Cups Jokes

Following is our collection of mug puns and liquid one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Cups jokes for adults, dirty teapot jokes and clean keurig dad gags for kids.

The Best Cups Puns

Riddle: A King has 3 cups in front of him. The first two cups are full, the third cup is empty. What is the King's name??

King Philip III

Who is the most popular guy in the nudist colony?

The one that can carry two cups of coffee and a dozen doughnuts at the same time.

The most popular woman?

The one that can eat the 12th doughnut.

I was drinking coffee in my pyjamas this morning and I thought:

"I really should have bought some cups".

I hate it when homeless shake their cups with change in them

I know you have more money than me, stop showing off.

I signed up to volunteer at a pro-life bake sale

I'll be selling cups of uncooked batter and insisting they're actually cupcakes


The Tea Party

Mom went shopping, leaving Dad in charge of their daughter. Suzie was about 18 months old and loved playing with her new tea set. Dad was engrossed in the evening news when Suzie brought him a little cup of 'tea' (really just plain water).


He praised her good 'cooking,' so she brought him more. After several cups of 'tea,' and much praise, Mom came home.


"Honey, watch this," said Dad and had her wait in the living room as Suzie brought him another cup of tea.


"Isn't she just the cutest?"


Mom waited until he had polished off yet another cup of 'tea' before asking, "Did you ever think that the only place a baby can get water is the toilet?!"

Who's the most popular guy at a nudist colony?

The one that can carry 2 cups of coffee and a dozen donuts

Who's the most popular guy in the nudist camp?

The one who can carry two cups of coffee and nine donuts.

Who's the most popular lady in the nudist camp?

The one who can eat the last donut.

Monica Lewinsky walks into a cleaners....

with a dress and yells at the old owner who is hard of hearing

"I need to dry clean my dress"

The owner cups his hand next to his ear

"come again"

"No it's ketchup this time"

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

Either way he's getting at least two cups

One for $1, three for $4

A man is walking up to a coffee stand to get his daily cup of coffee for $1, when he notices their new special where you can buy three cups for $4.

I'd like a cup of coffee, said the man, handing in a dollar bill.

He realizes he can cheat the system by buying two more cups of coffee, and saving a dollar. I'd like two more cups, please, he said, handing in another $2.

Afterward, he asks the guy in the stand, Why are you selling three cups of coffee for $4 when you could buy three separate cups for $3?

To which the stand dude replied, you could've just bought one cup like you do every day.


A guy goes to a department store and sees a display of thermoses...

"What is this thing?" he asks the sales rep. "Why that's a thermos, it keeps hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold." "Oh neat!" the guy says, "I'll take one!" The next day he goes to work with his new thermos under his arm. His boss sees him and says "Hey what is that you got there?" The guys says, "It's a thermos, it keeps hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold." "Wow that's awesome," his boss asks, "What do you have in there?" The guy answers, "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."

Thermos

A guy walks into a store and sees something. He asks what it is. "Why, it's a thermos." The clerk replies. "What does it do?" The man asks. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The clerk replies. "By golly, that's amazing!" The man replies. So he buys the thermos.

The next day he's walking down the street when he sees his friends. "What's that?" They ask. "Why, it's a thermos." The man replies. "What does it do?" The friends ask. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The man replies. "By golly that's amazing!" The friends exclaim, "what do you have in it?"

"Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."

Who is the most popular guy at a nudist colony?

The one who can bring his friends two cups of coffee and a dozen donuts.

Did you hear about that Native American who drank ten cups of tea one night?

They found him dead the next day in his teepee

Broke

I just really hate it when homeless people shake there cups of money at me.
Do they really have to rub it in that they have more money than me?

Once upon a time in a bar far far away....

The "Pessimist" saw cups half EMPTY

The "Optimist" saw the cups half FULL









*The woman slapped them both for staring !*

I really can't stand it when homeless guys shake their cups of money at me.

Do they really have to rub it in that they've got more cash than I do?

Why does Peyton Manning eat his soup in cups?

Because he's always losing the bowls.


---

^This ^used ^to ^be ^an ^Elway ^joke


I have a drinking problem and I need help.

If Bob has drunk 2 cups of orange juice and Steve has drunk 3, and each cup has the juice of 4 oranges, how many oranges did the buy?

Why can't a Blonde make Kool-Aid??

She can't fit the two cups of water into the tiny packet.

What's the first ingredient in a push up bra?

Start with two cups of lies.

Germany sets a new record in the world cups.

They arrive in Moscow with ten thousand men. 40 km further than the old record in 1942.

Who's the most popular man at the nudist beach?

The one who can carry two cups of coffee and six donuts.

Ghana has eliminated the U.S. from last two World Cups...

They're probably Ghana do it again.

Why can't the Maple Leafs have any tea?

Because Boston has all the cups!

Who do you call if you're being mugged?

The cups.

How do you make...

How do you make a dead baby float?
With a scoop of ice cream.

How do you make a dead baby shake?
Cup of milk
2 cups of fruit
A dead baby and a blender

How do you make a dead baby split?
A sharp axe and a strong swing.

Drinking hot coffee in thin plastic cups reduces men's sexual performance by 80%!

It burns tongue and fingers!

I can't stand it when homeless people shake their little cups at me

Yeah, I get it. You have more money than me, do you really have to rub it in?

What did one mug say to another mug after they got mugged?

call the cups!

Wife: "Why is this giant bra on the coffee maker?"

