The Best 42 Cruz Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Cruz jokes. There are some cruz diaz jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these cruz primaries puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Cruz Jokes and Puns

Why do the birthers...?

Why do the Birthers care about where Barack Obama was born (Hawaii, not Kenya) and not where Ted Cruz was born (Canada, not Texas)?

Because Barack Obama is black.

Donald Trump & Ted Cruz are sitting in a bar...

Donald says to Ted

"What we need to do is kill 140 million Muslims & one smoking hot blonde woman."

Overhearing this the bartender asks why they need to kill a hot blonde woman.

Donald says to Ted, "See I told you no one would care about the Muslims"

What's the worst gear for America?

Cruz control.

Cruz joke, What's the worst gear for America?

A Cuban, a Canadian, and a white supremacist walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Ah, Senator Cruz, what are you having?"

Clinton, Sanders, Trump and Cruz are having lunch together...

and they're discussing why each thinks they'll win.
"I have the support of women and minorities" says Clinton. "I have the support of intellectuals" says Sanders "I have the support of the average american tired of politics as usual" says Trump.
Cruz just smiles..."I have the support of the people in charge of programming the electronic voting machines"

Rick Santorum drops out and throws his support to Ted Cruz

Thanks for nothing!

How do Republicans drive cars?

With Cruz control.

Cruz joke, How do Republicans drive cars?

Did you hear the Zodiac is turning himself in?

He didn't appreciate the comparisons to Ted Cruz.

A poll was taken by 2,000 prostitutes asking if they would have sex with Ted Cruz.

91% said 'Never Again .

What's the difference between today's most sophisticated encryption that can still be cracked and the still uncracked ciphers of the Zodiac Killer?

Ted Cruz

Why are there no pictures of Ted Cruz holding a baby?

They always turn out blurry from him shaking them.

You can explore cruz primary reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cruz gomez dad jokes. There are also cruz puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What were the Zodiac Killer's Plans for Vacation?

To take a Cruz.

What do you call a crazy weapon?

A Cruz Missile.

Ted Cruz, according to the news, IS planning THat Either cruZ Or his aDminIstrAtion will be Compiling their documents to maKe a IntegraL poLitical announcemEnt this afteRnoon

[hope you can decrypt it]

Why did Cruz pick Carly Fiorina as his running mate?

To lay off his campaign staff.

Ted Cruz should have been forced to carry his Campaign to term...

Terminating it is unchristian afterall

Cruz joke, Ted Cruz should have been forced to carry his Campaign to term...

Ted Cruz takes his religious values very seriously

He always pulls out before finishing

Ted Cruz has aborted his campaign

..but I say he should be forced to carry it to full term

A Cuban, a Canadian, and a homophobic walk into a bar

The bartender says, "What'll it be, Senator Cruz?"

Boy scout: Sir, I found a snake, is it poisonous?

Me: Not unless it's named Ted Cruz

What do Ted Cruz and an impotent Japanese man have in common?

Neither can achieve an election

Why do people take such an instant dislike to Ted Cruz ?

It saves so much time.

There are a lot of serial killers named Ted

There's Ted Bundy, Ted Kaczynski, Ted Cruz...

Did you hear about the mexican woman who made $1 million running pot to Texas on her houseboat?

Mary Juana Cruz

Looks like Ted Cruz got busted...


Well... there goes Ted's reputation

Trump: No one embarrasses themselves on Twitter like I do

Ted Cruz: Hold my milk

Trump: Wait, this isn't milk...

The Titanic

So, not many people know, back in the 1900's mayonnaise was only made in Europe. The titanic carried 1200 cases scheduled for delivery in the port of Vera Cruz as her next dock after her stop in New York. What would have been the first largest shipment sadly went down with the ship. The Mexicans were so upset over the loss they still celebrate a day of mourning which we know now as sinko de mayo.

There are people that sincerely believe that Ted Cruz is one of the good guys.

I'm the most hated person in the Senate

Ted Cruz: I'm the most hated person in the Senate.

Susan Collins: Hold my beer.

Brett Kavanaugh: Who said beer?

Twitter repost @Amanda_Kerri

Senator Ted Cruz started debating someone at a costume party...

He was a lion at the costume party.

Ted Cruz

Yea that's it obviously.

Every time Ted Cruz says something...

is a Ted talk

If Ted Cruz loses, senators will throw a bipartisan going-away party.

Ted Cruz will be the only senator not invited.

Danson is better than Cruz in every way,

thanks for coming to my TED talk.

Where does Santa go to relax after Christmas?

Santa Cruz

Trump, Cruz and Graham is sitting in a restaurant and the waiter comes over and asks...

Is everything alt right?

What's the difference between Ted Cruz's wife and an insurrection?

Ted Cruz would never defend his wife.

Why as it important for Ted Cruz to be in Cancun while Texas is freezing?

Reptiles require sunlight.

Carnival is offering a single day trip guaranteed to leave all your worries behind.

It's called a Ted Cruz

Full credit to my dad who just texted me this.

We now know with 100% certainty that Ted Cruz is not the biological father to his children.

He always pulls out when it gets hard.

After getting away with murder for 52 years, the Zodiac Killer has revealed his identity to the press.

He didn't want to be associated with Ted Cruz.

Greg Abbott, Ted Cruz, and Rick Perry are stuck on a deserted island, who survives?


Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the cruz senator jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working cruz bama piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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