Cry Baby Jokes
116 cry baby jokes and hilarious cry baby puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about cry baby that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Cry Baby Short Jokes
Short cry baby jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The cry baby humour may include short crying baby jokes also.
- Quick question... How much of this "No More tear" shampoo do I have to feed this baby to get it to stop crying?
- Whats the difference between a feminist and a baby? At some point in its life, the baby will stop crying and grow up
- TIL babies cry in accent I also learned that going around making foreign babies cry is apparently looked down upon
- What's the difference between a baby and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't cry when you drop a load in it.
- Trump actually attended Biden's inauguration He was the crying baby you heard right before Biden took his oath
- Our young son has been crying a lot at night, so my wife asked me to go out and get a baby monitor for him… But he seems even more freaked out now with the big lizard crawling all over him…
- At a rally today Donald Trump ordered the secret service to remove a crying baby. They had him halfway to the curb before realizing the error.
- I sat next to baby on a ten hour flight. I didn't think it was possible for someone to cry for ten hours straight. Even the baby was impressed I pulled it off.
- I sat next to a baby on a ten hour flight, and I couldn't believe that someone could cry for ten hours straight. Even the baby seemed surprised.
- What's the difference between a mattress and a highway? A baby will cry for hours if you throw it on a mattress but it stops crying pretty quickly if you throw it on a highway.
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Cry Baby One Liners
Which cry baby one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with cry baby? I can suggest the ones about cry tears and babies cry.
- Why was the baby in africa crying? It was having a mid-life crisis.
- why was the 6 month old African baby crying? It was having a mid life crisis
- Slept like a baby last night Woke up every hour and just cried about my life.
- Why was 1 year old African baby crying? It was having a midlife crisis
- Why does an ethiopian baby cry? It's having a mid life crisis
(Sorry If it's too dark) - Why was the Ethiopian baby crying? It was having a mid-life crisis.
- How do you make a baby cry? Drop it.
How do you make a baby stop crying?
Drop it again. - Why does an Ethiopian baby cry It's having a midlife crisis
- I slept like a baby last night. Kept waking up randomly and crying myself back to sleep.
- I slept like a baby last night 2 hours of sleep and a whole lot of crying
- Baby monitors are magical When I turn it off my baby stops crying
- I slept like a baby last night. I woke every two hours and cried.
- Why was the baby strawberry crying? Her mom was in a jam
- I slept like a baby last night I drank a bottle before bed and woke up crying
- I slept like a baby last night I woke up several times crying
Cheerful Fun Cry Baby Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about cry baby you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bad baby jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make cry baby pranks.
There were three women. a brown headed a brunette and a blonde. they were talking then they started talking about s**.... The brown headed one said i'm gonna have 3 baby's. The brunette said she was gonna have twins. And the blonde started crying and the other two women asked her what was wrong. And the blonde said she was gonna have baby dogs because she had s**... d**...!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Stop crying, you little baby.
Do you know why babys cry when they are born?
Because they know they are entering the world with chuck Norris in it.
Q: What's red, white, and cries a lot?
A: A baby with a razor!
A woman is going through labour...
...but there is a b**... and her car isn't working. Her husband attempts to deliver the baby. Their young daughter is asked to hold a torch so that her father can see.
After a long and stressful procedure, the baby boy is born. The man spanks the newly born child and the baby starts crying. The mother asks the daughter about what she just saw.
"s**... him again, he shouldn't of crawled up there in the first place."
My Girlfriend's Hair
My girlfriend came home last night, crying, inconsolable. She had just gone to the hair salon and they cut her hair WAY too short, like, four inches too short. I said baby, what are you worried about? It'll grow back eventually. I'm the one who has to find a new girlfriend.
The most offensive jokes thread?
I'll start
What is the difference between chopping up a baby and an onion?
- chopping up an onion makes you cry.
Pregnant
The best part about being pregnant is...you can't hear your baby cry.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
A watermelon doesn't cry when you hit it with a sledgehammer.
I once knew a girl so s**... ...
... she had her eustachian tubes tied and now she can't hear her baby crying.
