Curfew Jokes
9 curfew jokes and hilarious curfew puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about curfew that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for a way to cope with the imposed night curfew? Check out our selection of funny curfew jokes to help lighten up your weekend! Whether you're in a cottage, facing a ban, or simply stuck at home counting down the time, these hilarious jokes will make your night!
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Silly & Ridiculous Curfew Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What is a good curfew joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Soviet Curfew
A man in Moscow is walking home after his day at work and he walks past a security checkpoint. One of the guards calls to him and tells him to stop, but he takes off running. The guard raises his rifle, takes aim, and shoots him dead in the street. The other guard stares at him.
What did you do that for? he asks.
Curfew violation, the other guard says.
Curfew violation? Curfew isn't for another half hour!
I know. That's my friend. I know where he lives. He never would have made it.
It's the first day for a fraternity...
It's the first day for a fraternity, and the dean is explaining the rules to the new pledges. He sternly advises them, And I must warn you of the curfew for this semester. If I catch any of you in the women's dorms past eight o'clock at night, it's fifty dollars for the first time, a hundred dollars for the second time, and five hundred dollars for the third time.
One pledge raises his hand and asks, How much for a season pass?
So my son came home drunk at 2am.
I said, "excuse me, but you are out past curfew and I distinctly smell beer on your breath." "No dad, I'm sorry I'm home late but I wasn't drinking. My buddies and I were eating froglegs." So I looked at him and said, "I have been around for a while I know what beer smells like." He started to panic and said,"dad you're just smelling the hops."
EDIT : Apostrophe
A man was walking down a street in Moscow at night
A soviet soldier called out for the man to halt but the man started running, so the soldier shot him. The other soldier on duty asks the former, "Why'd you do that?"
"Why it's curfew," the soldier said.
"Well it's not curfew yet!" his partner said.
"I know- he's a friend of mine. I know where he lives and he couldn't have made it in time."
Police in Belfast have now been given permission to shoot people who break the curfew.
p**... and m**..., have been put at the top of Belfast City Hall and are ordered to shoot anyone after the 8pm curfew.
The first night they are looking out at 7.45pm and m**... takes his gun and shoots a man.
"What are you doing m**..." said p**..., "It's only a quarter to eight!"
"That was wee Jimmy, I know where he lives, he would never have made it home in time."
Two armed guards were standing at a street corner...
They see a man walking casually on the other side of the street. The first guard raises his rifle and shoots the pedestrian, killing him instantly.
The second guard says to the first, "What was that for?"
"He was out past curfew." Replied the first guard.
"What do you mean?" Said the second guard, "It's not curfew for another hour."
"Yeah, but I knew the guy," Said the first guard, "He could never have made it home in time."
A classic joke from Ronald Regan (Not exactly accurate)
There are two Russians in the Soviet Union talking to each other and a curfew is about to be enforced
The two men say goodbye to each other and just as they do a soviet soldier walks over to the both of them and shoots one of the men dead
The other man says Why did you shoot him?
The soldier says I'm his friend I know where he lives he wouldn't have made it home in time
It was close to curfew in Soviet Russia, two policemen see a man running
One of the the policemen shoots the running man dead.
"Why did you do that? It isn't past curfew yet!" the other policeman asks
The other replies:
"I know where he lives, he wasn't gonna make it"
Two soldiers were at their post
When their commanding officer came over and said
" Alright boys there is a curfew tonight, anyone seen out past 10pm must be shot on site." The soldiers shook their head and obliged.
It hit 9:45pm and the commanding officer heard gunshot fire and came running to the soldiers to discover a man shot dead.
" What the h**... happened here! It's only 9:45!" Said the officer.
" Well sir I know where that man lives and there is no way in h**... he was making it home for 10!"
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