cumming Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious cumming puns

A man is having sex with his wife.

He says "How about I cum in your ear baby?"

His wife replies "No way! I'll go deaf!"

He says "That would never happen. I've been cumming in your mouth for twenty years and you never shut the fuck up."

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I've just seen an advert on Pornhub that claimed it could teach me to have sex without cumming

I'm not paying 25 bucks for that when I could just ask my girlfriend how she does it.

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I discovered I have a "Logic Fetish"

I can't stop cumming to conclusions.

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I was playing hide and seek with the kids last night and the power went out.

I hunted around for my flashlight but could only find my fleshlight.

Oh well, at least they never saw me cumming.

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What does the receptionist say when you leave the sperm bank

Thanks for cumming!

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I can't believe the term "Overwatch" was searched more than "anal" last year on PornHub...

What is this world cumming to?

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What did Santa say to the hooker?

"Fuck the chimney, I'm cumming down her throat!"

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I once got caught masturbating 1.609km from my crush's house.

She saw me cumming from a mike away.

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A man told me to put his dick in my ear today

I gotta admit, it **sounded hard**, but once it was in, I could **hear where he was cumming from**

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I was cumming into a sock...

when the guy wearing it was like WTF?!

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How is a Man like a Blizzard?

You don't know when it's cumming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it will hang around.


*Was reading an old joke book this morning. Hadn't heard this in a while, figure it deserved a share.*

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[NSFW] What did Robocop say when they gave him a penis attachment?

"Dead or alive, you're cumming with me"

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I wore a camouflaged condom last night...

My girlfriend didn't see it cumming

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What is the difference between beer and cider?

I never had to buy Plan B after cumming in beer.

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Why do virgins make the best hitmen?

No one ever sees them cumming

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There once was a man from Kent...

Who's dick was so long that it bent
To save him much trouble
He put it in her double
and instead of cumming, he went.

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A girl and her sugar daddy are in bed and she's about to orgasm...

"Daddy I'm cumming!"
"Hi Cumming, I'm dad"

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There once was a man from Gent.

Had a dick so long it was bent.
To save himself trouble
He folded it double.
And instead of cumming he went.

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So I'm banging this chick and she looks back and me and says, "DADDY I'm CUMMINGGG"....

So I say "Hi Cumming, I'm Dad".

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Why is piss yellow and jizz white?

So that you know if you are cumming or going.

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I fucked a blind chick once..

She starts rubbing on me.. She goes "this is the biggest cock I've ever stroked."

I say, "you're pullin my leg."

She never saw it cumming..

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My favorite underwear is camouflage...

Because no one can see me cumming.

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Why do prostitutes never seem to settle down?

They are always cumming and going.

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Yesterday I failed No Nut November

I guess I should have seen it cumming.

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(NSFW) What do you call a dog that's been neutered/desexed?

It doesn't matter what you call it, it isn't cumming.

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How do you tell if your friend is gay?

Fuck him in the ass. As you're cumming, reach around and feel his cock. It's hard, he's definitely gay.

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Once there was a fire ..

Once there was a fire in brothel. Some people came out running and others ran out cumming.

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I guess I'll never know the global favourite porn category

What is the world cumming to?

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The wife asked me, When you're on a business trip away, do you think about me?

Apparently Only to stop myself from cumming too quickly wasn't the right answer.

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So my wife just found out I've been cheating on her...

Her: "why would you have sex with her?"
Me: "uhh... she hot"
Her: "you didn't think about me in all this?"
Me: "no honey I did, I thought about you the whole time to stop me from cumming early"

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Did you hear about the woman that died with semen in her ear?

She didn't even hear him cumming.

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My friends dared me to take Viagra and a laxative at the same time.

So I went and sat on the toilet and I couldn't tell if I was cumming or going.

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Best-fitting phrase for the act of having sex with a little person?

Cumming up short?

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Did you hear the Cardinal George Pell is travelling to Thailand?

As soon as he heard that 13 young boys were trapped in a cave he shouted "im cumming"

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What's white, sticky, and falls from the sky?

Jesus Christ's Second Cumming

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What are the most funny Cumming jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Cumming? Well, here are the best Cumming dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Cumming pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes