The Best 88 Custom Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Custom jokes. There are some custom silk jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these custom bracelets puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Custom Jokes and Puns

A client calls to hotline of internet service provider:


I have a problem, internet stopped working two days ago, neither I nor my son nor anyone else can access it now..."

"I see, do you know what's the operating system on your PC?"

"Of course, I do - it's Facebook..."

While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes.

The woman asked, "Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?"

Most of our music store customers have a story about their old vinyl collection.

Once, a man asked how much a record cost.

My coworker quoted him the price, then added, "But there's a surcharge if we have to listen to how your mother made you throw out all your old vinyl records."

Custom joke

A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino's Pizza:

Customer: "

Yoooo I ordered a Pizza & Came with no Toppings on it or anything, it's Just Bread"

Domino's: "We're sorry to hear about this!"

Customer (minutes later): "Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down :/"

A man called, furious about an Orlando, Florida, vacation package we had booked for him:

He was expecting an ocean-view hotel room.

I explained that was not possible since Orlando is in the middle of the state.

"Don't lie to me," he said. "I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state."

Inside a Best Buy store.

Customer: "Can you help me? I'm looking for a shredder."

Coworker: "We have all types of shredders. What will you be shredding primarily?"

Customer: "Collard greens."

When my customer ordered iced tea, I asked, "

Sweetened or unsweetened?"

Her answer: "What's the difference?"

Custom joke

Q: How many telemarketers does it take to change a light-bulb?

A: Only one, but she has to do it while you're eating dinner.

At the supermarket checkout, the cashier was having trouble finding the price for my cucumber.

"Maybe the list is alphabetical," I offered.

So he started searching from the bottom of the list: "Q... Q... Q..."

I ordered a foot-long sandwich from a take-out restaurant and asked the clerk to cut it into fourths.

"I'm sorry, I can't," she said. "I already cut it in half."

If the customer is always right, then why isn't everything free?

You can explore custom garb reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean custom customer service dad jokes. There are also custom puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

An aching back sent me stumbling to the drugstore for relief.

After a search, I found what I was looking for: a selection of heating pads specifically for people with back painβ€”all on the bottom shelf.

I'm not trying to say that the customer service in my bank is bad...

But when i went in the other day, and asked the clerk to check my balance... she leaned over and pushed me.

What did the customer ask the prostitute when they got to the hotel?

Do you come here often?

Why did the customer slap the cashier?

Because he was checking her out.

Customer: I'd like to try on that bathing suit in your front window.

Saleswoman: I'm sorry, ma'am, but you'll have to use the dressing room.

Custom joke, Customer: I'd like to try on that bathing suit in your front window.

Customer asking Bin Laden in Bar

Customer: "I'll have a Bin Laden, please."

Barman: "Sir, what is dat?"

Customer: "Two shots and a splash of water."

As a customs officer, I don't always agree with people...

...but I see where they come from.

Comcast's Customer Service

ba dum tsss

I had a customer tonight with allergies [true story]

Rude Customer: Can you just make sure there's no nuts in my food? I can't eat nuts.
Me: Sure! My sister Anna can't eat nuts either. You might know her?
Customer: Oh?
Me: Anna-phallactic?
Customer: Oh.
Me: Just kidding, I don't have a sister.
Customer: Oh?
Me: She died. She ate some nuts and died.

A customer asked me to check their balance. I pushed them over and they fell.

Sony's Customer Service

A customer at the restaurant I work at told me this one.

So a ham sandwich walks into a bar

He goes up to the bartender and says "gimme a gin and tonic"

The bartender looks at him and says

"I'm sorry but we don't serve food here"

What did the customer say to the overworked seamstress?

Wow, you seamstressed out.

(I'm so sorry)

What do you call an Asian wearing contacts?

Customization. GET IT?? CUSTOM EYES ASIAN!!!

Why is it customary to drink 8 mojitos a day in Cuba?

It's the Hemming way.

Customer complaints

A 20 something gentleman is at the airport and tries to buy a 15 tickets. She looks behind the man to see 14 children behind him. She asks if they were all his. He says no that he works for Trojan and they were all customer complaints.

