Cult Jokes
91 cult jokes and hilarious cult puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cult that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This is the best collection of cult jokes you will find anywhere. If you are looking for a laugh, then look no further. These jokes are sure to get you rolling on the floor.
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Funniest Cult Short Jokes
Short cult jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cult humour may include short killer jokes also.
- Difference between a cult and a religion In a cult, there's a guy at the top that knows it's a scam.
In a religion, that guy is dead. - What's the difference between a cult and a religion? In a cult, there's always at least one person at the top who's completely crazy, or who knows it's all a scam...
In a religion, that guy's dead! - What's the difference between a cult and a religion? In a cult, there is someone on top that knows it's all nonsense.
In a religion that person is dead. - My friend joined a cult. They believe that one day they will cease to exist in their human form, and become water vapor. I told him, "you will be mist".
- My uncle started a cult, ...And married twenty women. People are telling me it's a terrible situation, but I think there's a lot of nuance.
- How are girlfriend like cults? You have to prove your devotion before you're welcomed into the folds.
- What's the difference between cults and the Church of Scientology? Cults have charismatic leaders.
- What's the difference between a religion and a cult? A religion drinks wine and a cult drinks Kool-Aid.
- I used to be a member of the Secret Vegetable Association Cult. But i was banished last week Because i spilled the beans
- How many Scientologists does it take to screw in a light bulb? That depends on the amount of workforce initiated by the individual and the amount of money given to the cult.
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Cult One Liners
Which cult one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cult? I can suggest the ones about grown and folk.
- What do you call a Cult that is hard to get into? Difficult
- Did you know there was a cult for visually impaired? They follow their leader blindly
- Why are there no black cults? Everyone drinks the kool-ade on the first day.
- How to start a cult 1. Claim you have talked to God
2. ???
3. >!Prophet!< - Don't join dangerous cults Practice safe sects
- How do you avoid stds while in a dangerous cult? By making sure to practice safe sects
- Did you hear about the new cult that worships fabrics? They're Satinists.
- Why did the Satanic cults' feet hurt? They sold their soles to the devil.
- What's the toughest cult to join.. Difficult.
- Why did the trout leave the cult? They were too sacrifishal
- Why did the chicken join a cult? To get to the other side.
- I joined a cribbage cult recently They practice peggin' rituals
- Have you heard about pogo stick cult? Prophets have gone through the roof.
- If car brand became a cult, Would the leader of dodge be Jesus Chrysler?
- What did the Cult of the Train summon? Choochoolu
Cult Classic Jokes
Here is a list of funny cult classic jokes and even better cult classic puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why is Scientology often brought up when talking about quack religions? It's a cult classic
Not sure if this has been told before - What kind of movies do Scientologists like? Cult classics
- What do you call Charles Manson's music? A *cult* classic.
# *BA DUM TSS!* - You know what they say about the necronomicon? It's a real cult classic!
- Whats the difference between Scientology and Spaceballs One is a classic cult and the other is a cult classic
- Someday I'd love to read a biography on Park Geun-hye... ...I'm sure it'll be a Cult Classic.
- Have you seen that old movie about the k**...? I hear it's a real cult classic.
- White robe with a cone top was really popular among the members of k**.... It was a cult classic.
- Whats the difference between Donnie Darko and the k**...? Ones a cult classic, the other a classic cult
Cult Worships Jokes
Here is a list of funny cult worships jokes and even better cult worships puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Who does the Metric Cult worship? ...Demetre.
- What do you call a religion that worships snails? An escargot cult.
- One I came up with today. Did you hear about the new cult that worships t**...?
They are sacreligious. - [OC] What do you get when you cross a blood s**... insect with a moon worshiping cult? A lunatic.
- h**... h**... h**... Do you know; There is a dyslexic devil cult who worship Santa??
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Cult Jokes
What funny jokes about cult you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean crop jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cult pranks.
What is the difference between a cult and a religion?
In a cult the main person knows it's all b**.... In religion that person is dead.
Cultural Diversity--True Story
When I was six I learned about Hanukkah in school. My teacher told me, "Christians celebrate Christmas, and Jews celebrate Hanukkah."
That night I was waiting in line at Hometown Buffet with my family and asked Mom why the restaurant would be closed for Christmas.
"It's so that the people who work here can spend Christmas with their families." She said.
In a loud, excited voice I piped up, "BUT COULDN'T THEY GET SOME JEWS TO WORK HERE?"
We never went back.
What did the Ohioan Satanist say when he arrived to cult?
"Ohio Satan!"
Culturally no one in alaska dates in the winter.
When asked why, one alaskan replied, "We try, but its hard to break the ice."
How do bacteria start a cult?
They use a start a cult-ure
Why did the cultists drink the Kool-Aid?
To get to the other side.
Different cultures like eating animals that we consider pets...
For example, did you know that in Japan, they eat fish?
Cults are like tech support...
They tell you all your problems will be solved if you just delete your cash.
A dyslexic mute spent years trapped in a religious cult.
When all he really wanted was a puppy.
What does the NFL, NBA, and the Catholic Church have in common?
They all have a cult following
What do you call a sacrificial pig?
Cult Cuts
Why can't you get out of an R. Kelly cult?
Once u**..., u**...
There once was a cult obsessed with male genitalia
There once was a cult that was obsessed with male genitalia.
This cult would accept anybody with a phallus, or even something resembling it in the appropriate place.
You could say that they never turned away any potential members.
Women love Evan Peters
You could say he has a cult following
I'll see myself out
Why does The Lord of the Rings series have such a big cult following?
Because of Elrond Hubbard
Have you heard of the Christian cult that thinks that the world started 6,000yrs ago in the Balkans?
Croatianists
California hasn't fallen into the sea, so apparently it worked.
Back in the 1970's there was a cult in California who believed that they could save California by appeasing the San Andreas. There were parts of San Andreas that literally gaped open wide, and members of the cult were noted for throwing all their earthly possessions down into the amazingly deep cracks in the Earth's crust. Of course, skeptics accused the cult of being merely generous to a fault.
I've been meaning to make more friends recently...
So I've joined a s**... cult and I'm going to hang with them for a while.
This culture of inclusiveness is getting out of hand
I mean, even Jurassic Park engineered a Trannysaurus Rex
Some cultures use different parts of the body to represent different numbers.
If you don't know these aspects of the culture, you may not value the people. But I find you can count on them once you get to know them better.
What do you call it when a cult is looking to get a loan for property?
Compound interest
I joined a cult once, and the atmosphere was very toxic.
They kept telling me to kill myself.
In some cultures, eunuchs historically have a lot of wealth and influence.
It is part of their compensation package.
Why was it so hard to get out of R. Kelly's s**... cult?
Because once you're in, u**....
Reporter 1: The cult members seem totally brainwashed, and still place their blind faith in a false savior offering hollow promises of salvation!
Reporter 2: And that concludes our report from the White House.
I asked R Kelly what was required to be in his cult
He replied "you're in"
What cult was the chicken part of?
The KKKFC
What do you call a person who discriminates against cult members?
A cultist
What cult is run by birds?
The Coo Clucks Clan
Star Wars is about the eternal conflict between two opposing forces. One headhunts children across the galaxy, puts them into a religious cult, indoctrinates them, even forbids them from having a relationship, then sends them off to die in the nearest war.
The other is the Sith.
A r**..., a plagiarist, and a cult member walk into a bar...
Oh wait, I meant the Supreme Court.
It was on this day in 1978 that cult leader Jim Jones carried out a mass m**.../s**... of over 900 of his followers in Jonestown, Guyana. Horrifying. There's a joke about it but it's wildly innappriopriate.
And anyway, the punchline's too long.
Did you know that cultures with arranged marriages typically serve melon at the wedding feast?
Yep. It symbolizes the fact that they cantelope.
How did the GOP shoot themselves in the foot?
With a Cult 45.
***
Also works with, How does a democracy die? , etc.
Sorry if someone already thought of this, thought it was clever and didn't see it after a quick glance.
Weekly cult meetings
A cult holds weekly meetings and all members are expected to attend regularly. This week only two cultists show up. After waiting awkwardly for awhile making small talk, they realize no one else is coming.
Both of them are getting nervous and they admit to each other they missed last weeks cult meeting, so they don't know the reason no one else is here. Trying to decide what to do they think for a bit on what they missed and why they are the only ones in attendance today. Then it dawns on them....
"Oh no I think we missed the punchline."
What do the cultists of Elmer's Glue refer to themselves as?
Adherents.