my grandfather's wedding.'
'Your grandfather's weddig?! How old is he?'
'He's 164.'
'And he wants to get married at *his* age?'
'Nah, he doesn't, it's just that his parents are forcing him...'

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

My teenage daughter came home in a rage.

"I've just had s**... education in school today, Dad!
You lied to me!
You told me if I have s**... before my sixteenth birthday my boyfriend will die!"
I put down my paper: "Oh, he will sweetheart, he will.

Dad Joke

It was my birthday an me and my Dad were driving on the highway when we saw a terrible accident. My Dad said "This is the worst accident I've seen in 20years!"
Well yeah it was my 20th birthday.

My dad bought me an amazon gift card for my birthday recently

He told me not to spend it all in one place though

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Little Johnny & his mortgage issues

Little Johnny asked his dad for a $100 bike for his birthday. Johnny's dad said, "We have an $90,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off! There won't be a $100 bike!" Three days later, Little Johnny walks out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. His dad asks him why he's leaving.Johnny says, "This morning, I was walking past your room, and I heard you tell Mommy that you were pulling out, and Mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and I'll be d**... if I'll get stuck with an $90,000 mortgage!"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

An Italian mobster gives his son a Beretta for his 18th birthday. "Carry it everywhere" he says as he hands it to him.

The next day, the son comes home without the gun, but is sporting a brand new Rolex on his wrist. The father asks him:
"Sona, where is the guna I gave you"
"I traded it ina for a Rolexa" says his son.
"YOU STUPIDA FOOLA!!" yells his dad "One day you will hopefully hava wifa. Imagine coming homa and seeing her n**... in your beda with your best frienda. What are you gonna say, it's a quarter to sixa????"

What brand of Headphones does an abusive father give to his child on his birthday every year

Beats by Dad

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

My dad passed away a few months ago, today would've been his 61 birthday. Blame him for my sense of humor.

My sister messaged me. "How are you doing?"
I Responded. "My elbow hurts and I have a cold sore on my tongue."
"Two lessons learned, don't fight a h**... and don't kiss one."
Super deflect..

If I was Jesus I'm not sure what would make me angrier..

The fact that everyone is making my birthday about them
or that my dad isn't real

Me talking about my failed birthday party

Me: the only person who didn't pull out was the one person I wanted to
Friend: who was that?
Me: my dad

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Dad bought me an e**... for my 18th birthday!

I was a little disappointed when she turned out to be old, smelled terrible and was filfthy. She definitely had a ton of experience but she was very rusty.
I asked Dad to get his money back, I don't like Fords.

My dad got me a cake for my birthday

He told me to make a wish and blow out the candles.
Afterwards, he asked me what I wished for.
I said I wished you wouldn't hit me anymore.
Then you shouldn't have said it out loud.

An elementary teacher was talking to her class about safety when crossing the street.

"I used to have a little brother, and on his eighth birthday my parents got him a brand new red bike. He was across the street at his grandmas' when dad wheeled it outside. My brother was so excited that he ran across the street without looking, right in front of a car. The car hit him and he died." One of the children raised his hand and asked, "Where's his bike?"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

When does a regular joke become a dad joke?

When the punchline becomes apparent. Except for the fact it decided to stop being one and mysteriously vanished one night, cleaned out our joint bank account, never calls, never showed up to court, never remembers the kids' birthdays, never made their little league games, refuses to pay child support, refuses to get a job to avoid wage garnishment, and yet somehow manages to go on vacations to Mexico with their f**... 20-year-old girlfriend Chastity. F**K YOU, ALAN!!!

A bass player joke.

A dad gets his son a bass and lessons for his birthday. When the son comes home from his first lesson dad asks, " what did you learn at your first bass lesson son?"
"Well dad, I learned the first 1..2..3..4...5 notes on the E string!"
"That's great son!"
The next week rolls around.
"What did you learn at your second bass lesson son?"
"Well dad, I learned the first 1..2..3..4..5 notes on the A string!"
"That's great son!"
The next week rolls around.
"What did you learn at your third bass lesson son?"
"I blew it off I had a gig."

I asked my cockney dad what I should buy my girlfriend for her birthday.

He said, 'You should give her a Pandora bracelet.'
So I gave her a pound.

As i handed my dad his 55th birthday card he started screaming...

Son, why did you buy me 55 birthday cards?!

A divorced man was delighted when his daughter reached her 18th birthday

because it would be his final child support payment. Month after month, year after year he had paid, and now at last he would be free of the financial burden.
So he called his daughter over to his house and said: "I want you to take this last check to your mother's house. You tell her this is the last check she's ever going to get from me. Then I want you to come back here and tell me the expression she had on her face."
The girl took the check and returned a couple of hours later. "Well,' said the dad gleefully, "what did she have to say?"
The girl replied: "She told me to tell you that you ain't my dad."

I was given a boomerang for my birthday, and was told it's like my dad.

I think it's defunct though, because when I threw it, it never came back.

So a dad and his son go into a bar...

His son is literally only a head (doesn't need vital organs to live in this joke)
Sons birthday so the dad buys him a shot
Son takes shot and boom he becomes a full bodied functional man
Dad is so happy he says shots all around
The son takes another shot and dies
Dad is now crying hysterically
Bartender says
Kid should've stopped while he was ahead.
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

My mom just posted in our family group: "It's our fat ones birthday today!"

She is referring to our cat.
10 minutes later, I get a message from my dad: "Happy birthday kid."

Happy birthday to me. Or, as my dad likes to say...

"Happy nine months after *my* happy birthday"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

For son's birthday, Dad buys him a bass guitar...

...and pays for 5 lessons.
After the first lesson, the boy gets home and Dad asks "What did you learn today?"
"I learned the first 5 notes on the E string." the son says proudly.
After the second lesson, the dad asks "What did you learn this time?"
"I learned the first 5 notes on the A string." the boy says.
After the third lesson, the Dad waits at home for what seems like hours. Around 2am, the son finally comes home, smelling of whiskey and cigarettes.
"Where the h**... have you been?" Dad demands.
"Sorry dad, I had a gig!"

Son asks his father for a gift

Son: - Dad I need a gift for my birthday
Dad: - What do you want Son
Son: - I need a Bitcoin
Dad: - What?? Why do you need $ 35K for?? You know how difficult it is to earn $ 25K dollars?? You will learn difficulty of earning $ 40K when you get a job

"Dad, are you planning on getting me a gift for my birthday?"

"Of course, but your mother and I would like to get you something you will enjoy, what is it you want?"
"Well, crypto is hot - how about a Bitcoin."
"A Bitcoin? Sheesh, those things cost $45,237! Do you know how long it takes me to earn $31,479? Some day you'll have a job yourself and have a better appreciation of how much $63,981 is on a pre-tax basis! I don't understand what you're going to do with a $26,109 bitcoin anyway.
Pick something else - $4,807 for a bitcoin is more than we were going spend."

The year before my dad's 70th birthday he wants to visit a city in the south of France

Nice.

My dad got me a PacMan shaped cake for my birthday.

At least, that's his explanation for the shape.

I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes

The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.

jokes about dad birthday