JokoJokes

Cup Jokes

172 cup jokes and hilarious cup puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cup that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Find out the funniest jokes from the world of cups and saucers! From the Melbourne Cup to the World Cup, and including the Dixie Cup, Spell I Cup, Apple Cup, Ryder Cup, and Stanley Cup, these jokes will have everyone laughing. So grab a glass, a beaker, or a saucer and get ready to start laughing!

Funniest Cup Short Jokes

Short cup jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cup humour may include short saucer jokes also.

  1. My wife left me because I'm too insecure. No wait, she's back.
    She just went to make a cup of tea.
  2. What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team? A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...
    Bit of British humour right there ;)
  3. I asked my wife So, do you think the cup is half full or half empty? And you know what she said? Please for the love of god could you stop wearing my bras!
  4. During a job interview yestarday I poured some water into a cup and it overflowed slightly "Nervous?" asked the interviewer, I simply replied "No I always give 110%"
  5. What's the difference between a teabag and the German national team? The teabag stays in the cup longer
  6. I've decided to go on the "England World Cup Diet" It only lasts 5 days and you lose loads!
    (England fan here using humour to cope with the pain...)
  7. During my interview today… I poured some water into a cup and it overflowed a little bit.
    Nervous? asked the interviewer.
    I simply replied No, I just always give 110%
  8. Victoria's Secret has launched a revolutionary new bra, "croatia" ..it has lot's of support but no cup
  9. I heard the Toronto Maple Leafs now have the milk board as their sponsor. Now they only have to put in 2% of the effort.
  10. OPEN LETTER TO qatar: you're seriously banning homosexuality at your World Cup? Come on guys…

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Cup One Liners

Which cup one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cup? I can suggest the ones about beaker and glass.

  1. What do you call an American in the world cup final. Ref
  2. What's the first thing a cannibal does in the morning? Grab a cup of joe.
  3. I once mistook somebody's drink for mine. It was definitely not my cup of tea.
  4. I was lonely until I glued a coffee cup on top of my car Now everyone waves at me
  5. Last night I paused the film to make a cup of tea. I've now lost my job at the cinema.
  6. What do you call a sick cup of coffe? A coughy mug
  7. What's the loneliest drink? I dunno but its in a solo cup.
  8. Chocolate mousse isn't my cup of tea... I find it off pudding.
  9. A dyslexic man walks into a bra Either way he's getting at least two cups
  10. Let's face it... That's not the first time Germany has gone into Russia unprepared...
  11. What did the measuring cup say to the water? I've had it up to here with you!!!
  12. What do you call an Englishman in the World Cup final? The referee
  13. I'd be very scared if I swallowed a cup of cement I'd be shittin' bricks
  14. A British man takes a sip of his coffee. And says, This not my cup of tea.
  15. What do you call a person who illegally transports cups A smuggler

World Cup Jokes

Here is a list of funny world cup jokes and even better world cup puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • An Englishman walks into a bar... There's usually a Scotsman, Irishman and Welshman too, but they're still at the Rugby World Cup.
  • China should never take part in the Cricket World Cup They can screw over any country with just a bat
  • Germany's failure in the World Cup wasn't that surprising They have always struggled to progress in Russia.
  • Why do India never qualify for the world cup? Because whenever they get a corner they open a shop.
  • Comedian Lee Nelson threw money at Sepp Blatter at a FIFA conference as a protest. It backfired as he now has to host the 2026 World Cup in his back garden.
  • What do you call an English man at a world cup final? A referee.
  • I don't watch World Cup soccer. If I wanted to see grown men struggle to score for 90 minutes I'd go to a bar.
  • What's the difference between the Tham Luang cave boys and the FIFA World Cup? The boys are coming home.
  • I can't wait until we colonize space And then it's two worlds one cup.
  • I bought a ticket to world cup finals without realizing it's also my wedding day! Does anyone want to go in my place? The church is St Antony's and the brides' name is Joanna..

