Customs Border Jokes
13 customs border jokes and hilarious customs border puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about customs border that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Customs Border Short Jokes
Short customs border jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The customs border humour may include short customs jokes also.
- A geman goes to the french border A german goes to the french border and talks to an customs agent.
Agent: "Occupation?"
German: "Not today" - My first day working at border customs was hectic we arrested a big group of German meat smugglers. It was a wurst case scenario.
- Crossing the border the customs officer asked me I had any drugs or firearms, to which I responded... ...what do you need?
- A German crosses the French border... A French customs officer stops him and asks him some questions.
'Name?'
'Baer Vitme.'
'Residence?'
'Ludwigslust.'
'Occupation?'
'Not yet, just visiting!' - What do you call a modified practice amongst border security workers? A custom custom custom.
- At the Holland border. So a guy is going through the Holland custom. The officer ask him:
-Do you have alcohol?
-No.
-Do you have weapons?
-No.
-Do you have drugs?
-No.
-Want some? - A German is trying to to make his way to Paris At the border, the French customs agent asks him
Name?
Hans Mueller.
Place of residence?
Munich.
Occupation?
No, just vacation this time.
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Giggle-Inducing Customs Border Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about customs border you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean boarder jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make customs border pranks.
A Russian citizen is crossing the border into Ukraine and hands his passport to the customs officer.
The customs officer asks: "Name?"
The Russian replies: "Vladimir Krylov"
The customs officer continues: "Occupation?"
The Russian replies: "Not yet, just visiting."
Five guys in an audi Quattro...
...arrive at the Italian border.
The Italian customs officer stops them and says,
"It'sa i**... to p**... five people in a Quattro."
"What are you talking about?" the driver asked.
"Quattro meansa four, and you are five-a people."
"Quattro is just the name of the car."
"Don'ta think you can fool me! Quattro meansa four and you are five-a people, you are breakinga the law."
"You idiot! Call your supervisor, I need to speak with someone with more intelligence!"
"He can'ta come."
"Why not?"
"He'sa busy witha two guys in an Uno."
An experienced customs officer is having a shift on the border
At some point he sees a man pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat. He stops him at the border.
"What do you have in this sack?"
"Sand."
"Well let me check."
The officer opens up the bag and indeed it's full of sand. He searches it throughly, but there's nothing else, so he lets the man go.
The next day the same man shows up, again pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat, and again there was nothing but sand in it.
After a few days of this playing out, the customs officer holds up the man a little longer.
"Listen pal, I've been in this job for 10 years now, I can recognize a smuggler from a mile away. I have no definite proof, but I know you have been taking something past this border and it's driving me crazy. Let's make a deal - you tell me what you are smuggling and I won't stop you any more. So what is it?"
And the man replied.
"Bicycles."
Twice a week, a Belgian riding a bicycle crossed the German border...
And he always carried a suitcase filled with sand.
Each time, the customs officials searched his suitcase for contraband, but always in vain.
Sometimes, they even emptied all the sand out, expecting to find some i**... item.
They racked their brains but never found anything.
It was many years later, long after the Belgian had vanished from the scene that they learned the truth.
He had been smuggling bicycles.
A bus full of Russians are at the Belarussian border.
The customs official eyes them suspiciously. He asks the first guy:
"Name?"
"Ah, Boris Ivanovich."
"Do you have a visa?"
"No, but we were invited here."
"Occupation?"
"No, we are just police support. The occupation forces are in the next bus."
A WWII joke for you guys...
Olaf Scholz, the German chancellor, visits France and is not recognized by the customs guard at the French border.
'Name?', the guard barks out.
'Olaf Scholz', he says.
'Occupation?'
'Oh no,' he says, 'just for a few days.'
An American customs agent and an Canadian customs agent are having a beer after a long week.
The Canadian says "Man, you wouldn't believe this dumb American r**... trying to cross the border. I ask him 'Do you have any weapons, son?' and the kid says "Sure, whatcha need?'"
The American scoffs. "I got you beat. About three weeks ago, this dumb Canadian punk comes down. I ask him 'Are you carrying any fruits or vegetables?' The kid thinks for a second and says 'Is m**... a vegetable?'"
Aussie customs
Going through the Australian border control, the customs officer interviewed me and all went well until he asked whether I had any criminal record. He was not impressed with my answer: I didn't know it was still necessary.