Cure Jokes

116 cure jokes and hilarious cure puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cure that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Cure Short Jokes

Short cure jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cure humour may include short heal jokes also.

  1. Everyone tells you that smoking will kill you What they don't tell you is that it cures salmon
  2. I can't believe no one has managed to come up with a cure for anorexia yet... I thought it'd be a piece of cake...
  3. Whomever said laughter is the best medicine... clearly hasn't tried curing diarrhea with a tickle fight.
  4. I wanted to build my career on making chemistry jokes to cure my depression. Then I realized alcohol is a solution.
  5. There's only one problem with North Korea's miracle cure for AIDS and Ebola: The directions say the medication must be taken with food.
  6. My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin in order to draw out excess moisture. Wow thanks I'm cured.
  7. They say alcohol cures everything, but that's a lie... It still hasn't cured my alcoholism.
  8. I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I deny the existence of certain 80s bands. There is no cure.
  9. "What do we want?" "A cure for Alzheimer's!"
    "When do we want it....?"
    "Want what...?"
  10. Local mom finds cure to weight loss, Scientist are dumbfounded... at how gullible people on the internet are.

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Cure One Liners

Which cure one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cure? I can suggest the ones about remedy and treat.

  1. People say smoking will give you diseases. What they don't know is that it cures salmon.
  2. Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Smoking bacon will cure it.
  3. Dear Satan, for christmas I want a cure for my dyslexia.
  4. Smoking will kill you ...
    Bacon will kill you...
    But, smoking bacon will cure it.
  5. Can't believe it's nearly 1996 and they haven't found a cure for Alzheimer's
  6. Smoking is a scientific wonder! It kills people, but cures salmon.
  7. I used to be in a band called The Prevention... We were better than the Cure.
  8. If smoking is so bad for you How come it cures salmon?
  9. If smoking kills... Then why does it cure salmon?
  10. I'm going to find a cure for blindness. YOU'LL SEE! YOU'LL ALL SEE!
  11. How do you cure a deviled egg? Call an eggsorcist!
  12. Did you hear about the guy addicted to eating salt? Don't worry, he was cured.
  13. The cure for my depression is right around the corner. Yes, here comes my train now.
  14. I'm no expert on covid-19 but I do know the cure They are an amazing band from the 80s.
  15. I think I discovered a really simple cure for anorexia. It's a piece of cake.

Cure Hiccups Jokes

Here is a list of funny cure hiccups jokes and even better cure hiccups puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What alcohol cures the hiccups? MaliBOO
  • How do you cure the hiccups? Dunk your head in a bucket of water and pull it out twice.
Cure joke, How do you cure the hiccups?

Silly Cure Jokes for a Good Time with Friends

What funny jokes about cure you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean care jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cure pranks.

The older man and his problems

A man getting along in years finds that he is unable to perform s**.... He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.

Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"

The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?"

The medicine man replies: "When your partner can take no more s**... and is completely raddled, all she has to say is '1234', and it will then go down. But be warned: The pork swordsman will not rise again for another year."

The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. That night he showers, shaves, and smothers himself in aftershave. He slides into bed,cuddles up to his wife, says "123" and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man promised.
His wife turns over and asks: "What did you say '123' for?"

I got on the bus, sat down and noticed a beautiful blonde Chinese woman crying in the seat across from me...

I moved over and asked her why she was crying.
"I don't usually bare my soul to strangers," she said.
I replied that sometimes it was perfectly fine to tell your story to a perfect stranger. She nodded and said, "I just came out of my therapist session and he says there is no way to cure me."
I asked what exactly was her problem. She said, "I'm a nymphomaniac, but I only get turned on by Jewish cowboys. You know, I do feel better. By the way, my name is Kim."
"Glad to meet you," I said. "My name is Bucky Goldstein."
Steve Wright

(Dr Who joke) Why can't a sonic screwdriver cure erectile dysfunction?

It doesn't do wood.

ANOTHER nun sat outside a bar in Ireland...

Sipping from a bottle of whiskey, and quite inebriated, when the local Gard walks past.
"Sister Mary", he asks "what in God's name are you doing?!"
"Not to worry, sergeant. I'm trying to *hic* cure the Mother Superior's constipation."
"And how is you being in this state going to help the Mother Superior with her constipation exactly?!"
"Cos when she sees me like this", Sister Mary replied, "she'll be shittin a brick!"

Vladimir Putin has declared there is a cure for homosexuality

Lipstick. Apparently it keeps the chaps away.

A man hard of hearing flies to Indonesia to cure his arthritis...

He returns without luck, determined to give the doctor a piece of his mind, but the doctor corrects him: "I said that the most threatening inflammation was *in your knees again*.

My new band is called 'Prevention'.

We're better than the Cure.

Doctor: "Sir, the results are in. I'm afraid you have a serious case of 80s Rock Bands Alzheimer's"

Patient: "Oh my god. What is the cure??!"

I have found a cure for people suffering from Attention Deficit Disorder...

... just send them to concentration camps.

How do you cure a mute coworker?

Tell them a secret

Study: m**... helps cure the common cold'

Hope so, I've got no tissues left.

A 'cure' for lesbianism.

I'm sorry in advance. My dad just told me this joke last night.
"Scientists believe they have found a a cure for lesbianism. The cure can be found in a prescription drug called tricoxsagain."

If laughter was the best medicine...

Your face would cure the world!

How do you cure aids?

You put it into world leaders.
Note - This is an old joke I've heard when I was a kid, but seeing how Jimmy Carter was cured by a drug that was just released recently, it feels like a sad reality.

I've been locked in a room to cure my acne.

I haven't broken out yet.

HAGS disease

"I am afraid you have HAGS disease," the doctor explained, "That is h**..., Aids, Gonorrhea, and s**..., so we are immediately putting you on a pizza and pancake diet."
"Those foods will cure me?" he is asked.
"No," says the doctor, "But those foods we can slide under the door to the room we are locking you up in!"

People thought I was crazy when I said I was going to cure blindness.

But they'll see. They'll all see!

How did they cure the swine flu?

With oinkment.

How do the Irish cure a hangover?

With a f**....

The Cure for the Common Cold

It's called "The Whiskey and a Hat Trick"
All you need is a bottle of whiskey and a hat.
First, sit on your bed. Place the hat at the foot of the bed. Proceed to drink whiskey until you see two hats, then go to sleep.
If you do this your cold will be gone in just 7 days.
If you don't, it'll last a whole week.

Guy gets a call from his doctor.

"Your blood test results are in... I'm sorry to tell you that you have contracted leprosy," says the doctor.
"What? How?" Guy exclaims.
"Can't be sure, but we need to discuss treatment options. There is a cure, but it is extremely expensive."
"What choice do I have, doc?" Guy laments. "How much will it cost?"
"An arm and a leg."

What does smoking cure?


What do we want? More research into a cure for ADHD! When do we want it?

Let's play swingball!

Researchers in Texas have cured diabetes in mice without side effects.

I bet the scientist that are trying to cure diabetes in humans are so jealous right now.

Why did Donald Trump decide not to build The Wall and just take a Xanax instead?

Because it's a cheaper and faster cure for hispanic attacks.

What does smoking cure?


I found a cure for my wife's insomnia...

All I have to do is express a desire to have s**... with her and immediately she is too tired to do anything but sleep.

How do you cure someone with a pumpkin spice addiction?

Apply the pumpkin patch.

A Second Opinion

Lenny tells the psychiatrist, Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it.
Come to me three times a week for two years, and I'll cure your fears, says the shrink. And I'll charge you only $200 a visit.
Lenny says he'll think about it. Six months later, he runs into the doctor, who asks why he never came back. For $200 a visit? says Lenny. A bartender cured me for $10.
Is that so! How?
He told me to cut the legs off the bed.

Did you hear that doctors have finally found a cure for alzheimers?

This is so historic that the government has declared this a day of remembrance.
This might not get any traction but I just thought of it and made myself chuckle a little.

A guy goes to the doctor to cure his amnesia

And asks, "doctor what should I do?"
Doctor replies, "pay me first."

An Insomniac once told me.....

I will not rest until I find a cure for my insomnia.

I've just been diagnosed with a rare form of amnesia where I can't remember a small amount of 80's music bands.

Unfortunately there is no cure.

If looks could kill

I could cure cancer

How did the jewish boy cure his ADD?

He was sent to a concentration camp

What did the blind man use to cure his illness?


A pig goes to the doctors with swine flu.

The doctor gives him a leaflet for a therapeutic spa and tells him to go straight there.
When he gets there he's instructed to lay in a shallow bath of salt and sugar.
He chuckles to himself and thinks, "what's this supposed to do, cure me!"

Why is there no cure for diabetes?

Because they can't have a spoonful of sugar to make the medicine go down.

Say what you will, but today's young professionals are the ones that will eventually find the cure for cancer. I can see the headlines now:

"Millennials Killed Cancer"

This man goes to the doctor and the doctor said;

You seem to have forgotten everything you know about 80s music
The man in a state of panic asks; oh no, what is the cure
The doctor said; oh my god it's worse than I thought

You know when I was growing up I thought modern medicine would have cured everything.

