Cup Of Tea Jokes

112 cup of tea jokes and hilarious cup of tea puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cup of tea that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Cup Of Tea Jokes

Short cup of tea jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cup of tea humour may include short coffee cup jokes also.

  1. My wife left me because I'm too insecure. No wait, she's back.
    She just went to make a cup of tea.
  2. What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team? A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...
    Bit of British humour right there ;)
  3. Magician: I can make anything disappear! Tom: (holding up a cup) Really? Make my tea disappear.
    Magician: (waves hand) Done!

    om: (looks in cup) It didn't work.
  4. What's the difference between England and a tea bag? ...A tea bag stays in the cup longer!
  5. Did you hear about that Native American who drank ten cups of tea one night? They found him dead the next day in his teepee
  6. Did you hear about the Native American who died after drinking 100 cups of tea He died in his tea pee
  7. Client: I want a cup of tea, please. Waiter: 2 teaspoons of sugar ?
    Client: No, I want 5. Is it the same price ?
    Waiter: Yes, sugar is free.
    Client: OK, don't bring the tea, I want 2 lbs sugar.
  8. I always take my wife morning tea in my pajamas... ... but is she grateful? No, she says she'd rather have it in a cup.
  9. What did the cup of tea say to the other cup of tea during their conversation You talk for oolong
  10. A joke from my 7 year old... What do you call a man who dips biscuits into his cup of tea? Duncan

Quick Jump To

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about cup of tea can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of cup of tea puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Cup Of Tea One Liners

Which cup of tea one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cup of tea? I can suggest the ones about coffee mug and tea leaves.

  1. I once mistook somebody's drink for mine. It was definitely not my cup of tea.
  2. Last night I paused the film to make a cup of tea. I've now lost my job at the cinema.
  3. Chocolate mousse isn't my cup of tea... I find it off pudding.
  4. A British man takes a sip of his coffee. And says, This not my cup of tea.
  5. I don't like coffee It's not my cup of tea
  6. What do you call a weak cup of tea? Subtlety.
  7. Coffee. Not my cup of tea.
  8. I can't bring myself to steal someone else's drink. It's just not my cup of tea.
  9. I just spilled my cup... ...and all I got was this tea shirt.
  10. I'm about to have a dangerous cup of coffee... tea first, though.
  11. I heard the Toronto Maple Leafs now have the milk board as their sponsor. Now they only have to put in 2% of the effort.
  12. I started stealing peoples drinks at Starbucks just to see how it feels Not my cup of tea
  13. Stealing people's drinks? Not my cup of tea.
  14. What do you call thunder and lightning in a tea cup A storm brewing
  15. What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea? Uncertaintea.

Comedy Cup Of Tea Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle

What funny jokes about cup of tea you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean herbal tea jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make cup of tea prank.

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings.
As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home.
Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea.
On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming.
The mother thought to herself, “That’s normal, especially on her wedding night.”
She snuck by her second oldest daughter’s room and heard her laughing.
“That’s normal too,” she said, smiling to herself.
Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughter’s room where she didn’t hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it.
The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last night’s noises.
“Well Mom,” she replied, “you always said if it hurt I should scream.”
“You’re absolutely right sweetheart,
”the mother assured her, turning to her middle daughter.
“Now why were you laughing?” she asked.
“You always said if it tickled, I could laugh,” she answered.
“True enough, honey.” The mother smiled, remembering her newlywed days.
“Now it’s your turn, baby,” she said turning to her youngest daughter.
“Why was it so quiet in your room last night?”
“Mom, don’t you remember? You always told me never to talk with my mouth full.”

Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever's bugging you.

What's the difference between a tea bag and a t**...?

You don't know?
Then I'm never coming for a cup of tea at your place!

Three vampires walk into a bar...

Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a shot of blood. The second one orders blood on the rocks. The third vampire says "I'll have a cup of hot water".
The bartender looks at him strangely and asks "How come you're not having blood like your friends?"
The vampire then pulls out a t**... and says "I'm having tea."

A Vampire walks into a bar....

And orders a cup of hot water from the bartender. Upon hearing this request the bartender asks "Why just water?" To which the Vampire, pulls out a used t**... and replies "I'm making tea."

A man goes to the doctor...

And says 'doctor doctor! You gotta help me! Every time I have tea I get a sharp pain in my eye!'
The doctor looks at him. 'The next time you have tea,' he says, 'take the spoon out of the cup first.'

Three vampires walk into a bar...

...and sit down.
The bartender comes over and ask them what they want to drink.
1st vampire: "Give me a shot of blood."
2nd vampire: "I want a double shot."
3rd vampire: "All I want is a cup of hot water."
The bartender goes and gets the drinks and comes back. He hands them the drinks, but looks kind of confused. The bartender asked the 3rd vampire, "Why didn't you order any blood?"
The vampire pulls out a t**... and replies "I'm making tea."


This morning someone was ringing the doorbell, so I opened the door and there was a young man standing there. "Hello sir" he said, "I'm a Jehova's Witness". I invited him in, offered him something to drink and we sat down in the living room. "So, what would you like to talk about?" I asked. He looked up from his cup of tea and said "To be honest sir, I havn't got the faintest idea, I never made it this far..."

What's the difference between a tea cup and pea cup?

A teacup is what the British drink out of and a pea cup is what the Mexicans drive.

A vampire walks into a bar

This vampire walks into a bar. Says ooOOOooOOOooo boogity boogity. Bar tender says "Alright, well what'll you have?" Vampire sits down and says can I get a big glass of hot water?" Bartender goes, gets a giant cup of boiling water and says "Here. I thought you guys needed blood or something like that though, why hot water?" Vampire reaches into his coat pocket, pulls out this giant t**... and says "I'm making tea."

My Grandad is always complaining about how much things cost. "Two quid for a cup of tea?!"...

I said, "Well you just popped round, I didn't invite you!"

Blonde woman calls her boyfriend....

"Sweetie, I'm doing this jigsaw puzzle and can't figure it out, would you come and help me?" she says.
Boyfriend comes over, and asks "What is the puzzle of?"
"A rooster", she replies miserably, gesturing towards the table, "But I can't even figure out where to start."
Boyfriend looks at the table, takes his girlfriend by the hand and says "OK, let's sit down and have a cup of tea, and then we can start putting the cornflakes back in the box."

Three vampires walk into a bar...

The first vampire walks up to the bar and the bar man asks what he can get him.
Vampire 1 responds "A nice warm cup of blood"
Bartender says "coming right up"
Vampire 2 pipes up and says "make mine cold!"
After the bartender hands the second vampire his drink he turns to the third vampire.
The bartender asks " let me guess, you want a cup of blood as well?"
Vampire 3 sits down and says "actually may I get a glass of hot water?"
Bartender is in shock and asks "hot water? But why?"
Vampire 3 takes a used t**... out of his coat pocket and responds
"I'm having tea"

Why was Karl Marx arrested for brewing a cup of Earl Grey?

Because all proper tea is theft.

Count Dracula walks into a bar...

and asks the bar man for a cup of boiling water. The bar man quickly returns with the water as requested, and puts it on the bar in front of Dracula. Curious, the bar man says to Dracula "Forgive me, but I thought you vampires only drank blood, what do you want the hot water for?" Dracula takes a used t**... from his cloak pocket. "For making tea, of course" replies Dracula.

A lady at a tea shop

A lady went to a tea shop and ordered a cup of tea, she has a sip, and realizes that it was amazing! She asks the owner of the place, "wow! Your tea tastes great! Why is it so good?"
The owner replies "thanks! It's my specialtea!"

Did you hear about the Indian that drank 50 cups of Tea?

He drowned in his Tea Pee.

Say what you will about Kombucha...

...It's just not my cup of tea.


If you're British, it may not be your cup of tea.

A British vampire walks inside a bar...

The bartender offers him a glass of fresh blood but he refused. Instead, the vampire just asked for a cup of warm water. The bartender asked him why to which the vampire replied, "Well, I found some used tampons earlier. I'm just going to make some tea."

Did you hear about the Native American man who drank 200 cups of tea?

He nearly drowned in his own teepee.

Why did Sherlock Holmes not want a second cup of tea in the emergency room?

Because it was More ER Tea.

A very British joke:

I went to a class to learn how to make the perfect cup of tea
It was a steep learning curve

I used to live in a tea cup

I know what you're thinking, pour you

3 vampires walk into a bar...

A vampire walks into a bar and orders a shot of hot blood.
15 minutes later, a second vampire walks in and does the same.
Not soon after, a third vampire walks in and orders a hot cup of water.
"Why the cup of water?" the other two asked.
He then pulled out a used t**... and said, "I'm making tea."

A friend of mine accidentally deleted my game data and told me to calm down

...So after a nice cup of tea, i hid his body

A vampire walks into a bar...

A vampire walks into a bar.
The bartender nervously asks, "What can i get you?"
"Just a cup of hot water" the Vampire asks.
"I thought you guy's only drank blood...?" the bartender nervously replies.
As he pulls out a bloodied t**..., the Vamp says "I prefer tea!"

A vampire walks into a bar and asks for for a cup of boiling water

The bartender says to the vampire dont vampiers drink blood? the vampire pulls out a used t**... and say yes im making tea!

A mother in law knocks on the door, her son in law opens it....

MIL - hi Gabe, I'm here for a visit.
Gabe - cool. How long are you here for?
MIL - I don't know, as long as you want me to.
Gabe - you mean you won't even stay for a cup of tea?

The Queen and Prince Charles

The Queen and Prince Charles are enjoying a cup of tea when there's suddenly a knock on the door. The Queen goes to open it and it's the Death standing on the other side.
So the Queen shouts loudly: "Hey Charles, it's for you."

A man is sitting in a bar...

and picks up a cup, taking a sip. All of a sudden, he spits it out, grimacing. The bartender, startled, asked what was wrong.
It's not my cup of tea

Two old dears were sat on a bench

"it's windy today!"
"I think it's Thursday... "
" So am I. Let's go get a cup of tea."

If you have four tea cups, then give away half, what are you left with?

A joke that doesn't translate well to text.

Today I Saw A Living Tea Cup.

But it was missing an arm, so I asked "what happened to your arm?"
He reply with "I had to get surgery to remove it."
"So I guess your an amputea?"

A little 3-year-old girl

was playing with her miniature tea set. Her father was in the living room and her mother was out shopping. The little girl came out to the living room and offered her father a cup of tea, which was in fact just water. He thought this was really cute, so she did it several more times. When the mother came home, the father had the mother stop and watch the little tea ritual, as her daughter brought the father another cup of tea (water) and he drank it. The mother said, Very nice. But has it occurred to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?

If a teacup holds tea and a coffee cup holds coffee then what does a peecup hold?

Three Mexicans, a lawn mower, two leaf blowers and a half dozen rakes will fit in a peecup (pickup with Spanish accent).

I was recently at a mental institution and asked the director how he knew when someone needed to be admitted...

He said: "We fill up a bath tub with water and offer the person a teaspoon, a tea cup, and a bucket to empty the tub."
I said: "Oh, a normal person would chose the bucket cause it's bigger!"
He replied: "No, a normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed by the window or the door?"

I tried stealing someone's Earl Grey once…

…but it wasn't my cup of tea.

Why Islam is growing rapidly !!!

Father Francis of Bradford was unhappy that the church attendance had steadily declined in the past few years but the mosque across the street was jampacked every Friday.
So he invited the imam for a cup of tea and then finally brought up the topic
Imam :So tell me,what happens if a man visits church every Sunday and follows the word of Jesus
Father: He will go to heaven after he dies
Imam: What will he get there?
Father: He will forever be in the company of Father,Jesus,Holy Spirit,v**... Mary...
Imam: Thats the problem, Only One v**......

Two vampires walk into a bar

Two vampires sit down at a bar. The first vampire orders a glass of blood but the second one just asks for a cup of hot water.
The first vampire is surprised by this and remarks "Just water? Are you feeling alright?"
The second vampire waves him off and pulls a dripping t**... from his coat pocket "Yes yes I'm just in the mood for some tea!"

I've never forgiven the n**... for what they did to my grandfather.

12 hours a day he sat in that machine gun nest and no-one even brought him a cup of tea...

Ever hear about the Indian Chief who drank 40 cups of tea?

He drowned in his tea-pee

Did you know that America holds the record for the worlds largest cup of tea?

Its about the size of the Boston harbor.

An Imam preaching against the alcohol outside a bar....

Outside a Bar, Imam Abdul was preaching: Drinking is Bad,it is the root of all evils.
Man: Have you tried it?
Imam: No, Never.
Man: Ok, you try once, if you don't like it, I'll give up Drinking.
Imam : Ok, but bring it in Tea cup, I don't want people seeing me drinking.
Man goes to the bartender and says: Give me two Shots of r**... in Tea-Cup...
Bartender: Hey!Is that Imam Abdul here Again??

My wife left me because I was too paranoid

Never mind, she's back. She just went to make a cup of tea.

I bought a homeless man a sandwich and a cup of tea...

and I forgot to take a picture and tell the Internet. Absolute waste of a fiver that.

The president of America, the president of Russia, and the Queen of England are playing cards.

Elizabeth the Second lays a full house and sips daintily upon a cup of tea. A Russian agent puts a finger to his ear momentarily and approaches the table with a sleek briefcase, which Putin opens to reveal a marvelous hand. Donald then smiles and shows five trump cards.

(Gross) Three vampires go to a cafe

The waiter comes and asks them what would they want to drink. First one: The usual - a cup of blood.
Second one: For me a cup of blood as well.
Third one: For me a bottle of water.
The first and the second one, surprised, ask the third why not blood.
The third: I'll drink a tea. *Brings out a used t**.... *

Whats in a camels favorite cup of tea?


A man is drinking in a bar when a nun harasses him about drinking.