What's the difference between a cry baby and Dallas Cowboys fans?
Eventually the baby stops crying
Three pregnant women, a blonde, brunette, and red head are at their obstetrician to find out the s**... of their babies.
The brunette says, "I'm going to have a boy because I was on top."
The red head says, "Well that means I'm going to have a girl because I was on bottom."
Just then the blonde starts crying her eyes out. "What's wrong?" the other two say.
"I'm going to have puppies!"
Honey, give me the baby.
-Wait until he cries
-Until he cries..? Why..?
-Because I can't find him...
smart husband
Wife: honey, can i hold henry? (their new baby)
Husband: wait until he cries.
Wife: why??
Husband: because i cant find him!!!!!!
I've squirted an entire bottle of No More Tears in my baby's face...
...and she's still crying. Parenting is hard
A man is taking his son for a walk...
A man takes his son for a walk in his carriage. As he pushes him along, the baby is screaming and crying.
He says "Calm down, Carl."
The baby continues to cry and make a scene.
"It's going to be okay, Carl," the father murmurs.
After a while, a woman approaches and starts speaking to him.
"You must really care about your son Carl to take him on a walk to calm him down."
"No, I'm Carl."
A blonde, brunette, and redhead go to the doctor...
A blonde, brunette, and redhead go to the doctor and find out that they are pregnant so they want to find out the s**... of the baby. The brunette says, well I was on the bottom so I'm having a boy. The redhead says I was on top so I'm having a girl.
The Blonde starts crying and says, well I guess I'm having puppies?!
why was the 6 month old African baby crying? (updated)
"Cuz he just got dunked on!"
Sat next to a baby on an airplane
Sat next to a baby on an airplane. Ten hour flight. I had no idea it was even possible to cry for ten hours straight.
Baby was also surprised that I pulled it off.
Why do babies cry when they're born?
Because it's the most painful day in their lives
I sleep like a baby at night,
rarely and with short bursts of crying and p**..., sometimes both
I've asked a flight attendant to change my seat because of crying baby next to me
It turns out you can't do that if baby is yours.
Why do Nigerian babies cry?
Midlife crisis
I slept like a baby last night.
I pooped my pants and cried myself to sleep.
Why was the African baby crying?
It was going through it's midlife crisis.
What's the difference between a fridge and a baby?
A fridge doesn't cry when you pack your meat into it.
Why do African newborn babies cry?
They have a midlife crisis.
April 1st Operation
(Doctor walks out of operation room. A man quickly reached the doctor.)
"How's my wife? How's my baby?"
"Well your wife is okay, but... Your baby... umm..."
(Man starts crying)
"APRIL FOOLS! HAHAHA! Jokes on you!" (laugh)
(Man starts laughing with the doctor.)
"The fact is your wife died as well."
Three Pregnant Ladies
Three Pregnant Ladies are discussing their unborn babies.
The Brunette says "I am having a girl because I was on the bottom when my partner and I conceived"
The Redhead says "I am having a boy as I was on top with my partner"
The Blonde starts crying and the other two ask what is wrong "I am going to be having ten puppies!"
My Wife Handed Me A Crying Baby and Asked Me To Change Him.
So I drove to the Hospital and asked for a replacement.
My girlfriend was nervous about meeting my parents.
I told her that was normal. The first time I met them, I cried like a baby.
Baby Kangaroo and Laptop!
A baby Kangaroo was crying. Some kangaroo asked about its MOM.
Baby Kangaroo said mom is carrying a Laptop in her bag where I was staying.
Why does a Somalian baby cry?
It's having a mid life crisis.
I apologize for nothing.
How to get a baby to stop crying
How do you get a baby to cry?
Drop it
How do you get it to stop crying?
Drop it again
I didn't have a mid-life crisis but did have a beginning-of-life crisis...
... I cried like a baby for nearly a whole year!
Ladies, name your baby "Gotham"
So when it cries in the middle of the night, you can tell your husband, "Gotham needs you"
"Dad, why did you name me Rain?"
Dad: "Because rain was the first thing that fell on you"
Rain: "Oh, I never knew that. Is that why my sister is named Snow as well?"
Dad: "Yes, you are absolutely right"
*a baby cries in the corner*
Dad: Shut up Brick!
A woman gets on a bus with her baby in Glasgow.
The bus driver turns to her and says Oi! That there's the ugliest baby I've ever seen, you should be ashamed of yourself, bringing a baby like that out in public. It's disgusting! She rushes to the back of the bus in tears, and a gentleman leans over to her and asks Lassie, why're you crying?
She says Well that bus driver up there just said the most horrible thing to me that anyone's ever said before.
In shock the gentleman exclaims Well you can't just let him get away with that! You've got to get up there and give him a piece of your mind! Here, I'll hold your monkey.
So a doctor is delivering a baby
He walks out of the delivery room, said to a worried looking man:
" we tried our best, your wife survived, but your children...."
After hearing the news the man started to cry, then the doctor said:
"today is April's fool's day! And I'm just kidding with you"
The man's face brightening the doctor continued:
"Your wife is dead too"
A mother takes her crying baby to the hospital.....
The doctor gets out his little exam light and ends up pulling a Lima bean out of the kids left ear, a baby carrot out of one nostril, a Skittle and two peas out of the other nostril and a hunk of pear out of the kids' right ear.
The mom cringes as she watches all of this, then asks the doctor what's wrong with the kid.
The doctor shrugs a bit and says, "I'm not sure yet, but for one thing, he certainly isn't eating right."
Blonde childbirth
It's a blonde who gave birth to two beautiful babies, twins, however, she cries endlessly!
The nurse then tells him:
"But see madame! Why are you crying ? You are now mother of 2 beautiful babies, in good health!
- I know, says the blonde, but I do not know who is the father of the second!
An Italian soldier wakes up in a hospital having been dragged out of the battle.
The doctor walks in and tells the soldier, "I'm sorry to inform you that both your arms and legs we're blown off in the heat of the fight".
The war hero starts to crying like a baby. The doctor peers round at his wife and asks, "do you think he'll be OK?"
She replies, "Would you be OK if you could never talk again?"
Why was the anti-vaxers baby crying.
It was having a mid-life crisis.
I slept like a baby last night
I cried and s**... my pants all night long
I was born with performance anxiety and fear of failure.
All babies come out crying. I came out like, Am I doing this right?
Last night I slept like a baby
I woke up crying every two hours.
I slept like a baby
I cried myself to sleep and woke up in my own filth
Little Johnny and His Baby Sister
Little Johnny's newborn baby sister just wouldn't stop crying one day.
Annoyed, Little Johnny asked his mom where they had got her from.
"From Heaven," replied his mom.
"Well, I can see why they threw her out!"
Why was the Anti-vaxxer's baby crying?
Because he wasn't going to live long enough to see this joke reposted again.
Neymar, the Brazilian football player, had his first parenting lesson with his new son this morning.
"Right," said the midwife, "what should you do if he starts crying and having a tantrum?"
"Show him a yellow card and tell him to get up off the f*****g floor," replied the baby....
My girlfriend said she's leaving me because of my obsession with baby monitors...
For crying out loud!
Tonight I'm going to sleep like a baby!!!
Wake up repeatedly and have to cry myself back to sleep.
I tried reverse psychology on my child
I told the baby don't cry
It worked
Why was the baby strawberry crying?
Because their mum and dad was in a jam.
I slept like a baby.
Cried every few hours and just in need of attention.
Why was the black baby crying?
He had diarrhea and thought he was melting.
I slept like a baby last night
...only for 3 hours, the rest of the time I spent crying.
A baby grabs his mom's phone and types "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"
The mom reads it and says, "For crying out loud, use your voice"
Parents: our baby won't stop crying!
Doctor: how old is he?
Parents:one
Doctor:is he vaccinated?
Parents:no, why?
Doctor:I'm afraid he's having a midlife crisis...
My grandfather told me that a baby crying was the most painful thing in the world...
So I threw one at a guy crossing the road
The Wife wants to have a baby but the Husband tries to discourage her.
H: A baby sleeps and it poops and it cries when it's hungry.
W: You two should get along famously.
