cup Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious cup puns

A man takes his seat at the World Cup final. He looks over and notices there's an extra seat in between himself and the next guy.

The man says, "Who would ever miss the World Cup final?

The guy replies, "Well that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.

The man says back, "That's terrible, but couldn't you get another close family member to come with you?

The guy says, "No. They're all at the funeral."

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An Englishman, a Scottish man, and an Irish man all walk into a pub with their wives.

They all sit down and order a cup of tea. The Englishman looks to his wife and says could you pass the honey, honey? The Scottish man thinks to himself how clever that was, then turns to his wife and says could you pass the sugar, sugar? The Irish man - not wanting to be out witted by the other two men - looks over at his wife and says Could you pass me the milk ye fucking cow?

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My wife left me because I'm too insecure.

No wait, she's back.

She just went to make a cup of tea.

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The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup...

I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."

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I applied to be a sperm donor and the nurse asked if I could masturbate in the cup...

I told her i'm pretty good but I don't think i'm ready to compete in a tournament yet.

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A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats.

"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.

"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.

"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"

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What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team?

A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...

Bit of British humour right there ;)

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A man takes his seat at the World Cup Final. He looks to his left and notices that there is a spare seat between himself and the next guy.

The man: Who would ever miss the World Cup final?

The guy: That was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.

The man: That's terrible, but couldn't you get another member of the family, friend, or someone else to come with you?

The guy: No…they are all at the funeral!

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During a job interview yestarday I poured some water into a cup and it overflowed slightly

"Nervous?" asked the interviewer, I simply replied "No I always give 110%"

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After his team was eliminated from the World Cup,

The Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all expenses that fans of his country paid for to travel to Brazil.

According to sources close to the player, he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transactions.

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Nudist colony

Q- How can you tell the blind guy at a nudist colony?
A- It's not hard.

Q- Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A- The one carrying a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Q- Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A- The one who can eat the last donut.

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I've decided to go on the "England World Cup Diet"

It only lasts 5 days and you lose loads!

(England fan here using humour to cope with the pain...)

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During a job interview yesterday I poured myself some water

into a cup and it overflowed slightly.

"Nervous?" Said the interviewer.

"No" I said, "I always give 110%"

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Jesus and the disciples are at the last supper...

Jesus holds up a piece of bread and says, "This is my body."

Then he holds up a cup of wine, saying," This is my blood."

Then he holds up a jar of mayonnaise and Peter says, "Let me stop you right there, Jesus."

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Victoria's Secret has launched a revolutionary new bra, "Croatia"

..it has lot's of support but no cup

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I applied to be a sperm donor and was asked by the nurse if I'd like to masturbate in the cup.

I said 'I'm good but I'm not ready to compete in a tournament yet'

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An Englishman walks into a bar...

There's usually a Scotsman, Irishman and Welshman too, but they're still at the Rugby World Cup.

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Riddle: A King has 3 cups in front of him. The first two cups are full, the third cup is empty. What is the King's name??

King Philip III

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A man opens the door for his moother-in-law

And declares, "Oh, long time, no see! This is a surprise. How long will you be staying with us, this time, then?"

The mother-in-law, trying to be polite, jokinly replies with a big grin, "Until you get sick of me."

"Oh, really? You won't even stay for a cup of coffee?"

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i hate when homeless people shaking their cup of coins at me

like yeah i know you have more money than me but you don't need to rub it in

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My sister made me some coffee today

Me: You make a mean cup of coffee, sis

Her: It was good?

Me: I just said it was average.

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A little boy comes downstairs in the middle of the night and asks for a cup of water.

Dad: OK, but that's the 730th one you've had tonight...

Boy: I know, but my room's still on fire

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Jehova

This morning someone was ringing the doorbell, so I opened the door and there was a young man standing there. "Hello sir" he said, "I'm a Jehova's Witness". I invited him in, offered him something to drink and we sat down in the living room. "So, what would you like to talk about?" I asked. He looked up from his cup of tea and said "To be honest sir, I havn't got the faintest idea, I never made it this far..."

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So I go to the doctor and the nurse says Sir, can you masturbate in the cup?

I replied Well I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete.

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Lemonade

A man stumbles upon a little girl's lemonade stand and asks, "How much for a glass?" "First one's twenty-five cents," she responds. He hands her the money, downs the lemonade, and asks for another. "The second cup is twenty-five dollars", she states. Confused, the man asks, "Why?"

"This one has the antidote."

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A woman is out buying groceries...

She buys one apple, one banana, one small milk, a frozen meal for one and one cup of instant noodles. The cashier looks at her and says "So, I suppose you're single?" The woman looks away, blushing, and answers "Yes I am. How did you know?" The cashier replies "Because you are fucking ugly."

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What's the first thing a cannibal does in the morning?

Grab a cup of joe.

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I saw a homeless man aggressively shaking a cup of coins at me this morning

I get it. You have more money than me. No need to rub it in

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Someone stole my coffee cup from work today.

Just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots.

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3 vampires walk into a bar...

A vampire walks into a bar and orders a shot of hot blood.
15 minutes later, a second vampire walks in and does the same.
Not soon after, a third vampire walks in and orders a hot cup of water.
"Why the cup of water?" the other two asked.
He then pulled out a used tampon and said, "I'm making tea."

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Went to the sperm clinic earlier

The lady asked if I'd like to masturbate in the cup?

I said 'I'm good but not ready for competition yet'

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A man is watching a world cup final in a sold out stadium

He notices an empty seat just in front of his and says to the guy sitting next to it, "Hey man, how come this seat here's empty? Tickets for this game havee been sold out for months!"

"Well, the seat was meant for my wife, but sadly, she passed away"

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. But couldn't you get a friend or relative to come along instead?"

"Nah, they're all at the funeral."

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Voldemort is like a teenage girl.

He has a diary, a tiara, a special cup, a pet he adores, and an obsession with a famous teenage boy.

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At the last supper,

Jesus took bread in his hands and said, "This is my body. Eat this in remembrance of me."

Next, Jesus took up a cup of wine. He said, "This is my blood. Drink this in remembrance of me."

Finally, Jesus lifted up a jug of milk and said, "This is my-"

"You can go fuck yourself" said Peter.

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What did the girl with small boobs drink out of?

A Cup

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What are the most funny Cup jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Cup? Well, here are the best Cup dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Cup pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes