Cups Jokes
118 cups jokes and hilarious cups puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cups that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Cup jokes are the perfect blend of classic humor and caffeine-fueled wit. Get your daily dose of laughter with jokes about various kinds of cups, such as Reeses Cups, Dixie Cups, and mugs. Whether you're a fan of cocoa or of the classic cup of joe, these jokes will have you laughing in no time.
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Funniest Cups Short Jokes
Short cups jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cups humour may include short coffee cup jokes also.
- My wife left me because I'm too insecure. No wait, she's back.
She just went to make a cup of tea. - What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team? A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...
Bit of British humour right there ;) - I asked my wife So, do you think the cup is half full or half empty? And you know what she said? Please for the love of god could you stop wearing my bras!
- During a job interview yestarday I poured some water into a cup and it overflowed slightly "Nervous?" asked the interviewer, I simply replied "No I always give 110%"
- What's the difference between a teabag and the German national team? The teabag stays in the cup longer
- I've decided to go on the "England World Cup Diet" It only lasts 5 days and you lose loads!
(England fan here using humour to cope with the pain...) - During my interview today… I poured some water into a cup and it overflowed a little bit.
Nervous? asked the interviewer.
I simply replied No, I just always give 110% - Victoria's Secret has launched a revolutionary new bra, "croatia" ..it has lot's of support but no cup
- I heard the Toronto Maple Leafs now have the milk board as their sponsor. Now they only have to put in 2% of the effort.
- OPEN LETTER TO qatar: you're seriously banning homosexuality at your World Cup? Come on guys…
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Cups One Liners
Which cups one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cups? I can suggest the ones about coffee mug and cup final.
- What do you call an American in the world cup final. Ref
- What's the first thing a cannibal does in the morning? Grab a cup of joe.
- I once mistook somebody's drink for mine. It was definitely not my cup of tea.
- I was lonely until I glued a coffee cup on top of my car Now everyone waves at me
- Last night I paused the film to make a cup of tea. I've now lost my job at the cinema.
- What do you call a sick cup of coffe? A coughy mug
- What's the loneliest drink? I dunno but its in a solo cup.
- Chocolate mousse isn't my cup of tea... I find it off pudding.
- A dyslexic man walks into a bra Either way he's getting at least two cups
- Let's face it... That's not the first time Germany has gone into Russia unprepared...
- What did the measuring cup say to the water? I've had it up to here with you!!!
- What do you call an Englishman in the World Cup final? The referee
- I'd be very scared if I swallowed a cup of cement I'd be shittin' bricks
- A British man takes a sip of his coffee. And says, This not my cup of tea.
- What do you call a person who illegally transports cups A smuggler
Butter Cups Jokes
Here is a list of funny butter cups jokes and even better butter cups puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's a monkey's favorite snack? Rhesus Peanut butter cups!
- My wife can eat one Reese's peanut butter cup and save the other one for later, so I'm clearly married to a supernatural being.
- What's an Autist's favorite type of candy bar? REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEse's Peanut Butter Cups
- I don't mind being hairy Although wiping peanut butter from a carpet isn't really my cup of tea
- My dog ate a package of peanut butter cups. Now he's p**... out Reeses f**....
- What did the k**... give kids on Halloween? Racist Peanut Butter Cups
- What do you call candy in the k**...? Racist peanut butter cup.
Reeses Cups Jokes
Here is a list of funny reeses cups jokes and even better reeses cups puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the guy that only ate white chocolate reeses cups? He was a reesist.
- What happened to Reese's Cup when he dropped it? It became Reese's Pieces.
Heartwarming Cups Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about cups you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cup of tea jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cups pranks.
I tried to donate s**... once, but they didn't accept it ...
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They said it had to be my own, and f**... it into the cups doesn't count.
Who's the most popular guy on the n**... beach?
The one who can carry a half dozen donuts and two large cups of hot coffee.
Why can't the Maple Leafs have any tea?
Because Boston has all the cups!
There was a king with three cups.
He filled the first cup. He filled the second cup. But he left the third cup empty.
What was the kings name?
King Philip the Third.
Why does Peyton Manning eat his soup in cups?
Because he's always losing the bowls.
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^This ^used ^to ^be ^an ^Elway ^joke
Monica Lewinsky walks into a cleaners....
with a dress and yells at the old owner who is hard of hearing
"I need to dry clean my dress"
The owner cups his hand next to his ear
"come again"
"No it's ketchup this time"
Philosopher's game
A philosopher is standing behind a desk with 3 red cups. As someone approaches it, he gets from his pocket a small piece of paper with just a small dot printed, hides it under one of the cups and shows that the other ones are empty. Then he shuffles the cups very fast and ask What's the point?
Ghana has eliminated the U.S. from last two World Cups...
They're probably Ghana do it again.
A German walks into a bar after the World Cup.
As he is ordering a beer, he notices an American sitting at the edge of the bar.
After a tense pause, he says, "Hey American! How many world cups have you won?"
The American calmly replies
"Hey German. How many World Wars have you won?"
One thing that archaeological discoveries have taught us...
Ancient people loved drinking from broken cups..
Thermos
A guy walks into a store and sees something. He asks what it is. "Why, it's a thermos." The clerk replies. "What does it do?" The man asks. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The clerk replies. "By golly, that's amazing!" The man replies. So he buys the thermos.
The next day he's walking down the street when he sees his friends. "What's that?" They ask. "Why, it's a thermos." The man replies. "What does it do?" The friends ask. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The man replies. "By golly that's amazing!" The friends exclaim, "what do you have in it?"
"Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."
What happened to the native man that drank 23 cups of tea?
He went home and drowned in his tea pee.
The new Arsenal bra in their fan store
Lots of support but no cups :/
Looking for some good jokes about menstrual cups.
Always trying to g**... my GF out. Help me with some tasteless cup references.
Flip Cup is all I can come up with.
I signed up to volunteer at a pro-life bake sale
I'll be selling cups of uncooked batter and insisting they're actually cupcakes
Why couldn't the octopus take off her bra?
It had suction cups.
Did you hear about the Indian that drank 50 cups of Tea?
He drowned in his Tea Pee.
Did you hear about the Native American man who drank 200 cups of tea?
He nearly drowned in his own teepee.
How do they make bras for octopi?
With suction cups.
Ever hear that story of the guy who scaled a building with only suction cups?
Well he certainly was a **pane** to catch!
Trump Tower and Michael Phelps
Between Michael Phelps and Trump Tower, it has been the biggest week for suction cups in the history of mankind.
What do you call a snake after it had five cups of coffee?
A hyper boa.
I went to a Star Wars themed bar yesterday
They served everything in solo cups
Why did the man that drank 10 cups of poisoned Lipton not die?
He drank so much poison it built his immuni-tea.
What do vampires call menstrual cups?
Shot glasses.
I hate it when homeless shake their cups with change in them
I know you have more money than me, stop showing off.
How do you make...
How do you make a dead baby float?
With a scoop of ice cream.
How do you make a dead baby shake?
Cup of milk
2 cups of fruit
A dead baby and a blender
How do you make a dead baby split?
A sharp axe and a strong swing.
Did you hear about that Native American who drank ten cups of tea one night?
They found him dead the next day in his teepee
Why can't a Blonde make Kool-Aid??
She can't fit the two cups of water into the tiny packet.
Who is the most popular guy on a n**... beach?
The guy carrying two cups of coffee and a dozen doughnuts.
*ba dum dishhhh* Yeah, don't worry people. Like this joke, I recycle a lot of things. No need to thank me - you're welcome.
I like my drinks like I like my women
With big cups.
I'm participating in a marathon this year.
I'm the guy that pours cups of water for the runners.
You drink too much coffee? I reduced my coffee consumption from 4 cups a day to 3 cups
Simply by getting a bigger mug.
I noticed Taco Bell cups say "welcome to the after party" on them.
That's a harsh way to tell you that you just got diarrhea.....
What's the first ingredient in a push up bra?
Start with two cups of lies.
If you have four tea cups, then give away half, what are you left with?
A joke that doesn't translate well to text.
Riddle: A King has 3 cups in front of him. The first two cups are full, the third cup is empty. What is the King's name??
King Philip III
What do you call a boy band composed of dirty cups?
N'sink.
I was fired.
Management decided for the company picnic alcohol was allowed however only one drink per person.
I was fired for ordering the cups
Who do you call if you're being mugged?
The cups.
What did one mug say to another mug after they got mugged?
call the cups!
EA to donate 50% of profits from future titles to starving children around the world.
After they make them purchase the postage, packing materials, fuel for the planes, silverware, plates, drinking cups, seasonings, construct hand out facilities, eating establishments, refuse disposal, environmental studies on said refuse disposal, labor costs and finally any and all expenses from Frank Gaybeau's c**... induced, hotel filled, 5 figure by the hour e**... stuffed full on satanic o**... fest.
Only way to drink coffee is with BBC
b**... Cups
I really can't stand it when homeless guys shake their cups of money at me.
Do they really have to rub it in that they've got more cash than I do?
Going into my kid's room is just like going to Ikea
I go in to check things out and always come out with 6 cups, 2 plates and 4 towels.
Ever hear about the Indian Chief who drank 40 cups of tea?
He drowned in his tea-pee
Once upon a time in a bar far far away....
The "Pessimist" saw cups half EMPTY
The "Optimist" saw the cups half FULL
*The woman slapped them both for staring !*
One for $1, three for $4
A man is walking up to a coffee stand to get his daily cup of coffee for $1, when he notices their new special where you can buy three cups for $4.
I'd like a cup of coffee, said the man, handing in a dollar bill.
He realizes he can cheat the system by buying two more cups of coffee, and saving a dollar. I'd like two more cups, please, he said, handing in another $2.
Afterward, he asks the guy in the stand, Why are you selling three cups of coffee for $4 when you could buy three separate cups for $3?
To which the stand dude replied, you could've just bought one cup like you do every day.
Two philosphers in ancient china debate philosophy over ceramic cups of saké.
I have a drinking problem and I need help.
If Bob has drunk 2 cups of orange juice and Steve has drunk 3, and each cup has the juice of 4 oranges, how many oranges did the buy?
It's funny how 8 cups of water a day seems impossible...
but 8 pints and 4 shots in 3 hours goes down quicker than a chubby kid on a see-saw!
Cups can be a real collector's item.
If you're homeless.
I can't stand it when homeless people shake their little cups at me
Yeah, I get it. You have more money than me, do you really have to rub it in?
Germany sets a new record in the world cups.
They arrive in Moscow with ten thousand men. 40 km further than the old record in 1942.
Why do blondes hate kool-aid?
Because they can't fit eight cups of water in the packet.
What's a stuttering racist's favorite way to make coffer?
K-K-K cups
Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet
What's another name for condensed milk?
A cups
Broke
I just really hate it when homeless people shake there cups of money at me.
Do they really have to rub it in that they have more money than me?
I called the cops because someone keeps stealing my coffee cups at work.
Now I have to go look at mug shots.
Drinking hot coffee in thin plastic cups reduces men's s**... performance by 80%!
It burns tongue and fingers!
Recently a robber stole 300 cups worth of coffee beans
How does he sleep at night.
A king has 3 cups...
The first one is filled with water. The second one is filled up with water. The third one is empty.
What is the King called?
Fill up the 3rd
I vote down party lines.
Wherever the solo cups are lined up.
Beethoven: "Are you guys ready for some fantastisch symphonies tonight?!"
**Crowd:** *\*Cheers\** "Woooh! Yeah!"
**Beethoven:** *\*Cups hand to ear\** "I can't hear you!"
Why did the blonde believed coffee turned her into a unicorn?
Because she kept leaving the spoons in the cups.
Son asked dad, "what is an alcoholic? "
Dad replied, "do you see those 2 cups? An alcoholic would see 4.
Son: " but dad that's only one"
Over the holidays, I'm participating in a pro-life bake sale
We'll be selling cups of uncooked batter and insisting they're actually cupcakes
I think my thermos is broken
It says it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold but I put in 3 cups of coffee and a popsicle and now they're both ruined
It was an odd day
I got up at 7.
I had three cups of coffee.
I arrived at work at 9
I had one meeting
Then 5 phone calls.
The joke is in the title.
My friend got mugged yesterday
He had to call the cups
Two men walked into a bra
They get two cups and they don't have to pay.
Who's the most popular man at the nudist beach?
The one who can carry two cups of coffee and six donuts.
The Tea Party
Mom went shopping, leaving Dad in charge of their daughter. Suzie was about 18 months old and loved playing with her new tea set. Dad was engrossed in the evening news when Suzie brought him a little cup of 'tea' (really just plain water).
He praised her good 'cooking,' so she brought him more. After several cups of 'tea,' and much praise, Mom came home.
"Honey, watch this," said Dad and had her wait in the living room as Suzie brought him another cup of tea.
"Isn't she just the cutest?"
Mom waited until he had polished off yet another cup of 'tea' before asking, "Did you ever think that the only place a baby can get water is the toilet?!"
Silly Russian joke
Flight attendant is making an announcement:
*-Is there an anesthesiologist on board?*
Some bloke says:
*-I am anesthesiologist!*
The flight attended tells him to come to seat 12A. He comes to the seat 12A and there is another bloke pouring v**... into plastic cups. He says:
*-Hey, mate. I am a surgeon. Not used to drinking without my anesthesiologist.*
Considering the recent name changes of country music groups "The Chicks" & "Lady A" ...
... the famous paper drinking cups (the brand with the now-t**... southern-sounding name) will likely be named "Deez Cups", but only sold at "Winn-Deez" (as the grocery store chain decided to alter its name as well).
A guy goes to a department store and sees a display of thermoses...
"What is this thing?" he asks the sales rep. "Why that's a thermos, it keeps hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold." "Oh neat!" the guy says, "I'll take one!" The next day he goes to work with his new thermos under his arm. His boss sees him and says "Hey what is that you got there?" The guys says, "It's a thermos, it keeps hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold." "Wow that's awesome," his boss asks, "What do you have in there?" The guy answers, "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."
