Cut And Paste Jokes
19 cut and paste jokes and hilarious cut and paste puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cut and paste that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Cut And Paste Short Jokes
Short cut and paste jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cut and paste humour may include short copy paste jokes also.
- My long past criminally psychopathic grandfather's favourite joke: What do you get if you cut a policeman's head into four pieces? Police Headquarters…..
- My tailor has been really angry the past few weeks. This morning, he even refused to fixed my new pants which were too long I asked if he could cut me some slack
- "Rabbi, could you please perform a circumcision for my son" Rabbi :"What's his age ? "
Man : "8 years "
Rabbi :" what? That's way past the usual cut off date "
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Cut And Paste One Liners
Which cut and paste one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cut and paste? I can suggest the ones about copy pasted and cutting.
- We are going to learn to cut and paste kids
Cut And Paste Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about cut and paste you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean copying jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cut and paste pranks.
Japanese Banking Crisis
Uncertainty has hit the Japanese banking industry.
In the past week, Origami bank has folded, Sumo bank has gone belly up and Bonsai bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.
Last week it was announced that Karaoke bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while shares in Kamikaze bank were suspended after they nosedived.
Samurai bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja bank is reported to have taken a hit, but it remains in the black.
Furthermore 500 staff at Karate bank got the chop and analysts report there is something fishy going on at Sushi bank where it's feared staff may get a raw deal.
Today marks 5 weeks of isolation...
I'm walking 2 miles a day, no meat, dairy or flour. Eating fresh vegetables and home cooked meals every day. The change has been fantastic! I feel great!
Zero alcohol, a healthy diet, gluten free, caffeine free, sugar free and a 1 hour home workout each day! Lost 20 lbs and gained muscle mass. I've even cut my screen time in half and am reading a book a week.
I have no idea who wrote this, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy and paste.
Last night I was walking home and decided to take a short cut past the cemetery.
3 girls walked up to me and explained that they were really scared to walk past the cemetery at night, so I agreed to let them walk along with me. I told them "I understand, I used to be freaked out too when I was alive." Never seen anyone run that fast!
A grave mistake....
I was walking home last night and decided to take a short cut through the local cemetery. 3 girls walked up to me and explained that they were scared to walk past the cemetery at night, so I agreed to let then walk along with me. I told them "I understand - I used to get freaked out too when I was alive."
Never seen anyone run so fast...!!!
My brother and I were stopped at a red light
My brother and I were stopped at a red light when a landscaping truck drove past, its entire back laden with fresh green sod.
"Wow," he deadpanned. "I wish I had enough money to send my lawn out to get cut."
Short message telegram
In days past, pre- phones and faxes and emails, a group of young ladies went on a picnic.
Unfortunately, the picnic was cut short as one of their group, Anna, sat down on an anthill and was rushed to hospital (Accident and Emergency in the UK).
Her friends needed to inform Anna's parents, but only had enough money to send a six word telegram (in addition to the address).
The telegram read, "Anacin hospital adamant bitter asinine places."
Today marks 4 weeks of isolation. Been running 2.5 miles a day, drinking 2 gallons of water, cut out ALL meat, sugar, dairy and flour. I feel great! Zero alcohol, a healthy vegan diet, gluten free, caffeine free, sugar free and a 30 minute home workout each day.
I have no idea who originally posted this, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy & paste!
CUT TO THE PAST
Ian is a barber and one day after servicing a haircut, a customer instead of money, gives him a crystal sphere and Ian, not wanting to argue and especially liking the sphere, accepts it.
He presses the Sphere and suddenly he's transported to ancient Egypt with all the scissor and blades in hand.
The Greeks spot him and yell 'BarberIan'.
A guy wants to commit s**...
A guy wants to commit s**... but he has tried in the past and failed. This time he is ready and has a failsafe plan. He decides that he is going to s**... poison, shoot himself in the head and hang himself at the same time. He goes to the local bridge and ties a rope around the railing. He places the noose around his neck, puts the gun to his temple and takes a mouthful of poison and jumps. The gun goes off and he misses his head and the bullet cuts the rope in half. He screams as he falls into the water below. The water rushes into his mouth and washes the poison away. He swims to shore and says " Thank God, if I hadn't been able to swim I might have drowned."
A police officer stops a car and says:
- "Congratulations, sir! You are the 1,000,000th car to drive over this bridge - you win $10,000!"
- "What will you do with that money?"
The driver gets very emotional and says,
- "First of all, I'll finally make my drivers license!"
The wife cuts in,
- "Don't listen to him, officer, he's still drunk!"
A-hard-of-hearing granny from the backseat grumbles,
- "I knew we shouldn't have taken the stolen car!"
A voice from the trunk adds,
- "Hey, are we past the border yet?"
Three doctors are sitting on a park bench when a man limps past...
The first doctor sees him and says, I've been a podiatrist for 10 years, and I bet $1000 that man has bone spurs.
No way! says the chiropractor, I've had my practice for 20 years and that is a clear-cut spinal issue. Can't you see how crooked his back is?
Nope, says the orthopedic surgeon. I've had more training than both of you combined and I'm certain that this man has hip damage.
The doctor's arguing grew so loud that the man overheard them. Well gentlemen, he said, All four of us were wrong.
I thought it was a f**...!
The 2016 Presidential Election ended in a tie
So then president Obama decided the tie breaker would a race around the White House, with the fastest time being awarded the presidency. Bernie Sanders being the honest man he is went first, but is older and well past his physical prime, completed the race on 17 minutes 46 seconds. Trump being the next man up is in a bit better physical shape in 15 minutes even. Hilary Clinton wanting to assure the country is safe from Donald Trump cuts a few corners to improve her time. At the finish line Obama informs her she ran a time of 10 minutes 17 seconds. "Wow!" Hilary responds "10:17 must be a record!" jumping for joy. "Not exactly" States Obama. "Bush did 9:11"
A woman answers the door to a market researcher.
A woman answers the door to a market researcher. Good morning, madam, I'm doing some
research for Vaseline. Do you use it at all in your household?
Oh yes, all the time. It's very good for cuts, scrapes and burns.
Do you use it for anything else?
Like what?
Ahem.. err.. well.. during.. ahem.. s**....
Oh, of course. Yes, I smear it on the bedroom doorknob to keep my husband out!
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Copy and Paste from internet
A pirate at the local bar discusses his past.
A s**... meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The s**... notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The s**... asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the s**.... "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the s**.... "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"