The Best 56 Cure Jokes

Following is our collection of Cure jokes which are very funny. There are some cure antidote jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these cure gout puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Cure Jokes and Puns

Dear Satan, for Christmas I want a cure for my dyslexia.

Smoking will kill you ...



Bacon will kill you...

But, smoking bacon will cure it.

The older man and his problems

A man getting along in years finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.

Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"

The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?"

The medicine man replies: "When your partner can take no more sex and is completely raddled, all she has to say is '1234', and it will then go down. But be warned: The pork swordsman will not rise again for another year."

The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. That night he showers, shaves, and smothers himself in aftershave. He slides into bed,cuddles up to his wife, says "123" and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man promised.

His wife turns over and asks: "What did you say '123' for?"

I used to be in a band called The Prevention...

We were better than the Cure.

I got on the bus, sat down and noticed a beautiful blonde Chinese woman crying in the seat across from me...

I moved over and asked her why she was crying.

"I don't usually bare my soul to strangers," she said.

I replied that sometimes it was perfectly fine to tell your story to a perfect stranger. She nodded and said, "I just came out of my therapist session and he says there is no way to cure me."

I asked what exactly was her problem. She said, "I'm a nymphomaniac, but I only get turned on by Jewish cowboys. You know, I do feel better. By the way, my name is Kim."

"Glad to meet you," I said. "My name is Bucky Goldstein."

-----

Steve Wright


(Dr Who joke) Why can't a sonic screwdriver cure erectile dysfunction?

It doesn't do wood.

ANOTHER nun sat outside a bar in Ireland...

Sipping from a bottle of whiskey, and quite inebriated, when the local Gard walks past.

"Sister Mary", he asks "what in God's name are you doing?!"

"Not to worry, sergeant. I'm trying to *hic* cure the Mother Superior's constipation."

"And how is you being in this state going to help the Mother Superior with her constipation exactly?!"

"Cos when she sees me like this", Sister Mary replied, "she'll be shittin a brick!"

I have found a cure for people suffering from Attention Deficit Disorder...

... just send them to concentration camps.

I'm going to find a cure for blindness.

YOU'LL SEE! YOU'LL ALL SEE!

How do you cure a mute coworker?

Tell them a secret

There's only one problem with North Korea's miracle cure for AIDS and Ebola:

The directions say the medication must be taken with food.

You can explore cure heal reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cure researchers dad jokes. There are also cure puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A 'cure' for lesbianism.

I'm sorry in advance. My dad just told me this joke last night.

"Scientists believe they have found a a cure for lesbianism. The cure can be found in a prescription drug called tricoxsagain."

If laughter was the best medicine...

Your face would cure the world!

How do you cure aids?

You put it into world leaders.

Note - This is an old joke I've heard when I was a kid, but seeing how Jimmy Carter was cured by a drug that was just released recently, it feels like a sad reality.

People thought I was crazy when I said I was going to cure blindness.

But they'll see. They'll all see!

How did they cure the swine flu?

With oinkment.

How do the Irish cure a hangover?

With a funeral.

Local mom finds cure to weight loss, Scientist are dumbfounded...

at how gullible people on the internet are.

I wanted to build my career on making chemistry jokes to cure my depression.

Then I realized alcohol is a solution.


The Cure for the Common Cold

It's called "The Whiskey and a Hat Trick"

All you need is a bottle of whiskey and a hat.

First, sit on your bed. Place the hat at the foot of the bed. Proceed to drink whiskey until you see two hats, then go to sleep.

If you do this your cold will be gone in just 7 days.

If you don't, it'll last a whole week.

Guy gets a call from his doctor.

"Your blood test results are in... I'm sorry to tell you that you have contracted leprosy," says the doctor.

"What? How?" Guy exclaims.

"Can't be sure, but we need to discuss treatment options. There is a cure, but it is extremely expensive."

"What choice do I have, doc?" Guy laments. "How much will it cost?"

"An arm and a leg."

I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I deny the existence of certain 80s bands.

There is no cure.

What do we want? More research into a cure for ADHD! When do we want it?

Let's play swingball!

What does smoking cure?

Ham

I found a cure for my wife's insomnia...

All I have to do is express a desire to have sex with her and immediately she is too tired to do anything but sleep.

[NSFW] "You don't sound so well today", a woman told her business partner.

"I have a sore throat", the partner responded.
"I have the best cure", the first said. "Each time I have a sore throat I blow my husband and immediately feel better."
The next day the partner walks into work with a smile on her face.
"Did you do what I suggested?", the first asked.
"Yes, and thanks for the tip", the second said.
"Your husband couldn't believe it was your idea!"

A Second Opinion

Lenny tells the psychiatrist, Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it.

Come to me three times a week for two years, and I'll cure your fears, says the shrink. And I'll charge you only $200 a visit.

Lenny says he'll think about it. Six months later, he runs into the doctor, who asks why he never came back. For $200 a visit? says Lenny. A bartender cured me for $10.

Is that so! How?

He told me to cut the legs off the bed.

Can't believe it's nearly 1996

and they haven't found a cure for Alzheimer's

A guy goes to the doctor to cure his amnesia

And asks, "doctor what should I do?"

Doctor replies, "pay me first."

An Insomniac once told me.....

I will not rest until I find a cure for my insomnia.

A pig goes to the doctors with swine flu.

The doctor gives him a leaflet for a therapeutic spa and tells him to go straight there.

When he gets there he's instructed to lay in a shallow bath of salt and sugar.

He chuckles to himself and thinks, "what's this supposed to do, cure me!"

This man goes to the doctor and the doctor said;

You seem to have forgotten everything you know about 80s music

The man in a state of panic asks; oh no, what is the cure

The doctor said; oh my god it's worse than I thought

The doctor said to me, Your brain seems to have deleted all information about 80's pop music! I gasped, Yikes! What's The Cure?!

He yowled, Oh my God! It's worse than I thought!

The cure for my depression is right around the corner.

Yes, here comes my train now.

I can't believe no one has managed to come up with a cure for anorexia yet...

I thought it'd be a piece of cake...

Scientists have discovered the best way to cure laziness.

Unfortunately nobody has bothered to read the article.

Medical Marijuana isn't a new concept.

We've been using smoke to cure things for centuries.

Went to an eye specialist because I couldn't read fluently

The doctor told me "Son, I have bad news for you and for what I see, you will have to deal with this condition since we don't have a cure for it" and proceded to hand me a paper with my results. I was extremely happy with it!

How can it be bad news having daylisex for life?

I realized that whacking off helps me fall asleep much faster

This whole time the cure for insomnia was within my grasp

One day I'll create a cure for blindness

You'll see.

A scientist runs into an AA meeting...

...and exclaims "we did it! We found a medical cure for alcoholism! All you have to do is take this one pill daily and you are cured."

Slowly a hand raises in the back and a man says "what happens if you take two?"

If you could have Bill Gates' wealth or cure all the suffering in Africa...

What colour Ferrari would you get?

"You have a very rare and extremely contagious condition"

the doctor told his patient.

"We're going to have to put you in an isolation unit where you'll be on a diet of pancakes and pizza."

"Will the pancakes and pizza cure my condition?" asked the patient.

"No," replied the doctor.

"They're the only things we can slip under the door."

The receptionist got a bit shocked when a nun comes running out at full speed, with an expression that could only be described as pure horror.

Receptionist: What in gods name happened to her? The receptionist asked the doctor.

Doctor: Well, I told her she was pregnant.

Receptionist: Pregnant? A nun? Was she really?

Doctor: Of course not, but atleast I managed to cure her hiccups...

An attractive young woman goes to a mystic guru

An attractive young woman goes to a mystic guru and says: Oh great guru, please cure me of my ailment guruji! As the woman was attractive, the mystic guru said I will cure you my child, but as token of you gratitude, you must go to bed with me.

She agreed, and the guru had the best sex of his life with the woman.

Then the guru asked Tell me, my child. what is your ailment? . I have AIDS replied the woman.

"What do we want?"

"A cure for Alzheimer's!"

"When do we want it....?"

"Want what...?"

Did u hear the joke about the cure for covid19?

It's a riot

I think I discovered a really simple cure for anorexia.

It's a piece of cake.

I'm no expert on covid-19 but I do know the cure

They are an amazing band from the 80s.

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you.

Smoking bacon will cure it.

i asked my therapist: can you cure my bondage addiction?

he said: "i wish i can help you but my hands are tied"

I forgot to save my new book, 1000 Ways to Cure an Itch before my computer died.

Guess I'm starting again from scratch.

I accidentally deleted the manuscript of my book '1000 Ways to Cure an Itch'

It looks like I'll have to start from scratch

Why were graham crackers invented joke

Joke or not the graham crackers were simply a vehicle for delivering marshmallows and chocolate. Sylvester Graham tried to stop his followers from getting frisky by inventing a bland, biscuit-like cracker to cure masturbation and quell sexual urges in 1829.

If smoking kills...

Then why does it cure salmon?

Dan went to his physician for his annual check-up.

However, he was shocked when his doctor said to him, I'm afraid you've only got three weeks to live.

Are you sure? said Dan, I feel fine. Isn't there anything that can be done?

Well, said his doctor, you could try taking a mud bath each day.

Will that cure me? asked Dan.

No, but it'll get you used to the dirt , responded the physician.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the cure symptom jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working cure hypochondria piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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