I made a bunch of custom t-shirts for my footballer friends, and they suddenly turned into philosophers.

Must've been the soccer tees.

What do you call a modified practice amongst border security workers?

A custom custom custom.

Customer told me this yesterday...

First comes the engagement ring...followed by the marriage ring...but no one ever told me what came after that. The suffering.

A customer was buying condoms at work today.

I asked if he'd like a bag.

"No, she's not that ugly."

Customer: Waiter, theres a button in my salad...

Waiter: It must have come off while the salad was dressing.

A customer came into a shop and told the shop assistant that he wanted to buy a Kim Jong-il

Assistant: Excuse me, a what?

Customer: Oh sorry, I have trouble remembering the names of items, so I use word association. I want to buy a short ruler.

Assistant: Oh, a Nicolas Sarkozy. Why didn't you say so?

Customer feedback.

A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.

The surprised girl said, What was that?

The guy smiled at her, Direct marketing!

The girl slapped him soundly.

What was that?! said the boy, holding his cheek.

Customer feedback.

Why don't many customers go to the tea house?

Because the prices are so steep

Niantic's customer support

minor text fixes

Customer in restaurant: How do you prepare your chickens?

Cook: Oh, nothing special really. We just tell them they are gonna die.

What did the customer say his reason for returning his mattress was?

"You gave me a bunk bed"

We have a strange custom in our office. The food has names there.

Yesterday, for example I got me a sandwich out of the fridge and its name was "Michael".

A Customer bought a parachute from me

I realised after selling it that it was defective.

He hasn't come back to return it.

I wonder if he has jumped to a conclusion of not coming back.

A customer calls Oracle's help desk

Customer: "Oracle is not working today!"
Rep: Hangs up and goes home.

I tried to date this super-patriotic Chinese girl. She came to the first date wearing a custom cape.

It was a huge red flag.

'Waiter,' said the customer, 'there's a hair in this honey.'

'Ah', replied the waiter, 'it must be from the comb.'

A customer walks in a minute before closing and asks if the store is still open.

The clerk responds,

"As open as a casket at a funeral. I shouldn't be, but I am."

My customer service rep asked if everything was good, after I posed the same Q in three different ways

I said, I like my answers like I like my butter: clarified.

Going through customs at a US airport

Customs agent: Do you have anything to declare today?
Me: *starts sweating* ummmmm no. *trips and falls. Hundred of Kinder eggs spill from my pockets, jacket and bag*
Customs agent: GET ON THE FLOOR NOW!
Me: But, I am -
*armed guards swarm around and pin me down*
Armed guards: WHAT'S IN THE EGGS!!!
Me: I don't know, it's a surprise!!

(Sorry if the formatting sucks. On mobile)


EA Customer Support.

Customer: "How much is a drop of gas?"

Gas station attendant: "A drop? Free."

Customer: "A tank of drops of gas, please."

A girl walks into a shop...

A girl walks into a shop and goes up to the counter.

"Excuse me, do you have custom printed underwear?"

"Yes, we do, what would like to have printed on it?"

"I want it to say: If you can read this, you're too close."

"Very well, what sort of typography do you want?"


What did the customer say about Panda Express's Internet Security?

It had nice Authentic Asian.

A customer leaves a review at a German restaurant.

The review: It's not bad, it's the wurst!

Did you know that Kanye West used to work for a shop that would put custom paint on keyboards & synthesizers in only half a day's time?

Yeezy dyed four-hour synths.

Customer Helpline: If you understand English, press 1.

If you do not understand English, press 2.

Customer compliants

A man boards a plane with six kids. After they get settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle leans over to him and asks, "Are all of those kids yours?" He replies, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."

There was a snail who took his brand new sports car into the body shop and got a custom paint job.

He asked for racing stripes, flames, lightning bolts…you name it.
But there was one thing about the paint job the body shop owner just couldn't understand.
The snail wanted a big S on the driver's and passenger's doors.
When asked about them the snail said:
When I drive by someone at high speed I want them to say 'Look at that S-car go.'

When Jesus Christ was crucified his cross was custom made

It fit him to a t

What's customer service's favorite word?


Customer at the hardware store deciding on a coat hanger

Floor worker: "Would you like a screw for that?"
Customer: "No thanks, I'll pay cash."

Customer: 'Have you got that new book about small penises?'

Librarian: 'I don't think it's in yet.'

Customer: 'That's the one!'

Customer: "Could i have a margarita with light ice?"

Bartender: "I'm sorry, but all our ice weighs the same."

Customer: I'll have a martini, dry

Me, staring at all the liquid ingredients: I don't know how to tell you this

Customer: WAITER! There's one hair in my soul!

Waiter: My apologies, we cannot provide a wig at this price.

Customer: I want cargo space

Me: Car no do that. Car no fly
Manager: See me in my office

Customer: Can I try on that dress in the window?

Saleslady: We really prefer you do so in the dressing room

Customer: I'm just not sure I really want to buy this pillow.

Pillow salesman: Well why don't you sleep on it.

As a customs and immigration officer, I might not always agree with you,

But I can see where you are coming from.

I'm on a customer help live chat right now and the message tone sounds like someone hitting a tennis ball.

Now that's service.

What should you do when you try to upgrade to a custom rom and it keeps failing?

Pull yourself up by your boot loops.

A customer enters a comic store

and says "could you help me find something?" to a salesman.

Salesman replies "happy to, unless it is hope or reason to live".

A customer walks into a bakery and orders a loaf of bread. As the baker wraps the loaf, the customer says, "You know, I bake my own bread at home, but they come out dense."

The baker looks up suspiciously and says, "Yeah, prove it."

I couldn't believe my local casino had a 'bring your own custom dice' night.

I just rolled my eyes.

I made a custom mold by pouring silicone over a crucifix. 24 hours and one epoxy pour later...

and Christ is resin.

What did the customer say to the waiter who had a cool phone?

What does your fondue?

When a customer gives me exact change

Hey, right on the money!

Why did the customer drink the apple juice?

Although she had ordered orange juice, she noticed that the restaurant was busy, and wasn't Karen about it.

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant.

First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry.

So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest."Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."

Customs agent: Welcome to Belarus!

Customs agent: Are you here for business or tourism?

Russian: Business

Customs agent: Occupation?

Russian: Yes

A big city doctor visits an indigenous tribe of only men,

He asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?"
"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you."
The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey.
The leader of the tribe says "Since you're our guest you get to go first.".
The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey.
15 min pass, then one of the tribeman in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?"
"We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."

Why does Santa need to have all of his maps custom made?

He uses polar coordinates!

My customers are shocked

when they realize I'm not a qualified electrician.

Why did a customer leave the blockbuster store disappointed?

They were never going to give him Up.

A customer walks into a bank...

...and tells the cashier: "Good morning. I've come to pay the final installment on the loan used to buy a baby stroller"

Cashier: "That's wonderful. And how is the baby doing?"

Customer: "I'm doing alright, thank you."

Customer service at restaurants is HORRIBLE.

Every time I use one of their restrooms, I see "Employees must wash hands" on the mirror. So I wait for HOURS, but not ONCE has an employee EVER showed up to wash them for me.

Customer: I would like to buy a bagel with cream cheese

Waiter: I'm sorry we only accept cash.

A man walks into an auto shop.

He walks straight up to the front desk and says, Listen, I need some repairs, but I've got a really suped up, high powered, custom car, so I don't know if you'll be able to handle it.
The employee says, I can see if it's something we can manage, how many pistons does it have?
The customer thinks, I'm not exactly sure, but I know it has a shit-ton.
The employee replies, Well, I need to know if it has a piss-ton.

Customer: Waiter, I'm in a hurry! Will the pancakes be long?

Waiter: No sir, round.

A customer asked a grocer, "How much is a banana?"

Grocer: $1

Customer: Would you sell it for .60 cents?

Grocer: You could only get the skin for that price.

Customer: Here's .40 cents for the banana, keep the skin.

A customer walks up to a barista at Starbucks

They are not a huge coffee drinker so they ask the barista what's your mildest roast? The barista thinks about it for a moment and says you have mediocre ears.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the custom merchandise jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working custom jin piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes