Crusty Jokes
25 crusty jokes and hilarious crusty puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about crusty that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article is all about the hilarious and pun-filled world of 'crusty' jokes. From crusty feet to crusty dusty, read on for some funny jokes about crispy, crusty, and gruff topics. Get ready to bake up some laughs!
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Funniest Crusty Short Jokes
Short crusty jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The crusty humour may include short crabby jokes also.
- What's the difference between an old crab and a Korean in the oven? Ones a crusty crestacean and the others a crispy crust Asian
- What should we call people who leave crusty bits of food in the corner of their mouths? #Herpeaters.
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Crusty One Liners
Which crusty one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with crusty? I can suggest the ones about dusty and crumby.
- My girlfriend said I have crusty feet. I blame my socks.
- The only thing worse than a wet sock Is a crusty sock
- I like my women like I like my sandwiches crusty and filled with cheese.
- What are crusty girlfriends good for? Fermenting yeast!
- What do you call the outer edge of a piece of bread that has been toasted? Crusty
- What's a cannibal's favourite type of seafood? .....Crusty asians...
Cheeky Crusty Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about crusty you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean crispy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make crusty pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference in a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?
Ones a crusty bus station, the others a b**... crustacean.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A crusty old biker walls into a bar..
..and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile.
The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A biker walks into a bar...
...and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile. The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
The crusty old managing partner finally passed away, but his firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him.
"I'm sorry, he's dead," was the standard answer.
Finally, the receptionist who fielded the calls began to realize it was always the same voice, so she asked who it was and why he kept calling.
The reply: "I used to be one of his junior associates, and I just like to hear you say it."
After dinner I started to pack the dirty dishes into the dishwasher, when it suddenly started talking!
In a really dejected, pitiful voice it told me, "Don't bother pal, I'm useless. I'll never get that crusty lasagne off that pan. I'm terrible. The glassware will all have water spots by the time I'm done. I'm the worst appliance in this house!!"
I said, "What's wrong with you?!"
"Nothing, I'm a self loathing dishwasher."
Co-Written by: IveyRoney
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Biker walks into a bar...
A biker walks into a bar and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.
He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:
Hamburger - 2.99
Cheeseburger - 3.99
Chicken Sandwich - 4.99
Hand Jobs - 19.99
The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, b**..., beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a s**... little smile.
The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."
Half an year ago, a middle-aged man, walking home after a long and stressful day of work, found an old, crusty lamp in an abandoned alley.
"What harm could it do," he said out loud, and gave it a rub.
A genie emerged, exclaiming, All behold, I, the most powerful genie!! My might is unparalleled, my power is incomprehensible, and I shall grant you 3 wishes for freeing me from my prison...
"I am a simple man with a simple life, genie. All I wish for is to spend more time with my wife and children, have a shorter commute than I have now, and a case of Corona."
The Smart Navigator
The scene is sometime in the old era when cockpits had round dials plus flight engineers and navigators.
The crusty old-timer Captain is breaking in a brand new navigator.
The captain opens his briefcase, pulls out a .38 and rests it on the glare panel.
He asks the navigator, "Know what this is for?"
"No, sir," replies the newbie.
"I use it on navigators that get us lost," explains the captain, winking at his Co-Pilot.
The navigator then opens his briefcase, pulls out a .45 and sets it on his chart table.
What's THAT for?" queries the surprised captain.
Well, sir," replies the navigator, "I'll know we're lost before you will."
One-upmanship
The scene is an era when cockpits had round dials and pilots needed flight engineers and navigators.
A crusty old captain is breaking in a brand new navigator.
The captain opens his briefcase, pulls out a .38 and rests it on the glare panel. He asks the navigator, "Know what this is for?"
"No, sir," replies the newbie.
"I use it on navigators who get us lost," explains the captain, winking at his first officer.
The navigator then opens his briefcase, pulls out a .45 and sets it on his chart table.
"What's THAT for?" queries the surprised captain.
"Well, sir," replies the navigator, "I'll know we're lost before you will."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a
gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.
There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma´am. Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said:
"It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma´am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tired of trying to start up a conversation, said:
"You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said:
"You know, I hope you don´t take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had s**...?"
"1955, ma´am."
"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no s**... since 1955!"
She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him a few times.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said:
"Wow, you sure didn´t forget much since 1955!"
The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice:
"I hope not, it´s only 2130 now."
the greenhorn
A greenhorn comes from back east to try his hand at prospecting. He buys his gear and heads off into the hills. He has a couple of lonely weeks, with a little bit of success finding gold.
He's sitting by his campfire one evening when this crusty old prospector shows up and says "Howdy there, neighbor. My spot's just over the hill there. I wanted to invite you a party."
Greenhorn: "That sounds wonderful! I haven't seen a soul in weeks!"
Prospector: "I got to warn ya though...there's likely to be some dancin'!"
Greenhorn: "I love to trip the light fantastic! I'll bring my dancing shoes."
Prospector: "I got to warn ya...there'll be drinkin'!"
Greenhorn: "Oh, don't worry, I can hold my liquor."
Prospector: "There's likely to be some fiightin'."
Greenhorn: "I'm not inexperienced when it comes to fisticuffs!"
Prospector: "There'll be ... fornication."
Greenhorn: "Well...it is the Wild West...and I have not seen a lady in quite some time."
The prospector nods gruffly to himself and begins to leave. The greenhorn says, "Say, what should I wear to this soiree?"
The prospector pauses and says, "Oh, any old thing...it'll just be you and me."
