Customer Jokes
150 customer jokes and hilarious customer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about customer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article dives into the humorous side of customer service – from the perspective of both the customer and the service provider. Learn about different types of customer jokes, including ones about customer complaints, customer success and a man who confuses the proprietor with the waiter. Add some light-heartedness to your customer service experience!
Quick Jump To
- Short Customer Jokes
- Customer One Liners
- Customer Service Jokes
- Cashier And Customer Jokes
- Customer Support Jokes
- Customer Reviews Jokes
- Customer Success Jokes
- More Customer Jokes
Funniest Customer Short Jokes
Short customer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The customer humour may include short client jokes also.
- I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer Smoking or Non-smoking . Apparently the correct terms are Cremation and Burial .
- Wow. The neighborhood barber just got arrested for dealing drugs. I've been his customer for years. I had no idea he was a barber.
- Just found out the local barber has been arrested for selling drugs. I've been a customer of his for 15 years and I didn't even know he cut hair.
- My asian waiter just handed my food to the wrong customer because he's racist and thinks all white people look the same. Wait, nevermind. That wasn't my waiter.
- Putin at the airport Vladimir Putin arrives at an airport, gets in line at customs desk.
Customs officer: Occupation?
Putin: No, just visiting. - How to win the war on drugs 1) legalize all drugs.
2) require that all drugs be purchased through Comcast customer service. - A British man is visiting Australia. The man at customs asks him
"Do you have a criminal record?"
The british man replies
"I didn't think you'd need one to get into Australia any more." - Our local pizza guy has been arrested for selling drugs I have been a loyal customer for years. I honestly had no idea he was selling pizzas
- What's a pirate's LEAST favorite letter? Dear Customer,
Your internet service has been terminated due to copyright infringement. - My friend has been a limo driver for 20 years and has never had a customer. All this time and nothing to Chauffeur it.
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Customer One Liners
Which customer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with customer? I can suggest the ones about patient and employee.
- He got the order wrong Why did the customer get upset at the waiter?
- I hate people who take drugs... specifically the DEA and US Customs.
- I called up GameStop customer support They told me to hold.
- I hate people that take drugs.. Especially police and customs.
- What does the apple user do when he wants to customize his device? He adjusts the volume.
- I hate people who take drugs Mainly customs officers
- I hate people that take drugs You know, customs officers and policemen.
- Customer: I want cargo space Me: Car no do that. Car no fly
Manager: See me in my office - Customer: What do you have with no fat and no sugar?
Waitress: Napkins.. - What did the tailor say to the fed up customer? Suit yourself.
- A customer asked me to check their balance. ...so I pushed them over and they fell.
- Customer: Waiter, I'm in a hurry! Will the pancakes be long? Waiter: No sir, round.
- What did the impatient barber say to his customer? I think we need to cut this short
- Why does Santa need to have all of his maps custom made? He uses polar coordinates!
- My customers are shocked when they realize I'm not a qualified electrician.
Customer Service Jokes
Here is a list of funny customer service jokes and even better customer service puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Today I learned what the CIA is replacing water boarding with. Verizon Wireless customer service.
- I'm not trying to say that the customer service in my bank is bad... But when i went in the other day, and asked the clerk to check my balance... she leaned over and pushed me.
- I got a psychic reading that said I was going to die happy. The next day I went and got a job in customer service so I'd live forever.
- I ordered a deck of cards from Amazon and two weeks later it hasn't arrived. Customer service told me they're dealing with it.
- Amazon has come up with a new service where they deliver custom made suits within 48 hours. It's called Tailor Swift.
- A blind man complained to customer service He showed the employee a cheese grater and said "This is the worst book I've ever read"
- Comcast's Customer Service ba dum tsss
- Honeymoon Sandwich I work in customer service and yesterday an old guy called just to share a joke with me and make me smile.
What's a honeymoon sandwich?
Lettuce alone with no dressing! - I'm on a customer help live chat right now and the message tone sounds like someone hitting a tennis ball. Now that's service.
- A Latino gang member has received poor customer service at the railway station, so he vandalised one of the train engines in revenge. It was a loco motive.
Cashier And Customer Jokes
Here is a list of funny cashier and customer jokes and even better cashier and customer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a customer with her barcode reader for being rude. The look on his face was priceless.
- I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader. The look on his face was priceless.
- Why did the customer slap the cashier? Because he was checking her out.
- CASHIER: Paper or plastic? CUSTOMER: You choose.
CASHIER: Sorry baggers can't be choosers. - Why did the McDonalds cashier beat up the customer and then strut around bragging about it until police arrived? Someone ordered a McGregor
- A cashier rings up a box of trash bags for a customer... Customer: "I don't know why I keep buying these things, I just end up throwing them out anyways."
- Why did the Whole Foods customer read the numbers on her barcode to the cashier? She didn't want lasers touching her food
- Instead of saying, "And here's your receipt," cashiers should say, "Will you throw this away for me?"
- I love discussing religion with the cashier at the supermarket Because the customer is always right
- What did the happy customer say to the cashier as he left the store? Good buy!
Customer Support Jokes
Here is a list of funny customer support jokes and even better customer support puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I called Robinhood customer support to ask what I should do with my GME shares. They said: PLEASE HOLD.
- Why did the bra shop have a low rating? There were many complains about poor customer support
- EA EA Customer Support.
- I work in a call center and i'm a white dude and had an Indian customer who can't understand tech support... Oh the irony..
- Some people say I'm unemployed, but I say I work.. for steam customer support
- Niantic's customer support minor text fixes
- John Oliver have created few years back the site where you can "Scream something into the void". Sadly that site is now deleted, but I have found an alternative. It's called the customer support.
- I was disappointed when I discovered that I can't learn Egyptian hieroglyphics on the Rosetta Stone... ...I've tried to contact customer support for three weeks, and they think I'm pranking them.
- How to reach Dell customer support...
- I work for Apple's customer support Me: Hello! What can I help you with today sir?
Him: Can you track a stolen iPhones?
Me: I'm sorry sir, we can not.
Him: Great. *hangs up*
Customer Reviews Jokes
Here is a list of funny customer reviews jokes and even better customer reviews puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If you want to hang yourself and still need a rope... ... take the one without any customer reviews. It should be the best for the job.
- I work as a Customs Officer and yesterday I had my yearly performance review. They feel I'm borderline incompetent.
- I found a noose online that claimed to have a 100% success rate They must have been right because there were no customer reviews
- I was going to buy a chastity belt until I checked the reviews online. Customer satisfaction was terrible.
- A customer leaves a review at a German restaurant. The review: It's not bad, it's the wurst!
- What do you call the practitioner of a restaurant that aggressively goes after customers who leave bad Yelp reviews? The sous-chef.
- Why is working a s**... prevention hotline such an uplifting job? Win or lose, you get no bad customer reviews.
Customer Success Jokes
Here is a list of funny customer success jokes and even better customer success puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why was Disney's massage parlor so successful? All of their customers got happy endings.
- Good gynecologists know the key to success Great customer c**....
- Why was the friendly p**... so successful? Because he ensured all his customers that he would keep them in his thots.
Amusing Customer Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about customer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dealer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make customer pranks.
A software tester walks into a bar
Backs into a bar.
Runs into a bar.
Crawls into a bar.
Dances into a bar.
Flies into a bar.
Jumps into a bar.
And orders:
a beer.
2 beers.
0 beers.
987654321 beers.
a lizard in a beer glass.
\-1 beer.
"qwertyuiop" beers.
Testing complete.
A regular customer walks into the bar and asks where the bathroom is.
The bar bursts into flames.
A software tester walks into a bar.
Runs into a bar.
Crawls into a bar.
Dances into a bar.
Flies into a bar.
Jumps into a bar.
And orders:
a beer.
2 beers.
0 beers.
99999999 beers.
a lizard in a beer glass.
\-1 beer.
"qwertyuiop" beers.
Testing complete.
A real customer walks into the bar and asks where the bathroom is.
The bar goes up in flames.
A software tester walks into a bar.
Runs into a bar.
Crawls into a bar.
Dances into a bar.
Flies into a bar.
Jumps into a bar.
And orders:
a beer.
2 beers.
0 beers.
99999999 beers.
a lizard in a beer glass.
\-1 beer.
"qwertyuiop" beers.
Testing complete.
A real customer walks into the bar and asks where the bathroom is.
The bar goes up in flames.
I tried having my mother's phone disconnected, but customer service told me that since the account was in my dad's name, he'd have to be the one to put in the request.....
The fact that he'd been dead for 40 years didn't sway the rep. Then a solution hit me: If I stop paying the bill, you can turn off the service, right?
Well, yes, she said reluctantly. But that would ruin his credit.
"Make me one with everything," says the Buddhist to the tofu hot dog vendor.
Then, after getting his tofu hot dog, the Buddhist hands the vendor a $20 bill.
The vendor takes the money and begins helping the next customer.
The Buddhist looks puzzled and asks the vendor, "Where is my change?"
The vendor replies, "Change comes from within."
I know we're all supposed to be tolerant of people from other cultures, but is it too much to ask that Asian waiters learn that all Caucasians don't look alike? My waiter just served my food to some other customer!
Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.
What's a Pirate's least favourite letter?
Dear Customer,
Due to recent i**... activities that have been performed through your connection, your internet service has been permanently disconnected.
-Sincerely, your ISP.
A man walks in a bar and shouts free beers outside! So everyone in the bar, except the bartender, ran outside in excitement.
The bartender, visibly angry, yells at the man what the h**... did you do that for? Now i have no customers!!
The man says Sorry mister, i honestly didnt fink any of those men would be brave enough to fight a grizzly beer, let alone free of them
Trumpets and Guns
In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns.
One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?"
"What do you mean strange?"
"Because you sell only trumpets and guns!"
"So?"
"Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?"
"It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear customer,
We are discontinuing your internet service due to suspicious activity/i**... downloading on your network.
Did you hear about the limo driver who was in business for 25 years without a single customer?
All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
I'm pretty sure this is the joke that will yield me my fortune.
Me: Would you like some olive oil on your pasta?
Customer: Is it extra v**...?
Me: *tearing up* No it's the same price
I got fired from my job as a taxi driver.
Turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile.
A day in the life of an IT guy...
Customer: Hi, my computer isn't working.
IT guy: OK, what happens when you try to turn it on?
Customer: Nothing.
IT guy: Can you check to see if it's plugged into the outlet?
Customer: Uhhhh I dunno it's pretty dark back there...
IT guy: ...Can you turn on a light?
Customer: Nope. The power's out.
I got fired on the first day of my new job for asking customers if they would prefer "Smoking or Non-Smoking."
Apparently, the correct phrase is, "Cremation or Burial."
My local barber got arrested for selling c**.... This surprised me, since I have been a customer of him for years now, and i'd never known...
...that he was a barber.
My first day as a car salesman...
Customer: Cargo space?
Me: Car no do that. Car no fly.
Manager: Can I see you in my office?
My local barber was arrested for selling drugs! I was his customer for years!
Never knew he was a barber
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees.
The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter.
That's one too many! says the customer.
The clerk replies It's a freebie .
In my hometown, a barber got arrested for selling drugs.
Blew my mind. I've been his customer for years. I had no idea he was a barber.
Breaking News: In a press media briefing, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz has stated...
"Since we cannot beat our competitors, we have resorted to beating our customers".
"I always try to go the extra mile for my customers"
-New York's most hated cab driver
Courtesy of @lordbeef on Twitter
How many customer service representatives does it take to change a lightbulb?
Your upvote is very important to us, please be assured that we will make the punchline available to you as soon as possible.
A software tester walks into a bar
Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 999999999 beers. Orders a bear. Orders -1 beers. Orders hdtseatfibkd.
First real customer walks into a bar and asks where the bathroom is. The bar bursts into flames killing everyone inside.
I got fired from my job because I kept asking the customers if they prefer smoking or nonsmoking.
Apparently the correct terms are "Cremation" and "Burial".
I just found out my neighborhood barber was arrested for dealing drugs!
I've been his customer for 25 years and I never knew he was a barber.
Jim was lazy, but boy was he clever.
A difficult customer walked into the shop that Jim didn't want to deal with, so he grabbed a mop and pretended to clean up a mess.
The manager came over and asked him what he was doing. After telling him that he was cleaning, the manager said, "It doesn't look messy here."
To which Jim replied, "Why, thank you!"
Smith & Wesson Joke
A customer came in to where I work told me this one. Thought I'd share:
Have you heard Smith & Wesson is making a pair of revolvers to commemorate the government shutdown? They will be called The Congressman and The Senator respectively. They don't actually do anything and you can't fire them.
Tobacco companies kill their best customers
And c**... companies kill their future customers.
Those hedge funds should have known they'd lose money by shorting GME.
As for us Gamestop customers, we fully expect to sell something for $20 and have to spend $500 when we want to buy it back.
A barber got arrested..
A barber got arrested in my area for dealing drugs and I'm totally shook. I've been his customer for years and never knew he was a barber.
My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer.
Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.
I got fired today because I asked a customer whether they wanted it "raw or well done"
I was informed I should have said "burial or cremation" instead.
I had no freaking idea!
I visited a local news website this morning and saw a picture of a good friend of mine on the front page with a title above saying, "A 34-year-old mechanic arrested for dealing drugs". I really thought I knew the guy, but I guess I was wrong. I mean, I've been a loyal customer of his for almost 7 years, and I had no idea that he was a mechanic!
Went and got my first gun yesterday
Went and got a 9mm p**... I go to pay for the gun and the cashier says s**... down facing me
Realizing this is probably because of gun wackos I did as she instructed
When the shrieking from customers and alarms stopped I realized the cashier was referring to how I should swipe my credit card
I used to sell home security systems.
It was super easy.
I went door to door and If the customer wasn't home, I'd just leave my brochure and business card on their dining room table.
Quick, give me a whisky before it gets started!
A man walks into a pub and says to the barman: "Quick, give me a whisky before it gets started!"
"Before what gets started?"
"Never mind, just give me a whisky, quick!"
It sounds urgent, so the barman gives him a drink.
The customer downs it in one gulp and says, "Another, quick, before it gets started!"
The barman gives him another whisky.
But when the man asks for a third one he says, "Hang on, when are you going to pay for these?"
"Oh here we go," says the man, "It's started."
Man: Hey sir! Could I interest you in a microscope?
Customer: No thanks, I'd have no use.
Man: Here is my business card in case you ever do!
Customer: I can't read this, it's too small!
Man: Boy have I got the product for you!
A waitress forgot to ask a customer how he wanted his steak cooked. She returns to the table and asks him. He replies, I like my steak like I like my s**...!
So the waitress turns to the kitchen and shouts, "Very rare."
A man walked by a restaurant in London
He noticed all the customers drinking tea in saucers.
He asked one of them as to why he was drinking tea in a saucer.
With tears in his eyes, he replied, The Italians have taken away our cup"
I got fired from my job as a cashier today...
This customer walked in, picked up something from the counter, walked up to the till and said, "I'd like to pay for a Bagel with Cream Cheese.."
I told him clearly, "I'm sorry sir, we only accept cash or credit"
[first day as a bartender] Customer: I'll have a martini, dry
Me: [staring at all the liquid ingredients] I don't know how to tell you this
I said to the customer, "So you'd like a cheeseburger?" "Yes," He said. "Well done."
"Thank you," I said.
When Samsung asked what customers wanted in their new phone...
They misunderstood when they heard "Lighter."
A Newcastle girl goes into a hair salon
The stylist says "Why aye lass, what do yee want?"
"Can I have a perm please?" says the customer. The stylist responds:
*Ah wandered lernley as a cloud that flerts on high oer vales an' hills...*
A guy goes in an Adult Store in Western Sydney and asks for an inflatable doll.
A guy goes in an Adult Store in Western Sydney and asks for an inflatable doll.
The guy behind the counter says, Male or female ?
The customer says, Female.
The counter guy asks, Black or white?
The customer says, White.
The counter guy asks, Christian or Muslim?
The customer says, What does religion have to do with it?
The counter guy says, The Muslim one blows itself up.
I lost my job as a waiter when I served one of the customers his food.
On the downside, I got chicken all over my tennis racket.
Bag Boy: Paper or plastic, sir?
Customer: Whatever, you pick.
Bag Boy: Sorry, baggers can't be choosers.
Scene at the supermarket...
Customer: Pardon me, but are these vegetables genetically modified?
Clerk: No, sir. Why do you ask?
Carrot: Yeah, why do you ask?
A store manager heard his clerk tell a customer, No, ma'am, we haven't had any for a while, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon.
Horrified, the manager came running over to the customer and said, Of course we'll have some soon. We placed an order last week. Then the manager drew the clerk aside. Never, he snarled, Never, never, never say we're out of anything- say we've got it on order and it's coming. Now, what was it she wanted anyway? The clerk said, Rain!
A man walks up to a counter and says . . .
A man walks up to a counter and says, "Gimme a kielbassi sandwich and a beer."
"Ah," says the person behind the counter. "You must be Polish."
The customer becomes irate. "Now, just a minute," he says, "I happen to take offense at that! Why are you assuming that just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer I must be Polish?"
"Well-"
"If I ordered a plate of spaghetti, would you assume I'm Italian?"
"Well, no."
If I ordered corned beef and cabbage, would you assume I'm Irish?"
"No."
"Then why," said the customer, "are you assuming I'm Polish just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer?"
"Well . . . this is a hardware store."
If I had a dollar every time a customer complained about the price of cinema food.
I could almost afford a small popcorn.
Why did the bartender only charge his customer for the v**... in his screwdriver?
Because as of yesterday, OJ is free.
Quality assurance engineer walks into a bar...
He orders 1 beer.
Then he orders 2 beers.
Then he orders 9999999 beers.
Then he orders -1 beer.
Then he orders a dragon.
Then he asks to buy a jdhdjsbeh
Another customer walks in, asks where the bathroom is. The bar collapses and kills everyone inside
My p**... hair trimming business will limit itself to female customers for the first few months.
I'm new to this, so I don't want to go nuts right away.
A bank robber gets hold of the cash he needs but before fleeing the scene he demands the regular customers to stand in a line
The bank robber ask the first guy in line: "did you see what happened here?"
First guy: "I sure did! And I'm gonna tell the police exactly what happened and what you look lik..."
The bank robber shoots him in the head and ask the next in line the same question.
Second guy: "I assure you I did not see a thing... but my wife here did"
A customer was buying condoms at work today.
I asked if he'd like a bag.
"No, she's not that ugly."
Yesterday a barber in my area was arrested for selling drugs. I've been his customer for years
And I didn't even know he was a barber.
I asked if a customer wanted to dine in or take away...
When at work one evening, someone wanted some fish and chips...
I asked if they wanted to dine in or take away.
He replied with 'Fuck off you p**...!'
I work in a prison.
A local barber was just arrested for selling drugs. As a long time customer, I was very surprised
I had no idea he was a barber
WAITER: "Yes, is there something wrong?"
WAITER: "Yes, sir, is there something wrong?"
CUSTOMER: "The soup. Taste it."
WAITER: "I beg your pardon, Sir?"
CUSTOMER: "Taste it."
WAITER: "But, Sir, I can assure you that the soup is excellent."
CUSTOMER: "Taste it."
WAITER: "Sir, the soup was made this morning of the finest ingredients."
CUSTOMER: "Taste it!"
WAITER: exasperated, "All right, Sir, I'll taste it."
Then after a pause he said, "Where is the spoon?"
CUSTOMER: "Ah ha!!"
What did the p**... say to her customer after he finished paying?
"It was a business doing pleasure with you."
A man boards a plane with six kids
After they get settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle leans over to him and asks, "Are all of those kids yours?" He replies, "No, I work for a c**... company, these are customer complaints."
Tatoos of Elvis
A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a picture of Elvis be tattooed high up on her left thigh.
The tattoo guy complies, but when he's done, the woman looks at the result and says "That doesn't look like Elvis at all!"
The guy says, "I can't do anything to remove it, but I could try again on the other thigh".
The woman agrees, but when all is done, she thinks that the new tattoo looks nothing like Elvis, either and refuses to pay.
The tattoo artist makes a proposal, "Ma'am, I'll ask a customer in the waiting room to come in and have a look at the tattoos. If he can identify Elvis, you pay me. Otherwise, you owe me nothing."
The woman agrees. A customer is called in and the woman, dropping her pants and spreading her legs, says "Do you recognize these famous musicians?"
The guy looks, thinks for a minute, then says "I don't know about the twins, but the one in the middle with the beard and bad breath is definitely w**... Nelson."
quick historical Russian joke from early 90's
Quick context - Soviet Union just collapsed and Moscow streets are full of desperate people trying to some money to survive. A dialogue between street meat vendor (V), and a potential customer (C):
***
C: Was this meat barking or meowing?
V: It was asking s**... questions.
Did you hear about the Starbucks no-mask deal? Mask-less customers who buy a Grande hot coffee today...
Will get a free Venti later
