Customer Service Jokes

Most of our music store customers have a story about their old vinyl collection.

Once, a man asked how much a record cost.
My coworker quoted him the price, then added, "But there's a surcharge if we have to listen to how your mother made you throw out all your old vinyl records."

At the supermarket checkout, the cashier was having trouble finding the price for my cucumber.

"Maybe the list is alphabetical," I offered.
So he started searching from the bottom of the list: "Q... Q... Q..."

I ordered a foot-long sandwich from a take-out restaurant and asked the clerk to cut it into fourths.
"I'm sorry, I can't," she said. "I already cut it in half."

I decided to grab a burger at a drive-thru.

There were no cars in sight, so I rolled up to the pay window.
"We're still serving breakfast. And you have to order at the speaker," the clerk scolded.
I drove all the way around the building to the squawk box and ordered a breakfast sandwich.
"I'm sorry," she said, "we are now serving lunch."

A woman stopped by our customer-service desk and asked me for a copy of the book that has Jesus in it.
After much back-and-forth, I determined that she wanted the Bible.
After searching for a particular book on dinosaurs in the science section without luck, a customer looked to me for help.
She showed me a piece of paper with the title written on it: Thesaurus.

A waiter walks up to a table of old ladies eating their lunch and asks, "Is anything OK?"

An aching back sent me stumbling to the drugstore for relief.

After a search, I found what I was looking for: a selection of heating pads specifically for people with back pain—all on the bottom shelf.

Johny went to the butchery, because he wanted to buy a little brain, so he has asked the saleswoman: "have you got a little brain?"
The saleswoman has said: "yes, we have."
Johny has asked her: "and is the little brain still fresh?"
The saleswoman has said: "yes, yesterday he has successfully solved the crossword puzzles."

One day little Johnny asked his teacher
"

So you know how most stores have 'you break it you buy it' rule?
The teacher responded "Yes why?"
Johnny said "Well do you think if you were to be looking at babies to adopt and dropped one that the orphange would make you buy it?"

I think you press "0" to be connected with customer service because that's the amount of help they give you.

So i went to Walmart today...

... and asked customer service for gta5. She was confused so I told her that it was a game with a black guy who crashed his car, sleeps with prostitutes, and attacks people with his golf club. She came later with Tiger Woods PGA 2010.

My Car Won't Drive At Night

The service department of a BMW dealership took a call. The customer stated that his car, a 380i, will not drive at night.
The advisor, flummoxed at this, asks for more detail.
"You see," the owner replies, "when it is daytime, I put the car in 'D' and it drives like a dream."
"But when I put it in 'N' for Nighttime....'"

A man phones the customer service of a beer company.

A man phones the customer service of a beer company.
Customer service: "Hello, what can I help you with today?"
Man: "There is something wrong with your beer, it made me blow chunks!"
Customer service: "Well ya, it'll do that."
Man: "No I don't think you understand... Chunks is my dog!"

The Problem With New Jeans

I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight.
Was anything wrong with them? the clerk asked.
Yes, I said. They hurt my 
feelings.

When robots take over retail jobs...

...will customers complain about poorly programmed customer service?

Amazon are launching their full online supermarket service in London today

All customers will be forced to accept cookies

I talked to a guy named Youssef today from customer service

I rated him 5 stars for being yousseful

A clothing store down the street from me has gotten really lazy with their customer service

I just saw them put up a sign that says "Suit yourself!"

Most Airlines claim to have claim their customer service is "unbeatable"

Only United can say its is "undefeated"

I run a mail order bride service based out of Prague.

I had a customer call and complain the other day about his order not arriving. It was alright though, I just reassured him that his Czech was in the mail.

Comcast's newest commercial really gave me a laugh.

They boasted their fast internet speeds, lower prices, and amazing customer service. Not to mention how they boasted supporting net neutrality.
Are there two companies named Comcast?

The company next door had to close after losing all customers and their new CEO was fired

Apparently Open House is not the thing to do for someone specialized in security services

CUT TO THE PAST

Ian is a barber and one day after servicing a haircut, a customer instead of money, gives him a crystal sphere and Ian, not wanting to argue and especially liking the sphere, accepts it.
He presses the Sphere and suddenly he's transported to ancient Egypt with all the scissor and blades in hand.
The Greeks spot him and yell 'BarberIan'.

I work in Customer Service

because I'm really good at apologizing for things that aren't my fault.

Customer service at restaurants is HORRIBLE.

Every time I use one of their restrooms, I see "Employees must wash hands" on the mirror. So I wait for HOURS, but not ONCE has an employee EVER showed up to wash them for me.

I called AMC customer service to ask if I could use popcorn vouchers to cover a margin call.

The short answer is no.

I tried having my mother's phone disconnected, but customer service told me that since the account was in my dad's name, he'd have to be the one to put in the request.....

The fact that he'd been dead for 40 years didn't sway the rep. Then a solution hit me: If I stop paying the bill, you can turn off the service, right?
Well, yes, she said reluctantly. But that would ruin his credit.

3 men in a bar

3 men are in a bar talking about which tavern has the best customer service. Man 1 says; I know a place that gives you a free drink for every 5 you buy. Man 2 says; You think that's good I know a place where for every 2 drinks you get a free third. Man 3 says; Even better, I have heard of a place where you can drink all night free and then you get laid. The other men are amazed and ask where they can find that bar...and man 3 says: I am not sure, You'll have to ask my sister, she goes there every night

A woman called our airline customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board.

Sure, I said, as long as you provide your own kennel.
I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over.
The customer was flummoxed: I'll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!

A woman calls customer service..

"Hi, I bought a maternity dress through your site and I want to cancel the order." she says.
The service rep says, "Sure, I can do that for you.. but I'd also like to get your feedback; may I ask why?"
"Yeah," says the customer. "My delivery was faster than yours was."

I bought a treadmill as part of my New Year's resolution to get in shape.

I've been using it for months and still don't feel like I'm getting anywhere.
UPDATE: tried to return it but customer service is giving me the runaround.

How many customer service representatives does it take to change a lightbulb?

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