Cute Jokes
116 cute jokes and hilarious cute puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cute that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Cute Short Jokes
Short cute jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cute humour may include short adorable jokes also.
- My friends say there is a gay guy in our circle of friends I really hope it's Todd, he's cute.
- A girl once told me, If you lost about 50 pounds you'd be cute I told her, if I lost 50 pounds I'd be talking to your friends!
- I went up to this really cute homeless girl and asked if I could take her home She looked ecstatic until I picked up her box and started walking away
- daughter made up a cute knock knock joke: Knock knock
Who's there?
Let's eat…
Let's eat who?
What are you a cannibal? - They say one in ten men are homosexual In my group of friends I'm pretty sure it's Marc. He's really cute
- Guys I just recently bought a 256GB iPhone 7 Plus, my son dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyways I'm doing a giveaway! The kid is 8 years old, cute, thin and not really tall.
- Someone told me there's a gay guy in my circle of friends... I hope it's Michael. Hes cute.
- Saw a cute girl at work today. I told her I get off in five minutes and she smiled. Then I said I finish work in one hour and she left.
- They say that 1 out of a group of 5 guys is gay.... I'm really hoping it's Jake, because he's *super cute*.
- Met a cute guy at the bar, gave him my number and told him to text me when he got home I guess he's homeless.
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Cute One Liners
Which cute one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cute? I can suggest the ones about funny and lovely.
- MOM! I'm being called gay in school. Who is calling you that son?
A bunch of cute boys. - Got checked out by cute girl The total was $3.92
- A cute girl winked at me She must be extra interested because she winked with both eyes.
- Some say 1 out of 4 of your friends are gay or bisexual.. I hope it's Ted, he's cute!
- What do you call a cute girl in Albania? A tourist.
- *Tips fedora to cute non-binary girl* m'theydy
- What do u call a cute portal? "A door-able"
- Testing makeup on animals is WRONG... They are cute enough already.
- I used to work hard but that really cute girl quit last week.
- Where do they send cute animals to get euthanized? Awwschwitz
I'll see myself out - What did the 90 degree angle say to the 60 degree angle? Aren't you a cute one.
- What did the pepper shaker say to the salt shaker? You're sodium cute
- Here's a joke I asked a cute Jewish girl for her number. Her response: we have names now
- They say one person in every group of friends is gay. I hope it's Ben, he's really cute.
- How cute does one have to be to make sparks fly? Electro cute
Cute Puppies Jokes
Here is a list of funny cute puppies jokes and even better cute puppies puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I love puppies and kittens and little cute hamsters But not all together. I don't like my food touching.
- What do you call a puppy's cough? A cute respiratory failure
- Did yiu hear about the new controversial show on animal planet? It shows these fluffy, cute puppies and kittens after they're dead. It's called awww-topsy.
Gather Around for Fun Cute Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about cute you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cool jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cute pranks.
Sweet Baby Jokes (philanthropic concept reversal)
What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
The trampoline doesn't look awfully cute in a sailor's outfit.
A Halloween joke for you.
Little Johnny is out trick or treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He walked up to a house and said "trick or treat". The little old lady just gushed over his costume. She says to Johnny, "What a cute costume, but let me ask you....Where are your buccaneers?" Little Johnny says back, "They're under my buckin hat lady."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Maybe not a joke as much as a cute misunderstanding but...
I cracked open a r**... kit last weekend. I had never seen one before.
Anyway, I obviously have been operating under a huge misconception. I laughed so hard, she got away.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Newfie Joke
A Newfie was standing at a bar and a beautiful woman was beside him so he leans over and says,
"You remind me of my little toe"
She replies, "What? You Mean I'm small and cute?"
He says, "No. I'll probably bang you on the coffee table
later when I'm drunk."
You remind me of my little toe
Why because I'm so cute and tiny?
No, I will probably get drunk later and bang you the coffee table.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So, I bumped into this cute g**... the way out of the grocery store...
We talked for a bit and ended up exchanging numbers. I'm trying not to make a big deal about it, but I'm pretty bummed that my insurance rates are going to go up.
So Darwin comes across a sad penguin in an airport....
He goes up to the penguin and asks, "Why so angry, you cute little fella?"
The penguin looks up to him and says "flight's delayed."
A cute one I heard from a friend at work.
Three animals walk into a bar; A duck,a skunk and a deer. They go up to the bar and order 3 drinks. "5 dollars" Says the bartender. The deer looks at the duck and says "I don't have a buck to my name!" the skunk cries "I have no money, not even a scent!" but the duck says to the bartender "It's alright, just put it on my bill".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny
goes home looking a little down at the mouth. His father asks, "Anything wrong, son?" Little Johnny says, "A boy at school called me gay". His father says, "Then I want you to go and beat him up". And Little Johnny says, "But Dad, he's so cute!"
Wittle Wabbit
little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"
The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If 1 / 9 men are homosexual, does that mean that statistically, there is at least 1 gay man in my class?
If so then I hope it's Michael, he's cute.
So I was in the library when this cute girl came up and asked to borrow my external hard drive
It was at this point I realized she wanted the (D:)
A man comes home to his wife with two black eyes
The wife freaks out but calms down enough to ask what happened. The man says well i was in the mall today on the escalator and there was this cute girl in front of me and she had her skirt tucked into her but. I pulled it out for her and she turned around and punched me in the eye. The wife says yeah i approve of that but how did you get the second one? The man says well i figured she liked it that way and pushed it back in.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Winter is like the justin bieber of seasons...
It was kind of cute and exciting when it first started out, now its a bit obnoxious and should probably just stay in Canada.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My cute younger brother's contribution.
Brother: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Don't know, why?
Brother: To go to the ugly guy's house.
Me: Huh??
Brother: Knock, knock.
Me: Who's there?
Brother: The chicken.
I've been texting this cute dyslexic girl.
I think she likes me, but she keeps sending mixed message.
Cute names to call your girlfriend with
1.sugar
2.honey
3.flour
4.egg
5.1/2 lb butter
6.stir
7.pour into pan
8.preheat to 375°
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When toddlers get n**... and run around giggling, it's "cute" and "funny"
...but when I do it, I'm "drunk" and "not allowed back in Target"
I was chatting with this cute 14 y/o online
She said she was an undercover police officer. How cool for someone her age!
Me: "Aw, your baby is cute. How old?"
Woman: "Thanks, she's 34 weeks. Do you have the time?"
Me: "Sure, it's 972 minutes past midnight."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks up to a girl in a bar and says
"You remind me of my little toe" .
She says, "Is that because I'm small and cute?"
He says, "No, its because I'm going to bang you on the table later"
Best Way To Impress a Girl..
Boy To Gym Coach: "I Wanna Impress Cute Girl, I'm Gonna Meet In 3 Days Which Machine Should I Use?" Coach: "Use The ATM Machine Outside The Gym"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A doctor told Donald Trump he has Acute Narcissistic Personality Disorder...
Trump said "It's not just cute, it's **the cutest** narcissistic personality disorder in the world. Believe me."
In a bar, there's a guy hitting on a cute Banker girl
The guy brags about all his riches and possessions, but he got shot down by the girl immediately.
The girl said, "Leave me a loan!"
The guy noticed the wordplay, he praised the girl. "That's a pretty clever pun! ...But not as pretty as you"
The girl, now irritated, said. "I'm not kidding, leave me a loan! I lost interest."
A woman gives birth to a bouncing baby boy...
(Sorry if repost, I did a search)
A woman gives birth to a bouncing baby boy and the doctor hands him to her, remarking, "That's a cute baby!"
Mom says, "Oh I bet you say that about every baby you deliver."
Doctor says, "No no, only when they're really cute."
"What do you say when they're ugly?"
"He looks just like his mother!"
"Awww... your baby is cute!"
...I said to a woman with a stroller one day.
"How old is he?" I asked.
"Well, my friend, little Johnny here is 18 months old!" she replied, motioning to her baby. "Also, I'm sorry to bother you, but what time is it?"
"Sure. It's eighty-three thousand, four hundred thirty-two seconds past midnight."
(ROGUE ONE SPOILER) So the nickname...
Throughout the movie, you see Galen calls Jyn his stardust, I thought it was pretty cute.
I just didn't expect it to be so literal though.
2 men are sitting on a bench in a park, filled with children. Kids are having fun.
Man 1: "Kids are amazing. Look at them, playing, socializing... so cute!"
Man 2: "Yup."
Man 1: "My Timmy, right over there, likes to play soccer with his friends."
Man 2: "Cool."
Man 1: "Hey, which one is yours?"
Man 2: "Haven't decided yet..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Winter is like Justin Bieber
It was cute and fun at first, but now it's obnoxious and should probably stay in Canada.
My girlfriend reminds me of my pinky toe
She's small, cute, and will probably end up getting banged on my coffee table tonight
What is the cutest mental disability?
Awwtism
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Bet
Two casino dealers are at the craps table when a cute blonde comes over and says: "I want to bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice. But, if you don't mind, I'd I feel much luckier if I were completely n**...."
They agree to her unusual request and she strips n**... from the neck down, and rolls the dice. Then she screams: "I won! I won!" She starts jumping up and down, hugs each of the dealers, and then picks up her money and her clothes and walks away.
For a minute the two dealers stare at each other. Then the first one says: "What did she roll, anyway?"
The second dealer says: "I don't know. I thought *you* were watching."
What's the similarity between a joke and a small, cute, furry mammal?
They both die when dissected
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was about to smoke w**... with a couple cute Mexican girls...
I asked them if they had papers. They immediately ran off.
A little 3-year-old girl
was playing with her miniature tea set. Her father was in the living room and her mother was out shopping. The little girl came out to the living room and offered her father a cup of tea, which was in fact just water. He thought this was really cute, so she did it several more times. When the mother came home, the father had the mother stop and watch the little tea ritual, as her daughter brought the father another cup of tea (water) and he drank it. The mother said, Very nice. But has it occurred to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A communist girl thought I was cute.
Next thing I know she seized my means of reproduction!
I told two twins their matching outfits are cute...
"Did your mom buy you matching clothes?" I asked politely.
To which they answered, "We're not twins and could we see your license and registration please."
The nurse told the parents of a newly born child, "You have a cute baby."
The smiling husband said, "I bet you say that to all new parents."
"No," she replied, "just to those whose babies really are good-looking."
The husband again asked "So what do you say to the others?"
The nurse replied, "The baby looks just like you."
Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband Says..
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
How come when a video of a squirrel putting a nut in a dog gets 18k upvotes and is called "Cute"
but when I do it it's a "heinous act" and my dog gets taken away?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Me and my girlfriend like to give each other dirty nicknames during s**...
I think its really cute how she calls me "wrong hole" all the time.
[Religion]A man sees a boy with a box of kittens
The man goes over and says "Oh what cute kittens!" The boy replies "Yes they are Christian kittens". About a week later the man sees the boy again with the same batch of kittens. Once again he walks over and says "my, those are just adorable!" The boy replies "Yes, they are atheist kittens" The man asks "wait, weren't they christian before?" The boy looks at the man and says "Yeah but they have their eyes open now.
Women tell each other they have "cute tops" all the time.
But I tell one woman she has a cute bottom...
A little girl walks into a pet shop
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
The shopkeeper bends down to her level, smiling, "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby, or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"
The little girl leans forward and whispers, "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."
There's a rumor going around that someone in our friend group is gay.
I hope is Dillon, he's really cute.
Four guys are hanging out.
One of them says, Hey, did you know 1 out of ever 4 guys is gay?
Larry says, I hope it's chuck because he's really cute.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hey Cutie, you remind me of my little toe you know that?
Why? Because Im cute?
No Because Im gonna bang you on the coffee table later on tonight. ;)
My friends suggested I use tinder to meet some cute firemen or policemen
Once it started to burn, I met so many! I even met a reporter and some lawyers!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I heard that 1 in every 4 men are gay...
I hope it's Steve. He's kinda cute.
My wife has just been diagnosed with breast cancer...
Doctor told us that mastectomy will be necessary.
Today, I went online to see if there is any alternative...
Emma, 28 years old, NY. Looks cute...
My friends say there is someone gay in our friend circle...
I hope is john, he's really cute
Good pickup line.
Two male flies are buzzing around the farmyard when they spot a female fly landing on a fresh pile of cow dung.
The one fly says, "Wow, she is cute! I'm going to try to talk to her, wish me luck."
He swoops down, lands right next to her and says, "Excuse me Miss, is this stool taken?"
A man, his wife and his friend just finished diner
"It was absolutely delicious, honey! Thank you so much, princess." says the man to his wife in the kitchen. "Could you please fetch us two beers later, baby?"
His friend says: "It is very cute that you still have nicknames for her after so long time."
The man responds: "Well, I forgot her name like three years ago, so I give her nicknames to cover it up. But seriously don't tell her, amigo!"
A pilot is flying a plane and shortly after mid-air announcement , forgets to turn off the mic.
He then mentions to his copilot : "I am dating that cute air hostess. After we land , we will go to the hotel and bang. "
The air hostess after hearing this runs towards the front of the plane at full speed to tell the pilot to turn off the mic and hits a blind man's stick and falls down.
The guy sitting on the other side says : "Why are you in such a hurry , we haven't even landed yet! "
My hot flight attendant asked how I like my coffee
Trying to sound cool, I told her I like my coffee like I like my women. And that's when she told me "That's cute honey, but the coffee's free. You don't have to pay for it here!"
Ivanka Trump is walking a dog outside the White House...
A Secret Service agent sees her and says "Good Morning, Ma'am."
"Good morning." She replies.
"That's a very cute dog, ma'am." the agent says trying to make polite small talk.
"Oh, thank you. I got it for the President." She replies with a smile.
"Excellent trade, Ma'am."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Rumor has it there is a homosexual in our office.
I hope it's Craig he's really cute.
I was at a restaurant and a cute waitress was flirting with me. She gave her email and told me to hit her up sometime. I tried to email her the next day but the internet was down.
I couldn't connect to the server
One of the only jokes I know
What a cute bunch of cows!
It's not a bunch, it's a herd
Heard of what?
Herd of cows
Well, duh, of course I've heard of cows!
No, a cow herd
What do I care what a cow heard?
Sorry if it's lame
Dark HUMOR
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little girl goes to the pet store
She ask the owner of the store if he has any bunnies.
Well sure sweetie! He says and takes her to where the bunnies are, I have a few different bunnies I have this white one with floppy ears, or this fluffy little brown one, or I even have this cute one with black spots! What kind of bunny did you have in mind?
So the little girl looks over the bunnies and then back to the pet store owner and replies, quite frankly mister I don't think my snake gives a d**....
In every friend group, apparently 1 out of 10 people are gay.
I hope it's Tyler, he's super cute.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tik tok < pornhub
I met a cute girl at bar recently she told me she was a tik tok influencer,
I said cool I'm on pornhub, maybe we should collab,
either way its only gonna last 10 seconds.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell the kid is God is crying
And if the kid asks why is God is crying, another cute thing to tell the kid is probably because of something you did