Coffee Cup Jokes

Here is a list of funny coffee cup jokes and even better coffee cup puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My sister made me some coffee today Me: You make a mean cup of coffee, sis
    Her: It was good?
    Me: I just said it was average.
  • I was drinking coffee in my pyjamas this morning and I thought: "I really should have bought some cups".
  • Someone stole my coffee cup from work today. Just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots.
  • "Doctor, Every time I drink coffee I get pain in my eye." "Take the spoon out of your cup."
  • Who is the most popular guy at a nudist colony? The guy that can hold a cup of coffee in each hand and 6 donuts
  • Someone stole my favorite coffee cup right off my desk at work. Now I have to go down to the police station and look at some mug shots.
  • I used to be so lonely, so I glued a coffee cup to the roof of my car Now wherever I go, everyone waves to me
  • I hired a guy to represent me in court today. He was very cheap and brought me the best cup of coffee. Unfortunately we lost the case.
    He told me next time hire a barrister and not a barista.
  • I don't like coffee It's not my cup of tea
  • What should you do if drinking coffee hurts your eyes? Take the spoon out of the cup.

Cup Of Tea Jokes

Here is a list of funny cup of tea jokes and even better cup of tea puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Magician: I can make anything disappear! Tom: (holding up a cup) Really? Make my tea disappear.
    Magician: (waves hand) Done!

    om: (looks in cup) It didn't work.
  • What's the difference between England and a tea bag? ...A tea bag stays in the cup longer!
    #FIFAWORLDCUPBRAZIL
  • Did you hear about that Native American who drank ten cups of tea one night? They found him dead the next day in his teepee
  • What do you call a weak cup of tea? Subtlety.
  • Coffee. Not my cup of tea.
  • I can't bring myself to steal someone else's drink. It's just not my cup of tea.
  • I just spilled my cup... ...and all I got was this tea shirt.
  • I'm about to have a dangerous cup of coffee... ...safe tea first, though.
  • Why can't the Maple Leafs have any tea? Because Boston has all the cups!
  • Did you hear about the Native American who died after drinking 100 cups of tea He died in his tea pee

Cup Final Jokes

Here is a list of funny cup final jokes and even better cup final puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • We hoped for a good clean World Cup Final. But instead we got a Messi one.
    Congrats to Argentina.
  • The Stanley Cup final will feature a morally bankrupt city, that is built on corruption, greed, and deceit... Against Las Vegas.
  • Adults used to tell me that if I went into the inner city, I could get robbed by a drug dealer... I finally understand now, $5 for a cup of coffee is ridiculous
  • What do you call an Aussie in the finals of the World Cup? A referee.
  • What do you call an Italian at the World Cup Finals? A referee
  • Ronaldo and Messi will finally both meet each other during the World Cup... at an Airport as they return their respective home countries.
  • I bought tickets to the world cup semi-finals and forgot I'm getting married that day So is anyone here willing to get married that day?
  • The Stanley Cup Finals left me so angry last night.. I demand capital punishment.
  • How many South Americans are boycotting the World Cup final? Brazilians
  • Why did not Kane assisted to the world cup final ceremony? He is coming home

Melbourne Cup Jokes

Here is a list of funny melbourne cup jokes and even better melbourne cup puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Who is the only person over 60kg to ride a Melbourne Cup winner? Chris Munce's cellmate.
  • I can't believe that female jockey won the Melbourne Cup from her kitchen

Uproarious Cup Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time

What funny jokes about cup you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean teacup jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cup pranks.

A man takes his seat at the World Cup final. He looks over and notices there's an extra seat in between himself and the next guy.

The man says, "Who would ever miss the World Cup final?
The guy replies, "Well that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.
The man says back, "That's terrible, but couldn't you get another close family member to come with you?
The guy says, "No. They're all at the f**...."

A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats.

"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.
"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.
"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"

I got pulled over and my vape was in my cup holder.

The cop said you know, the news says those things are killing people.
I chuckled and said they're saying the same thing about you guys.
He didn't laugh.

A kid is selling lemonade…

The boy's sign reads 1 cup for 25¢, 3 cups for $1
A construction worker stops by and asks to buy one cup of lemonade.
"25 cents", says the kid.
The construction worker then buys another one, and another one, paying 25 cents each.
As the construction worker walks away, he turns around with a smile, and says: "Hey kid, you realize I just bought three cups for 75¢… Maybe lemonade stands aren't your thing."
"I guess you're right" says the kid good-naturedly as he sets up the next 3 cups.

