The Best 13 Curfew Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Curfew jokes. There are some curfew impose jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these curfew exits puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Curfew Jokes and Puns

Soviet Curfew

A man in Moscow is walking home after his day at work and he walks past a security checkpoint. One of the guards calls to him and tells him to stop, but he takes off running. The guard raises his rifle, takes aim, and shoots him dead in the street. The other guard stares at him.

What did you do that for? he asks.

Curfew violation, the other guard says.

Curfew violation? Curfew isn't for another half hour!

I know. That's my friend. I know where he lives. He never would have made it.

It's the first day for a fraternity...

It's the first day for a fraternity, and the dean is explaining the rules to the new pledges. He sternly advises them, And I must warn you of the curfew for this semester. If I catch any of you in the women's dorms past eight o'clock at night, it's fifty dollars for the first time, a hundred dollars for the second time, and five hundred dollars for the third time.

One pledge raises his hand and asks, How much for a season pass?

So my son came home drunk at 2am.

I said, "excuse me, but you are out past curfew and I distinctly smell beer on your breath." "No dad, I'm sorry I'm home late but I wasn't drinking. My buddies and I were eating froglegs." So I looked at him and said, "I have been around for a while I know what beer smells like." He started to panic and said,"dad you're just smelling the hops."

EDIT : Apostrophe

Curfew joke, So my son came home drunk at 2am.

A man was walking down a street in Moscow at night

A soviet soldier called out for the man to halt but the man started running, so the soldier shot him. The other soldier on duty asks the former, "Why'd you do that?"

"Why it's curfew," the soldier said.

"Well it's not curfew yet!" his partner said.

"I know- he's a friend of mine. I know where he lives and he couldn't have made it in time."

Police in Belfast have now been given permission to shoot people who break the curfew.

Paddy and Mick, have been put at the top of Belfast City Hall and are ordered to shoot anyone after the 8pm curfew.

The first night they are looking out at 7.45pm and Mick takes his gun and shoots a man.

"What are you doing Mick" said Paddy, "It's only a quarter to eight!"

"That was wee Jimmy, I know where he lives, he would never have made it home in time."


Two armed guards were standing at a street corner...

They see a man walking casually on the other side of the street. The first guard raises his rifle and shoots the pedestrian, killing him instantly.

The second guard says to the first, "What was that for?"

"He was out past curfew." Replied the first guard.

"What do you mean?" Said the second guard, "It's not curfew for another hour."

"Yeah, but I knew the guy," Said the first guard, "He could never have made it home in time."

A classic joke from Ronald Regan (Not exactly accurate)

There are two Russians in the Soviet Union talking to each other and a curfew is about to be enforced

The two men say goodbye to each other and just as they do a soviet soldier walks over to the both of them and shoots one of the men dead

The other man says Why did you shoot him?

The soldier says I'm his friend I know where he lives he wouldn't have made it home in time

It was close to curfew in Soviet Russia, two policemen see a man running

One of the the policemen shoots the running man dead.

"Why did you do that? It isn't past curfew yet!" the other policeman asks

The other replies:

"I know where he lives, he wasn't gonna make it"

Two soldiers were at their post

When their commanding officer came over and said
" Alright boys there is a curfew tonight, anyone seen out past 10pm must be shot on site." The soldiers shook their head and obliged.
It hit 9:45pm and the commanding officer heard gunshot fire and came running to the soldiers to discover a man shot dead.
" What the hell happened here! It's only 9:45!" Said the officer.
" Well sir I know where that man lives and there is no way in hell he was making it home for 10!"

Back in 1998, Chelsea Clinton was in high school and went out on a date one night.

Hillary set an 11pm curfew, but Chelsea didn't return to the White House until after midnight.

Hillary had waited up, and grilled her daughter over being late.

Her last question: You didn't have sex with that boy, did you?

Chelsea: Not according to Dad.

You can only call it quarantine if it comes from the Quarantine region in France.

Otherwise it's just sparkling curfew.

You can explore curfew time reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean curfew farmhouse dad jokes. There are also curfew puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Two officers are walking the streets reminding people that curfew starts in 15 minutes

Suddenly one of the officers shoots a guy running home.

The second officer asks "Why did you shoot him, the curfew hasn't started yet?"

The first officer replies: "I know where he lives, he wouldn't have made home in 10 minutes".

Another nun joke..

One day in a monastery, the nuns all gathered for morning prayers. The head nun stood up and said "Last night, someone was out after curfew."
99 nuns gasp, one nun goes "Teeheehee"
The head nun continues, "Not only was this person out after curfew, but she was seeing a man!"
99 nuns gasp, one nun goes "Teeheehee"
"The only reason we know this is because the priest found a broken condom in the confession stand!"
One nun gasps, 99 nuns go "Teeheehee"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the curfew bedtime jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working curfew quarantine piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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