D Nuts Jokes
32 d nuts jokes and hilarious d nuts puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about d nuts that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest D Nuts Short Jokes
Short d nuts jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The d nuts humour may include short deez nuts jokes also.
- I can prove getting kicked in the nuts hurts worse than childbirth. No guy has ever gotten kicked in the nuts, and then a couple years later says, You know, I'd like another one.
- An anatomical original Thought you'd like a pun.
What sound does a pigeon make
when kicked in the nuts?
[A high coo](/spoiler)
- Why'd the dog have an existential crisis after his neutering operation? He realized that nutting matters.
- Deer nuts are always the same price worldwide.... Always under a buck! lol
My 11 year old son told me this joke today and thought I'd share with everyone. - Patient: Doc, I'd give my left nut to fix my knee Doc: So you are asking for a ball joint?
- Very much looking forward to McDonalds busting into the assorted nut mix game... Can't wait to order some Mc D's Nuts
- Did you hear that Captain D's will soon be competing with the likes of Planters and Blue Diamond? Coming soon... D's nuts.
- If squirrels could tell jokes, they'd be quick and to the point Because they'd be in a nut shell
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D Nuts One Liners
Which d nuts one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with d nuts? I can suggest the ones about sees nuts and nutty.
- If ifs and buts were candy and nuts we'd all have Type II Diabetes
- Fixed to the spot, the squirrel realised ... he'd buried the wrong nuts.
- Why is C afraid of D? Because DEEZ NUTS!
- If you were trying to s**... a squirrel You'd have to be pretty nuts
- What's my girlfriend's favorite thing to grab when we stop by Captain D's? D's nuts
Cheeky D Nuts Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about d nuts you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean see these nuts jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make d nuts pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Health Class
Three boys received their grades from their s**... education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F.
"One day we should get her for this," said the first boy.
"I agree. But what should we do?" said the second.
"I've got it!" said the third. "We can kick her in the nuts!"
Two guys and their dogs are walking down the street...
...one's got a german shepherd and the other's got a chihuahua.
They get hungry so the german shepherd guy suggests they grab a bite to eat at the restaurant on the corner, but his friend says, "They won't let us into a restaurant with our dogs!"
"Just follow my lead," says the first guy.
He walks up and the maitre'd says, "What are you, nuts?! You can't come in here with a dog!"
"But it's a seeing eye dog," the guy with the german shepherd explains.
"Oh, excuse me, now I understand. Go right ahead," says the maitre'd.
The next guy walks up and the maitre'd stops him too. "You can't come in here with a dog!"
Following his friend's cue the guy says, "But it's a seeing eye dog!"
The maitre'd looks skeptical and says, "Sir - that's no seeing eye dog. It's just a chihuahua."
The guy jumps back in shock... "WHAT!? They gave me a chihuahua!!?"
Tiger Woods playing golf.
Sorry if this is a repost, but I found this one quite funny.
Tiger Woods is practicing golf one day, surrounded by fans and media. While he's practicing, an amateur
golfer confidently walks up to him and challenges him to a match. Tiger knew he'd win, so he agrees thinking that it would be a fun break from serious practice. "OK," the amateur says, "Since I'm an amateur and you're a pro, you'll have to allow me two gotchas". Tiger didn't know what a gotchas is, but he didn't ask because he thought he'd win regardless of what handicap is placed on him. The fans and media leave the two alone so they can play in peace.
A few hours later, the two come out of the golf course and it turns out that Tiger Woods lost. The fans and media surrounded him wanting to know what happened. Tiger says, "I was starting the first hole, concentrating to tee off, you know, deep in thought. Right when I was about to drive the ball, he ran up from behind, grabbed my nuts and squeezed them tight while loudly screaming 'GOTCHA!!' can you imagine me trying to play eighteen holes waiting for the next gotcha?"
Two men with Alzheimer's are sat in a park...
... when they hear an ice-cream van pull up nearby. Bob turns to Bill and asks 'do you want an ice-cream Bill?'
Bob says 'yes please, but don't forget the chocolate sauce.'
Bob says 'I won't forget, don't worry. Anything else?'
Bill says 'in that case, I'll have some chopped nuts on it too. Don't forget now.'
Bob says 'I won't, don't worry. Chocolate sauce and chopped nuts, coming right up' and
Bob wanders off in the direction of the ice-cream van.
After 40 minutes, Bob finally turns up with two hot-dogs. Bill says 'you fool Bob! I knew you'd forget! I wanted mustard on mine!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mr. Peanut was arrested for drunk and disorderly at a local s**... Club
The arresting officer said it wasn't the first time he'd busted a nut in front of a stripper and it wouldn't be the last.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two homeless guys are watching a dog lick it's nuts...
... One says to the other
"I wish I could do that"
The other scoffs and replies
"you'd wanna ask him first"
An Australian was in London admiring suits displayed in a shop window...
To nobody in particular he said, "Ahh, there's the one I'd get!"
A split second later, a three foot tall cyclops ran up and punched him in the nuts.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is it always crowded in a s**... bank?
Because people are paid to come.
Why'd you think s**... donations are really expensive, because they're handmade
But Its hardwork tho, it takes alo of b**... to do it, whatever you thing you on regular that's nutting.
What did the irritated man say to his inguinal hernia?
"Get off my nuts!"
(ps. I made this joke up yesterday... i am having hernia surgery tomorrow, and i lol'd so hard at myself that i about caused a second one to pop out)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's more painful between Childbirth and getting kicked in the nuts?
Getting kicked in the nuts is far more painful. After all, sometime, 1 year or so after giving birth, a woman might say ''I'd like to have another child''
But you will never hear a man say ''I'd like to get kicked in the nuts again''
With age comes wisdom...
A 70 year old retired Military officer had one hobby - he loved to fish.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.' he looked around and couldn't see anyone.
He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, ''Pick me up.'
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The retd officer said, 'Are you talking to me ?'
The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me; and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous, because I will be your bride !'
The retired officer looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully and placed it in his shirt pocket.
The frog said, 'What, are you nuts ? Didn't you hear what I said ?'
I said, 'Kiss me, and I will be your beautiful bride.'
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said
'Nah. At my age, I'd rather have a talking frog.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Larry comes home to find a gorilla on his roof.
After calling several animal control numbers in the phone book, he finally calls a man who thinks he can handle this gorilla.
The man arrives at the house in a white pickup truck with his dog in the passenger seat and a rifle in the back.
He hands the rifle to Larry and says "So here's what we're gonna do: I'm going to climb up onto your roof and scare the gorilla off. Once he hits the ground, I've trained my dog to go bite his nuts and shake them until the gorilla passes out. After that I'll load him up and go release him in the hills."
Larry thinks about it and decides the plan isn't half bad and may actually work.
"But why'd you give me the rifle?"
"If I fall off the roof, shoot the dog."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Meaning of... 'potentially' and 'realistically'
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the
difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother
if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask
your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars,
and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?"
The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that
money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!"
The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?"
The girl replied, "Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would
sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?"
The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with
Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million
bucks would buy?"
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between
'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The boy replied, "Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three
million dollars, but 'realistically', we're living with two h**...
and a future congressman."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!"
The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
The girl replied, "Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?"
The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The boy replied, "Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but 'realistically', we’re living with two h***s and a future congressman."
