cure Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious cure puns

Dear Satan...

For Christmas I want a cure for my dyslexia

👍🏼

Smoking will kill you ...



Bacon will kill you...

But, smoking bacon will cure it.

👍🏼

Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team up and make a medicine to cure erectile dysfunction

And name it "Elon-Gate"

👍🏼

Im taking Viagra for my sunburn.

It doesnt cure it, but it keeps the sheets of my bed

👍🏼

I'm taking Viagra for my sunburn

It doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs

👍🏼

I found a cure for my wife's insomnia...

All I have to do is express a desire to have sex with her and immediately she is too tired to do anything but sleep.

👍🏼

I can't believe no one has managed to come up with a cure for anorexia yet...

I thought it'd be a piece of cake...

👍🏼

Blowjobs do not relieve headaches

The other day, I had an astoundingly painful headache and I couldn't help but complain about it to my girlfriend. She surprised me by saying, "Ya know, blowjobs can be a natural cure for a headache..."
So, I thought it was worth a shot. But that day I learned my girlfriend is damned a liar.
I sucked three dicks and my head still fucking hurt.

👍🏼

I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn

Doesnt cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night

👍🏼

A Blonde,Brunette,and a Redhead..

A Blonde,Brunette,and a Redhead decide to check their daughters bags,

All 3 of them found condoms in their respective daughters bags.

The Brunette was stunned and said :" We're a catholic family, It is a sin to have premarital sex "

The Redhead said "Its Good to see my girl is using protection, Because prevention is better than cure !".

The Blonde said: " OH MY GOD, MY DAUGHTER HAS A PENIS "

👍🏼

I started taking Viagra for my sunburn

It doesn't cure it but it sure keeps the sheet off my legs.

👍🏼

Can't believe it's nearly 1996

and they haven't found a cure for Alzheimer's

👍🏼

I wanted to build my career on making chemistry jokes to cure my depression.

Then I realized alcohol is a solution.

👍🏼

There's only one problem with North Korea's miracle cure for AIDS and Ebola:

The directions say the medication must be taken with food.

👍🏼

I used to be in a band called The Prevention...

We were better than the Cure.

👍🏼

My psychologist told me this morning that they are working on a cure for dyslexia...

It was like music to my arse...

👍🏼

A pig goes to the doctors with swine flu.

The doctor gives him a leaflet for a therapeutic spa and tells him to go straight there.

When he gets there he's instructed to lay in a shallow bath of salt and sugar.

He chuckles to himself and thinks, "what's this supposed to do, cure me!"

👍🏼

[NSFW] "You don't sound so well today", a woman told her business partner.

"I have a sore throat", the partner responded.
"I have the best cure", the first said. "Each time I have a sore throat I blow my husband and immediately feel better."
The next day the partner walks into work with a smile on her face.
"Did you do what I suggested?", the first asked.
"Yes, and thanks for the tip", the second said.
"Your husband couldn't believe it was your idea!"

👍🏼

ANOTHER nun sat outside a bar in Ireland...

Sipping from a bottle of whiskey, and quite inebriated, when the local Gard walks past.

"Sister Mary", he asks "what in God's name are you doing?!"

"Not to worry, sergeant. I'm trying to *hic* cure the Mother Superior's constipation."

"And how is you being in this state going to help the Mother Superior with her constipation exactly?!"

"Cos when she sees me like this", Sister Mary replied, "she'll be shittin a brick!"

👍🏼

A guy tried to cure his depression with Viagra.

It didn't work. Things were getting harder and harder.

👍🏼

I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I deny the existence of certain 80s bands.

There is no cure.

👍🏼

When I heard they'd found a cure for dyslexia,

It was music to my arse.

👍🏼

Personally, I'm looking forward to the end of Net Neutrality.

Watching porn in the internet slow lane is going to cure my premature ejaculation.

👍🏼

I'm going to find a cure for blindness.

YOU'LL SEE! YOU'LL ALL SEE!

👍🏼

I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I deny the existence of certain 80's bands...

There is no cure...

👍🏼

The cure for my depression is right around the corner.

Yes, here comes my train now.

👍🏼

Local mom finds cure to weight loss, Scientist are dumbfounded...

at how gullible people on the internet are.

👍🏼

When I heard they found a cure for dyslexia

...it was like music to my arse

👍🏼

Medical science still doesn't have a cure for premature ejaculation,

but researchers say it's coming quickly.

👍🏼

What do we want? More research into a cure for ADHD! When do we want it?

Let's play swingball!

👍🏼

One day I'll create a cure for blindness

You'll see.

👍🏼

The older man and his problems

A man getting along in years finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.

Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"

The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?"

The medicine man replies: "When your partner can take no more sex and is completely raddled, all she has to say is '1234', and it will then go down. But be warned: The pork swordsman will not rise again for another year."

The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. That night he showers, shaves, and smothers himself in aftershave. He slides into bed,cuddles up to his wife, says "123" and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man promised.

His wife turns over and asks: "What did you say '123' for?"

👍🏼

I got on the bus, sat down and noticed a beautiful blonde Chinese woman crying in the seat across from me...

I moved over and asked her why she was crying.

"I don't usually bare my soul to strangers," she said.

I replied that sometimes it was perfectly fine to tell your story to a perfect stranger. She nodded and said, "I just came out of my therapist session and he says there is no way to cure me."

I asked what exactly was her problem. She said, "I'm a nymphomaniac, but I only get turned on by Jewish cowboys. You know, I do feel better. By the way, my name is Kim."

"Glad to meet you," I said. "My name is Bucky Goldstein."

-----



Steve Wright

👍🏼

Two guys are playing tennis.

After they finish their game, one turns to the other and tells his friend his elbow really hurts. His friend tells him to go down to the local pharmacy. At the pharmacy they have a machine where you put in $5 and a urine sample, and the machine will tell you what's wrong and how to cure it. The friend is astonished so he goes down. He puts in the $5 and a urine sample and the machine prints out a little sheet of paper. On the paper it says: You have tennis elbow, rest your elbow, stay away from strenuous activity, and it should go away. This guy is amazed. He drives home quickly, thinking he can test the machine. So, he grabs a big glass. He puts some tap water in, gets his wife and daughter to pee in it, and just for fun he masturbates into it. He goes back down puts in $5 and the sample. A large list prints out. It says: You have hard water get, a water softener, your daughter is addicted to heroin, get her into rehab, your wife is cheating on you, get a lawyer, and if you don't quit masturbating your tennis elbow is never going to go away.

👍🏼

How do you cure a mute coworker?

Tell them a secret

👍🏼

What are the most funny Cure jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Cure? Well, here are the best Cure dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Cure pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes