The Best 44 Curse Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Curse jokes. There are some curse hex jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these curse swore puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Curse Jokes and Puns

How to curse like an Irishman

"Whale oil beef hooked!"

practicing with the violin

A little boy goes to his weekly violin lesson, but when he opens the violin case he blurts out a curse, and slams the case shut again.

"What's wrong?" asks the teacher.

"It seems my father is going to rob the bank with my violin"

A priest and a farmer are playing a round of golf.

On the first hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots a hole-in-one.

When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and the ball ends up in the woods.

The farmer is furious and screams: "Goddammit I missed".

The priest tells him "If you curse one more time, god will punish you".

On the second hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots another hole-in-one.

When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and this ball also ends up in the woods.

He screams "Goddammit I missed"

A loud rumble is heard and lightning strikes the *priest*.

Shortly after, a voice is heard from above the clouds saying "Goddammit I missed"

Curse joke, A priest and a farmer are playing a round of golf.

Why doesn't Oedipus curse?

Because he kisses his mother with that mouth

An old man goes to the Wizard ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the *exact* words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

What's the cruelest curse to wish upon a single guy?

"I wish his hands were made of stone."

Man goes to a wizard

A man goes to see a wizard and says:

"Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me years ago?"

"Maybe," says the wizard, "Can you remember the exact words of the curse?"

The man replies, "I pronounce you man and wife."

Curse joke, Man goes to a wizard

Why did the Native American curse the snow?

Because it was white and on his land!

The curse of being 69 years old.

David Bowie was 69 years old.
Alan Rickman was 69 years old.
Donald Trump is 69 years old.

Coincidence? I think not!

I'm cursed to end every statement I make with Bruno Mars lyrics

Don't believe me? Just watch.

What do you get when you use the 3rd Unforgivable Curse on a pornstar?

Erotic cadaver.

You can explore curse words reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean curse goddamnit dad jokes. There are also curse puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

How does a man who cannot curse kill someone?

He buttbuttinates them...

What do you call a buyer that likes to curse?

A cusstomer

I tried a new asian burrito recently, but the green onions kept falling out.

Curse those wrap-scallions!

Curse the time

Patient: Doctor, whenever I get up after a sleep, I feel dizzy for half an hour, then I'm all right.'

Doctor: Then wait for half an hour before getting up.

I saw a convict climbing down a ladder from prison.

As he was coming down he started to curse at me, and then It hit me, I just saw a condescending condescending.

Curse joke, I saw a convict climbing down a ladder from prison.

From the Gallipoli campaign in World War I...

The Australians are interrogating a captured Turkish soldier, when finally poor Mehmet has a question for them.

"Why do you call God such awful names? Why do you curse Him when your soldiers go into battle?"

The Aussies were surprised. "What do you mean?"

"Well, when we Turks leap out of our trenches and charge your lines, we cry 'Allah! Allah!' But when you charge us, you shout 'Bloody BASTAAARRRDD!!!'"

Overtime is a curse word in retail.*

*And the Atlanta Falcons.

I met a passive aggressive witch.

She didn't curse me she just blessed everyone around me.

Again the oldest person has died

...the curse continues.

Curse of Oak Island

The show "Curse of Oak Island" takes Jerry Seinfeld's concept of a show about nothing to a hole new level.

What kind of shape can cure a curse?

A Hexagon

A businessman boarded a plane...

to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning, diamond ring he had ever seen.

He asked her about it. "This is the Klopman diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it."

"What's the curse?" the man asked.

"Mr Klopman."

I get nervous around cops who refuse to curse

They might say 'shoot' at a really bad time.

A woman visits a witch.

She asks the witch if she has something to help her break a curse that was cast against her about 8 years ago.

The witch asks, What sort of a curse was it, then?

The woman said, It went like 'I now pronounce you man and wife'."

The people in the UK curse weird

Someone told me to get the fork out of here

When the famous baseball curse started, the Red Sox were desperate to win.

They were totally ruthless.

I got cursed out by a flight attendant for asking to be moved away from a screaming baby

Apparently they don't like that if it's your baby.

Knowing quantum mechanics is both a blessing and a curse.

OC, what do you think?

I understand superposition

It is both a blessing and a curse

How do ancient Romans curse?


She loves and hates that I win almost every argument

My wife said to me yesterday that the way I always look at things from both sides is such a blessing.

I told her that it's also a curse.

I don't curse...

I swear!

If Christians curse like: Oh my God

Wouldn't Atheists curse like: Oh my lack of a god ?

Once upon a time an evil witch decided to curse a young prince into a bear. The cursed prince sought help from a good wizard, but he refused. Why?

The prince was unbearable.

I asked a young chap what his life goal was.

He said, 'To curse at people from the top of a mountain.'

'Erm,' I frowned, 'really?'

He said, 'Swear down.'

If you're Divine and you want to stop a river, what do you do?

You God Dam it!

-I thought this up after hearing mom say her 2nd favorite curse

Don't anger a programming wizard.

They'll curse you, and every time you remove it, they'll just recurse.

A man goes to see a wizard and says, "Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me years ago?"

Maybe," says the wizard, "Can you remember the exact words of the curse?"

The man replies, "I pronounce you man and wife."

So, a man goes to see a Wizard...

and asks "Can you lift a curse a Priest put on me years ago?"

Maybe, says the wizard. Can you remember the Priests exact words ?

Yes replied the man, they were "I now pronounce you Man and Wife"

Here's an old one. Who curses the most in Star Wars?

R2-D2, everything he says is bleeped out.

If you carve a swear word into a weapon

Does that make it do curse damage?

Netflix's latest movie.

Netflix have released a powerful new film set in the 18th century about a princess who's cursed by non-stop menstruation . The witch who cursed her says she has before the age of 21 to lift the curse by falling in love.

Honestly, it's a fantastic period drama.

A man was dumping toxic waste into a river.

Suddenly, the sky darkened, lightning flashed, and a glowing woman appeared, hovering above the river.

**"For your crimes, I curse you to only speak in words related to water!",** she intoned, and then vanished in another flash of lightning.

The man stood, shocked, before gathering his wits and muttering, "Well dam".

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the curse cuss jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working curse hexed piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes