JokoJokes

Cuddle Up Jokes

82 cuddle up jokes and hilarious cuddle up puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cuddle up that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Cuddle Up Jokes

Short cuddle up jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cuddle up humour may include short cuddle jokes also.

  1. So explain this logic for me. So a girl can cuddle another girl and still be straight right? But when I cuddle another guy I'm a creep and need to leave the morgue immediately
  2. One of the best feelings in the world is to wake up with someone cuddling with you... Unless you're in prison.
  3. Cuddling I cuddle with my husband about two or three times a week.

    Yeah? Me just once.

    Oh, but wait, I thought you were single.

    Ah I see. I thought we were talking about your husband.
  4. One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody I know my cellmate loves it
  5. What's the difference between a girlfriend and a toilet The toilet doesn't want to cuddle after you dump a load in it.
  6. Cuddle One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody; unless you are in prison
  7. Cuddling with somebody is probably the most comforting thing in the world... ...unless you're in prison.
  8. Why did the nurse cuddle with her locked-in syndrome patients right after their sponge bath? Because she likes her vegetables at the peak of freshness
  9. No Contact? Places seems to be advertising No contact delivery , and No contact click n collect a lot these days. Was there ever a contact option?..
    Thanks for the pizza, ready for the cuddle? .
  10. Yup, really wonderful. One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody; unless you are in prison.

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Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about cuddle up can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of cuddle up puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Cuddle Up One Liners

Which cuddle up one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cuddle up? I can suggest the ones about hugged and stay warm.

  1. Why didn't Neo ever cuddle Trinity from behind in bed? Because there is no spoon.
  2. What do you call a cuddle with only one person? A cddle, because u weren't there
  3. Q: what's the friendliest animal in the sea? A cuddle-fish.
  4. what's sea creature makes sure its partner knows they're loved? a cuddle-fish
  5. My wife likes to cuddle with me to warm up when she is cold, she is a Joule thief.
  6. Dating is cuddling on the sofa. Marriage is sleeping on the sofa.
  7. What do you call a minstrel that doesn't cuddle? No holds bard.
  8. Some nights I wrestle with my anxieties... But other nights we cuddle.
  9. What do you call a cuddling overheat? Spoontaneus combustion.
  10. I wanted to cuddle with my blankey, but.. It's over me and I'm full of sheet.
  11. My new roomate likes me I woke up with him cuddling on my bunk
  12. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
  13. Why is cuddling also known as Spooning? Because otherwise you're Forking.
  14. What fish loves to cuddle? The cuttlefish
  15. White People Terrified of Gluten but will cuddle with bears.

Cuddle Up Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about cuddle up you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean keep warm jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make cuddle up prank.

I read a survey that said 82% of people enjoy being cuddled.

But if the people on this bus are any indication, the real figure is, like 0%.

I used to enjoy cuddling with the babysitter when she put me to bed, but meanwhile it feels a bit weird.

Especially when my wife is not yet asleep.

The older man and his problems

A man getting along in years finds that he is unable to perform s**.... He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.

Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"

The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?"

The medicine man replies: "When your partner can take no more s**... and is completely raddled, all she has to say is '1234', and it will then go down. But be warned: The pork swordsman will not rise again for another year."

The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. That night he showers, shaves, and smothers himself in aftershave. He slides into bed,cuddles up to his wife, says "123" and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man promised.
His wife turns over and asks: "What did you say '123' for?"

Department Store Shopping

A department store in town opened a building, 6 stories high, each floor offering progressively improving quality husbands.
They offered a range of men for sale to women at their discretion.
A woman walked into the store head the banner above the first floor reading, "Nice Guy," impressed as she was, she moved to the second floor.
The second floor's banner read, "Nice guys that love kids." Dumb-founded as she was, she continued on to see what else this store had to offer.
The third floor offered, "Cute guys that loved kids and cuddles." The woman was definitely getting impressed but she was interested to see what else she could find.
The fourth floor of the department store read, "Hot guys, love kids and have money". The girl, in her element, couldn't help but go to the next floor.
The fifth floor read, "Hot guys, love kids, have money, have a nice house and love family." She couldnt help but look at the next floor, where the banner read, "This floor only proves that women can't be pleased, and there is no men for sale on this floor."
For the point of proving points, the same department opened a shop across the road for men, same amount of levels. The first floor read, "Loves s**...," and the 2nd floor read, "Pretty and loves s**...." Levels 3, 4, 5, and 6 were never visited.

A Kiwi was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck...

Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he
realised that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his
two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful
cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for
romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better
to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm
around it.