In self-defense the man says, Who told you that drinking is bad?
Nun : "Mother Superior told me."
Man : "So, have you ever tried it?"
Nun : "No, I haven't ever taken a drink of hard liquor."
Man : "Well, don't criticize me if you haven't tried it. I'll tell you what if you try it and don't like it, I'll give up drinking for life."
Nun : "Okay but bring it in a tea cup. I don't want people thinking I'm drinking."
The man goes up to the bartender and says, Bring me a couple of shots of v**... but bring one of them in a tea cup.
The bartender looked at the man and said, Is that nun in here again?

The Tea Party

Mom went shopping, leaving Dad in charge of their daughter. Suzie was about 18 months old and loved playing with her new tea set. Dad was engrossed in the evening news when Suzie brought him a little cup of 'tea' (really just plain water).
He praised her good 'cooking,' so she brought him more. After several cups of 'tea,' and much praise, Mom came home.
"Honey, watch this," said Dad and had her wait in the living room as Suzie brought him another cup of tea.
"Isn't she just the cutest?"
Mom waited until he had polished off yet another cup of 'tea' before asking, "Did you ever think that the only place a baby can get water is the toilet?!"

Here's a Gaelic joke translated...

3 vampires are in a restaurant: rich, middle class, and poor. They asked for a menu, and later on told the waiter that they're ready to order.
Waiter: What can I get for you?
Rich Vampire: Fresh blood please.
Middle Class Vampire: Blood pudding please.
Poor Vampire: Erm.. just give me cup of hot water. I found a t**... on the way here...
I'll just have tea.

Adam walks into a cafe and orders tea

Adam ordered a cup of tea in a cafe.
So, a waiter brought it for him but dipped his fingers in it.
Adam asked "Hey m**..., why are you dipping your fingers in my tea?"
The waiter replied, "My finger is injured and the doctor advised me to keep it warm."
Adam said, "Then shove it up your a**...!"
Then the waiter said, "Yeah, that's where I keep it when I am not carrying tea"

Did you hear about the Indian lady who drinks only one cup of tea?

She is known as Jaswanti.

I called the cops after hearing my neighbor yelling and screaming at his cup of tea for hours on end

It was herbal a**...

A vampire walks into a pub...

... and asks the barman for a cup of boiling water.
"I thought you lot only drank blood" says the barman.
The vampire reaches into his pocket and pulls out a used t**...;
"I'm making a cup of tea."

My grandfather used to tell me this joke

Three British kids are arguing about whose father is superior.

one says "my dad drinksba full cup hot tea in a sip"

then the other says "well my dad drinks it straight out of the p**..."

upon hearing nothing from the third kid they ask "Peter how does your dad drinks tea"

Peter struggling to find something more great says
"well my dad drinks a cup of milk takes a teapack in his mouth and jumps right into the fire"

A French and British vampire walk into a bar

The French orders for a glass of champagne then mixes blood into it.
The British orders a cup of hot water, which makes the French surprised:
\- No tea?
\- Quite the contrary, my friend - The British replies - then pulls out a used t**... from his jacket

The genie of the lamp

Two neighbours, one is rich and the other is poor.
The poor have a magic lamp : Every morning,he wipes the lamp and a genie comes out and say : "Ask what you want" ,and the poor asks for a cup of tea.
The rich neighbour,envious of the magic lamp,said to the poor : i'll give you my car and my house in exchange of the lamp." The poor accepted the deal.
The rich man wipes the lamp and a genie comes out and say : "Ask what you want" he asked for a very big house and a better car.the genie replied : « Sorry sir,i only serve tea and coffee »

Three vampires walk into a bar

They all take a seat and the bartender comes up to serve them.
'I'll have a glass of blood', the first vampire says. The bartender hands it to him and looks over to the next vampire.
'I'll have a glass of blood too', the second vampire says. The bartender does the same before walking up to the third.
'I'll have a cup of boiling water please', the third vampire requests. The bartender looks at him, puzzled.
'Not having a glass of blood like your friends?', the bartender asks.
'Not today.' the final vampire said, taking out a used t**... from his pocket. 'I'm making tea.'

Genie of the lamp (repost warning).

Two neighbours, one rich, one poor meet at their fence.
The poor one is holding a cup of tea and a lamp : "Every morning, I rub this lamp and a genie comes out and asks : "What do you want?" . I usually ask for a cup of tea.
The rich neighbour gawks, "I'll give you my car and my house in exchange for the lamp." "Wow, Ok", says the poor man.
The rich man rubs the lamp and a genie comes out : "Ask what you want my master".
Rich man laughs: "I want a very big house and a better car. The genie replies : "Sorry sir, I only serve tea and coffee ".

jokes about cup of tea

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these cup of tea jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.