Silly Cure Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
Dear Satan, for Christmas I want a cure for my dyslexia.
Smoking will kill you ...
Bacon will kill you...
But, smoking bacon will cure it.
The older man and his problems
A man getting along in years finds that he is unable to perform s**.... He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?"
The medicine man replies: "When your partner can take no more s**... and is completely raddled, all she has to say is '1234', and it will then go down. But be warned: The pork swordsman will not rise again for another year."
The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. That night he showers, shaves, and smothers himself in aftershave. He slides into bed,cuddles up to his wife, says "123" and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man promised.
His wife turns over and asks: "What did you say '123' for?"
I used to be in a band called The Prevention...
We were better than the Cure.
I got on the bus, sat down and noticed a beautiful blonde Chinese woman crying in the seat across from me...
I moved over and asked her why she was crying.
"I don't usually bare my soul to strangers," she said.
I replied that sometimes it was perfectly fine to tell your story to a perfect stranger. She nodded and said, "I just came out of my therapist session and he says there is no way to cure me."
I asked what exactly was her problem. She said, "I'm a nymphomaniac, but I only get turned on by Jewish cowboys. You know, I do feel better. By the way, my name is Kim."
"Glad to meet you," I said. "My name is Bucky Goldstein."
-----
Steve Wright
(Dr Who joke) Why can't a sonic screwdriver cure erectile dysfunction?
It doesn't do wood.
ANOTHER nun sat outside a bar in Ireland...
Sipping from a bottle of whiskey, and quite inebriated, when the local Gard walks past.
"Sister Mary", he asks "what in God's name are you doing?!"
"Not to worry, sergeant. I'm trying to *hic* cure the Mother Superior's constipation."
"And how is you being in this state going to help the Mother Superior with her constipation exactly?!"
"Cos when she sees me like this", Sister Mary replied, "she'll be shittin a brick!"
I have found a cure for people suffering from Attention Deficit Disorder...
... just send them to concentration camps.
I'm going to find a cure for blindness.
YOU'LL SEE! YOU'LL ALL SEE!
How do you cure a mute coworker?
Tell them a secret
There's only one problem with North Korea's miracle cure for AIDS and Ebola:
The directions say the medication must be taken with food.
You can explore cure heal reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cure researchers dad jokes. There are also cure puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
If laughter was the best medicine...
Your face would cure the world!
How do you cure aids?
You put it into world leaders.
Note - This is an old joke I've heard when I was a kid, but seeing how Jimmy Carter was cured by a drug that was just released recently, it feels like a sad reality.
How do the Irish cure a hangover?
With a f**....
Local mom finds cure to weight loss, Scientist are dumbfounded...
at how gullible people on the internet are.
I wanted to build my career on making chemistry jokes to cure my depression.
Then I realized alcohol is a solution.
The Cure for the Common Cold
It's called "The Whiskey and a Hat Trick"
All you need is a bottle of whiskey and a hat.
First, sit on your bed. Place the hat at the foot of the bed. Proceed to drink whiskey until you see two hats, then go to sleep.
If you do this your cold will be gone in just 7 days.
If you don't, it'll last a whole week.
Guy gets a call from his doctor.
"Your blood test results are in... I'm sorry to tell you that you have contracted leprosy," says the doctor.
"What? How?" Guy exclaims.
"Can't be sure, but we need to discuss treatment options. There is a cure, but it is extremely expensive."
"What choice do I have, doc?" Guy laments. "How much will it cost?"
"An arm and a leg."
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I deny the existence of certain 80s bands.
There is no cure.
What do we want? More research into a cure for ADHD! When do we want it?
Let's play swingball!
What does smoking cure?
Ham
I found a cure for my wife's insomnia...
All I have to do is express a desire to have s**... with her and immediately she is too tired to do anything but sleep.
A Second Opinion
Lenny tells the psychiatrist, Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it.
Come to me three times a week for two years, and I'll cure your fears, says the shrink. And I'll charge you only $200 a visit.
Lenny says he'll think about it. Six months later, he runs into the doctor, who asks why he never came back. For $200 a visit? says Lenny. A bartender cured me for $10.
Is that so! How?
He told me to cut the legs off the bed.
Can't believe it's nearly 1996
and they haven't found a cure for Alzheimer's
A guy goes to the doctor to cure his amnesia
And asks, "doctor what should I do?"
Doctor replies, "pay me first."
An Insomniac once told me.....
I will not rest until I find a cure for my insomnia.
A pig goes to the doctors with swine flu.
The doctor gives him a leaflet for a therapeutic spa and tells him to go straight there.
When he gets there he's instructed to lay in a shallow bath of salt and sugar.
He chuckles to himself and thinks, "what's this supposed to do, cure me!"
This man goes to the doctor and the doctor said;
You seem to have forgotten everything you know about 80s music
The man in a state of panic asks; oh no, what is the cure
The doctor said; oh my god it's worse than I thought
The doctor said to me, Your brain seems to have deleted all information about 80's pop music! I gasped, Yikes! What's The Cure?!
He yowled, Oh my God! It's worse than I thought!
The cure for my depression is right around the corner.
Yes, here comes my train now.
I can't believe no one has managed to come up with a cure for anorexia yet...
I thought it'd be a piece of cake...
Scientists have discovered the best way to cure laziness.
Unfortunately nobody has bothered to read the article.
Medical m**... isn't a new concept.
We've been using smoke to cure things for centuries.
I realized that whacking off helps me fall asleep much faster
This whole time the cure for insomnia was within my grasp
One day I'll create a cure for blindness
You'll see.
A scientist runs into an AA meeting...
...and exclaims "we did it! We found a medical cure for alcoholism! All you have to do is take this one pill daily and you are cured."
Slowly a hand raises in the back and a man says "what happens if you take two?"
If you could have Bill Gates' wealth or cure all the suffering in Africa...
What colour Ferrari would you get?
"You have a very rare and extremely contagious condition"
the doctor told his patient.
"We're going to have to put you in an isolation unit where you'll be on a diet of pancakes and pizza."
"Will the pancakes and pizza cure my condition?" asked the patient.
"No," replied the doctor.
"They're the only things we can slip under the door."
The receptionist got a bit shocked when a nun comes running out at full speed, with an expression that could only be described as pure horror.
Receptionist: What in gods name happened to her? The receptionist asked the doctor.
Doctor: Well, I told her she was pregnant.
Receptionist: Pregnant? A nun? Was she really?
Doctor: Of course not, but atleast I managed to cure her hiccups...
An attractive young woman goes to a mystic guru
An attractive young woman goes to a mystic guru and says: Oh great guru, please cure me of my ailment guruji! As the woman was attractive, the mystic guru said I will cure you my child, but as token of you gratitude, you must go to bed with me.
She agreed, and the guru had the best s**... of his life with the woman.
Then the guru asked Tell me, my child. what is your ailment? . I have AIDS replied the woman.
"What do we want?"
"A cure for Alzheimer's!"
"When do we want it....?"
"Want what...?"
Did u hear the joke about the cure for covid19?
It's a riot
I think I discovered a really simple cure for anorexia.
It's a piece of cake.
I'm no expert on covid-19 but I do know the cure
They are an amazing band from the 80s.
Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you.
Smoking bacon will cure it.
i asked my therapist: can you cure my b**... addiction?
he said: "i wish i can help you but my hands are tied"
I forgot to save my new book, 1000 Ways to Cure an Itch before my computer died.
Guess I'm starting again from scratch.
I accidentally deleted the manuscript of my book '1000 Ways to Cure an Itch'
It looks like I'll have to start from scratch
Why were graham crackers invented joke
Joke or not the graham crackers were simply a vehicle for delivering marshmallows and chocolate. Sylvester Graham tried to stop his followers from getting frisky by inventing a bland, biscuit-like c**... to cure m**... and quell s**... urges in 1829.
If smoking kills...
Then why does it cure salmon?
I will not sleep...
Until I find a cure for my insomnia.
Anyone know a cure for s**... addiction?
I've tried f***ing everything
How do you milk a sheep?
By inventing the next "covid cure" that's not a vaccine.
Definition of laziness
The art of taking rest before getting tired. Because prevention is better than cure.
Pharmacy
The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall. The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what? s up. "He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn't find the cough syrup," the clerk explains. "So I gave him a laxative and told him to take it all at once. " "Laxatives won't cure a cough, you idiot," the owner shouts angrily. "Sure it will," the clerk says, pointing at the man leaning on the wall. "Look at him. He's afraid to cough. "
Take a spoon of horse manure twice a day.
Patient: Doctor, can you give me anything to help with my halitosis?
Doctor: Take a spoon of horse manure twice a day.
Patient: Will that cure it?
Doctor: No, but it will take the edge off the smell.
It seems like everyday I come across a new article about a cure for Alzheimer's
Turns out it's actually the same article.
What do we want? A cure for obesity. When do we want it?
After dinner!
Cured!
A lady sees the doctor to complain about her flatulences. „Doctor, I have these huge flatulences. Although they don't smell they're bothering me. The doctor gives her some pills to s**... and asks her to show up next week. After a week the lady returns: „What pills did you give me? My farts stink like h**... now! The doctor replies: „You nose is okay now again, now we take care of your flatulences.
A man went to his doctor
After several tests, the doctor returned to the exam room and told him "I'm terribly sorry sir but according to our tests you have barely a year left to live."
"That's horrible!" said the man. "Is there nothing I can do?!"
The doctor replied "Well, my advice is to become a vegan, marry an economist and move to Iowa."
"Will that cure me?" asked the man
"No," said the doctor "but it'll make that year feel a LOT longer!"
Best name for cured meat convention in San Francisco...
... Bay Con.
How do you cure loneliness?
Watch a horror movie by yourself in a dark room. The feeling will soon go away.
I used to be in a band called The Prevention
We were better then The Cure, but nobody came to see us.