A man is drinking in a bar when a nun harasses him about drinking.

In self-defense the man says, Who told you that drinking is bad?
Nun : "Mother Superior told me."
Man : "So, have you ever tried it?"
Nun : "No, I haven't ever taken a drink of hard liquor."
Man : "Well, don't criticize me if you haven't tried it. I'll tell you what if you try it and don't like it, I'll give up drinking for life."
Nun : "Okay but bring it in a tea cup. I don't want people thinking I'm drinking."
The man goes up to the bartender and says, Bring me a couple of shots of v**... but bring one of them in a tea cup.
The bartender looked at the man and said, Is that nun in here again?

The genie of the lamp

Two neighbours, one is rich and the other is poor.
The poor have a magic lamp : Every morning,he wipes the lamp and a genie comes out and say : "Ask what you want" ,and the poor asks for a cup of tea.
The rich neighbour,envious of the magic lamp,said to the poor : i'll give you my car and my house in exchange of the lamp." The poor accepted the deal.
The rich man wipes the lamp and a genie comes out and say : "Ask what you want" he asked for a very big house and a better car.the genie replied : « Sorry sir,i only serve tea and coffee »

After his team was eliminated from the World Cup,

The Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all expenses that fans of his country paid for to travel to Brazil.
According to sources close to the player, he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transactions.

THE BATHTUB TEST: During a visit to my doctors I asked him . . .

"How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well" he said, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a tea cup and a bucket to the person and ask them to empty the bathtub"
"Oh, I understand" I said "Because a normal person would use the bucket as it's bigger then the spoon or the teacup"
"No" he said "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window or the door?"

Jesus and the disciples are at the last supper...

Jesus holds up a piece of bread and says, "This is my body."
Then he holds up a cup of wine, saying," This is my blood."
Then he holds up a jar of mayonnaise and Peter says, "Let me stop you right there, Jesus."

An old cowboy walks into a barbershop for a shave and a haircut.

He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have
happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball. The barber replied, just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does.

Riddle: A King has 3 cups in front of him. The first two cups are full, the third cup is empty. What is the King's name??

King Philip III

A man opens the door for his moother-in-law

And declares, "Oh, long time, no see! This is a surprise. How long will you be staying with us, this time, then?"
The mother-in-law, trying to be polite, jokinly replies with a big grin, "Until you get sick of me."
"Oh, really? You won't even stay for a cup of coffee?"

Me: Do you remember t**...?

Interviewer: I meant do you have any questions about the job...

i hate when homeless people shaking their cup of coins at me

like yeah i know you have more money than me but you don't need to rub it in

A little boy comes downstairs in the middle of the night and asks for a cup of water.

Dad: OK, but that's the 730th one you've had tonight...
Boy: I know, but my room's still on fire

Jehova

This morning someone was ringing the doorbell, so I opened the door and there was a young man standing there. "Hello sir" he said, "I'm a Jehova's Witness". I invited him in, offered him something to drink and we sat down in the living room. "So, what would you like to talk about?" I asked. He looked up from his cup of tea and said "To be honest sir, I havn't got the faintest idea, I never made it this far..."

A man walked by a restaurant in London

He noticed all the customers drinking tea in saucers.
He asked one of them as to why he was drinking tea in a saucer.
With tears in his eyes, he replied, The Italians have taken away our cup"

Lemonade

A man stumbles upon a little girl's lemonade stand and asks, "How much for a glass?" "First one's twenty-five cents," she responds. He hands her the money, downs the lemonade, and asks for another. "The second cup is twenty-five dollars", she states. Confused, the man asks, "Why?"
"This one has the antidote."

I saw a homeless man aggressively shaking a cup of coins at me this morning

I get it. You have more money than me. No need to rub it in

3 vampires walk into a bar...

A vampire walks into a bar and orders a shot of hot blood.
15 minutes later, a second vampire walks in and does the same.
Not soon after, a third vampire walks in and orders a hot cup of water.
"Why the cup of water?" the other two asked.
He then pulled out a used t**... and said, "I'm making tea."

A man is watching a world cup final in a sold out stadium

He notices an empty seat just in front of his and says to the guy sitting next to it, "Hey man, how come this seat here's empty? Tickets for this game havee been sold out for months!"
"Well, the seat was meant for my wife, but sadly, she passed away"
"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. But couldn't you get a friend or relative to come along instead?"
"Nah, they're all at the f**...."

Voldemort is like a teenage girl.

He has a diary, a tiara, a special cup, a pet he adores, and an obsession with a famous teenage boy.

A beta tester walks into a bar

A beta tester runs into a bar
A beta tester crawls into a bar
A beta tester moonwalks into a bar
A beta tester jumps into a bar
A beta tester sneaks into a bar
A beta tester orders 1 beer
A beta tester orders 2 beers
A beta tester orders 0 beers
A beta tester orders 999999999 beers
A beta tester orders -1 beers
A beta tester orders qwertyuip beers
A beta tester orders a lizard in a cup
A regular user walks into the bar and asks if he can use their toilet
The bar erupts into flames and burns to the ground.

A man walks into a store and he saw a thermos.

The clerk walks up to him and asks, "May I help you with anything?"
"Yea! What is that?"
"Why that's a thermos!"
"What's it do?"
"It keeps things hot and it keeps things cold!"
"I'll take it"
The next day the man goes to work carrying this thermos. His co-workers ask him, "What's that!"
"It's a thermos"
"What's it do?"
"It keeps things hot and it keeps things cold!"
"So whatcha got in it?"
"Two popsicles and a cup of coffee."

I was on this plane once...

Captain sets for take off and we are 35000 feet in the air, the captain then sets his mic down but forgets to turn it off.
The captain turns to the co-pilot and says "all I could use right now is a b**... and a cup of coffee".
The stewardess starts running from the back of the plane to tell the captain he still has his mic on.
A guy in the back of the plane screams out "hey hun, don't forget the coffee!".

My friend said to me, "Whenever a World Cup game is on, let's eat something to do with that team for dinner that night."

Mexico was on, we had burritos.
Japan was on, we had sushi.
USA was on, we had burgers.
Italy was on, we had pizza.
Tuesday is England, so we're going out.

Blonde woman calls her boyfriend....

"Sweetie, I'm doing this jigsaw puzzle and can't figure it out, would you come and help me?" she says.
Boyfriend comes over, and asks "What is the puzzle of?"
"A rooster", she replies miserably, gesturing towards the table, "But I can't even figure out where to start."
Boyfriend looks at the table, takes his girlfriend by the hand and says "OK, let's sit down and have a cup of tea, and then we can start putting the cornflakes back in the box."

The Tea Party

Mom went shopping, leaving Dad in charge of their daughter. Suzie was about 18 months old and loved playing with her new tea set. Dad was engrossed in the evening news when Suzie brought him a little cup of 'tea' (really just plain water).
He praised her good 'cooking,' so she brought him more. After several cups of 'tea,' and much praise, Mom came home.
"Honey, watch this," said Dad and had her wait in the living room as Suzie brought him another cup of tea.
"Isn't she just the cutest?"
Mom waited until he had polished off yet another cup of 'tea' before asking, "Did you ever think that the only place a baby can get water is the toilet?!"

This homeless man was shaking his cup at me with some change in it.

Yeah i get it, you have more money than me. Quit it.

You can recycle an old brassiere into a face mask. It is important to remember to only use the left cup...

otherwise you will end up looking like a right t**....

A lady at a tea shop

A lady went to a tea shop and ordered a cup of tea, she has a sip, and realizes that it was amazing! She asks the owner of the place, "wow! Your tea tastes great! Why is it so good?"
The owner replies "thanks! It's my specialtea!"

My favorite part of a marathon is...

My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of v**....

After someone pointed it out to her, my mother asked me to explain the difference between the District of Columbia and the country Colombia.

So explained to her that one of them is famous for it's drugs, corruption and blatant criminal activity, while the other historicly lost to England on penalties in this years world cup.

An astronaut makes coffee

It's an astronaut's first day on the ISS and he's making himself a cup of coffee. He says to a colleague:
"Huh I can't find the milk"
And the other astronaut replies:
"In space no one can, here, use cream"

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant...

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a s**... count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.

A man is sitting alone at the World Cup Final when another guy approaches him.

He asks 'Is this seat taken?'
The man replies 'No it's free'
The other man says 'Who would miss their chance to see the World Cup Final??'
The man replies 'It's actually my wife's, she passed away and this is my first World Cup without her.'
'Oh man, you didn't find any family or friends to replace her?'
'No,' he says, 'They're all at the f**...'

A man and his wife go to a class reunion.....

A man and his wife go to a class reunion after a grueling 4 hour drive. When they arrive they're given name tags and head to the gymnasium.
They start talking to some friends when the wife is starting to get thirsty. So she asks the husband to go get in line to give her some punch.

He returns after 10 minutes with one empty cup, and when the wife asks about her drink the husband replies,
"Sorry honey, the punchline was too long and it wasn't that good"

One for $1, three for $4

A man is walking up to a coffee stand to get his daily cup of coffee for $1, when he notices their new special where you can buy three cups for $4.
I'd like a cup of coffee, said the man, handing in a dollar bill.
He realizes he can cheat the system by buying two more cups of coffee, and saving a dollar. I'd like two more cups, please, he said, handing in another $2.
Afterward, he asks the guy in the stand, Why are you selling three cups of coffee for $4 when you could buy three separate cups for $3?
To which the stand dude replied, you could've just bought one cup like you do every day.

I was in the queue at Starbucks this morning.

The man getting served in front of me, asked for a mocha. "Sorry sir, but we're out of mochas". The guy was fuming "I have a mocha every morning when I come in here!", he raged, "I'll just have to have a latte!". He went and sat down.
I went to the counter and said "I'll have a large latte too, please". They asked me for my name. I asked why they needed it and they told me that they'd write it on my cup and shout it when it was ready.
So I told them my name was Mocha.

The Old Cowboy's Shave

An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Red Lodge, Montana for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little ball.
The barber replied, Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does .

A little 3-year-old girl

was playing with her miniature tea set. Her father was in the living room and her mother was out shopping. The little girl came out to the living room and offered her father a cup of tea, which was in fact just water. He thought this was really cute, so she did it several more times. When the mother came home, the father had the mother stop and watch the little tea ritual, as her daughter brought the father another cup of tea (water) and he drank it. The mother said, Very nice. But has it occurred to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?

s**... with my wife is like the England World Cup squad

neither of us know why we're there or what we're doing, there's little passion or communication and we rarely even make it past the first stage.
It's often accompanied by lots of unnecessary noise, horrible dribbling and never a clean sheet.
It's always over far too quickly and when it does end we know it'll be at least another 4 years before it happens again.

Did you hear about Marvel wanting to buy the NHL?

They want to rename the championship trophy, The Stan Lee Cup

A man orders a coffee

A man enters a bar and the bartender comes over and asks "Can I help you sir?".
The man answers "What does a cup of coffee cost in this place?".
The bartender says "That would be $2.60".
"Alright, I'll have one." says the client and he takes 26 dimes out of his wallet and he throws them on the ground.
The bartender doesn't want to get involved in a fight so he just picks up the money and he brings the man his coffee.
A week later, the same man enters the bar. He orders a coffee again but this time he pays with a five dollar bill.
The bartender smelled an opportunity for revenge and when he brings the coffee, he throws 48 nickels on the ground as change. The client throws 2 extra dimes on the floor and orders a second coffee.

Three vampires walk into a bar...

The first vampire walks up to the bar and the bar man asks what he can get him.
Vampire 1 responds "A nice warm cup of blood"
Bartender says "coming right up"
Vampire 2 pipes up and says "make mine cold!"
After the bartender hands the second vampire his drink he turns to the third vampire.
The bartender asks " let me guess, you want a cup of blood as well?"
Vampire 3 sits down and says "actually may I get a glass of hot water?"
Bartender is in shock and asks "hot water? But why?"
Vampire 3 takes a used t**... out of his coat pocket and responds
"I'm having tea"

If a cup has had holy water in it, a vampire should never drink from it again.

There's too much risk of cross contamination.

Clean Shave

An old drover walks into a barber shop in Black Stump Crossing, NT, Aussie, for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old drover to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old drover tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in yonks, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."

An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut

He asks the barber, "do you think you can get all my whiskers off? My cheeks are so wrinkled from age".
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does".

What does a Maple leaf fan do when they win the cup?

Turn off their console and go to sleep.

jokes about cup