Following is our collection of prognosis puns and lycanthropy one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Cured jokes for adults, dirty remedy jokes and clean oncologist dad gags for kids.
The bartender tells him, "I used to have a stutter too. Then one day, my wife gave me head, and from that point on I was cured!" The guy gets really excited and runs out the door without ever getting his beer.
The next day, the guy walks back into the bar and says, "O-o-one b-b-beer, p-please."
The bartender asks him, "It didn't work, huh?"
The guy says, "N-n-nope. B-but y-your h-h-house is r-r-really n-n-nice."
Wow thanks I'm cured.
It still hasn't cured my alcoholism.
He was finally cured and set free, but immediatelly came back to the mental hospital trembling in fear. When asked why, he said, "there's a chicken outside."
Doctor: "but sir, you do know you're human right? Not a piece of corn."
Patient: "of course I know that! But does the chicken know?!"
Don't worry, he was cured.
A Lil Piggy is sick and goes to see Dr. Pig. "Dr. Pig," he says, "I feel awful!! What do I do?"
Dr. Pig says "Here's what you do: go home and roll around in some salt. I'll check back in with you in a week."
One week later, Dr. Pig goes to see the Lil Piggy. Dr. Pig asks, "So, are you feeling any better?"
"Better?" says Lil Piggy. "I'm cured!!"
A falsalami
To the ICU.
...and exclaims "we did it! We found a medical cure for alcoholism! All you have to do is take this one pill daily and you are cured."
Slowly a hand raises in the back and a man says "what happens if you take two?"
Lenny tells the psychiatrist, Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it.
Come to me three times a week for two years, and I'll cure your fears, says the shrink. And I'll charge you only $200 a visit.
Lenny says he'll think about it. Six months later, he runs into the doctor, who asks why he never came back. For $200 a visit? says Lenny. A bartender cured me for $10.
Is that so! How?
He told me to cut the legs off the bed.
A nurse is going to work, walking through the hospitals parking lot, when a nun runs past her, screaming and crying. The nurse approaches the doctor standing in the doorway and asks, "What's wrong with that nun?" "Oh," the doctors says, "I told her she was pregnant." "Oh, so she's pregnant?" "No, but it share cured her hiccups."
"... you're already cured."
A concentration camp
but now I'm cured.
You put it into world leaders.
Note - This is an old joke I've heard when I was a kid, but seeing how Jimmy Carter was cured by a drug that was just released recently, it feels like a sad reality.
...and as I arrived, a nun rushed out crying. So, I said to the doctor, "d'you know, when I arrived here, a nun rushed out crying!". Doctor says, "oh yeah, I just told her she's pregnant."
"Oh my God," says I, "is she really?"
"No, of course not," says the doctor, "but it cured her hiccups!"
The ham looks over at the turkey and says:
"What are you doing here? You aren't cured. "
...and says to him:
"Doctor, I have a problem. I keep farting all day long, luckily they don't smell and are dead silent, can you do something to make it stop?"
"Take these pills and come back after a week for a checkup."
One week later she comes by and says:
"Doctor! Not only didn't the farting stop, but now they are smelly as a landfill!"
The doctor replies:
"Calm down, miss. I cured your sense of smell, now to do something about that hearing."
When he gets there he places an empty pool on the ground. All the patients start squealing with joy, and jumping in the pool, hurting themselves. Only one patient stands to the side and doesn't jump. The inspector goes to ask him why he isn't jumping. The patient says: do you think I'm crazy? I can't swim
I still can't believe it's nearly 1993 and they haven't found a cure for alzheimer's.
I bet the scientist that are trying to cure diabetes in humans are so jealous right now.
Now we are cured.
That covered her legs. She went to a dermatologist and he said
"What you have is very rare but easily cured. Take a bath in milk for 3 nights and it will go away."
The woman went home and called the local grocery store and said
"I would like to buy 40 gallons of milk to bathe in."
The man on the phone exclaimed "40 gallons pasturized!?"
She said "heavens no... Just past my waist."
Now I'm a were-wolf.
But it definitely put a smile on my face.
They always seem excited as if my blindness will be cured the next time we meet up.
Fortunately, Bacon was cured.
make it into cured bacon
They may be illegal, but at least they cured my blindness!
"It's koala tea."
.....and we've already cured HIV.
It keeps me cured of my ales.
When the ham is cured!
But the information is purely antidotal.
Every time he drinks his tea. The doctor offers him a cup of tea and tells him to drink it. The guy puts two lumps of sugar in and stirs with a spoon and drinks while shouting in agony. He then says see doctor, it happens every time!
The doctor nods, then removes the tea spoon from the cup and says I have cured you now!
"If you take this medicine, you'll be cured in 7 days. If you don't take it, you'll be cured in one week"
Doctor : Sir, I must ask you to stop masturbating.
Patient : Do you think I'll be cured that way?
Doctor : No, I'll be able to look at the problem!
Cured ham.
He cured them.
They hate being cured!
To get cured!
A Sharc-eatery
That cured his hicups.
Or is salmonella caused by eating salmon?
Neil and Bill look at Stephen Hawking and yell, "My God, Steven, you're cured!"
It was easy with a bulldozer. Now it doesn't want to wake up.
Funding dried up when it was realized it maple money from other import causes.
Their research is just getting started. Wheat a while.
Their research is still a little shaky.
Luckily, it'll be cured in about 24 hours.
Cured duck
There is an abundance of salami jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 52 funniest jokes and cured puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any placebos witze you can hear about cured.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.