Curtain Jokes

Following is our collection of drape puns and dives one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Curtain jokes for adults, dirty raucous jokes and clean unzip dad gags for kids.

The Best Curtain Puns

An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old
lady, entered the doctor´s office.

"We have come for an examination," said the young girl.

"Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off."

"No, not me," said the girl. "it´s my old aunt here."

"Very well,"said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."

Irish Confession

Murphy goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby.
And on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments.
He hears a priest come in. Father, forgive I think its been a while since I've been to confession and to be sure I must say that the confessional box is much better than it used to be.
The priest replies, Get out, you idiot. You're on my side!

Do you know what the difference is between toilet paper and a shower curtain?

Oh. So it's you then.

An inspector, making his rounds, inspects an elementary school.

One teacher says to her class, "Treat him like you would the President of the United States." Sure enough, later that day, the inspector walks in to see how the lesson is doing. Just then, one of the students gets up, stomps over to the inspector, punches him in the gut, nicks his phone, and hides behind a curtain.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" shouts the teacher.

The kid says, "Deleting Twitter."

Why did Stalin go to Bed Bath & Beyond?

He needed an iron curtain

What's the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?

Ah, so it was you...

"Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?"


"Hey, everybody! I found the guy!"

I went to the DIY shop

I went to the DIY shop and bought a curtain rail. The shop assistant asked if I was putting it up myself. I replied "no you dirty sod. I'm putting it up in the dining room"

Hey Doctor I feel like a curtain

Doctor: Pull yourself together then

I thought my wife was going on a Belgium holiday to buy chocolates. When she got back, I found out she'd actually been on holiday in Paris buying curtain materials.

It was a fabrication.

How many vampires does it take to open the Curtain on Daylight?

Just one with depression.

Something terrible occurred in the bathroom

Me: what's the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain

Roommate: I don't know what is it

Me: So it was you

A discussion me and my wife just had

*Me trying to place the curtain on its rails*

Me:I can't reach it, I need 10 more cm to do it!

Wife:*sigh*.. I know..

What's the difference between a shower curtain and toilet paper?

If you said "I don't know," click here:

>!So you're the idiot that ruined my shower curtain!!!!!<

A magic show...

Two friends, Bob and Hank, are watching a magician perform. Mildly amused by the standard tricks and illusions they have seen so far, their attention perks up when they see the beautiful assistant come out from behind the curtain for the saw the lady in half trick. As she is climbing into the box, Bob leans over and whispers, That's some hot broad. I'd ask her out, wouldn't you?

Nah, Hank says, I'd probably get the half that eats.

Q: What is the difference between an UNDERWEAR & a STAGE CURTAIN?

A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the UNDERWEAR..... it's SHOWTIME!!!

Will and Tom go to the theatre, but Will gets up to leave after the curtain closes for the first interval.

'Where are you going?' asks Tom. 'It's not worth the wait,' says Will. 'Look in the programme. Act two - one month later.'

What did the curtain rod say to the blinds?

Nice shades.


My two friends Rod and Kurt started a business the other day...

You should look it up, it's called Kurt and Rod's Curtain Rods.

The showerhead and shower curtain are complaining.

Curtain says: I really hate having to just hang here all day.

Showerhead: At least you dont get turned on everytime you see a naked person!

A man was undressing for the nurse behind a curtain

He asks, "Where do you want me to put my clothes?"

She says, "On top of mine."

What is it called when you buy drapes over the phone?

A curtain call.

In Hospital:


"Yes, Dad."

"Before I go, I need you to do one thing for me."

"Of course. What?"

"Finish me off - with dignity."

"Ok. I'll pull the curtain round but I'm not swallowing."

Where does Lenin take his showers?

Behind the Iron Curtain!

What is the difference between the USSR in the Cold War and the US now.

Our Iron Curtain is brick and it's becoming real.

Whats the difference between a shower curtain and a roll of toilet paper

You're not using my bathroom!

- Mom, mom! The Christmas lights are burning!

-- They are not burning, they are flashing. few moments...

-- Mom, mom, the curtain is flashing now too!

If love is blind...

Then love making is the art of curtain making.

TIL: Never leave your SO in charge of choosing a shower curtain

There is an abundance of zips jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 29 funniest jokes and curtain puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any trance witze you can hear about curtain.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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