cry Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious cry puns

Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, I'll give you a reason to cry!?"

I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

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My Son is such a c**t...

I bought him a new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.

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Why did the African 3 year old cry?

He was having a mid life crisis

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I call my car the 'Pussy Wagon'

Because that's where I go to cry.

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Remember when you were a kid and when you cried your parents said, "I'll give you a reason to cry"?

I always thought they were gunna hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

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My kids were hungry so I made them burgers from scratch.

They got really upset and started to cry.

Scratch is a stupid name for a cat anyway..

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Why did the antivaxxers 3 year old cry

He was having a midlife crisis

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I used to cry during sex

but now pepper spray doesn't affect me

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I got my son a trampoline for his birthday but nooooooo..

... he just wants to sit in his wheelchair and cry ...

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A Mother, her daughter, and a bowl of olives...

The mother takes an olive, puts it in her mouth, goes, "mmmmm...", the daughter tries one for the first time, goes "ewww...", mother eats another, again, goes "mmmm...", her daughter tries yet another, then begins to cry. Her mother asks, "why are you crying", her daughter says "you're getting all the good ones"

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Why do ethiopian children cry on their 6th birthday?

They hit a midlife crisis

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Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person

"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945

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My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline for his birthday..

..And all he wanted to do was sit in his wheelchair and cry.

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I cry every time after sex

I fucking hate prison.

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A little boy with no arms wanted some chocolate

He walks into the kitchen and asks his mom,

"Mom, may I please have a piece of chocolate?"

"You know the rule: No arms, no chocolate." She replies.

As the boy begins to cry the mother says,

"Oh, I'm just kidding! Here, catch!"

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I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday...

But all the little shit did was sit in his wheelchair and cry.

PS:Not sure if this one has been on here before or not, a friend told it to me and I thought it should go here.

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A little girl and boy are in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl starts to cry so the little boy asks her "What's wrong?"

The little girl responds "I have to get a blood test so they're going to cut open my finger."

The little boy's jaw drops and he says "Oh no! I'm getting a urine test."

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On the outside I might appear to be an emotionless, sarcastic piece of shit

But like an onion, when you peel back the layers you find more of the same shit and start to cry.

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The saddest thing in the world is a child's cry after their bike is stolen

So I try to pedal away as fast as I can.

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Why does Bill Cosby cry during sex?

Pepper spray.

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For some reason I always cry during sex.

I'm starting to think it might be the pepper spray.

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How many tickles does it take to make a Japanese girl cry?

10 tickles

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I was chopping up onions and my kids started to cry.

Onions is a stupid name for a dog anyway.

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My friend told me that onions are the only food that makes you cry

So I broke his nose with a coconut.

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Kids are really unappreciative sometimes

I got my little cousin Timmy a 1000 dollar trampoline and that little shit was still unhappy!

All he fucking did was sit in his wheelchair and cry

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Sometimes, when you cry, nobody see your tears,

Sometimes, when you smile,nobody notices your joy
Sometimes, when you are scared, there's nobody to calm you.


But try to have a wank in the Tesco car park, and everyone will notice.

P.S. Can someone pick me up from the police station.

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Sex with me is just like my childhood birthday parties

No one ever comes and I cry when it's all over

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Why does an Ethiopian baby cry?

It's having a mid life crisis
(Sorry If it's too dark)

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I asked my wife to tell me something that would make me laugh and cry at the same time...

Apparently out of all my friends I have the biggest dick.

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Two tugboat captains have been friends for years.

They would always cry, "Aye!" and blow their whistles whenever they passed each other.

A new crewman asked his boat's mate, "What do they do that for?"

The mate looked surprised and replied, "You mean that you've never heard of ... an aye for an aye?"

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How do you make a baby cry?

Drop it.

How do you make a baby stop crying?

Drop it again.

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I always cry before talking to attractive girls

Any tips against pepper spray?

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Not all UK politicians will cry tonight

but Theresa May

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Why did the elk cry at the funeral?

He had lost a deer friend

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Why could no one hear Helen Keller cry for help when she fell off a bridge?

She was wearing mittens

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What are the most funny Cry jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Cry? Well, here are the best Cry dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Cry pick up lines to share with friends.

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