Cutting Tree Jokes
99 cutting tree jokes and hilarious cutting tree puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cutting tree that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Cutting Tree Short Jokes
Short cutting tree jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cutting tree humour may include short cutting down tree jokes also.
- A lumberjack once told me he's cut down 27,572 trees. How do ya know exactly how many? I inquired.
Easy. I keep a log. - Did you hear about the lumberjack who got fired for cutting down too many trees ? He saw too much
- Me to a ninja: Hey, can you show me how you precisely cut off tree branches with those throwing stars? Shuriken.
(Came up with this ex nihilo, please like) - A passer by asked a tree surgeon how many trees he has cut down... Surgeon: Exactly 178,794
Passerby: Wow, how do you know that?
Surgeon: I keep a log - How do you get Donald Trump to cut down a tree? Tell him it's one of the pillars of our democracy.
- What did Wolverine use to cut down trees before he got the adamantium treatment? He used a huge axe, man.
- What do you call a Massachusite who cuts down trees? _In a New England accent..._
A Boston lager.
.
.
.
.
.
I made this up yesterday in the car.
- What's the difference between jeweler, a cut down tree, and a sea captain? A sea captain watches the seas, while a jeweler sees the watches.
- New leaks reveal that George Washington didn't cut down that cherry tree it was actually brought down by Russian hackers
- Why does the rate of trees cut follow an inverse exponential trend when lumberjacks start singing? Because it falls into a logger-rhythm.
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Cutting Tree One Liners
Which cutting tree one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cutting tree? I can suggest the ones about cutting wood and planting tree.
- I can cut down a tree just by looking at it It's true, I saw it with my own eyes
- I can't come up with any jokes about cutting down trees. I'm stumped.
- How do you get an emo kid out of a tree? You cut the rope
- It's unwise to cut down a forest on your own. It usually takes tree fellers or more.
- I cut down a tree by just staring at it. I saw it with my own eyes.
- How do you get a depressed person out of a tree? You cut the rope…
- Why are three-dimensional objects so good at cutting down trees? They have three axes.
- I hurt my back while cutting down a tree. Guess you could say I have lumber problems.
- What do you call a mathematician who cuts down trees? A numberjack.
- How can you tell that only male beavers cut down trees? Because they're all fellers.
- What do trees say when they get cut down? I'm stumped.
- What does a bro use to cut down a tree? A suh, dude.
- How does an arborist maintain his business? He keeps a log of every tree he cuts down.
- How do frat boys cut down trees? With a sah, dude
- What do you call those guys who cut down trees? Fellas
Cutting Tree Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about cutting tree you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean chopping wood jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cutting tree pranks.
Ever since I saw you in your family tree I've wanted to cut it down.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you get a black man out of a tree? Cut the rope.
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree
When he got there, he started to swing at a tree when it suddenly shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree!
The lumberjack laughed and said, And you will dialogue.
In China, they don't cut trees
They just chopsticks
Horrible Accident
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
A guy is walking down the street and passes a hardware store...
...advertising a sale on a chain saw that is capable of cutting seven hundred trees is seven hours. The guy thinks this is a great deal and decides to buy one.
The next day, he comes back with the saw and complains to the salesman that the thing didn't even come close to cutting down the seven hundred trees the ad said it would.
"Well," said the salesman, "let's test it out back."
Finding a log, the salesman pulls the starter cord and the saw makes a great roaring sound.
"What's that noise?" asks the guy.
A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day.
A gang of snails approach him and beat him up. Herman is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises. Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant's office.
"What happened to you? the officer asks.
"A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replied.
"Can you describe what they looked like?"
"I don't know," the sloth says. "It all happened so fast."
A weak little man applied for a job as a lumberjack...
...but the foreman refused to take him because he was too small. "I may look puny," protested the man, "but I'm not. Just give me a chance to show you my strength."
The foreman consented and told the man to go chop down a giant redwood that stood nearby. Half an hour later, to the foreman's shock, the redwood was lying on the ground.
"Where'd you learn to cut down trees like that?" the foreman asked.
"The Sahara Forest," the man answered.
"You mean the Sahara Desert?" the foreman ventured.
"Sure," said that man, "if that's what they call it now."
Why did you cut me down, lumberjack?
Lumberjack: Oh, you really don't know why?
Tree: Sorry, I'm stumped.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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The Bacon tree
Two Mexican brothers are lost in the desert.
They're hungry and thirsty, and have been walking for miles on end.
Suddenly, Jose yells at his brother. "Brother! Do you smell that? It smells like bacon!"
He rushes ahead, and sure enough, over the next dune, he sees it. A bacon tree. Glorious strips of crispy bacon, glistening in the sun, waiting to be eaten.
Jose runs head long at the tree, just as his brother climbs the dune behind him. Suddenly two machine guns pop out of the bacon tree and cut him down!
He turns to his brother, and with his last breath he yells out
"Brother! Is not a Bacon Tree!"
"Is..."
"Is a..."
"Is a Hambush..."
Sad loss
I woke up early as the sun shined brightly through my bedroom window. Usually the light was filtered though the leaves of a beautiful old elm tree that had been in our backyard for generations. Yesterday we had to cut her down as she had been stricken with Dutch Elm Disease. I slowly wiped a tear away then thought to myself, "Why am I being so sentimental over a tree, it's just a simple piece if wood?" My wife sensing that something was wrong asked, "What's the matter honey?" I responded, "Oh nothing, I just never thought mourning wood could be so hard." She enthusiastically sat up and said, "Well, let's have a look. I'll be the judge of that."
Today, the tree my family planted 15 years ago died and had to be cut down.
I'm mourning wood.
What do you call a man who cuts down trees?
A tree feller.
I wrote a song about cutting down trees.
It's not a snappy tune, it just lumbers along.
An Irish Lumberjack
A large Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny Irishman showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the Foreman's door.
The Foreman took one look at the small Irishman and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the Irishman.
"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the Foreman. "Take your axe and go cut it down."
The Irishman headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the Foreman's door.
"I cut the tree down," said the Irishman.
"*Holy smokes!*" Said the Formean. "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"
"In the Sahara Forest," replied the Irishman.
Confused, the Forman asked "...don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"
"Is that what they call it now?"
How does a surfer cut down a tree?
With a sahhhh dude
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like cutting up broccoli because...
It makes me feel like a giant, wielding a tiny anime sword, cutting down tiny trees..
Did such a great job cutting down a tree yesterday
The neighbours clapped as I took a bough
Apparently Abraham Lincoln kept extremely detailed records of every single tree he cut down, detailing the type of tree, dimensions, even the location where it was cut, and more.
They're called the Lincoln Logs.
How many Poles need to cut tree?
96 and a plane.
How Do You Cut Down A Tree?
A sawwwwwwww Dude
Two guys are cutting down trees
Two guys are cutting down trees. The guy cuts down 3 trees and is tired. After work he meets his friend and asks him: "How many trees did you cut down?"
His friend says: "Around 20."
He can't believe so he asks: "How could you possibly cut down 20 trees?"
"Well, it's nothing special. You take a chainsaw, turn it on and start cutting."
"Wait! You turn it on?!"
Would we still cut down trees if they could scream?
maybe, if they screamed all the time, and for no good reason...
How many redwoods can an Irish lumberjack cut down in a year?
About tree hundred
What do you call a tree with its branch cut off?
Amputree
What do you call a guy that can cut down trees without hitting the power lines?
Smart feller
Trees and the lumberjack
So one day as a tree was talking he got cut down by the lumberjack! After the tree got cut down the tree said "well I feel stumped!"
What do you use to cut down branches from a tree?
Uhuh,
Ashadude.
How many polish people does it take to cut down a tree?
96 and a plane
Why do cherry trees stink?
George Washington cut one.
Apparently I told this to my Catholic priest as a child..
What does a Pirate say when they cut down a tree?
"Shiver me Timmbuuuuuuuuuurrrrr!!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the t**... who cut down all the trees?
He's Bin Loggin.
What does a person from the future use to cut down trees?
A chainseen
What do Black lumberjacks use to cut trees?
An *ask*
I started a new job as a Tree Trimmer.
Unfortunately, I was fired my first day. The boss said I just wasn't cutting it.
Yesterday this guy walks up on my lawn and gives me the finger.
I swear that's the last time I try to cut my tree limbs without gloves.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Nobody calls you a Lumberjack if you cut down one tree
You have s**... with one sheep
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ray Charles is cutting down a tree...
...And he cuts off his left arm. As the ambulance takes him away he shouts 'I still got the right one baby! UH HUH!"
Studies now suggest that trees live longer when they are not cut down.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the comedian go to Russia to cut down a tree?
Because the real joke is always in the c**... Ents.
