Curb Jokes
58 curb jokes and hilarious curb puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about curb that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article takes an in-depth look at the often-overlooked form of humor known as "curb jokes". Find out why these "unhurt" jokes are a great way to look at the world with a slightly different angle and explore how you can use them to suppress the mundane and make moments more memorable. Discover the sheer joy of puns and sidewalk wordplay!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Curb Short Jokes
Short curb jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The curb humour may include short curtains jokes also.
- Today I saw a little boy wearing rags sitting on a curb I said, "Awww, are you an orphan"?
He said, "Yes, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents." - A duck was standing on the curb Cars zoomed past the duck while he waited for a break in traffic. A chicken walked up to him and said "Don't do it, man. You'll never hear the end of it."
- Hey Girl, do you recycle? Because I'd love to crush that box and leave you by the curb tomorrow morning.
- Why can't women get close to the curb when they parallel park? Because they're constantly lied to about what 8 inches is.
- At a rally today Donald Trump ordered the secret service to remove a crying baby. They had him halfway to the curb before realizing the error.
- I was driving along the road and I saw a coffin on the curb with a sign that said "FREE" I thought to myself, "this is the last thing I need."
- My teacher told me to sit Indian style.... So I sat out on the curb with a bottle of whiskey.
- A man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" ... ... "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!"
- Have any you ever tried to throw out a garbage can ? I leave it on the curb everyday, and its always there when I get back from work.
- I saw a man sitting on a curb looking down on his luck so I gave him a dollar he gave it back and said " I'm not homeless, I'm married "
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Curb One Liners
Which curb one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with curb? I can suggest the ones about curves and cult.
- My career as a street fighter didn't last very long... I broke my hand punching a curb.
- Why did the driver run over the sidewalk? He wanted to flatten the curb
- Did you hear about the curbs going on strike? They're lining the streets in protest
- How do you throw away a garbage can? It's been sitting on my curb for three weeks now.
- Most jokes are like old couches You put them on the curb, but people keep using them.
- Yo mama is so small that she plays handball on the curb.
- My dad kicked my English tutor to the curb... He's very anti semantics!
- What's the best way to describe getting curb stomped? sole-crushing
- Which ankle did Spider-Man twist after tripping on the curb? Ankle Ben.
- What did the s**... interstate say to the porche? I got curbs!
- Yo mama is so small she committed s**... off the curb.
Silly Curb Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about curb you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean curly jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make curb pranks.
Two Cops were waiting outside of a bar at closing time......
.....waiting to pop drunk drivers.
A man comes out of the bar, and he is obviously in rough shape. He is weaving all over the place, and almost falls when he trips on a curb. He fumbles with his car keys for almost two minutes, dropping them several times before he finally unlocks his car. He gets in, starts the car, and drives off.
Needless to say, the cops follow him: for several miles. The man's driving was flawless, perfect and in accordance with all traffic laws.
Finally, they decide to pull him over anyway. They turn on their lights. He pulls over instantly. They ask him to step out of the car; he calmly complies. They check his license; it is valid, and clean. They give him several field sobriety tests, each harder than the last. He passes all with flying colors.
The two cops look at each other, then the man, and ask "Sir, you aren't drunk, are you?"
"No, I'm not," says the man.
"Then why were you acting drunk when you left the bar?"
"I'm tonight's DD."
"Designated Driver?"
"No, I'm the Designated Decoy. All of my drunk friends drove off the other way."
A poor couple...
A poor couple try their best to make ends meet. Times were hard, and there were days when the couple couldn't afford to eat. To curb their hunger, the couple would have s**....
One evening, the husband comes home from work and finds his wife h**... the arm rest of the couch. Perplexed, the husband asks what she was doing. The wife responds, "nothing, just heating up your dinner."
A man is driving his new mustang
home from work one day. He spots an incredibly obese man sitting on the curb next to a bicycle, breathing heavily. He stops and asks the man what's wrong. The man said that his doctor told him he needed to excersise and lose some weight. As he could barely run he decided to ride his bike. However, on his first day out he had ridden to far from home and couldn't make it back.
The man has time before he needs to be home so he says"I have a rope in my car I can pull you home. If I get going to fast ring this bell and I will slow down."
When they have only gone a little ways down the road a camaro pulls up next to the mustang. As camaros and mustangs are wont to do they race. A police officer spots them and radios to his partner "I've got a mustang racing a camaro" to which his partner replies alright I'll stop them." The first officer replies"its not them I'm worried about its the three hundred pound guy on a bike ringing a bell to get them to pull over so he can pass that has me concerned."
Someone please explain this joke to me
In Season 2 of the show Louie, (about Louie c**...), he's walking around his apartment and he looks down and see's a homeless man. Suddenly, a black limo pulls up to the homeless man, pulls him in, then they drop a different homeless man on the curb to stand there for the same thing.
Can someone explain this to me?
A young boy is sitting on the curb...
A young boy is sitting on the curb smoking a cigarette. An older man walks by and notices this, concerned, so he goes over to the boy and asks, "How old are you?"
The boy responds, "8."
The man, who is now shocked, asks, "And you're smoking a cigarette?!"
The little boy says to the old man, "Yeah, but this is nothing. I had s**... when I was six!"
The old man, curious and appalled, doubting the boy asks "How was it?"
The little boy looks up at him and says, "I don't know, I was drunk."
Be careful what you ask for!
A Scotsman was strolling across High Street one day wearing
his kilt. As he neared the far curb, he noticed two young blondes in
a red convertible eyeing him and giggling.
One of them called out, "Hey, Scotty! What's worn under the kilt?"
He strolled over to the side of the car and asked, "Ach, lass, are you SURE you want to know?"
Somewhat nervously, the blonde replied yes, she did really want to know.
The Scotsman leaned closer and confided, "Why, lass, nothing's worn under the kilt, everything's in perfect workin' order!"
are you sure I'm drunk?
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in pal. You're obviously drunk."
The wasted man asked, "Officer, are you absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah buddy, I'm sure," said the cop, "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness. I thought I was crippled."
Terrifying Story
A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window. The startled passenger said "I didn't mean to frighten you, just wanted to ask you something." Taxi driver says "Not your fault Sir. It's my first day as a cab driver, I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years".
This is how good my dog is, LOL.
I tell ya, my dog is lazy. He don't chase cars. He sits on the curb and takes down license plate numbers.
A man went to the vet for advice to curb his racist dog that kept barking at his Asian neighbour.
"Muzzle him" the vet advised.
The man paused, and exclaimed, "could be, he does have a big beard"
I met a little boy today.
He was sitting on the curb, dressed in rags. He had his face in his hands and it looked like he was crying.
I felt kinda bad he was all alone, so I went and sat down beside him.
I said, "Are you an orphan, little guy?"
As he looked up, his eyes were still red and his cheeks still wet. He managed to crack a small smile.
"Yeah. What gave me away?"
I leaned in close and whispered,
"Your parents."
The frightened taxi driver
Last week a passenger in a taxi heading for the Boston airport, leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was quiet in the cab.
Then, the shaking driver said, "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."
The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, " I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly"
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault."
"Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."
Drunk in a Taxi
So, a drunk climbs gracelessly into the back of a taxi and says "Drive."
As they pull from the curb, he leans forward and asks the driver, "Do you have room up front for a large pepperoni pizza and a six-pack of beer?"
The driver replies, "Sure!"
The drunk bends over the seat and says, "HHUURRRRGGHHHHHH!"
In a last ditch effort to curb over grazing, some ranchers have decided to drive their cattle up into the mountains.
Analysts say the steaks have never been higher.
Taxi driver
In the middle of the night, a guy hailed a taxi.
After a few hours, the guy in the taxi wanted to chat with the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him lightly on his shoulder.
The driver suddenly yelled , panicked, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a fire hydrant and stopped inches from a parked car.
The startled passenger said I didn't mean to frighten you, I just wanted to talk with you.
The taxi driver says It's not your fault sir. It's my first day as a cab driver…
I have been driving a hearse for the past 20 years."
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also frightened, apologised and said he didn't realise that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied: "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
A greedy girl went outside to take the trash bag to the curb and returned
with two trash bags.
She didn't realize tapping him on the shoulder would scare him
Last week a passenger in a cab, leaned over and tapped the driver to get his attention
The driver screamed and lost control, almost hit a bus and drove over a curb
For a few moments everything was quiet and then the scared shitless can driver asked if the women was alright
She said yeah but I didn't know a tap on the shoulder would scare you that badly
The driver said I'm sorry it was my fault, today is my first day as a cab driver, I've been driving a hearse for 25 years
A Globe was walking down the street.....
It saw Central America crying on the curb.
The Globe asked, "Why are you crying?"
Central America sobbed, "Because....I will never get any snow!"
The Globe retorted, "Well, NOT with THAT latitude!"
A completely drunk man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter
A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?""Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the cop. "Let's go."Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was a cripple."
3 guys were riding in a car; a hardware technician, a systems analyst and a programmer.
The systems analyst is driving and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the brakes have failed and the car is accelerating out of control.
So, he pumps the emergency brake, downshifts the gears, and rubs the wheels' rims against the curb. He finally wrestles the car to a stop. The three climb out and assess the situation.
Hardware tech: "Let's try and fix it. I'll crawl under the car and take a look. "
Systems analyst: "No. I think we should get someone qualified to fix it, a specialist in brakes."
Programmer: "Why don't we just get back in and see if it happens again?
My wife and I decided to curb our smoking habit a bit by only smoking after s**....
I havnt touched a cigarette in 10 years and shes up to 2 packs a day.
RIP Rodney.
A lawyer parks his brand new BMW on the curb and opens the door as a car drives by and smashes through the door.
The lawyer quickly spots a police officer across the street and shouts: «Officer, officer, did you see what just happened? That car smashed off the door on my brand new BMW!» «Oh, my god,» replies the officer. «You lawyers are so materialistic. You stand there whining about your car and you haven't even noticed your left arm has been ripped off!». The lawyer goes: «What!? Where's my Rolex!?»
A blind person stopped at a crosswalk. When he couldn't hear any traffic, he asked if it was clear to walk. The man next to him said the only thing coming was a dog.
He stepped off the curb and was immediately hit by a greyhound bus.
A Man and is Wife are Expecting a Baby.
He finally gets the call while at work and starts driving to the hospital. As he gets closer, he gets more and more anxious, thinking about the baby, his wife, whether it's a boy or a girl, etc. But as he's driving he hits a curb. The car's springs break, jutting through the floor and impaling him through the legs with twisted steel and aluminum. He can tell he's losing a lot of blood, so he calls his wife and tells her what's going on. She hangs up and says to the nurse, "my husband is so sweet, he just called me to say 'the suspension is killing me!'"
A man was telling friends how first-aid classes had prepared him for an emergency.
I saw a woman hit by a car, he said. She had a broken arm, a twisted knee and a skull fracture.
How horrible! What did you do?
Thanks to my first-aid training I knew just how to handle it. I sat on the curb and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting.
I saw a boy eating the grass between the cracks in the curb
I went up to him and said "don't eat the grass, it's bad for you"
He looked at me and said "I haven't had any food for the last 3 days. This is all I can find"
I told him to get up and to come over to my place to get him a better meal
He stopped and said "well, my sister, she hasn't eaten in 3 days either"
I thought for a second and went, "hmm I don't know, I don't really have a very big lawn"
A man walks into a bar with a talking dog
He tells the bartender my dog can talk!
The bartender says Oh yeah? Let's hear him!
He asks the dog what is on top of a house?
The dog says roof!
The bartender is not buying it, so the guy says what is the outer covering of a tree called?
The dog says bark!
The bartender gets really mad and kicks the guy and his dog out of the bar.
Sitting on the curb, the dog turns to the guy and says what was that all about?
Little Johnny was sitting on the curb
Shaking a bottle of turpentine. The local priest walking by, stopped and asked what he had in the bottle. Johnny said, this is the most powerful liquid in the world, turpentine. The priest said, the most powerful liquid in the world is holy water. A couple drops on a pregnant woman's belly, and she will pass a baby boy . Johnny said, That's nothing! A couple drops of this turpentine on a cat's a**..., it will pass a motorcycle.
Did you hear they're selling the house where they filmed American History X?
The interior is okay but it has really bad curb appeal.
A San Francisco cop sees a well dressed man lying in the street by the curb...
... He asked the man "What happened to you?"
The man replied "My wife and I were walking down the street and found a parking space. She went to buy a car while I hold the space."