I still can't believe it's nearly 1993 and they haven't found a cure for alzheimer's.

The doctor said to me, Your brain seems to have deleted all information about 80's pop music! I gasped, Yikes! What's The Cure?!

He yowled, Oh my God! It's worse than I thought!

Scientists have discovered the best way to cure laziness.

Unfortunately nobody has bothered to read the article.

Medical m**... isn't a new concept.

We've been using smoke to cure things for centuries.

Went to an eye specialist because I couldn't read fluently

The doctor told me "Son, I have bad news for you and for what I see, you will have to deal with this condition since we don't have a cure for it" and proceded to hand me a paper with my results. I was extremely happy with it!
How can it be bad news having daylisex for life?

I realized that whacking off helps me fall asleep much faster

This whole time the cure for insomnia was within my grasp

One day I'll create a cure for blindness

You'll see.

A scientist runs into an AA meeting...

...and exclaims "we did it! We found a medical cure for alcoholism! All you have to do is take this one pill daily and you are cured."
Slowly a hand raises in the back and a man says "what happens if you take two?"

If you could have Bill Gates' wealth or cure all the suffering in Africa...

What colour Ferrari would you get?

"You have a very rare and extremely contagious condition"

the doctor told his patient.
"We're going to have to put you in an isolation unit where you'll be on a diet of pancakes and pizza."
"Will the pancakes and pizza cure my condition?" asked the patient.
"No," replied the doctor.
"They're the only things we can slip under the door."

Did you hear the latest Microsoft Office update can cure depression?

It gives you an improved Outlook

The receptionist got a bit shocked when a nun comes running out at full speed, with an expression that could only be described as pure horror.

Receptionist: What in gods name happened to her? The receptionist asked the doctor.
Doctor: Well, I told her she was pregnant.
Receptionist: Pregnant? A nun? Was she really?
Doctor: Of course not, but atleast I managed to cure her hiccups...

An attractive young woman goes to a mystic guru

An attractive young woman goes to a mystic guru and says: Oh great guru, please cure me of my ailment guruji! As the woman was attractive, the mystic guru said I will cure you my child, but as token of you gratitude, you must go to bed with me.
She agreed, and the guru had the best s**... of his life with the woman.
Then the guru asked Tell me, my child. what is your ailment? . I have AIDS replied the woman.

Did u hear the joke about the cure for covid19?

It's a riot

People say smoking can cause diseases

But then how does it cure salmon?

i asked my therapist: can you cure my b**... addiction?

he said: "i wish i can help you but my hands are tied"

I forgot to save my new book, 1000 Ways to Cure an Itch before my computer died.

Guess I'm starting again from scratch.

I accidentally deleted the manuscript of my book '1000 Ways to Cure an Itch'

It looks like I'll have to start from scratch

Why were graham crackers invented joke

Joke or not the graham crackers were simply a vehicle for delivering marshmallows and chocolate. Sylvester Graham tried to stop his followers from getting frisky by inventing a bland, biscuit-like c**... to cure m**... and quell s**... urges in 1829.

Dan went to his physician for his annual check-up.

However, he was shocked when his doctor said to him, I'm afraid you've only got three weeks to live.
Are you sure? said Dan, I feel fine. Isn't there anything that can be done?
Well, said his doctor, you could try taking a mud bath each day.
Will that cure me? asked Dan.
No, but it'll get you used to the dirt , responded the physician.

I will not sleep...

Until I find a cure for my insomnia.

Anyone know a cure for s**... addiction?

I've tried f***ing everything

I asked my dad what his parents' generation did to cure boredom before internet and TV existed

Neither him nor his 28 siblings had an answer.

A woman brought her husband to a doctor to try to cure his snoring problem.

Dr.: "it is possible to treat, but it will cost you a lot of money."
Woman: "that's fine, how much will it cost?"
Dr.: "$20,000 down payment, and $250 in monthly intervals for a year."
Woman: "woah, its almost like im buying a sports car!!"
Dr.: "hmm... too obvious, huh?"

A man walked into a pharmacy.

"Do you have anything to cure hiccups?" he asked.
The pharmacist didn't reply.
Again, the man asked "Excuse me, I asked if you have anything for hiccups?"
Still the pharmacist stayed silent.
The man started getting annoyed. "Can you hear me? I'm looking for something fo-"
Suddenly the pharmacist leaned over the counter and slapped the man across his face.
"There, you're not hiccuping anymore, are you?!" The pharmacist said triumphantly.
The man replied angrily "No but my wife waiting in the car is."

They've found a cure for depression!

Cure joke, They've found a cure for depression!

jokes about cure