Cut Grass Jokes
44 cut grass jokes and hilarious cut grass puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cut grass that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Cut Grass Short Jokes
Short cut grass jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cut grass humour may include short mowing grass jokes also.
- I'm having some Italian grass put in my yard. Then I can mow Milan. Hopefully I can cut a pisa grass while I Rome around.
- Dads Anonymous Dad: Go on, it's safe here.
Me: Sometimes I don't cut the grass in a pattern
*One dad vomits, another stops grilling entirely* - Did you hear about the anemic guy that cut all the grass on earth in a square pattern? He mow globe in cells
- I recently learned that the smell of fresh cut grass is the smell plants give if when under duress, and I like that smell... I guess this makes me a sado-*manicurist*
- If you start to cut the grass at 9am in the morning on a Saturday, please stop You're ruining my bagpipe practice
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Cut Grass One Liners
Which cut grass one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cut grass? I can suggest the ones about mowing the lawn and lawn mowing.
- What's the best kind of grass for your front yard? Emo grass. Cuz it cuts itself.
- I bought some of that emo grass seed, it's brilliant. The grass cuts itself.
- If you cut the grass around your deck ... It makes your deck look bigger.
- My grass loves when I cut it. I make it mown.
- Did you hear about the new "emo" grass? People love it because it cuts itself.
- What is the benefit of having emo grass? It cuts itself
- I really don't want to cut the grass in my yard when I get home. I need some mowtivation
- Why didn't the castle cut the grass It was already moat.
- When will the procrastinator cut the grass? In a mow
- Why don't they mow the lawn at Hot Topic? The grass cuts itself
- I'm supposed to be playing farmville But this one player keeps cutting my grass
- What do they call the work when Webster long cuts the grass? Emmanuel labor
- Why did Bob get 'Emo' Grass for his lawn? Because it cuts itself.
Cut Grass Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about cut grass you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean grass jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cut grass pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman was nagging her husband to cut the grass, to which the husband answered, "What do I look like to you? A landscaper?!" Next time the sink was dripping, she asked him again, "Honey, can you fix the faucet?" The husband replied, "What do I look like to you? A Plumber?!" Two days later, a light bulb went out and she begged him again, "Honey, can you change the light bulb?" His reply was, "What am I? An electrician?!" A few days later, the husband comes home from work to find that the lawn is cut, the faucet is fixed, the light bulb is changed. Very surprised, he says, "Honey, what happened here?" The wife replies, "You know our new next door neighbor? He came over and fixed everything." The husband says, "Honey, how did you pay him?!" "Oh, you know," the wife says, "he told me that I could either bake him a cake or have s**... with him." Somewhat relieved the husband asks, "Whew, so what kind of a cake did you bake for him?" The wife replies, "Who do you think I am? Betty Crocker?!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
You ever cut your grass and found a car.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
You own a homemade fur coat.
The people on j**... Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You're a r**... if:
-You have more fingers than you do teeth
-You cut your grass and find a car
-You consider Denny's a Fancy Resturant
-Your best Suit contains more than 5 colors
-Your age is higher than your I.Q.
-Your favorite pickup line is "Does this look infected to you?"
-You ask your wife whether the spot on your neck is a boil or a mole and she replies "It's a gummy bear."
-You have a family reunion and everyone in town shows up.
-You say "Watch this" every time before you goto the hospital.
-Your wife and ex-wife are sisters.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mowing the grass.
One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting on my porch, drinking a beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung."
I calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass."
Bubba n' Buford
Bubba n' Buford were sittin' on their porch one afternoon drinkin' beer n' bein' entertained by the bug zapper when this semi haulin' sod comes over the hill n' passes in front of their trailer. Bubba declares, "When we get rich I'm gonna do that!". Buford, asks "Do what?". Bubba looks at Buford like he's a idiot n' says, "Well duh, send our grass out to get it cut like them folks!".
Abraham Lincoln walks out in his garden in heaven and sees his neighbor in his own garden
Abraham: "Your grass is getting long, shouldn't you cut it?"
Neighbor: "Yeah... You know, I used to have people for that..."
When a family's lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, the wife kept hinting to the husband that he should get it fixed, but somehow, he always had something else to take care of first - the shed, the boat, making beer...
Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When the husband arrived home one day, he found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. The husband watched silently for a minute, went into the house and came out again with a toothbrush. He said, "Here, when you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My son likes rap music, but he's only 7 so when he asks what certain words mean, I lie....
for example, when rappers talk about "w**..." they're just talking about the weeds in their grass... and when they "smoke w**..." that just means they're killing the weeds in their lawn...
his favorite line is "HEY HEY HEY HEY... Smoke w**... Everyday".... I had to explain to him that it's by Nate Dogg. Nate being short for Nature of course, because he loves gardening... which is why he has so many h**....
I hadn't cut our own grass for a while and it's starting to get long... my son came up to me the other day and said, "Dad, you need to smoke some w**...!"
It was a beautiful summer day.
Birds were singing and a lovely smell of newly cut grass came along with the wind. I saw some gentlemen in the distance, all dressed up in fancy expensive clothing. One of them spotted me and started to wave and calling out my name. I gladly waved back at him, even though I had no idea who he was, but then it hit me...
That was the last time I went daydreaming on a golf course.
Signed,
Mr Fore
I use to work for a hardware store.
I was being trained by this older gentlemen and he was telling me that the job was all about the up sale. I told me to watch as he went up to someone buying grass seed.
"You should buy this new lawn mower too. You don't want to be cutting your nice new grass with an old lawnmower."
So I turn around and see a guy with a box of tampons and give it a try.
"You should buy a new lawn mower. Your weekends ruined anyway, might as well cut the grass."
Yard work
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
A drunk is passed out in a local park, face down in the freshly cut grass. He finally comes to, staggers to the bar accross the street and goes in.
The bartender looks up and says, "Why the lawn face?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Gas prices are so high these days I used v**... in my lawnmower,
... now my grass is half cut.