The Best 85 Czech Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Czech jokes. There are some czech slovakia jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these czech hungary puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Czech Jokes and Puns

I have a Russian friend who's a sound technician

And a Czech one too.
A Czech one too.

What would Hitler's invasion of Czechoslovakia be called if it was done by Gen Z's?

Vibe Czech

A tourist is eaten by a python at the zoo.

Two tourists from the Czech republic are visiting New York. At the zoo, one leans forward, trying to get real close to the pythons. He falls down into the enclosure and is quickly swallowed whole.

Panicking, the other guy runs up to a caretaker and cries out for help. The caretaker asks him: "Which of these pythons ate your friend, the male or the female one?"

"That one! That one!", exclaims the Czech, pointing at the male snake, bloated with its stomach full. The caretaker runs up behind the satiated snake, cuts it open and pulls out ... a feeder pig.

"Oh no, it must have been the other one", yells the tourist. So the keeper cuts open the female snake, and sure enough, out comes the tourist.

In the end, the tourist could be revived, and miraculously, both snakes managed to live through the events, but there's still a lesson to be learned here: Never trust someone who tells you the Czech is in the male.

Czech joke, A tourist is eaten by a python at the zoo.

Czech and a Mexican

A Czechoslovakian and a Mexican go camping, while they were in the woods the Czech gets eaten by a bear. So the Mexican runs to find the park ranger and says "park ranger a bear ate my friend"
The park ranger and the Mexican find two bears, a male and a female. The park ranger asked the Mexican which ate his friend he points to the male and the ranger kills him and guts him there are no remains of the Czech man in the bear. Moral of the story never trust a Mexican when he says the Check is in the male

Why did the French construct the Maginot Line?

To keep the Nazis in Czech!


Just made this one up...

My uncle recently ordered a mail order bride from the Czech Republic. The Czech is in the mail.

~I'll let myself out...

A Czech lady told me this joke...

Her: "What do you call a person who speaks 3 languages?"

Me: "Trilingual."

Her: "What do you a person who speaks two languages?"

Me: "Bilingual"

Her: "What do you call a person who speaks one language?"

Me: ??????

Her: AMERICAN!

Czech joke, A Czech lady told me this joke...

After a flood of forged financial documents from a small eastern european country, an urgent warning was issued by banks worldwide

CHECK CZECH CHEQUES

(Real Story) All of a sudden, my Steam language was set to Russian.

I was changing it back to English, when my hand slipped. But it's okay, now. I have everything in Czech.

I recently became friends with someone from Central Europe

We met at a Chess tournament and I've never once beaten him in a game.

He's my Czech mate

What happened when the bankrupt eastern european jumped off a building?

The Czech bounced.

You can explore czech lithuanian reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean czech polish dad jokes. There are also czech puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


The problem with driving a Yugo...

... is that the Czech engine light is always on.

Guy playing chess with his Central European lover

"Czech and mate"

My Czech mate is surprisingly bad at chess

What do you call a country that doesn't use credit cards?

A Czech Republic

Why are the best accountants twins from Prague?

Because they always double Czech their work!

Czech joke, Why are the best accountants twins from Prague?

I used to work in an eastern european fraud office.

I had to check czech cheques.

What happens when your friend from Prague topples over?

You right a Czech.

I have a Polish friend who is roadie for a rock band

I have a Czech one too.
Czech one too. Czech one too.


I was in a band

One of our roadies was a German man.
There was a Czech one too.
Czech 1-2, Czech 1-2

Who is the chess player's dream companion?

A *Czech Mate*

What do you call your friend from Prague who beat you at chess?

Your Czech mate

How does an Australian call his friend from the Czech Republic?

Czechmate

I married a European chess master.

He's my Czech mate.

I'm Hungary

I'm Russian to the kitchen to czech the fridge

There is turkey
But it's covered in Greece
There's Norway I can eat that.

I met a Slavic feminist once.

She told me to Czech my privilege.

There is this guy from the Czech Republic that plays chess with his Austrian friend.

Czech mate.

Why can it be so annoying to drive a Skoda?

The Czech engine light is always on.

My friends are baffled that I gave up the single life for my European wife and wonder why I don't chase girls anymore.

It's because she keeps me in Czech.

What's the most popular kind of music in the Czech Republic?

Prague Rock

I ordered a mail-order bride from the Czech Republic

Czech mate

I have a Polish friend who has a job as a sound engineer...

I have a Czech one too...

"Checkmate"

"No, she's Austrian, but her father was Czech"

It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds. An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf.

and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle

How do people in Prague solve Algebra equations?

Guess and Czech.

If Britain has Brexit...

Did the Czech Republic check-out?

What's it called when you beat your eastern European friend at strategy board games.

Czech Mate

I run a mail order bride service based out of Prague.

I had a customer call and complain the other day about his order not arriving. It was alright though, I just reassured him that his Czech was in the mail.

What's a bankers Favorite place to go on vacation?

The Czech Republic

I have a Polish friend who is an audio engineer

and a Czech one too. Czech one too.

Ever been to Prague

You gotta Czech it out

I played chess with my friend from Central Europe.

Czech mate.

A Slovak oligarch, Japanese nationalist, communist and a pirate meet in a parliament...

This isn't a joke. It's Czech Republic.

Germany and the Czech Republic have left the EU to form their own fully integrated economy.

Their currency is called the ✓

Which country's people are least likely to use cash?

The Czech Republic.

How did the British prevent war with the Germans in 1938?

They wrote them a Czech.

I went to a Slovakian restaurant.

And after all these years, they still gave me a Czech.

About to play chess with a good friend from Prague

Czech mate

I have an Eastern European friend who fixes my language mistakes...

My personal spell Czech.

What do you call an abortion in the Czech Republic?

A cancelled Czech

Why do Czechoslovakian kids do well in math?

They double Czech everything!

My Grandmaster Friend is getting married to his Slav girlfriend tomorrow

He found his Czech mate

What do you say when you accidently walk in on your gay slav friend?

The Czech is in the male!

Back when I was in a band I had a roadie that was from Poland

I also had a Czech one too, czech one too

I went to go see Kafkaesque last night...

They're a new Prague Rock band, you should Czech them out

My band used to have a Polish sound guy.

And we also had a Czech one, too.

A Slovak beats his Czech friend at a game of chess.

Czechmate.

I made a friend at this chess club in Prague

Czech mate

How does the Prague mafia mark its territory?

With a Czech mark

I've got a friend from Prague who is really good at chess

He's my Czech mate.

My last trip to Europe reminded me how bad I was at chess

I was beaten by a Czech mate

I have a Russian friend who is a sound engineer.

I have a Czech one too. I have a Czech one too.

I can never remember where Prague is...

I always have to Czech.

What do Slovakians say when they win a game of chess?

"Czech mate"

Why do citizens of Prague rarely get scammed?

Because they always double Czech

I know this Russian sound-tech who's really great.

And a Czech one too.... And a Czech one too.

I have a Polish friend who's a sound technician.

Oh, and a Czech one too. Czech one too. Czech one too.

Two men are playing chess in Australia

One guy asks "What's your ethnicity?"

As he knocks over the king, the other guy responds "Czech, mate"

What country does not accept cash or credit cards?

The Czech Republic

A Czechoslovakian and a Russian go bear hunting.

When they hadn't returned for several days, a search party was dispatched.

The search party followed the two men's tracks until they stopped at two dead brown bears, a male and a female.

They cut open the female, and sure enough, there was the Russian.

They didn't bother with the second bear, because they just assumed the Czech was in the male.

I'm starting a new dating service in Prague.

It's called Czech-Mate.

A guy walks down the street and carries an urn in his arms.

A cannibal goes around him and says, "Daamn, where'd you get instant?

(Translated from Czech)

I have a Russian friend who's a sound technician ...

I have a Czech one, too.

cats

There's a new dating app for cats in Prague...

it's called Czech Meowt

My friend from Prague finally got his US citizenship approved...

He is a cancelled Czech now.

What do you get from a malfunctioning Skoda?

A Czech engine light

What did the Australian say when he stabbed the czech king?

Czech Mate

I know a polish sound engineer.

And a czech one two.

Grandpa walks into his grandson watching a football match

Grandpa: who's playing?

Grandson: Czech and Slovakia

Grandpa: against who?

Nation dialogue

You know, I was very Hungary one day, so I went to go Czech the fridge. I managed to find some Turkey that was leftover from Thanksgiving, but it was all covered in Greece. So I closed the fridge and Czech'd the pantry. I saw a Canada beans, so I grabbed them and microwaved them, but it exploded. My mom says that Iran out of diversity with food, and that I needed to expand on that. She also mentioned we need to get groceries. I said "Denmark my words, I shall go to the grocery store!".

An Englishman, an African and an American decide they want to jump off of a building.

They climb up one. The Englishman looks down and says: "It's too high, I won't jump.", the African says: "Vool, vool, not jump.". The American jumps without thinking, nearly kills himself and yells: "My ass wool, concrete!"

(I tried to translate this from Czech as best as I could)

What do you call a movie extra from Prague?

A background Czech.

I have a Polish friend who is a sound engineer ...

... and a Czech one too.

In today's European Championship soccer match, several players from the Czech Republic were seen slipping on the grass repeatedly in their loss to Denmark, while their Danish opponents didn't seem to have an issue at all.

Must be an issue with Czechs and balances.

Guess what two cannibals did for dinner in Prague?

They split the Czech!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the czech latvian jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working czech czeching piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes