Cutting Tree Jokes
99 cutting tree jokes and hilarious cutting tree puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cutting tree that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Cutting Tree Short Jokes
Short cutting tree jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cutting tree humour may include short cutting down tree jokes also.
- A lumberjack once told me he's cut down 27,572 trees. How do ya know exactly how many? I inquired.
Easy. I keep a log. - A lumberjack went into a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree. It shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree The lumberjack smiled, and you will dialogue .
- A lumberjack went to a magic forest to cut a Tree.. Upon arrival to the tree he started swinging at the tree.
"But, I'm a talking tree" said the tree.
"And you will dialogue" replied the lumberjack. - As a lumberjack i know i have cut down 2,718 trees. Because every time I cut one down I keep a log.
- Did you hear about the lumberjack who got fired for cutting down too many trees ? He saw too much
- As a lumberjack, I know that I've cut exactly 2,417 trees. I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.
- Me to a ninja: Hey, can you show me how you precisely cut off tree branches with those throwing stars? Shuriken.
(Came up with this ex nihilo, please like) - A passer by asked a tree surgeon how many trees he has cut down... Surgeon: Exactly 178,794
Passerby: Wow, how do you know that?
Surgeon: I keep a log - How do you get Donald Trump to cut down a tree? Tell him it's one of the pillars of our democracy.
- What did Wolverine use to cut down trees before he got the adamantium treatment? He used a huge axe, man.
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Cutting Tree One Liners
Which cutting tree one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cutting tree? I can suggest the ones about cutting wood and cutting.
- I can cut down a tree just by looking at it It's true, I saw it with my own eyes
- I can't come up with any jokes about cutting down trees. I'm stumped.
- How do lumberjacks know how many trees they have cut down? They keep a log!
- How do you get an emo kid out of a tree? You cut the rope
- It's unwise to cut down a forest on your own. It usually takes tree fellers or more.
- How does a lumberjack know how many trees he cuts down in one day? He kept a log
- I cut down a tree by just staring at it. I saw it with my own eyes.
- How do you get a depressed person out of a tree? You cut the rope…
- How do lumberjacks know how many trees they've cut? They keep a log of each one.
- Why are three-dimensional objects so good at cutting down trees? They have three axes.
- I hurt my back while cutting down a tree. Guess you could say I have lumber problems.
- Why couldn't the cut down tree answer a riddle? It was stumped.
- What do you call a mathematician who cuts down trees? A numberjack.
- How can you tell that only male beavers cut down trees? Because they're all fellers.
- What do trees say when they get cut down? I'm stumped.
Cutting Tree Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about cutting tree you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean planting tree jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cutting tree pranks.
How do you get a black man out of a tree? Cut the rope.
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree
When he got there, he started to swing at a tree when it suddenly shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree!
The lumberjack laughed and said, And you will dialogue.
A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day.
A gang of snails approach him and beat him up. Herman is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises. Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant's office.
"What happened to you? the officer asks.
"A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replied.
"Can you describe what they looked like?"
"I don't know," the sloth says. "It all happened so fast."
A weak little man applied for a job as a lumberjack...
...but the foreman refused to take him because he was too small. "I may look puny," protested the man, "but I'm not. Just give me a chance to show you my strength."
The foreman consented and told the man to go chop down a giant redwood that stood nearby. Half an hour later, to the foreman's shock, the redwood was lying on the ground.
"Where'd you learn to cut down trees like that?" the foreman asked.
"The Sahara Forest," the man answered.
"You mean the Sahara Desert?" the foreman ventured.
"Sure," said that man, "if that's what they call it now."
Why did you cut me down, lumberjack?
Lumberjack: Oh, you really don't know why?
Tree: Sorry, I'm stumped.
What do you call a Massachusite who cuts down trees?
_In a New England accent..._
A Boston lager.
.
.
.
.
.
I made this up yesterday in the car.
The Bacon tree
Two Mexican brothers are lost in the desert.
They're hungry and thirsty, and have been walking for miles on end.
Suddenly, Jose yells at his brother. "Brother! Do you smell that? It smells like bacon!"
He rushes ahead, and sure enough, over the next dune, he sees it. A bacon tree. Glorious strips of crispy bacon, glistening in the sun, waiting to be eaten.
Jose runs head long at the tree, just as his brother climbs the dune behind him. Suddenly two machine guns pop out of the bacon tree and cut him down!
He turns to his brother, and with his last breath he yells out
"Brother! Is not a Bacon Tree!"
"Is..."
"Is a..."
"Is a Hambush..."
What do you call a man who cuts down trees?
A tree feller.
What happens when a lumberjack doesn't know which tree to cut next?
He gets stumped.
An Irish Lumberjack
A large Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny Irishman showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the Foreman's door.
The Foreman took one look at the small Irishman and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the Irishman.
"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the Foreman. "Take your axe and go cut it down."
The Irishman headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the Foreman's door.
"I cut the tree down," said the Irishman.
"*Holy smokes!*" Said the Formean. "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"
"In the Sahara Forest," replied the Irishman.
Confused, the Forman asked "...don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"
"Is that what they call it now?"
How do you get a goth down from a tree?
Cut the rope
How do frat boys cut down trees?
With a sah, dude
How does a surfer cut down a tree?
With a sahhhh dude
How do you cut down a hipster tree?
A suuh dude!
I like cutting up broccoli because...
It makes me feel like a giant, wielding a tiny anime sword, cutting down tiny trees..
What's the difference between jeweler, a cut down tree, and a sea captain?
A sea captain watches the seas, while a jeweler sees the watches.
Did such a great job cutting down a tree yesterday
The neighbours clapped as I took a bough
Apparently Abraham Lincoln kept extremely detailed records of every single tree he cut down, detailing the type of tree, dimensions, even the location where it was cut, and more.
They're called the Lincoln Logs.
New leaks reveal that George Washington didn't cut down that cherry tree
it was actually brought down by Russian hackers
Two guys are cutting down trees
Two guys are cutting down trees. The guy cuts down 3 trees and is tired. After work he meets his friend and asks him: "How many trees did you cut down?"
His friend says: "Around 20."
He can't believe so he asks: "How could you possibly cut down 20 trees?"
"Well, it's nothing special. You take a chainsaw, turn it on and start cutting."
"Wait! You turn it on?!"
What does a s**... cut down trees with?
Ah sah dude
Would we still cut down trees if they could scream?
maybe, if they screamed all the time, and for no good reason...
Why do cherry trees stink?
George Washington cut one.
Apparently I told this to my Catholic priest as a child..
What does a Pirate say when they cut down a tree?
"Shiver me Timmbuuuuuuuuuurrrrr!!!"
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut down a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, No! Wait! I'm a talking tree!"
The lumberjack grinned, And you will dialogue!"
What does a bro use to cut down a tree?
A suh, dude.
Did you hear about the t**... who cut down all the trees?
He's Bin Loggin.
What do Black lumberjacks use to cut trees?
An *ask*
I started a new job as a Tree Trimmer.
Unfortunately, I was fired my first day. The boss said I just wasn't cutting it.
A woodsman walks into the woods
He finds a nice tree to chop down, AMD upon taking his axe the tree cries out
"WAIT! IM A MAGICAL TALKING TREE, DONT CUT ME DOWN"
He said "You ma uh be a talking tree but you will dialouge."
Yesterday this guy walks up on my lawn and gives me the finger.
I swear that's the last time I try to cut my tree limbs without gloves.
Kirk and Spock were trapped on a planet and were waiting for rescue.
Kirk complained to Spock that his legs were getting tired from just standing around.
Spock said "there's a tree right there let's cut it down with our phasers and make a bench."
"You're a genius!" Exclaimed Kirk.
"Nonsense" replied Spock "it's only log-ical"
What did the opera singer say when he was cutting down a tree?
Timbre!
A man goes to a tool store to buy a chainsaw. The server sells him the top-of-the-line model, saying that it will cut through over 100 trees in one day.
The man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees but after working for hours he only cuts down two trees.
How can I cut for hours and hours and only finish two trees? he asks himself.
Next day the man brings the chainsaw back to the store and says it doesn't work properly.
Hmm, it looks okay, says the server, and starts the chainsaw.
The man jumps back in shock and cries, What's that noise?
Two soldiers are lost in the desert, thirsty and starving.
Ahead they see a tree with strips of meat hanging from its branches.
"A bacon tree!" the first exclaims and he runs towards it only to be cut down by a s**...'s bullet.
"That's no bacon tree," says the other. " That's a ham-bush!"
How does an arborist maintain his business?
He keeps a log of every tree he cuts down.
There are 2 lumberjacks.
One hits the tree with an axe, and the other uses a saw to finish the job.
The one with the axe took down a tree by himself and said, "Could you see yourself cutting down a tree like that?"
The other man said, "No, I saw."
After the waters receded, Noah commanded all the animals to "Go forth and multiply!"...
The ark quickly emptied, except for two small snakes, who stayed behind.
When Noah asked them why, they replied, "We can't multiply. We're adders."
Noah, being the resourceful man he was, immediately got busy cutting down trees and building a large table with the unfinished lumber therefrom.
And he saw that it was good.
The snakes were overjoyed when Noah picked them up and placed them on it. Noah and the snakes both knew that even adders could multiply on a log table.
A theological one for the computer scientists
After the animals exited the ark, the Lord came to the animals and the Lord spoke "Go forth and multiply".
The snakes came to him and said "Oh Lord, we cannot fulfil the commandment, for we are adders"
Thus spoke the Lord "Go and cut down the trees, and out of the trees you shall fashion furniture. For adders can multiply with the aid of log tables"
Words from the mathematician's Bible
And the Lord spoke to the animals, and he said "Go forth and multiply!"
The snakes came up to him and said "Oh Lord, forgive us, but we cannot fulfill your commandment, we cannot multiply, for we are adders".
"Go and cut down the trees and build furniture out of them", said the Lord, "for with the aid of log tables, adders can multiply"
A Tree Falls In A Rainforest And Nobody Notices But Me
"Ha ha ha! My i**... tree cutting business is working!"
I asked a lumberjack who many trees had he cut
He said 23,679
I asked how do you know the exact number
He said I keep a log
My wife asked me if I will cut a tree for her if she asked me to
"I wood" was my answer
A man walks into a magic forest
A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.
"You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!"
The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
What do you call those guys who cut down trees?
Fellas
A guy was cutting some branches off a tree next to an asylum and fell inside
The knife fell far away, and a prisoner inside got it before he did, and he started running towards him with the knife.
He ran for his life, until he couldn't run anymore, he fell.
When the prisoner reached him, he dropped the knife next to him and said Your turn!
A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!"
The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
Why does the rate of trees cut follow an inverse exponential trend when lumberjacks start singing?
Because it falls into a logger-rhythm.
Snakes can't multiply!
After the waters receded, Noah commanded all the animals to "Go forth and multiply".
The ark quickly emptied except for two small snakes, who stayed behind.
When Noah why, they replied - we can't multiply, we are adders.
Noah immediately got busy cutting down trees and building a large table with the unfinished lumber therefrom.
The snakes were overjoyed when Noah picked them up and placed them on it. Noah and snakes both knew that even adders could multiply on a log table.
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree!"
The lumberjack grinned, And you will dialogue!"
A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree…
You can't cut me down, the tree exclaims, I'm a talking tree! The man responds, You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.
A lumberjack went into a magical forest to cut down a tree.
Right before he swung the axe the tree said "wait, you can't cut me down, I'm a magical talking tree"
The lumberjack smiled and said "and you will dialogue"
i found a talking tree
i woke up one day and i heard a crying voice, i followed it and i found the source to be from a cut down tree
i said: "hello?"
the tree said crying: "what do you want?"
i asked: "you can talk?"
the tree answered: "yeah I'm a rare variant, now you answer my question: who cut me in half?"
i replied: "i don't know."
the tree said: "i don't know too, i'm stumped"
A lumberjack walks into the company office to get paid.
The secretary says, I have a check here for cutting down 236 trees this week.
The lumberjack replies, I actually cut down 237 trees.
Are you sure? , says the secretary, Your foreman counted 236 on the truck.
Sure, I'm sure, replies the lumberjack. I kept a log .
A tree is cut down...
When the lead detective arrives, he asks the tree, "do you have any idea who did this to you?"
The tree replied, "I have no idea. I'm stumped."
a farmer walked into a magical forest to cut down a tree.
As he pulled back his axe to take a big swing, it cried out "Wait, I'm a talking tree!" The farmer just grinned and said "yes, and you will dialogue."
It was a dark night in the cemetery..
..and Eric had, unwisely, elected to take a short cut. The leaves rustled in the trees, the shadows appeared to move around him, and then.. and then.. tap, tap, tap. Eric started to walk faster but the tapping was only getting louder. Eric grew scared, really scared, until he rounded a big old gravestone and saw a man tapping away at the front of the stone. Trying to hide his relief, Eric said, "You're up late on a cold windy night!" "Yes", said the man. "You always work this late?" said Eric. "Not normally", replied the man, "But the b**... spelt my name wrong!"