currency Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious currency puns

A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing dad...

...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.

Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for?

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A joke from India

Translated from Hindi:

There is a queue outside the bank where people are waiting to get in and exchange currency. One chap keeps cutting the queue and goes to the front. The rest of the people keep forcing him back.

This goes on 5-6 times. The guy finally gets pissed and says

'Keep standing in line you fuckwits, today I will not open the damn bank!

.

.

.

Premise for those unaware: India has recently scrapped 500 rupee and 1000 rupee notes, rendering 85% of the country's cash utterly useless. (Funnier than the joke, isn't it?!) So folks are queued up outside banks to exchange old notes for new currency.

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An Japanese man walks into a bank...

... and goes up to the teller. Even though he is new to speaking English, he says, "I wish to exchange 400 of my currency for US dollars. The teller proceeds to do so and they politely part ways. A few days pass and the Japanese man again walks into the bank, again to exchange the same amount currency. This time though, the teller hands him less than the previous exchange. Confused, he asked the teller, "Why have you given me less dollars than before?"
"Fluctuations," replies the teller, " the markets have changed."
"Fluctuations? FLUCTUATIONS!" The Japanese man exclaims, " Fluctu-Americans, too!"

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Exchange rate

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to
the currency exchange window at the local bank. Just one lady in front of me...an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?' The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations'. The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people, too'.

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So they say a Harriet Tubman's face is going on the $20 bill.

Excellent, I can't wait to start using black people as currency again.

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Currency trading

I used to trade currency. this asian guy came in and wanted to exchange 10,000yen - I gave him $120.

a week later he came in with another 10,000yen - I gave him $105.

a week after that he came in with another 10,000yen - I gave him $135.

the guy said to me in an annoyed voice " why one week $120, then $105, then $135! - why the difference?!!?"

I says to him "fluctuations"

He responds "fluck you white people"

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What currency do they use in space?

Starbucks

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I'm excited about a black person being on the $20 bill.

I always wanted to use black people as currency.

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A Japanese man walks into a currency exchange

A Japanese man walks into a currency exchange with 4000 yen to exchange and receives $40.


A week later, he walks into the currency exchange again with 4000 yen, but this time only receives $30. He asks the teller why he received less money this time.


"Fluctuations," the teller says.


Furious, the Japanese man storms out of the exchange, but before slamming the door, turns around and shouts "Fluc you Amelicans too!"

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A Japanese man walks into a currency exchange.

He gives the teller $100 CAD And receives $150 Β₯ back.

He returns the following week to do the same thing. He gives the teller $100 CAD and receives $140 Β₯.

He asks "I was in here last week, why am I not getting the same amount back?"

Teller replies, "Well, fluctuations."

The Japanese man says, "Oh yeah? Well fluck you white guys too"

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Why did the Irish call their currency the "Punt" ?

Because it rhymes with Bank Manager

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A Chinese man goes into a bank ...

... to exchange some Chinese yuan for American dollars. The teller finishes counting the man's currency, looks up that day's exchange rate, computes the conversion and quickly counts out the American currency in twenties, "…140, 160 and" plunking down the last bill, "makes $180. Will that be all today, sir?"

The Chinese man glares suspiciously at the teller, "Hey, how come I come he'a last week wit' same amount yuan, you give me 200 dollah; I come he'a today, you only give me 180 dollah?"

The teller politely goes into the short version of how currency exchanges work and recent changes in the market.

Being mostly satisfied but still a little skeptical the Chinese man asks, "What you mean by 'changes'?"

The teller says, "I'm sorry, I should've said 'fluctuations'."

The Chinese man yells back, "*Fluctuations*? Hey, FLUCK YOU WHITE GUYS TOO!"

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An Asian guy walks into

An Asian guy walks into the New York City currency exchange with 2000 yen and walks out with $72. Next week he walks in with 2000 yen and gets $66. He asks the lady why he gets less money this week than last week. The lady says "Fluctuations". The Asian guy storms out, and just before slamming the
door, turns around and says: "Fluc you Amelicans too!"

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Trump's statement regarding China

Trump: "In little over a week when I take office, China will fall into a slump. Factories will shut down, shops will close, stock markets will not trade, and government will grind to a halt.The wealthy will flee overseas with their families, citizens desperately trade their currency for food, doors all across the country will be plastered with red notices and the empty streets will reek of lingering gunpowder. The people, with nothing to do will turn to day-long drinking and gambling. Children will roam the streets begging for money. So sad."

 

China foreign ministry: "That's Chinese New Year, dumbass."

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TIL that the Hindi word for "penny" is derived from the word for bread, as in the ancient Indus valley, small and dense pieces of bread were used as currency

Sounds like a bunch of naan-cents to me

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What's the currency in space?

Starbucks

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A Japanese man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2000 yen and walked out with $72.

The following week, he walked in with another 2000 yen, and was handed $66.

He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.

The teller said, "Fluctuations."

The Japanese man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"

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Currency Fluctuations

An Asian man comes to the US to do business and converts 110 million Yen into 1 million dollars. On his next trip, he returns to the bank to do the same, but only receives $990,000 in return.

He asks the teller, "Why did I receive less this time?"

The teller responds with a shrug, "Fluctuations"

The man gets very angry and storms out, stopping at the door to shout back, "Fluc your Americans too!"

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This Chinese chap goes into a bank to change some currency. After receiving his Money he asks, "How come I came in here with same amount of Money as yesterday but today I get less Yuans in return?"

The banker says, "Fluctuations."
The Chinese guy replies, "Fluck you Blitish too."

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My grandfather was cheap. He'd give me a 50 dollar bill each year for my birthday

Not currency; an actual invoice for 50 dollars

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What type of currency do people use in space?

Starbucks.

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A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing dad...

...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.

Dad: $9.27? What do you need $7.56 for?

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One week, a Chinese guy exchanged some currency....

and came back next week to do it again, only to find that the rate had increased.

He asked the nearby white clerk, "Hey! You! Why it more expensive now?"

The clerk replied, "Oh. Fluctuations."

And the Chinese man said, "Well, fuck you white guy!"

(Disclaimer: I'm Chinese and was told this by a Chinese friend.)

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The police arrested me for paying for sex with a child.

Apparently they aren't legal currency.

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What type of currency they use in outer space?

Star Bucks

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What's a dog's least favorite currency?

the pound

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What kind of currency do astronauts use in space?

Starbucks

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What do aliens use for currency?

Starbucks!

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When/If Scotland becomes independent, what will the national currency be called?

Doesn't matter, you won't be able to pry it out of the cheap bastards' hands anyway.

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fluctuations

This asian lady goes to a bank to exchange her currency into dollars. For 1000 yuans she gets about 160$.

A week later she walks in with a thousand more and this time she only gets 150.

Confused, she asks the teller " Why 10$ less this time?"

Teller says "fluctuations"

She turns to leave and says " Fluc you americans too..."

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With how fat America is....

With how fat America is, I'm surprised their currency isn't in pounds.

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I used to be a cashier at a gas station on the Canadian border.

I would always ask what currency people would be paying with, but I stopped after a woman screamed at me for assuming her tender.

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What's the one currency superman can't hold?

Kryptocurrency.

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A boy asked his bitcoin investing dad...

...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.

Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for?

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So I hear that the Euro is destabilizing and deflating...

...if its value decreases any more, Europe might have to switch back to their old international currency, Czechoslovakia.

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If Europe uses Euros as currency...

then Africa should use Afros as currency.

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If I Had a [currency] For Every [action],

I would do more of [action].

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I think that we should officially change our currency to balloons.

You could much more easily control inflation.

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Currency exchange

"A Japanese man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 5000 yen and walked out with $72.

The following week, he walked in with another 5000 yen, and was handed $66.

He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.

The teller said, "Fluctuations."

The Japanese man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans too!"

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Im excited to have Tubman on the twenty

So we can use black people as currency again

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What currency do they use in space?

Star bucks.

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Did you hear of the American who robbed a bank in Latvia?

Turns out potatoes aren't a valid currency in the US.

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In fallout, why are caps used as currency?

Because america is a CAPitalist country.

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Currency caper

A Japanese man visits Australia.

On the way in he converts his 4000 yen to $100.

