The Best 27 D Nuts Jokes

Following is our collection of funny D Nuts jokes. There are some d nuts walnuts jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these d nuts cashew nuts puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest D Nuts Jokes and Puns

Health Class

Three boys received their grades from their sex education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F.

"One day we should get her for this," said the first boy.

"I agree. But what should we do?" said the second.

"I've got it!" said the third. "We can kick her in the nuts!"

Why is C afraid of D?

Because DEEZ NUTS!

I can prove getting kicked in the nuts hurts worse than childbirth.

No guy has ever gotten kicked in the nuts, and then a couple years later says, You know, I'd like another one.

Two guys and their dogs are walking down the street...

...one's got a german shepherd and the other's got a chihuahua.

They get hungry so the german shepherd guy suggests they grab a bite to eat at the restaurant on the corner, but his friend says, "They won't let us into a restaurant with our dogs!"

"Just follow my lead," says the first guy.

He walks up and the maitre'd says, "What are you, nuts?! You can't come in here with a dog!"

"But it's a seeing eye dog," the guy with the german shepherd explains.

"Oh, excuse me, now I understand. Go right ahead," says the maitre'd.

The next guy walks up and the maitre'd stops him too. "You can't come in here with a dog!"

Following his friend's cue the guy says, "But it's a seeing eye dog!"

The maitre'd looks skeptical and says, "Sir - that's no seeing eye dog. It's just a chihuahua."

The guy jumps back in shock... "WHAT!? They gave me a chihuahua!!?"

Tiger Woods playing golf.

Sorry if this is a repost, but I found this one quite funny.

Tiger Woods is practicing golf one day, surrounded by fans and media. While he's practicing, an amateur
golfer confidently walks up to him and challenges him to a match. Tiger knew he'd win, so he agrees thinking that it would be a fun break from serious practice. "OK," the amateur says, "Since I'm an amateur and you're a pro, you'll have to allow me two gotchas". Tiger didn't know what a gotchas is, but he didn't ask because he thought he'd win regardless of what handicap is placed on him. The fans and media leave the two alone so they can play in peace.

A few hours later, the two come out of the golf course and it turns out that Tiger Woods lost. The fans and media surrounded him wanting to know what happened. Tiger says, "I was starting the first hole, concentrating to tee off, you know, deep in thought. Right when I was about to drive the ball, he ran up from behind, grabbed my nuts and squeezed them tight while loudly screaming 'GOTCHA!!' can you imagine me trying to play eighteen holes waiting for the next gotcha?"


Two men with Alzheimer's are sat in a park...

... when they hear an ice-cream van pull up nearby. Bob turns to Bill and asks 'do you want an ice-cream Bill?'
Bob says 'yes please, but don't forget the chocolate sauce.'

Bob says 'I won't forget, don't worry. Anything else?'

Bill says 'in that case, I'll have some chopped nuts on it too. Don't forget now.'

Bob says 'I won't, don't worry. Chocolate sauce and chopped nuts, coming right up' and

Bob wanders off in the direction of the ice-cream van.

After 40 minutes, Bob finally turns up with two hot-dogs. Bill says 'you fool Bob! I knew you'd forget! I wanted mustard on mine!'

Sex education

Three boys received their grades from their female sex education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F.

One day we should get her for this, said the first boy.

I agree. We'll grab her... said the second.

Yeah, said the third. And then we'll kick her in the nuts!

An anatomical original

Thought you'd like a pun.

What sound does a pigeon make

when kicked in the nuts?

[A high coo](/spoiler)

Sex Ed

Three boys received their grades from their female sex education instructor.

One got a D, the second a D-, and the third an F.

"One day we should get her for this," said the first boy. "

We'll grab her he continued. And we'll tie her up! said the second.

"Yeah," said the third. "And then we'll kick her in the nuts!"

Mr. Peanut was arrested for drunk and disorderly at a local Strip Club

The arresting officer said it wasn't the first time he'd busted a nut in front of a stripper and it wouldn't be the last.

Two homeless guys are watching a dog lick it's nuts...

... One says to the other
"I wish I could do that"
The other scoffs and replies
"you'd wanna ask him first"

You can explore d nuts nut reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean d nuts almonds dad jokes. There are also d nuts puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why'd the dog have an existential crisis after his neutering operation?

He realized that nutting matters.

Deer nuts are always the same price worldwide....

Always under a buck! lol

My 11 year old son told me this joke today and thought I'd share with everyone.

Why is it always crowded in a sperm bank?

Because people are paid to come.
Why'd you think sperm donations are really expensive, because they're handmade
But Its hardwork tho, it takes alo of balls to do it, whatever you thing you on regular that's nutting.

If you were trying to seduce a squirrel

You'd have to be pretty nuts

What did the irritated man say to his inguinal hernia?

"Get off my nuts!"

(ps. I made this joke up yesterday... i am having hernia surgery tomorrow, and i lol'd so hard at myself that i about caused a second one to pop out)

If ifs and buts were candy and nuts we'd all have

Type II Diabetes

Patient: Doc, I'd give my left nut to fix my knee

Doc: So you are asking for a ball joint?

Fixed to the spot, the squirrel realised ...

he'd buried the wrong nuts.


Very much looking forward to McDonalds busting into the assorted nut mix game...

Can't wait to order some Mc D's Nuts

What's more painful between Childbirth and getting kicked in the nuts?

Getting kicked in the nuts is far more painful. After all, sometime, 1 year or so after giving birth, a woman might say ''I'd like to have another child''

But you will never hear a man say ''I'd like to get kicked in the nuts again''

What's my girlfriend's favorite thing to grab when we stop by Captain D's?

D's nuts

Did you hear that Captain D's will soon be competing with the likes of Planters and Blue Diamond?

Coming soon... D's nuts.

Y'all ever heard of the Bangandese? They're a remote tribe in Africa, and

I'd tell you about them... if I weren't so busy Bangandese nuts across yo face

If squirrels could tell jokes, they'd be quick and to the point

Because they'd be in a nut shell

If I was a squirrel I'd chuck my nuts in your hole!

These two drunks walk out of a bar and see a dog across the streets licking its own nuts.



First guy says "Man, sure wish I could do that."

Second says "I dunno, I think I'd pet him first."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the d nuts betel jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working d nuts cashew piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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