What do Jonny Depp and Helena Bonham-Carter day after they cut down a tree?
TIMBBBERRRton
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
Who does the Queen of Hearts send to cut down a tree?
The Lumber-Jack.
Kirk and Spock were trapped on a planet and were waiting for rescue.
Kirk complained to Spock that his legs were getting tired from just standing around.
Spock said "there's a tree right there let's cut it down with our phasers and make a bench."
"You're a genius!" Exclaimed Kirk.
"Nonsense" replied Spock "it's only log-ical"
What did the opera singer say when he was cutting down a tree?
Timbre!
A man goes to a tool store to buy a chainsaw. The server sells him the top-of-the-line model, saying that it will cut through over 100 trees in one day.
The man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees but after working for hours he only cuts down two trees.
How can I cut for hours and hours and only finish two trees? he asks himself.
Next day the man brings the chainsaw back to the store and says it doesn't work properly.
Hmm, it looks okay, says the server, and starts the chainsaw.
The man jumps back in shock and cries, What's that noise?
There are 2 lumberjacks.
One hits the tree with an axe, and the other uses a saw to finish the job.
The one with the axe took down a tree by himself and said, "Could you see yourself cutting down a tree like that?"
The other man said, "No, I saw."
After the waters receded, Noah commanded all the animals to "Go forth and multiply!"...
The ark quickly emptied, except for two small snakes, who stayed behind.
When Noah asked them why, they replied, "We can't multiply. We're adders."
Noah, being the resourceful man he was, immediately got busy cutting down trees and building a large table with the unfinished lumber therefrom.
And he saw that it was good.
The snakes were overjoyed when Noah picked them up and placed them on it. Noah and the snakes both knew that even adders could multiply on a log table.
A blonde buys a chainsaw
A blonde buys a chainsaw to cut down some trees in her backyard and gets the one that sais "Guaranteed to cut down 100 trees a day" on the box.
"Great" she thinks "I only want to cut down 5 trees, but I bet this one will get the job done in no time at all!"
Three days later returns to the shop dirty and sweaty and sais: "I am sorry, but this is very misleading advertising! It sais I can cut down 100 trees in a week and it took me 3 days to cut down just one! Something is clearly not right!"
The shop attendant sais: "Alright, lets see if we can figure out what the problem is", yanks the cord and starts the motor.
The blonde sais: "What is that sound?"
Words from the mathematician's Bible
And the Lord spoke to the animals, and he said "Go forth and multiply!"
The snakes came up to him and said "Oh Lord, forgive us, but we cannot fulfill your commandment, we cannot multiply, for we are adders".
"Go and cut down the trees and build furniture out of them", said the Lord, "for with the aid of log tables, adders can multiply"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Tree Falls In A Rainforest And Nobody Notices But Me
"Ha ha ha! My i**... tree cutting business is working!"
My wife asked me if I will cut a tree for her if she asked me to
"I wood" was my answer
A guy was cutting some branches off a tree next to an asylum and fell inside
The knife fell far away, and a prisoner inside got it before he did, and he started running towards him with the knife.
He ran for his life, until he couldn't run anymore, he fell.
When the prisoner reached him, he dropped the knife next to him and said Your turn!
Snakes can't multiply!
After the waters receded, Noah commanded all the animals to "Go forth and multiply".
The ark quickly emptied except for two small snakes, who stayed behind.
When Noah why, they replied - we can't multiply, we are adders.
Noah immediately got busy cutting down trees and building a large table with the unfinished lumber therefrom.
The snakes were overjoyed when Noah picked them up and placed them on it. Noah and snakes both knew that even adders could multiply on a log table.
i found a talking tree
i woke up one day and i heard a crying voice, i followed it and i found the source to be from a cut down tree
i said: "hello?"
the tree said crying: "what do you want?"
i asked: "you can talk?"
the tree answered: "yeah I'm a rare variant, now you answer my question: who cut me in half?"
i replied: "i don't know."
the tree said: "i don't know too, i'm stumped"
A lumberjack walks into the company office to get paid.
The secretary says, I have a check here for cutting down 236 trees this week.
The lumberjack replies, I actually cut down 237 trees.
Are you sure? , says the secretary, Your foreman counted 236 on the truck.
Sure, I'm sure, replies the lumberjack. I kept a log .
A tree is cut down...
When the lead detective arrives, he asks the tree, "do you have any idea who did this to you?"
The tree replied, "I have no idea. I'm stumped."