Curfew Jokes

Following is our collection of time puns and impose one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Curfew jokes for adults, dirty farmhouse jokes and clean exits dad gags for kids.

The Best Curfew Puns

It's the first day for a fraternity...

It's the first day for a fraternity, and the dean is explaining the rules to the new pledges. He sternly advises them, And I must warn you of the curfew for this semester. If I catch any of you in the women's dorms past eight o'clock at night, it's fifty dollars for the first time, a hundred dollars for the second time, and five hundred dollars for the third time.

One pledge raises his hand and asks, How much for a season pass?

So my son came home drunk at 2am.

I said, "excuse me, but you are out past curfew and I distinctly smell beer on your breath." "No dad, I'm sorry I'm home late but I wasn't drinking. My buddies and I were eating froglegs." So I looked at him and said, "I have been around for a while I know what beer smells like." He started to panic and said,"dad you're just smelling the hops."

EDIT : Apostrophe

A man was walking down a street in Moscow at night

A soviet soldier called out for the man to halt but the man started running, so the soldier shot him. The other soldier on duty asks the former, "Why'd you do that?"

"Why it's curfew," the soldier said.

"Well it's not curfew yet!" his partner said.

"I know- he's a friend of mine. I know where he lives and he couldn't have made it in time."

Two armed guards were standing at a street corner...

They see a man walking casually on the other side of the street. The first guard raises his rifle and shoots the pedestrian, killing him instantly.

The second guard says to the first, "What was that for?"

"He was out past curfew." Replied the first guard.

"What do you mean?" Said the second guard, "It's not curfew for another hour."

"Yeah, but I knew the guy," Said the first guard, "He could never have made it home in time."

A classic joke from Ronald Regan (Not exactly accurate)

There are two Russians in the Soviet Union talking to each other and a curfew is about to be enforced

The two men say goodbye to each other and just as they do a soviet soldier walks over to the both of them and shoots one of the men dead

The other man says Why did you shoot him?

The soldier says I'm his friend I know where he lives he wouldn't have made it home in time


Back in 1998, Chelsea Clinton was in high school and went out on a date one night.

Hillary set an 11pm curfew, but Chelsea didn't return to the White House until after midnight.

Hillary had waited up, and grilled her daughter over being late.

Her last question: You didn't have sex with that boy, did you?

Chelsea: Not according to Dad.

You can only call it quarantine if it comes from the Quarantine region in France.

Otherwise it's just sparkling curfew.

Two officers are walking the streets reminding people that curfew starts in 15 minutes

Suddenly one of the officers shoots a guy running home.

The second officer asks "Why did you shoot him, the curfew hasn't started yet?"

The first officer replies: "I know where he lives, he wouldn't have made home in 10 minutes".

Another nun joke..

One day in a monastery, the nuns all gathered for morning prayers. The head nun stood up and said "Last night, someone was out after curfew."
99 nuns gasp, one nun goes "Teeheehee"
The head nun continues, "Not only was this person out after curfew, but she was seeing a man!"
99 nuns gasp, one nun goes "Teeheehee"
"The only reason we know this is because the priest found a broken condom in the confession stand!"
One nun gasps, 99 nuns go "Teeheehee"

There is an abundance of bedtime jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 9 funniest jokes and curfew puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any quarantine witze you can hear about curfew.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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