Daa Jokes

What are some Daa jokes?

There was a mother who had three daughters...

...one day the first daughter walks up and asks,

"Mommy, why am I named Rose?"

"Well, when you were a baby, a rose petal fell on your head."

She walks away. Then the second walks up and says,

"Mommy, why am I named Daisy?"

"Well, when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head."

She walks away. Then third walks up and says,

"DURRUGFLARGLERDAAARGGGH!!!"

"It's ok Cinderblock. I still love you."

1948; "Did you hear,the Jewish people finally got their own country? Is this real?" "Yes,it is real!"

My best original joke, taa daaa. !!!

Sherlock's son tugs at his robe, screaming: "Daaad, dad!"

Sherlock looks at him and says: "Watson?"

My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?"

What a strange way to start a conversation with me...

But daaaad, I don't wanna go see grandma...

"Son, shut up and keep digging,!"

A man and his son were at the grocery store today...

They were using a cart that had a child-size car attached to the front with the kid inside. While I was shopping, I noticed the dad started hitting the cart into the wall, it was a pretty bizarre sight to see. Before I could intervene, the kid yells,



Kid: DAAAAAD, stop!!! What are you doing?! Stooop!


Kid: Daaaad?! We're not going anywhere! What are you doing?



The dad finally stops after a minute, looks his son straight in the eye and says, as a matter of fact,



Dad: "I don't know son, you're the one who's driving."






I've never laughed so hard while eavesdropping, dad jokes are great. Happy Saturday!

NSFW Dad walks into a room

And sees his daughter masturbating with a carrot.
"Daamn" - he says: "I was going to eat that later! And now it's gonna taste like carrots!!!"

Jesus Christ goes up to heaven...

He walks up an old man and says "Excuse me but I'm looking for my father.

The old man says "That's funny! I'm looking for my son!"

Jesus says "Well, actually, my father isn't really my father".

The old man says "That's funny! My son isn't really my son!"

Jesus says "My father was a carpenter".

The old man says "That's funny! I'M a carpenter!!!"

Jesus throws his arms around the old man and say "Daaaaaad!"

The old many throws his arms around Jesus and says "Pinocchio!!!!"

Dad: *makes a 'that's what she said' joke*

Me: daaaaad, I'm only 13
Dad: that's what she said

A man is late to his twin's birth

A man is late to his twin's birth, he gets to the hospital and apologizes to his wife for being late. The wife says, I am sorry, they needed paper work done, I let your brother name the children. The husband somewhat angry and shocked, "You let my crazy brother Larry name our children, what did he name the girl". "Denise", said the wife. The man repeated it "Denise..Denise..Denise..Denise is a pretty name what did he name the boy?"....The wife responded...."DaaNephew".

Magic

So there is this man, lets call him John, who just took a magic course. Convinced that he was a magician, he went up to his friend called Rob. John then requested Rob to hit his head with a hammer. "why would I do that?" asked his friend. "because I am a magician. I'll be alright. It's really cool! Hit me as hard as you can. I'll live. I really will! I promise I will live. Just hit me." So Rob takes the hammer, and reluctantly smashes John on the head. To his dismay, John crumples to the ground. Rob rushes him to the hospital and explained what happened to the doctors. The doctors take Rob in, and try everything they could do to get him out of the coma he fell into, but nothing worked, so they put John on life support. Rob felt so guilty and stupid that he smashed John with a hammer, believing he was a magician,that he stayed by his side all year through, until he awoke from his coma. "John! You promised me you would live if I smashed you with that hammer! I should have known you weren't a magician." John then gestured to himself, and said "tadaaaa"

a thirsty boy and his Dad

A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....'
'What?'
'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'
'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'
'WHAT?'
'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!'
Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'
'WHAT!'
'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'

Whats he difference between a camel and a college student?

Camel can go daaaays without drinking.

Daaaaamn girl! You're like a fire alarm!

Really loud and annoying!

The realistic magician

A magician is winding down to the end of a performance, and in preparation for his final trick, he asks for a volunteer from the audience. A man comes up, and the magician says, "Okay, now I'm going to lay my head down on this block, and when I say 'abra-cadabra', I want you to smack the side of my head with this sledgehammer." The magician kneels carefully, positions his head on the block, and says, "Abra-cadabra!" And the guy from the audience winds up and smacks him on the side of the head with the hammer. The magician crumples to the stage, unconscious, and goes into a deep coma.

Ten years later, he wakes up in the hospital, looks at the nurse, and says, "TA - DAA!!!"

[Game of Thrones Spoiler ALL BOOKS Fan Theory] Benjen, Bran, Daario, Euron, Syrio, Jaqen, and Coldhands walk into a restaurant..

and say: "Table for one, please."

"Daaaaaaaaaaaad, what should I do with this industrial roll of bubble wrap?"

"Just pop it in the corner please"

It took me 2 hours.

A magician calls a man onstage...

and he gives the man a sledgehammer, and he says, "I want you to take this sledgehammer and hit me as hard as you can in the head." The guy says, "Alright." The magician puts his head down on a block a wood and the guy hauls back and BAM! Pops this magician in the temple. Ten years later, the magician wakes up out of a coma in the hospital and goes, "TADAAA!"

A magician discovers time travel

A magician pulls out a sledgehammer and asks for a volunteer. A guy comes up and the magician says, "I want you to hit me in the head with this sledgehammer." So the volunteer picks the sledgehammer up and swings it down into the magician's head. The magician wakes up in a hospital bed three years later and says, "Tadaaaaahhhh!!!!"

**Credits to u/GeneralText**

A small boy is sent to bed by his father…
Five minutes later:
"Da-ad…"
"What?"
"I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later:
"Da-aaaad…"
"WHAT?"
"I’m THIRSTY… Can I have a drink of water?"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I’ll have to spank you!"

Five minutes later:
"Daaad…"
"WHAT?!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

Hey dad why does it smell like dead here?

Hey dad? Dad?! DAAAAAAD!!!

My wife asked me when I was gonna stop singing Wonderwall

I said "To-daaaay is gonna be the day..."

Question about a song:

Who is Phyllis Navi Daad and why are wishing her a Merry Christmas?

Have you tried Tarka Daal?

It's like any other Daal, but a little 'otter.

Daam gurl r you a Christmas tree?

'Cause you never leave.

And you smell.

Q. How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
A1. "What's a light bulb?"
A2. One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3. Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

Yo momma's so fat, she has her own zip code 900daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn.

I want you more then a Hagen-Daas on a hot summer day.

What's Whitney Houston's favorite car?

Hyuuuuuuundaaaaaiiiieeeiiii

a magician has a show on a cruiseboat..

So this magician has gotten himself a gig at a cruiseship.
When the ship is out on the open sea the show starts featuring himself and his parrot.
He is performing his first trick a TADAAA a whole deck of cards flips out thin air. the parrot shrieks loudly "those cards were in his left jacketsleeve, they were in his left jacketsleeve!"
Ok well, time for trick #2, the magician pulls a whole bouquet of flowers out of his hat and the parrot start shrieking "those flowers were in his pockets, those flowers were in his pockets!"

The magician reacts a bit annoyed by the parrot spoiling all his tricks, but he doesn't have alot of time to be angry, because the ship capsizes, drowns, and everyone on board is dead.
Except the magician and his parrot. They are floating on a piece of wreckage and just sort of look awkwardly at each other untill finally the parrot says "Ok fine, I give up, where is that boat?"

Daaayum....

Two breads going down the street and they crumbles.

How do Californians like to eat their cakes?

Baked, daa

Why did Christine Daae take Raoul to Starbucks?

He said he wanted a Little Lotte.

That Indian food was tasteless, nothing special at all...

It was quite daal.

The sweet love story of Yermaum and Xan Mun

There lived a beautiful British girl named Yermaum Hugh. Her family had migrated from the Middle-East in the past and had change their surname to suit better in the British society. The father hand sworn not to reveal their true ancestry.

Yermaum fell in love a Chinese guy named Xan Mun and decided to get married. They went to the neighborhood Church and Xan Mun was about to write Yermaum's new name with the combined surnames, Hugh and Mun.

Yermaum's dad wanted to tell Mun that Yermaum wasn't a Hugh before he wrote it down in a religious document (The dad was daamn conservative). He rushed in shouting-

"YERMAUM AIN'T A HUGH, MUN!

How to make Daa jokes?

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