A couple of weeks later, he is returning home and converts his last $100, but this time only receives 2000 yen.

"what's up with this?", he enquires, "why is the conversion rate half what it was when I came here?"

"fluctuations." replies the exchange kiosk operator.

"yeah? well fluck you too, white man."

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Germany and the Czech Republic have left the EU to form their own fully integrated economy.

Their currency is called the βœ“

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George's son

George goes to the Birth Registration Office to register his newborn son.

The man behind the counter asks the name he wants to give to
the boy, and the father replies: "Euro."

The man says that such a name is not acceptable, because it's a currency.

Says George: "What? There weren't any objections when I called my first two sons Mark and Frank."

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I heard Venezuelan currency has inflated so much they are weighing it instead of counting it.

Looks like they finally transitioned from bolivars to pounds.

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A Korean man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 200,000 Korean won and walked out with $200...

The following week, he walked in with another 200,000 Korean won, and was handed $185. He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week. The teller said , "Three syllables bro: Fluc-tu-ations." The Korean man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"

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A German SS Officer back in 1940 walked into a bar and ordered a drink...

And the bartender gave him the requested drink after accepting the required currency because Nazi Germany does not have a sense of humor.

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Chinese vacationers

A Chinese family arrives in Los Angeles to begin their American vacation. They approach the currency exchange window to exchange 10,000 Chinese yuan. The agent gives them $1,600 and they go on their way. They enjoy their vacation but realize their American funds are depleting quickly. They return to the currency exchange a week later to exchange another 10,000 Yuan. This time the exchange agent hands over $1,400. The Chinese man asks in broken yet effective English why the exchanged amount is $200 less. The agent shrugs his shoulders and politely replies "Fluctuations". The Chinese man suddenly becomes enraged and replies "Fluck you Americans!"

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A boy asked his bitcoin trading father

...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.

Dad: $9.45? What do you need $10.11 for?

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A student asks another student, "How many zeroes does your salary have?"

He responds "One"

"In which currency?"

"Any :("

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Our official currency should become bubblegum...

That way it can be inflated and deflated at will!

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Nerds buy Bitcoin currency because it reminds them of their girlfriend

Completely virtual.

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Zimbabwe's currency is so devalued...

That rapper "50 cent" is known as "40 billion dollar"

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What kind of currency do aliens use in space?

Starbucks

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What type of currency do people use in outer space?

STARbucks.

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What kind of currency is used in outer space?

Starbucks

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What is the Zombie equivalent of a Leprechaun's Pot o' Gold?

Crypt o' Currency.

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I went to pay the Cashier at the Grocery store

Cashier "That will be $18.35"

Me: Hands her a $50 bill

Cashier "Sorry sir, We cant accept that because we had too many problems with counterfeit currency. Do you have anything smaller?"

Me " I fully understand, Here you go.."
*Politely hands her a crisp $25 bill*

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There's an Italian town where pasta is a currency

A penne for their thoughts.

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What does black people and Deutsche Mark have in common?

Both are outdated currency.

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An Iranian goes to exchange some currency

He asks the teller what the current rate is for the US Dollar.

"Now, or... now?"

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Did you hear about the global trade war to determine who's currency is stronger?

South Korean Won.

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A boy asks his father, the Bit-coin investor,

...for some Bitcoin currency again, this time in the amount of $25.00.

Dad: $23.67? What do you need $20.32 for?

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What do you call Donald Trump's form of currency?

Trump change

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What currency do they use in outer space?

Starbucks

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What's the best way for an American to lose weight?

Gamble in British currency.

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What do you call it when you cut out the Presidents' pictures from your bills?

Defacing currency

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What type of currency do pickles use?

dill dough.

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I want to make a joke about Ghanaian currency

... but I'm not sure anyone wants to Cedis.

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What did the cashier say after handing down a wad of currency to Dracula?

"Count Dracula."

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What currency do they use in space?

Star Bucks.

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What currency do astronauts use?

Starbucks

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An Asian woman goes to the bank...

An Asian woman goes to the bank to exchange the currency for dollars. A , week after that she goes again and gets less dollars for the same currency.
She then asks the teller "why did i get less money this time?".. the teller says "fluctuations" ...
she looks at him and says "fluc-u-americans"..before walking away

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Ever wonder why Britain's currency dropped so quick after the Brexit compared to everyone else's?

Because paper money weighs like a gram but Britain's is a pound.

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what currency does the sun use?

starbucks

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I grew up in Bolivia

but I left because the currency is bullshit.

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What currency is used in the outer space?

Starbucks

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What currency is preferred by hookers these days?

clitcoin

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What currency do you pay with when the weather is uncertain?

With the Rainmaybe!

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Recently, I went to a third world country where fecal matter is considered currency.

Shit was cash

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America thought about using fat as a currency...

...but there was too much inflation.

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What currency do they use in India?

Indie-yen...

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What Currency do They Use in Space?

*Starbucks*

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If you're going to Greece change your currency at the airport

Nor sure how you're going to get 100 goats on a plane though

Source: radio

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What type of Currency is used in Outer Space?

Starbucks

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What currency is used in outerspace?

Star-**Bucks**

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The EU have finally come up with a new currency

It's Greece proof.

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According to my textbook, The old Greek currency was called Drachmae

but apparently now they use a currency called *whoosh*

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What was the currency of the Trade Republic of Venice?

Dogecoin.

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Whats the currency of North Korea?

The NoDinar

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I know what piece of currency Harriet Tubman should be on

a .60 cent coin

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Brexit joke

The pound is rapidly losing value in currency exchange markets.

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Trump winning the presidency isn't all that bad.

Zimbabwean currency will soon actually be valuable to the global market!

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What did the currency say when asked about how he was doing?

Terruble

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Tom was falsely accused of manufacturing illicit currency...

... Though, in the trial he confessed to be guilty. Later, when asked as to why he did so, Tom replied, "I took one forgery."

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If I had a dollar for every time I got confused by international currency exchange...

I wouldn't know if it was USD, CAD, NZD, AUD, or any other currency going by the term "dollar"

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What currency do they use in outer space?

Starbucks.

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What do you call gambling currency that can't melt steel beams?

Bet fuel

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What's the difference between American currency and monopoly currency?

One has destroyed homes, torn families apart, and has created anger and sadness. Oh, and the other is American currency.

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That's the currency used during legal exams?

Testymoney

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If *The Twilight Zone* had its own currency, what would its motto be?

"In Rod We Trust."

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What do you call the value of the time you have to spend right now at this moment?

Currency

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Why is Best Korea Best Rich?

Because our currency Won!

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What do prisoners in Israel use as currency?

Shackles.

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If EA had their own currency...

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Bitcoin is super close to functioning like real currency...

Now that a small concentration of people control a majority of it

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How much bitcoin does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Depends on the electric currency.

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Why should you avoid buying speakers with Australian currency?

Because they aren't AUD-ible.

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What weighs more British or American currency?

British it's a pound.

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When we become a space-faring species, what will our currency inevitably change to?

Starbucks

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Why did the blood sell his bitcoin stock?

Because it was a form of crypto currency.

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What currency do cows use?

Mooney

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How do you call online scholars that specialize in the study of ryos(japanese currency)?

eDo-cents

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What currency does a corpse use?

Mummy.

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What's the currency in Nepal?

The rubble.

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What do you call 25 Mike Pence clones in a room with Donald Trump?

... Quarter pounder with cheese.

(Think British currency here)

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Brazilian currency is the most reliable currency in the world.

After all, they use something *real* for once.

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If I had a dollar for every gender

I'd have a lot of valid currency that everyone refuses to accept.

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What do you say about a man who spent all his savings excavating a tomb full of fake money?

He invested in the wrong crypt o' currency.

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What do you call a tomb full of money?

A crypt o' currency.

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What is chicken used as currency called?

Legal tender

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What's the difference between a Venezuelan Bolivar and Bitcoin?

The Bolivar actually has value as a currency.

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I can't wait for Harriet Tubman to be on the $20 bill...

So I can start using black people as currency again

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What is Forrest Gump's favorite part of US currency?

The pen-nay

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What are the best Currency puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Currency? Well, here are the best jokes about Currency to have fun with.

Joko Jokes