Current Jokes

Following is our collection of new puns and climate one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Current jokes for adults, dirty ongoing jokes and clean flux dad gags for kids.

The Best Current Puns

I met my current girlfriend at a midnight game release

It was destiny

If your workplace requires password changes every 90 days

just set it to the name of the current Australian Prime minister and you should be fine.

My friend was a violent serial killer...

Ended up getting caught some time back and sentenced to death by electric chair.
Fast-forward to day of execution.
Guard straps him in.

Guard: "Any last requests?"
Friend: "Remind me of buzzfeed clickbait articles 1 last time"
Guard: "The electric current is going to be started now, what happens next will shock you"

I decided to switch to a new barber

My current barber just isn't cutting it.

A man asked a priest for a name change..

"Hello Father, i would like to change my name please." the man said.

"Alright, what is your current name sir?" the priest asked.

"Bob Hitler", the man said.

"Oh lord, i understand. What would you like to change your name to?" the priest asked.

"John Hitler".


Nurse to my dad at the hospital...

... after he was hit by a car on his bike: do you smoke?

Dad, still not sure who the current president is: only when I'm on fire

Nurse: looks to my mom

Mom: no.

My girlfriend often accuses me of telling sexist, condescending jokes that target women.

I've explained to her those jokes are actually ironic jabs at the current state of post-modern feminism, designed to highlight societal double standards across genders.

So she needn't worry her pretty little head about it.

Is Prince Andrew worried about his current situation?

No, he isn't sweating it at all.

Joey moves to a nudist colony

Joey moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of him in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it. The next day he discovers that he had accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo.

He is extremely worried but then remembers that his grandmother's eyesight is poor and hopes that she doesn't notice.

A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his grandmother. It reads

Dear Joey

Thank you for the picture. May I suggest that you get a haircut, your hair makes your nose look small.

Love Grandma

If Gingrich were to win the presidency...

...can we call his current wife the "third lady?"

Vatican to elevate pope Francis to sainthood-report

Reports are emerging from the vatican that the current pope will be recommended for sainthood due to his compassion for his fellow man. When asked about the holy father's reaction, a vatican official said, 'In keeping with modern times, the pontiff would like to be the patron saint of email, St.Francis of a cc'


When interviewer asks you what you make at your current job

Apparently they don't expect you to say stupid mistakes and inappropriate comments.

The problem majoring in Electrical Engineering...

is keeping up with Current Events.

Volta and Ampere interview for the same job.

After the interviews, the managers concur - although Ampere's qualifications are current, Volta is the only one who has potential.

How do you induce a current in a wire by counting to 10?

By mathematical induction.

WANTED: Large amount of rats, mice and bed bugs

… as my current rental agreement requires me to leave the apartment in the condition it was when I moved in.

Did you hear the joke about Net Neutrality?

Sorry, your current internet package does not support punchlines. Please upgrade to the higher end package.

What is an electricians favorite type of news

Current events

Why do Muslims believe the afterlife is more important than the current life?

If you lived in the Middle East, you would too.


So I was making a joke about the current situation in Hong Kong.

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘴 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘕𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘊𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘵 𝘗𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘊𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘢.

Ooh! Ooh! I have a current events joke!

Go easy on me im drunk.

When I heard that the A/C had gone out at the AT&T Center in San Antonio tonight for the NBA finals, I thought to myself... I guess this favors the Heat.

If my current career doesn't work out I'm going try my hand as a honey farmer.

It's my plan bee.

A fisherman is fishing by the river shore when a man rushes towards him, catches his breath and says:

Man: "Excuse me, have you seen a woman pass by this area?"

Fisherman: "One with a white dress with black stripes?"

Man: "Yes, exactly! She must not be very far away, right?"

Fisherman: "I don't think so, the current isn't very strong today."

I don't care much for political jokes. But I was thinking what would Reagan think of our current toxic political climate if he was alive today?

I think he would say " WHY WON'T SOMEONE LET ME OUT OF THIS BOX"

Turkish Political Humor

Current Turkish gallows humour: A prisoner goes to the prison library, asks for a specific book. The guard tells him, "we don't have that book... but we do have the author." From Moshik_Temkin on Twitter

Resistance is not futile...

It's voltage divided by current.

No matter what you think of the celebrities commenting on how we handle the current crisis, you should ALWAYS listen to music producers.

They give sound advice.

I feel bad for current college students...

Back when I was in school, our national health emergency was caused by drinking Four Lokos.

Back in ancient Egypt, the standardized units of measurements were based off the length of the current pharoah's body parts. The pointer finger would be one unit of measurement, the forearm another, and so on.

It could be noted, the pharoah was the ruler.

I've done some calculations, and I figure, that at my current rate of pay I could live happily for the rest of my life.

If I died tomorrow.

Why do fish gets stressed ?

Current events

A man goes to the courthouse to change his name.

"What is your current name?" the clerk asks. "Adolph Trump."
"That *is* unfortunate," the clerk replies. "What do you want to change it to?"
"Adolph Jones."

Three of a kind

Coral turns white when it gets stressed. What could coral be stressed about you ask? Current events.

Eletrical engineers make mistakes when they get stressed. What could an eletrical engineer be stressed about you ask? Current events.

Berry farmers are seeing a drop in productivity due to stress. What could Berry farmers be stressed about you ask? Currant events.

What do you call a jungle where animals talk about current events?

A topical rainforest.

Dear Americans, if you're dissatisfied with your current government....

have you tried switching it off and on again?

Breaking news : ISIS has surrendered

As soon as they read that Hugh Hefner has died , they realized there won't be any more virgins left for them in heaven, and have laid down their arms and will lead peaceful lives with their current wives .

A Russian, a Pole, an American, and an Israeli are interviewed.

The interviewer asks each, in turn, "Excuse me, what is your opinion on the current meat shortage?"
The Russian replies, "What's an 'opinion'?"
The Pole replies, "What's 'meat'?"
The American replies, "What's a 'shortage'?"
And the Israeli replies, "What's 'excuse me'?"

The World Wildlife Fund has stated that if humans keep fishing at the current pace, there will be no more fish left in the oceans by 2048.

Which is going to make it really difficult to comfort someone who is going through a relationship break-up.

What do fish talk about at work?

Current events

I'm still on my first marriage, and... Wait, that sounded very negative, as if I don't expect this marriage to last.

My current wife hates it when I talk like that.

Cheating is one of the worst things a person can do.

But that is not the worst part. The worst part is that I just found out all my current partners are doing it!

From the current state of America. The movie Joker was

ahead of the curve

How did the guy who touched the 2018 calendar get electrocuted.

.


.


.


.

Cause it was the **"current"** year.


¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯

If the current Russian president is preparing to lead a series of swift military offensives...

...does that mean he's Putin on a blitz?

A married couple was eating at a restaurant

when the wife noticed her ex-husband sitting at the bar. "He's been drinking since I left him seven years ago" she said to her current husband.

"That's silly, dear" he replied. "No one celebrates that much."

"Aliens vs Predator" is a good title for a movie...

... about the current situation of USA Immigration.

Why doesn't Dwayne Johnson's downstairs neighbor understand references to current events?

He's been living under The Rock.

When Nintendo come out with a new version of the switch will the current one become...

The old switcheroo!

What's the difference between a furniture store and our current president?

One is a shack of sit, and the other is a sack of shi\[THIS JOKE HAS BEEN TAKEN DOWN BY THE NSA\]

When cooking, I sometimes talk to my knife.

I talk to it about my current life situations.

The knife tells me I'm crazy.

It tends to be pretty sharp about these things, so I guess it has a point.

A mate of mine has a bank account just for buying raisins

It's a current account.

What's the current number one song in Russia?

Crimea river

What do R. Kelly and current temperatures have in common?

They're both in the teens.

I once watched a documentary about a Russian leader who ruled the Soviet Union and led the Red Terror genocide...

...I thought it was about their current president but it turns out, he's not that Vlad.

A man wakes up in the hospital after electrocuting himself...

Doctor: What is your name?

Man: Steven

Doctor: Good. Who is the current US President?

Man: Obama

Doctor: Oh no that is incorrect it is President Trump

Man: Dammit it didn't work

U.S male active duty and veterans...on this special day, make sure to call up all your old flames, current lovers. Wives and girlfriends as well as any others who helped you out during long deployments and say.....

"Thank you for your cervix!"

What's a Grecian Urn?

About 2 bucks an hour depending on what the current minimum wage is.

Did you hear about the cockney hobo who offered no resistance to electrical current?

He was ohm-less.

What's the biggest restriction with my current diet?

My jeans.

My current girlfriend is very similar to my last one...

For instance, neither of them exist.

A hermit in the middle east has not heard about any current events.

I guess you could say he lives under Iraq.

TIL the current Prime Minister of of Canada has a tattoo, and is in a cover band called the Van Cats, but...

...only the first part was Trudeau.

A man drowned this morning eating a bowl of muesli.

A strong current pulled him under.

My wife asked if I had paid the Water and Electric bills.

Of course, I had forgotten to, but not wanting to lie or admit fault, I just told her that they were both current.

With great power...

Comes great Current squared Resistance.


Yeah, I need these mnemonics to pass tomorrow's electronics exam.

So I hear Niantic is going to try and break into the Chinese market next...

Their current business strategy is to just keep digging.

Three men walk in to a bar. One of them is wearing a hat

Oops!

Your current data plan doesnt cover this feature. Click here to upgrade.

If all diplomatic issues could be solved with a board game like monopoly, we wouldn't see the current levels violence in the world.

No, they'd be *way* higher.

With your current salary what Apple product can you buy?

Apple juice

The interview

Interviewer: What do you make at your current job?

Me: Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments.

I used to be sesquipedally loquacious

I got bullied because I couldn't even explain that that meant I was talking all the time with big and overly complicated words.

That's when the excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device.

Mom- "you should apply to work at the white house"

Me- "why? I'm not qualified."

Mom- "that's the point nobody in the current administration is."

Why do sea creatures read the news?

To keep up with current events!

What do you call electricity still flowing today?

Current.

Why did the electrician become a news anchor?

He's always had a knack for current events.

When I misbehaved, my father wouldn't spank me....

Instead, he'd ground me.

And then he'd run electric current through me.

There is an abundance of elect jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 76 funniest jokes and current puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any trudeau witze you can hear about current.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes