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Cut Grass Jokes

58 cut grass jokes and hilarious cut grass puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cut grass that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Cut Grass Jokes

Short cut grass jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cut grass humour may include short cutting grass jokes also.

  1. I'm having some Italian grass put in my yard. Then I can mow Milan. Hopefully I can cut a pisa grass while I Rome around.
  2. Dads Anonymous Dad: Go on, it's safe here.
    Me: Sometimes I don't cut the grass in a pattern
    *One dad vomits, another stops grilling entirely*
  3. Did you hear about the anemic guy that cut all the grass on earth in a square pattern? He mow globe in cells
  4. Why don't they mow the lawn at Hot Topic? The grass cuts itself
  5. I recently learned that the smell of fresh cut grass is the smell plants give if when under duress, and I like that smell... I guess this makes me a sado-*manicurist*
  6. I wish my grass was depressed So it would cut itself
  7. If you start to cut the grass at 9am in the morning on a Saturday, please stop You're ruining my bagpipe practice
  8. I'm supposed to be playing farmville But this one player keeps cutting my grass
  9. What do they call the work when Webster long cuts the grass? Emmanuel labor
  10. So I heard Mexicans are good at cutting grass. No wonder half the country is desert.

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Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about cut grass can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of cut grass puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Cut Grass One Liners

Which cut grass one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cut grass? I can suggest the ones about mowing grass and mowing the lawn.

  1. I wish grass was emo... ...then it would cut itself.
  2. What's the best kind of grass for your front yard? Emo grass. Cuz it cuts itself.
  3. My Dad has got a great new job. He has 600 men under him. He cuts grass at the graveyard.
  4. I wish my grass was emo So it could cut itself
  5. I wish my grass was emo.... So that it would cut itself
  6. I bought some of that emo grass seed, it's brilliant. The grass cuts itself.
  7. If you cut the grass around your deck ... It makes your deck look bigger.
  8. I just reseeded my lawn with emo grass. It cuts itself...
  9. My grass loves when I cut it. I make it mown.
  10. Did you hear about the new "emo" grass? People love it because it cuts itself.
  11. What is the benefit of having emo grass? It cuts itself
  12. I really don't want to cut the grass in my yard when I get home. I need some mowtivation
  13. Why didn't the castle cut the grass It was already moat.
  14. When will the procrastinator cut the grass? In a mow
  15. Emo grass It cuts its self

Cut Grass Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about cut grass you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean mowing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make cut grass prank.

A woman was nagging her husband to cut the grass, to which the husband answered, "What do I look like to you? A landscaper?!" Next time the sink was dripping, she asked him again, "Honey, can you fix the faucet?" The husband replied, "What do I look like to you? A Plumber?!" Two days later, a light bulb went out and she begged him again, "Honey, can you change the light bulb?" His reply was, "What am I? An electrician?!" A few days later, the husband comes home from work to find that the lawn is cut, the faucet is fixed, the light bulb is changed. Very surprised, he says, "Honey, what happened here?" The wife replies, "You know our new next door neighbor? He came over and fixed everything." The husband says, "Honey, how did you pay him?!" "Oh, you know," the wife says, "he told me that I could either bake him a cake or have s**... with him." Somewhat relieved the husband asks, "Whew, so what kind of a cake did you bake for him?" The wife replies, "Who do you think I am? Betty Crocker?!"

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.


You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
You ever cut your grass and found a car.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
You own a homemade fur coat.
The people on j**... Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.

You're a r**... if:
-You have more fingers than you do teeth
-You cut your grass and find a car
-You consider Denny's a Fancy Resturant
-Your best Suit contains more than 5 colors
-Your age is higher than your I.Q.
-Your favorite pickup line is "Does this look infected to you?"
-You ask your wife whether the spot on your neck is a boil or a mole and she replies "It's a gummy bear."
-You have a family reunion and everyone in town shows up.
-You say "Watch this" every time before you goto the hospital.
-Your wife and ex-wife are sisters.

Mowing the grass.

One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting on my porch, drinking a beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung."
I calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass."

Bubba n' Buford

Bubba n' Buford were sittin' on their porch one afternoon drinkin' beer n' bein' entertained by the bug zapper when this semi haulin' sod comes over the hill n' passes in front of their trailer. Bubba declares, "When we get rich I'm gonna do that!". Buford, asks "Do what?". Bubba looks at Buford like he's a idiot n' says, "Well duh, send our grass out to get it cut like them folks!".

Why did Bob get 'Emo' Grass for his lawn?

Because it cuts itself.

Irish joke

p**... an m**... are sitting at the bus stop.
They see a truck drive by loaded with turf.
p**... says to m**...
'That's while I'll do when I'm rich m**...'
p**...;
'Whats that m**...?'
m**...;
'Send me grass away to get cut'

Abraham Lincoln walks out in his garden in heaven and sees his neighbor in his own garden

Abraham: "Your grass is getting long, shouldn't you cut it?"
Neighbor: "Yeah... You know, I used to have people for that..."

Little johnny is asked to use the word contagious in a sentence.

My dad was watching my mom cut the grass out the front window.
He was yelling, at the rate she's cutting the grass, It's going to take that contagious.

When a family's lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, the wife kept hinting to the husband that he should get it fixed, but somehow, he always had something else to take care of first - the shed, the boat, making beer...

Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When the husband arrived home one day, he found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. The husband watched silently for a minute, went into the house and came out again with a toothbrush. He said, "Here, when you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

My son likes rap music, but he's only 7 so when he asks what certain words mean, I lie....

for example, when rappers talk about "w**..." they're just talking about the weeds in their grass... and when they "smoke w**..." that just means they're killing the weeds in their lawn...
his favorite line is "HEY HEY HEY HEY... Smoke w**... Everyday".... I had to explain to him that it's by Nate Dogg. Nate being short for Nature of course, because he loves gardening... which is why he has so many h**....
I hadn't cut our own grass for a while and it's starting to get long... my son came up to me the other day and said, "Dad, you need to smoke some w**...!"

It was a beautiful summer day.

Birds were singing and a lovely smell of newly cut grass came along with the wind. I saw some gentlemen in the distance, all dressed up in fancy expensive clothing. One of them spotted me and started to wave and calling out my name. I gladly waved back at him, even though I had no idea who he was, but then it hit me...
That was the last time I went daydreaming on a golf course.
Signed,
Mr Fore

One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting on my front door step, drinking a beer and watching my girlfriend mow the lawn.

The lady from across the street was so outraged at this that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung!" I smiled and calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass".

Saturday afternoon

I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my pregnant wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from
across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me:
"You should be hung."
I took a drink from Corona, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened sunglasses and stared directly at this nosey neighbor and then calmly replied:
"I am, that's why she cuts the grass."

I use to work for a hardware store.

I was being trained by this older gentlemen and he was telling me that the job was all about the up sale. I told me to watch as he went up to someone buying grass seed.
"You should buy this new lawn mower too. You don't want to be cutting your nice new grass with an old lawnmower."
So I turn around and see a guy with a box of tampons and give it a try.
"You should buy a new lawn mower. Your weekends ruined anyway, might as well cut the grass."

Yard work

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

A drunk is passed out in a local park, face down in the freshly cut grass. He finally comes to, staggers to the bar accross the street and goes in.

The bartender looks up and says, "Why the lawn face?"

Gas prices are so high these days I used v**... in my lawnmower,

... now my grass is half cut.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these cut grass jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.