Husband: "You said you needed k cups."

It's funny how 8 cups of water a day seems impossible...

but 8 pints and 4 shots in 3 hours goes down quicker than a chubby kid on a see-saw!

Silly Russian joke

Flight attendant is making an announcement:
*-Is there an anesthesiologist on board?*
Some bloke says:
*-I am anesthesiologist!*
The flight attended tells him to come to seat 12A. He comes to the seat 12A and there is another bloke pouring vodka into plastic cups. He says:
*-Hey, mate. I am a surgeon. Not used to drinking without my anesthesiologist.*

β€ͺI really can't stand it when homeless guys shake their cups of money at me.

β€ͺDo they really have to rub it in that they've got more cash than I do?‬

[NSFW]Four robbers break into a bank at midnight.

As they open the vault, there are only boxes. One robber opens a box and finds cups full of yogurt.

"We didn't find any money, but we got something to eat," he tells his partners. They eat their fill and leave.

The next morning's newspaper headline reads, "World's Largest Sperm Bank Robbed."

A king has 3 cups...

The first one is filled with water. The second one is filled up with water. The third one is empty.

What is the King called?





Fill up the 3rd

If you have four tea cups, then give away half, what are you left with?

A joke that doesn't translate well to text.

There was a king with three cups.

He filled the first cup. He filled the second cup. But he left the third cup empty.

What was the kings name?

King Philip the Third.

Why do blondes hate kool-aid?

Because they can't fit eight cups of water in the packet.

My friend got mugged yesterday

He had to call the cups

Who is the most popular guy on a nude beach?

The guy carrying two cups of coffee and a dozen doughnuts.

*ba dum dishhhh* Yeah, don't worry people. Like this joke, I recycle a lot of things. No need to thank me - you're welcome.

Did you hear about the Native American man who drank 200 cups of tea?

He nearly drowned in his own teepee.

Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?

Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet

How do they make bras for octopi?

With suction cups.

A German walks into a bar after the World Cup.

As he is ordering a beer, he notices an American sitting at the edge of the bar.

After a tense pause, he says, "Hey American! How many world cups have you won?"

The American calmly replies

"Hey German. How many World Wars have you won?"

Did you hear about the Indian that drank 50 cups of Tea?

He drowned in his Tea Pee.

Trump Tower and Michael Phelps

Between Michael Phelps and Trump Tower, it has been the biggest week for suction cups in the history of mankind.

You drink too much coffee? I reduced my coffee consumption from 4 cups a day to 3 cups

Simply by getting a bigger mug.

My dog ate a package of peanut butter cups.

Now he's pooping out Reeses Feces.

Who's the most popular guy on the nude beach?

The one who can carry a half dozen donuts and two large cups of hot coffee.

EA to donate 50% of profits from future titles to starving children around the world.

After they make them purchase the postage, packing materials, fuel for the planes, silverware, plates, drinking cups, seasonings, construct hand out facilities, eating establishments, refuse disposal, environmental studies on said refuse disposal, labor costs and finally any and all expenses from Frank Gaybeau's cocaine induced, hotel filled, 5 figure by the hour escort stuffed full on satanic orgy fest.

Two men walked into a bra

They get two cups and they don't have to pay.

I noticed Taco Bell cups say "welcome to the after party" on them.

That's a harsh way to tell you that you just got diarrhea.....

What do vampires call menstrual cups?

Shot glasses.

Why couldn't the octopus take off her bra?

It had suction cups.

Recently a robber stole 300 cups worth of coffee beans

How does he sleep at night.

Ever hear about the Indian Chief who drank 40 cups of tea?

He drowned in his tea-pee

Did you hear about the guy that only ate white chocolate reeses cups?

He was a reesist.

What's another name for condensed milk?

A cups

What's a monkey's favorite snack?

Rhesus Peanut butter cups!

Going into my kid's room is just like going to Ikea

I go in to check things out and always come out with 6 cups, 2 plates and 4 towels.

It was an odd day

I got up at 7.
I had three cups of coffee.
I arrived at work at 9
I had one meeting
Then 5 phone calls.

The joke is in the title.

Considering the recent name changes of country music groups "The Chicks" & "Lady A" ...

... the famous paper drinking cups (the brand with the now-taboo southern-sounding name) will likely be named "Deez Cups", but only sold at "Winn-Deez" (as the grocery store chain decided to alter its name as well).

I like my drinks like I like my women

With big cups.

I think my thermos is broken

It says it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold but I put in 3 cups of coffee and a popsicle and now they're both ruined

Philosopher's game

A philosopher is standing behind a desk with 3 red cups. As someone approaches it, he gets from his pocket a small piece of paper with just a small dot printed, hides it under one of the cups and shows that the other ones are empty. Then he shuffles the cups very fast and ask What's the point?

What do you call a boy band composed of dirty cups?

N'sink.

I tried to donate sperm once, but they didn't accept it ...

​

​

They said it had to be my own, and farting it into the cups doesn't count.

What happened to the native man that drank 23 cups of tea?

He went home and drowned in his tea pee.

Looking for some good jokes about menstrual cups.

Always trying to gross my GF out. Help me with some tasteless cup references.

Flip Cup is all I can come up with.

I'm participating in a marathon this year.

I'm the guy that pours cups of water for the runners.

I went to a Star Wars themed bar yesterday

They served everything in solo cups

There is an abundance of coffee jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 73 funniest jokes and cups puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any starbucks witze you can hear about cups.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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