But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely
until the man took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets
together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another
shipwreck.
The only survivor was Julia Gillard.
That evening, the man brought Julia to the evening beach ritual.
It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and
gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the man started to get 'those feelings' again.
He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in
and leaned over to Julia and told her he hadn't had s**... for months.
Julia batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she
could do for him.
He said, 'Could you take the dog for a walk!'

A man, a sheep and a dog were stranded in an island..

A man, a sheep and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on an island.
After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze warm and gentle-a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. She was badly injured when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze-perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon the man started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in, leaned over to the young woman and cautiously whispered in her ear, " Would you mind taking the dog for a walk? "

Today, I got up early...

...put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made coffee, grabbed my clubs, slipped quietly into the garage, loaded my clubs into the car, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
She sleepily replied, 'I know, can you believe my husband is out golfing in that stuff?'

Two newlyweds go to buy a donkey...

...when they are looking at the sweet little foal it cuddles up to the husband and butts him quite roughly. The husband was surprised and quite annoyed, he says to the foal, 'That's once.'
Seconds later the donkey bites him, 'Ok, ok that's twice!' the husband exclaims as his anger rises.
He barely has time to gather himself together then the foal turns around and kicks him square in the chest. He get's back to his feet, furious with the creature and yells 'ALRIGHT THAT'S THREE TIMES' He pulls out his revolver and shoots the donkey six times in a blind rage.
His wife screams and cries, 'Are you crazy? The poor animal! How could you do that?'
The husband replies calmly, 'Honey, that's once.'

What is the cutest car?

A BM-cuddle-U

A newly born baby is miraculously able to talk

A newly born baby is miraculously able to talk.
The stunned doctors and nurses start asking questions - "How did you learn english?"
The baby replies "I heard many conversations and tv and radio while in the w**...".
Then a doctor asks "Were you aware of the whole birth?", "yes, it was a bit stressful, but glad to get into fresh air" says the baby."
Everyone is totally amazed, then a nurse puts the baby in its mum's arms, she is sobbing "I'm your mummy", "I know mummy, I know" says the baby cuddling her.
"and do you know who this man standing next to me is?" she asks looking at her partner.
"Well not my daddy, that's for sure", says the baby,
"how do you know that?" asks the horrified mum,
The baby sighs, "I wasn't born yesterday"

Clueless husband

A woman was laying in bed with her husband at night when she said:"honey i m cold" , he said: "wear warmer clothes", then she said "i m still very cold" he responds "cover yoursef with another blanket" ,the wife who seemed displeased said:"when i was cold my mother used to hug me tightly and cuddle til we slept" her husband says in an angry voice:"Are you telling me we should bring your mother to sleep with us,why do you always say unromantic things in bed!".

Women and washing machines

What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
Washing machine doesn't want to cuddle after you drop a load in it.

I would rather cuddle then have s**....

If your good with grammar you'll get it.

I feel bad for people who payed $100 to watch the fight.

if they wanted to see a c**... black dude and a well-mannered asian cuddle they should've just rented Rush Hour

I couldn't cuddle my pet giraffe

So I had her put down

Feeding your cat and sleeping with men have a lot in common

They only really like you if they still want to cuddle after.

My girlfriend's dog came running up to us for a cuddle.

"I love you Freddy," she said, s**... his fur.
"I love him more than you," I replied.
She said, "I don't think so, I definitely love him most."
I said, "You misunderstood me."

What's the difference between a badminton birdie and 'Netflix & chill' on a microfiber couch?

One is a shuttlecock, the other's a cuddle shock

Yesterday, apparently, it was Steak & BJ Day.

Cod & cuddling was closer to the truth.

I lost my first cage fight last night

.. not all dogs want cuddles.

I haven't had s**... since 1956!

A woman asked a General in the army the last time he made love to a woman, the general stood tall and said "1956 ma'am." The woman, taken back by this answer said "1956?! That long?! Let me make your night better..." and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman began to s**... and the two made passionate love for an hour. The woman cuddled up to the army general afterward and said "well, you sure haven't forgotten any thing since 1956...". The general looked at her confused and said "well I sure hope not. It's only 2130 now!"
Shout out to u/mister_damage

I'd rather cuddle than have s**...

*then

I got chatting with a girl in a bar....

"Can I buy you a drink?" I asked.
"Have you not got a girlfriend?" she replied, "Guys like you always have girlfriends."
"No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago," I assured her.
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that!" she said, "Go on then, I'll have a white wine please.
A few drinks later, we kissed and cuddled and headed back to her place and made passionate love.
While I was putting my clothes back on she said, "So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?"
I said, "My wife found out!"

I got a private dance from a stripper.

When she was done, she gave me her phone number.
I said, "If I give you £50, will you come back to my place for a kiss and a cuddle?"
She said, "It will have to be more than that."
I said, "That's fine. What about s**...?"

I cuddle with my husband about two or three times a week.

I cuddle with my husband about two or three times a week.

Yeah? Me just once.

Oh, but wait, I thought you were single.

Ah I see. I thought we were talking about your husband.

Three men go on a hiking trip

It started to get dark, and they happened to pass by an abandoned shack, so they decided to stay in for the night. They found a small bed and cuddled into it, sleeping side by side.
The sun rises next morning, and the three men wake up. "Last night I had a dream that someone jacked me off" the man that slept on the right side said.
"Interesting, I had that same dream too" said the man that slept on the left.
The man that slept in the center shrugged his shoulders.
"Well, I dreamed I was skiing."

A woman asked a General in the army the last time he made love to a woman...

A woman asked a General in the army the last time he made love to a woman...
submitted 3 months ago by Daniel_Chavez
The general stood tall and said "1956 ma'am." The woman, taken back by this answer said "1956?! That long?! Let me make your night better..." and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman began to s**... and the two made passionate love for an hour. The woman cuddled up to the army general afterward and said "well, you sure haven't forgotten any thing since 1956...". The general looked at her confused and said "well I sure hope not. It's only 2130 now!"

While a couple was cuddling up the girl perks her head up and asks "babe, you'd never cheat on me would you?"

"of course not. Jeez, what is up with you galls today?"

A woman asked a General in the army when he last made love to a woman.

The general stood tall and said "1956 ma'am." The woman, taken back by this answer said "1956?! That long?! Let me make your night better..." and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman began to s**... and the two made passionate love for an hour. The woman cuddled up to the army general afterward and said "well, you sure haven't forgotten any thing since 1956...". The general looked at her confused and said "well I sure hope not. It's only 2130 now!"

Yup

Sometimes I pretend the extra pillow is a person. A cold distant person who won't cuddle.

When my wife wants to cuddle in bed, I make her play the big spoon..

That way when she farts, she farts away from me. She's like my little jet pack.

Every day when I get home from work I kiss my front door, then I cuddle one of the walls, and I comfort a few of the windows.

It's a detached house.

Military Time joke

Retired General meets a younger woman at a party and after getting a little flirty, the woman asks him the last time he made love to a woman. The general stood tall and said "1956 ma'am." The woman, surprised, said "1956?! That long?! Let me make your night better..." and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman began to s**... and the two made passionate love for an hour. The woman cuddled up to the army general afterward and said "well, you sure haven't forgotten any thing since 1956...". The general looked at her confused and said "well I sure hope not. It's only 2130 now!"

I'll have a club sandwich on rye.

Hold the mayo. Cuddle the mustard. Whisper soft words of confidence to the lettuce. Make love to the onion

What did the introvert say when his girlfriend took his hand and asked him to cuddle on the couch?

"Why must it be a group activity?"

Wife: You stayed and cuddled for a full 30 minutes after s**...! That's a record!

Husband: I think I can get it down to 5!
(True story).

My GF is really starting to remind me of my dog...

We cuddle, I take her out every now and then, we walk together, I feed her...
And in exchange, we have s**...!

The other night, I asked a woman If she wanted to come back to my place for a cuddle.

She said, "There will be no spooning. There will definitely be no forking. But if you talk to me again, there will be a knifing."

I haven't had s**... since 1956

A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made love to a woman. The general replied "1956, ma'am." The woman, in disbelief said "1956?! That long? Come with me and let me make your night better." The woman and general went back to her apartment and made passionate love for over an hour. Afterwards, the woman cuddled up to the general and said "Well, you sure haven't forgotten anything since 1956..." The general looked at her, confused, and replied "I sure hope not, it's only 2130 now."

Jack got chatting with a girl in a bar last night,

"Can I buy you a drink?" He asked.
"Don't you have a girlfriend?" she replied, "Guys like you always have girlfriends.
""No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago," Jack assured her.
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that," she said, "Go on then, I'll have a Cider please.
A few drinks later after a kiss and a cuddle we headed off back to her place and made passionate love.
While J was putting his clothes back on she said, "So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?"
Jack said, "My wife found out."

My girlfriend's dog sprinted up to us wanting a cuddle.

"I love you, Henry," she said, s**... his fur.
"I love him more than you," I replied.
"I don't think so," she replied, "I definitely love him most."
I said, "You misunderstood me."

Every night I have a different cat cuddle up in bed with me right on my c**....

That genies an a**....

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these cuddle up jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.