curve Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious curve puns

A priest and a pastor...

... are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, 'The end is near! Turn around now before it's too late!'

They hold up the sign to cars passing by.

"Leave us alone, you religious nuts!" yells the first driver as he speeds by.

From around the curve they hear screeching tires and a big splash.

"Do you think," says the priest to the pastor, "we should just put up a sign that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"


Don't ever go to the top of the bell curve.

Everyone there is mean.


A priest and a pastor are standing by the side of the road

They hold up a sign that reads,
"The end is near! Turn around now before it's too late!"
A passing driver yells,
"You guys are crazy!" and shakes his head in disbelief as he speeds past them. From around the curve, they hear screeching tires, and then a big splash.
The priest turns to the pastor and says, "Do you think we should put up a sign that says 'Bridge out of order' instead?"


You have to admit, Apple is being treated unfairly after the recent news about the iPhone 6+...

They merely wanted to provide a phone with the flexibility their customers demanded. It's clear that Apple bends over backwards for their fans, and they wanted to build a flagship phone which does so, too.

You could say that the iPhone 6+ is ... ahead of the curve.


I took a dirt road to avoid a weigh station last week.

I drove my rig up a hill and around a sharp curve. As I started down a steep hill, I saw an old man and a young girl screwing in the middle of the dirt road.

I came to a screeching halt within inches of the old man's ass. I got out of my rig to see if they were OK, and ask why they didn't move out of the way when they heard me coming.

The old man looked up at me with his sweaty old face and said, "It's like this - she was cumming, I was cumming, and you was coming. You were the only one who had brakes!"


It's actually quite hard to learn how to make tea...

There's a *steep* learning curve.


The end is near . . .

A local priest and deacon stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that read, The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late! They held up the sign to each passing car.

Leave us alone you religious nuts! yelled the first driver as he sped by. From around the curve they heard a big splash.

Do you think, said one clergy to the other, we should just put up a sign that says 'bridge is out' instead?


My physics teacher is the chord slope of an a-t curve

The average jerk


I can never calculate the derivative of a curve.

Every time I try, I go off on a tangent.


A student who never showed up to class or did the reading asked me to curve his final paper grade. I said yes.

I took a red pen, scratched out the grade on the paper, then rewrote the F in cursive.


I want to become a flat earther.

But I heard that there is a learning curve.


I was following an ambulance today

Going down the road with the lights on and siren blaring. We were on a highway with a high speed limit so I could keep up without being too close.

The ambulance goes around the curve ahead of us and the back door flings open. A cooler rolls out and lands on the side of the road.

I figured they would have saw it but I pulled over where it landed anyway. I got out and picked the cooler up. A little dented but still closed and intact.

I opened the cooler and found it was full of ice, and what appeared to be someone's severed toe. "Surely they noticed the door open and will come back shortly" I thought.

I waited for an hour and no sign of them so I decided to just give up waiting and call a tow truck.


My curved stick only started coming back to me after a few years.

It was a late bloomerang.


X-ray Parrot

A street vendor claims that his pet parrot can tell the color of the panties of the women walking by.

Three nuns come by and the parrot yells "yellow, white, green!"

The nuns are impressed.

The next day the parrot says "blue, orange, purple!!" and the nuns can't believe it.

The third day, they decide to throw a curve ball and not wear anything.

The parrot says "shaved, shaved, curly"


Why did the mountain have trouble in class?

Because there was a steep learning curve.


I am looking for a curve with good tight fit...

...said the statistician.


My penis is like a bell shaped curve

It's in the middle.


I did really well in my math class

My professor said I was on the top of the bell curve.


So I was driving along a country road...

...along a farm on my way to I-79 like I do every weekday morning...

But today I come out of a curve, and saw a farmer's goat and pig right in the middle of the road, just looking at me, right before I struck the goat.

I jammed on the brakes, skid a hundred feet, and sat there in shock (not even wanting to look back in the mirror to see what I had done.)
I got out, see that the goat is dead, looked around, saw no one, and pushed the dead goat off to the side of the road. I got back in my car and started my way back to the highway.

On I-79, a trooper pulled me over, and told me that I am being given tickets and a summons to appear in court for among other things, leaving the scene of an accident.... I was like "What?!"...
The officer said, "Yep, you almost got away with it too!"

I said, "Officer, I need to ask... how did you find out this even happened? There was no one in sight."
He said, "The pig squealed".


My maths teacher is like a line that touches a point on a curve

He goes on a tangent but he always gets to the point.


I'm very good with statistics.

I would put myself somewhere near the top of the bell curve.


I left my tea to brew for too long... was a steep learning curve.


Your mama so fat..

Her curve set everyone's grade to A+


How I know the World is NOT flat

You can see the curve in a plane's chem trail as it approaches the horizon.


Terrible accident

A cop comes around a curve in the road and sees a bad accident.

A man and a woman both dead from a car crash. The accident seems to have no explanation but he looks up on the hill and sees a monkey waving his arms at him as if to say something.

The cop says, "hey monkey ... you know what happened?"

monkey: Motioning with his arms drinking a bottle of some kind

cop: "They were drinking?"

monkey: Nods head vigorously

cop: "What else?"

monkey: Mimes smoking a joint

cop: "They were smoking dope?"

monkey: Nods head vigorously

cop: "There must have been more. This is a very strange accident. Monkey! What else?"

monkey: Mimics sexual relations

cop: "They were screwing?"

monkey: Nods very vigorously

cop: "This still doesn't make any sense.

Hey monkey! What were you doing to know all this?"

monkey: Mimics driving.


My teacher's grades have a severe curve to them.

She was diagnosed with schooliosis


There's a steep learning curve

To learning how to make a good cup of tea


A very British joke:

I went to a class to learn how to make the perfect cup of tea

It was a steep learning curve


My dad told me to be the best I can be and to always be at the top

I told him "I am at the top ...... of a bell curve"


What's a woman's best curve?

Her smile.


Four Original Math/Science Jokes

1. Yo momma's so mean her Z-score is zero!

2. What do you do with a high concentration bomb?
You diffuse it.

3. Why was X mad at the IRS?
He couldn't list Y as his dependent

4. Why did the students do well on the hard calc test?
Because the grade was on a curve


What do you call a test that doesn't hand over points on a curve?

An F-test


Is it called "a straight curve" or "an straight curve?"

Neither, there are no straight curves.


After celebrating Canadabis Day, I was pulled over by the cops for a drug test. And I passed!

With a bell curve


I tried to ride my bike for 24 hours straight

But I couldn't find a road without a curve in it


What are the most funny Curve jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Curve? Well, here are the best Curve dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Curve pick up lines to share with friends.

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