Cut Off Finger Jokes

56 cut off finger jokes and hilarious cut off finger puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cut off finger that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Cut Off Finger Jokes

Short cut off finger jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cut off finger humour may include short cut finger jokes also.

  1. Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pocket? Because he wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
  2. A guy calls his wife to say he's had an accident at the factory He says, "I got my finger cut off!"
    She asks, "The whole finger?"
    He replies, "No, the one next to it."
  3. A man cuts off two fingers on one hand in a work accident Will I still be able to write with it? He asks the doctor.
    The doctor says, Probably, but I wouldn't count on it
  4. I know there's a reason why I cut my hands off. I just can't put my finger on it right now.
  5. I recently took up wood carving, and accidentally cut my finger. It's nothing serious. It's just a whittle cut.
  6. I cut off a finger in an accident at work I called my wife from the hospital and told her the terrible news.
    "Oh, no" she cried "Was it the whole finger?"
    "No" I replied "It was the one next to it."
  7. A construction worker comes home from work. He tells his wife, "Honey, I cut off my finger today."
    She replies, "The whole finger!?"
    He says, "No, the one right next to it."
  8. A man cut off his finger at work He called his wife and said honey, I just cut my finger off at work
    She replied your whole finger?!
    Thankfully no, the one next to it.
  9. Yesterday this guy walks up on my lawn and gives me the finger. I swear that's the last time I try to cut my tree limbs without gloves.
  10. You should try... Dad: I cut my finger
    Me: you should put some tryactin on that
    Dad: what's tryactin?
    Me: try acting like a man

Quick Jump To

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about cut off finger can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of cut off finger puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Cut Off Finger One Liners

Which cut off finger one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cut off finger? I can suggest the ones about broken finger and missing finger.

  1. How bad does it hurt to get a finger cut off? I'd say about a 9 out of 10
  2. I cut my finger chopping cheese... I think that I may have grater problems.
  3. A lesbian impotent Bit her tongue and cut a finger.
  4. I keep cutting my finger by mistake a lot lately... It Hz
  5. Chuck Norris cuts paper by sticking his fingers out in a V and moving them up and down.
  6. How did Marvel cut their labor costs by half? With a snap of a finger.
  7. I know every digit in Pie! I just wish I hadn't cut my finger off while baking it
  8. I cut my little finger today... ... because I didn't like the way it looked.
  9. How do you punish Helen Keller? You cut off her fingers^I'm^so^sorry
  10. What did Jeffrey d**... do after cutting off his victims fingers? Smoked a joint.

Hilarious Fun Cut Off Finger Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about cut off finger you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean broken hand jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make cut off finger prank.

Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic.

Bill happened to be crying very loudly.
"Why are you crying?" Bob asked.
"I came here for a blood test," sobbed Bill.
"So? Are you afraid?"
"No. For the blood test, they cut my finger."
As Bob heard this, he immediately began crying profusely.
Astonished, Bill stopped his tears and asked Bob, "Why are you crying now?"
To which Bob replied, "I came for a u**... test!"

Two children are in a doctor’s waiting room, and one of them is crying.

"Why are you crying?" asked the other child.
"I’m here for a blood test, and they’re going to cut my finger."
When he heard this, the other child started to cry.
"Why are you crying?"
"I’m here for a u**... test."

I was cooking last night and made a joke about being able to figure out the fractions in my head without cutting one of my fingers off. No one laughed.

Guess I wasn't appealing to the lowest common denominator.

A man calls home to his wife after an accident at the factory.

He says, "I had a bad accident with a punch press, and it cut off my finger."
She asks, "The whole finger?"
He replies, "No, the one next to it."

Car Keys

Tom and Barney got out and locked the car in a hurry, forgetting to remove the key from the ignition.
Realizing their mistake, Tom asked, "Why don't we use a coat hanger to open it?"
"No, that won't work," answered Barney. "People will think we're trying to break in."
So Tom suggested, "What if we use a pocketknife to cut around the rubber, then stick a finger in, and pull up the lock?"
"No," said Barney. "People will think we're too dumb to use a coat hanger."
"Well," sighed Tom, "we'd better thing of something quick. It's starting to rain, and the sun roof is open!"

3 Men Die and go to Heaven... (Joke dedicated to phoncible)

St. Peter at the gate says that there is only one spot left, and he'll give it to the guy that died in the worst way between the three of them.
So the first guy says, "I came home from work, suspecting my wife of cheating on me. I find no man around, but my wife is disrobed and laying in the bed. Finally, after searching for awhile, I find a man hanging off our balcony. So I hammer him fingers until he falls to his death. Unfortunately, he lands in some bushes and, save for a few cuts and bruises, he's alright. So, as mad as I am, I throw our fridge out over the balcony on top of him. I felt so bad, that I shot myself."
St. Peter says, "My, that's a terrible story. I don't know if these 2 can top that."
So the second guy begins. "Well, I'm doing yoga on my balcony in just my sweatpants. I live on the 23rd floor of my apartment building. Well, due to an odd series of yoga stretches, I fall. Luckily, I caught the floor below me. And here comes someone to help me up! But then he starts hammering my fingers! So I fall, thinking this is it. But I land in some bushes and I'm OK! And that's when I see a refrigerator..."
St. Peter is stunned, thinking no one can top this story. So the third guy looks at the others and says,
"Picture this. You're n**... in a refrigerator."

So the army is forced to cut the pensions of some of their veterans...

In order to repay the veterans for their service they bring in three veterans. They tell the three that they will be reimbursed in money, in that each one can choose two points of their body, and the distance between the two will be how much money they receive.
Anyway, the first man goes and says, "I'll have my outstretched wingspan measured."
His wingspan is 160cm, so he is given $160.
The second man chooses the top of his head and his feet.
His height is 175cm, so he is given $175.
The third man steps up and says, "I'll have the distance from my right palm to my right index finger."
The military people first are confused, but then the man taking the measurements looks at his hand.
"Where's your right index finger, soldier?"
The veteran smiles and says, "Back where I lost it, in Vietnam."

An artist, an engineer, and a civil planner are arguing about God's occupation by observing the human body.

The artist says, "God is an artist. You only need to see the beautiful shapes of our muscles, the rich colors of our skin, the textures of our hair to see that."
The engineer says, "God is a engineer. You only need to see the wonders of the human body and its ability to grow and rebuild itself, the perfect mechanisms of its joints, its balance and speed and grace to see that."
The civil planner gives them the finger and says, "God is an accountant! That sumbitch cut the cost of materials in half by running a waste disposal plant through a pristine recreational area!"

A blonde detective is approached by a rookie

and he asks her how she thinks they will identify a victim if the victim has been decapitated and had his fingers hands cut off. The blonde detective responds with "It's simple, how many people do you think there are in this city without heads? All you need to do is run their picture against our database!"

Two Children Were Waiting In The Doctor's Waiting Room. The Little Girl Started Crying.

Little Boy Asked Her: Why Are You Crying?
The Girl Said: I'm Here For Blood Test And The Doctor Is Going To Cut My Finger
The Little Boy Too Started Crying.
Girl: Now Why Are You Crying?
Boy: I'm Here For The u**... Test

A man has an accident at the factory where he works...

He calls his wife and says "Meet me at the hospital! I just cut off my finger!"
Wife says "The whole finger?!?"
He says "No, the one next to it"

Bring the fingers.

A man working with an electric saw accidentally cuts off all of his fingers.
At the emergency room, his doctor says, "Give me the fingers, and I'll see what I can do."
The injured man repies, "But I don't have the fingers!"
"Why didn't you bring them?" the doctor asks.
The injured man responds, "Doc, I couldn't pick them up."

A man gets into an accident in which both his ring fingers are cut off.

Needless to say, his wife was shocked.

A blonde goes to a doctor...

"Doctor, doctor! When I press my body, it hurts!", says the blonde
"Well, could you show me where exactly it hurts?", the doctor replied.
She then procceeds to press some spots, an "ow" with every press. The doctor then gives her a band-aid.
"What am I going to do with a single band-aid?", asks the blonde.
"Cover up the cut in your finger."

I was having a quick rest at the gym last night

when i noticed a hole in my trainer just big enough to fit my finger in, to cut a long story short, she complained and now I have to find another gym.

A little girl and boy are in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl starts to cry so the little boy asks her "What's wrong?"

The little girl responds "I have to get a blood test so they're going to cut open my finger."
The little boy's jaw drops and he says "Oh no! I'm getting a u**... test."

Ever hear the story of the woman who swallowed a razor?

She got a tonsillectomy, histerectomy, circumsized her husband, and cut off the neighbor's finger.


Two guys were crying in front of a hospital when they meet a common friend of theirs. The friend asked them why they were crying.
First guy: I was here for a blood test and they cut my finger for blood sample.
The friend said it's perfectly natural and thats how they take a sample. The second guy immediately started crying harder then before. The friend got confused and asked him what happened.
Second guy: I'm here for u**... test.

A walks into a drug store in London

A man walks into a drugstore in London and ask the pharmacist for some American razor blades. The pharmacist asks if he is sure, because England makes the finest razor blades in the world. But the man insists on American razor blades.
"Have it your way" says the pharmacist, "but I can assure you that ours are the best. Just last week my wife accidentally swallowed one. It gave her a tonsillectomy, a hysterectomy, an appendectomy, circumcised the gardner, emasculated the chauffeur, cut two of the butler's fingers off, and I still got ten shaves out of it"

Another Blonde Joke

Two blondes stood by a car in which they had accidentally locked the key.
We need to get in there, says the first blonde. Why don't we use a coat hanger to slide the lock open?
No, says the second. People'd think we're trying to steal the car.
I have a pair of scissors, says the first. We could use it to cut around the rubber, then stick a finger in and pull up the lock."
No, they'd just say we're too s**... to use a coat hanger.
Well, we'd better think of something fast, sighed the first blonde. It's starting to rain and all the car windows are open.

In a pinch, you can cut the fingers off of rubber gloves and use each of them as a contraceptive.

Just a handy tip.

The butcher

A butcher gets his finger stuck in a slicer and cuts it off. He spends all day at the hospital getting the stump sewn up, then calls his wife.
"Honey, I'm in the hospital," he says. "I accidentally cut off my finger, but I'm OK."
"Oh, God!" she cries. "The whole finger?"
"No. The one next to it."

Three Surgeons meet in a bar...

Three Surgeons meet in a bar and talk about their work. The first one says "I sew 2 fingers that were cut off back on a guys hand, and I did it so well that he still became a famous pianist". The second one says "Thats nothing, I sew a guys legs back to his torso and did it so well that he still was able to win gold in the olympics". The third one says "a cowboy and his horse were hit by a train and the only thing i had left to work with was the guys a**... and the horses blond mane. I did my best and the guy became president of the USA".

Bill and Bob..

Bill and Bob, two ten year olds, were sitting in the waiting room of a pediatric clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly.
"Why are you crying?" Bob asked.
"I came here for a blood test," sobbed Bill.
"So? Are you afraid?"
"No. For the blood test, but mom said they will cut my finger to get the blood."
As Bob heard this, he immediately began crying profusely.
Astonished, Bill stopped his tears and asked Bob, "And why are you crying now?"
To which Bob replied, "Mom brought me for a u**... test!"

One day a man working at a lumber mill had his finger cut off.

When he got home after work and told his wife she asked, "The whole finger?" He replied, "No, the one next to it."

A guy lost his finger in an accident at work.

When he got to the hospital he called his wife and said "Hey honey I'm OK but I cut my finger off at work".
"The whole finger?" she asked
"No" he replied, "the one next to it."

jokes about cut off finger

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these cut off finger jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.