Following is our collection of new puns and climate one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Current jokes for adults, dirty ongoing jokes and clean flux dad gags for kids.
It was destiny
just set it to the name of the current Australian Prime minister and you should be fine.
Ended up getting caught some time back and sentenced to death by electric chair.
Fast-forward to day of execution.
Guard straps him in.
Guard: "Any last requests?"
Friend: "Remind me of buzzfeed clickbait articles 1 last time"
Guard: "The electric current is going to be started now, what happens next will shock you"
My current barber just isn't cutting it.
"Hello Father, i would like to change my name please." the man said.
"Alright, what is your current name sir?" the priest asked.
"Bob Hitler", the man said.
"Oh lord, i understand. What would you like to change your name to?" the priest asked.
"John Hitler".
... after he was hit by a car on his bike: do you smoke?
Dad, still not sure who the current president is: only when I'm on fire
Nurse: looks to my mom
Mom: no.
I've explained to her those jokes are actually ironic jabs at the current state of post-modern feminism, designed to highlight societal double standards across genders.
So she needn't worry her pretty little head about it.
No, he isn't sweating it at all.
Joey moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of him in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it. The next day he discovers that he had accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo.
He is extremely worried but then remembers that his grandmother's eyesight is poor and hopes that she doesn't notice.
A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his grandmother. It reads
Dear Joey
Thank you for the picture. May I suggest that you get a haircut, your hair makes your nose look small.
Love Grandma
...can we call his current wife the "third lady?"
Reports are emerging from the vatican that the current pope will be recommended for sainthood due to his compassion for his fellow man. When asked about the holy father's reaction, a vatican official said, 'In keeping with modern times, the pontiff would like to be the patron saint of email, St.Francis of a cc'
Apparently they don't expect you to say stupid mistakes and inappropriate comments.
is keeping up with Current Events.
After the interviews, the managers concur - although Ampere's qualifications are current, Volta is the only one who has potential.
By mathematical induction.
… as my current rental agreement requires me to leave the apartment in the condition it was when I moved in.
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Current events
If you lived in the Middle East, you would too.
𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘴 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘕𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘊𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘵 𝘗𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘊𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘢.
Go easy on me im drunk.
When I heard that the A/C had gone out at the AT&T Center in San Antonio tonight for the NBA finals, I thought to myself... I guess this favors the Heat.
It's my plan bee.
Man: "Excuse me, have you seen a woman pass by this area?"
Fisherman: "One with a white dress with black stripes?"
Man: "Yes, exactly! She must not be very far away, right?"
Fisherman: "I don't think so, the current isn't very strong today."
I think he would say " WHY WON'T SOMEONE LET ME OUT OF THIS BOX"
Current Turkish gallows humour: A prisoner goes to the prison library, asks for a specific book. The guard tells him, "we don't have that book... but we do have the author." From Moshik_Temkin on Twitter
It's voltage divided by current.
They give sound advice.
Back when I was in school, our national health emergency was caused by drinking Four Lokos.
It could be noted, the pharoah was the ruler.
If I died tomorrow.
Current events
"What is your current name?" the clerk asks. "Adolph Trump."
"That *is* unfortunate," the clerk replies. "What do you want to change it to?"
"Adolph Jones."
Coral turns white when it gets stressed. What could coral be stressed about you ask? Current events.
Eletrical engineers make mistakes when they get stressed. What could an eletrical engineer be stressed about you ask? Current events.
Berry farmers are seeing a drop in productivity due to stress. What could Berry farmers be stressed about you ask? Currant events.
A topical rainforest.
have you tried switching it off and on again?
As soon as they read that Hugh Hefner has died , they realized there won't be any more virgins left for them in heaven, and have laid down their arms and will lead peaceful lives with their current wives .
The interviewer asks each, in turn, "Excuse me, what is your opinion on the current meat shortage?"
The Russian replies, "What's an 'opinion'?"
The Pole replies, "What's 'meat'?"
The American replies, "What's a 'shortage'?"
And the Israeli replies, "What's 'excuse me'?"
Which is going to make it really difficult to comfort someone who is going through a relationship break-up.
Current events
My current wife hates it when I talk like that.
But that is not the worst part. The worst part is that I just found out all my current partners are doing it!
ahead of the curve
.
.
.
.
Cause it was the **"current"** year.
¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
...does that mean he's Putin on a blitz?
when the wife noticed her ex-husband sitting at the bar. "He's been drinking since I left him seven years ago" she said to her current husband.
"That's silly, dear" he replied. "No one celebrates that much."
... about the current situation of USA Immigration.
He's been living under The Rock.
The old switcheroo!
One is a shack of sit, and the other is a sack of shi\[THIS JOKE HAS BEEN TAKEN DOWN BY THE NSA\]
I talk to it about my current life situations.
The knife tells me I'm crazy.
It tends to be pretty sharp about these things, so I guess it has a point.
It's a current account.
Crimea river
They're both in the teens.
...I thought it was about their current president but it turns out, he's not that Vlad.
Doctor: What is your name?
Man: Steven
Doctor: Good. Who is the current US President?
Man: Obama
Doctor: Oh no that is incorrect it is President Trump
Man: Dammit it didn't work
"Thank you for your cervix!"
About 2 bucks an hour depending on what the current minimum wage is.
He was ohm-less.
My jeans.
For instance, neither of them exist.
I guess you could say he lives under Iraq.
...only the first part was Trudeau.
A strong current pulled him under.
Of course, I had forgotten to, but not wanting to lie or admit fault, I just told her that they were both current.
Comes great Current squared Resistance.
Yeah, I need these mnemonics to pass tomorrow's electronics exam.
Their current business strategy is to just keep digging.
Oops!
Your current data plan doesnt cover this feature. Click here to upgrade.
No, they'd be *way* higher.
Apple juice
Interviewer: What do you make at your current job?
Me: Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments.
I got bullied because I couldn't even explain that that meant I was talking all the time with big and overly complicated words.
That's when the excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device.
Me- "why? I'm not qualified."
Mom- "that's the point nobody in the current administration is."
To keep up with current events!
Current.
He's always had a knack for current events.
Instead, he'd ground me.
And then he'd run electric current through me.
There is an abundance of elect jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 76 funniest jokes and current puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any trudeau witze you can hear about current.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.