Crust Jokes

Following is our collection of crispy puns and calzones one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Crust jokes for adults, dirty digiorno jokes and clean pizza dad gags for kids.

The Best Crust Puns

Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your son.

Kidnapper: [on phone] we have your son.

Wife: actually I'm holding my son.

Kidnapper: [getting frustrated] then who the heck just asked for chocolate milk with a straw and made us cut the crust off his PB&J?

Wife: oh god.

Kidnapper: what?

Wife. you have my husband.

What's the difference between a pizza and a hippy chick?

You don't peel the crust off the pizza before you eat it

A woman gets a call from kidnappers.

"We have your son," said the kidnapper.

"I don't have a son," says the woman.

"Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crust off his sandwiches?"

"Oh, God you have my husband!"

In which part of the bread factory do lobsters work?

The crust station.

A crusty old biker walls into a bar..

..and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.

He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:

Hamburger - 2.99

Cheeseburger - 3.99

Chicken Sandwich - 4.99

Hand Jobs - 19.99

The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, busty, beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" The bartender blushes slightly and says "Yes, I am" with a sexy little smile.

The biker grins and says "Well wash your hands, because I want a cheeseburger."

Jesus Crust

A priest and a Zen master are making toast.

The priest says "look, there's an image of Jesus in my margarine!"

The Zen master replies "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"

What did the retired priest call his pizza shop?

Cheesus Crust

What's a lobster's favorite part of a build-your-own-pizza bar?

The crust station.

What is Hitler's favourite type of pizza?

The Hollow Crust.

What's the difference between a Good pizza and a bad prostitute?

The thickness of the crust.

What do you call the Lord and Savior of all pizzas?

Cheesus Crust

The crusty old managing partner finally passed away, but his firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him.

"I'm sorry, he's dead," was the standard answer.

Finally, the receptionist who fielded the calls began to realize it was always the same voice, so she asked who it was and why he kept calling.

The reply: "I used to be one of his junior associates, and I just like to hear you say it."

What's really good on pie and really awful on people?


What do you call a religious slice of pizza?

Cheezus Crust.

what did the domino's pizza delivery guy say to Satan?

The power of crust compels you.

I like my women like quality agronomy soil...

..good penetration to 8", bare surface, and minimal crust.

Where did the crab work inside her new job at the pizza factory?

At the crust station.

What's the difference between an old crab and a Korean in the oven?

Ones a crusty crestacean and the others a crispy crust Asian

Why would a crustatean not be good in an open relationship?

They would get too shellfish

What's the similarity between a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist?

They both work with crust.

If my friends circle was a pizza...

...I would be the crust

How does Galactus like his planets?

Thin crust.

I just heard about Domino's new dill pizza crust

It's made with their all new dill dough

Why did the judge dismiss the case of the pizza being delivered without the crust?

Because it was a baseless accusation

Son, some children, before they are born, are the jewel of their mother's eye.

You, however, were the crust in the corner.

What do you call a holy bread?

Jesus crust

What is the cheesiest line you ever said to anyone?

Me: Double cheese margherita with cheese burst crust and triple layer extra cheese.

What do a wash cloth and a pizza have in common?

The crust.

What is a clams favorite TV channel?

The crust station.

Calculate the volume of a thick crust pizza with height "a" and radius "z".


What do old women and pork pies have in common?

You have to break through the crust to get to the pink.

ALERT: do not eat at California Pizza Kitchen

Their crust is faulty

Jebus Crust

Our lord who's savory

I like my women as I like my sandwiches... crust.

What are crusty girlfriends good for?

Fermenting yeast!

Girl, are you a domino's pizza crust?

Cause you're E X T R A T H I C C

Domino's is introducing another health option to their menu...

a new crust stuffed with salad.

Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. Small, round, thin,

thick crust, deep pan, extra toppings...

Have you seen my crustacean girlfriend?

I lobster.

They're making a pizza crust made out of pickles

It's called Dill Dough.

Who is the God of all pizzas?

It's Jesus Crust.

What do you get when your Grey Poupon dries out?

An upper crust.

What do chickens and chickenpox have in common?

The crust is delicious.

Earth's layers got into an argument over who is the gayest power-bottom.

The crust came out on top.

What is the motto for the fish stick factory?

In cod we crust.

There is an abundance of anchovies jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 45 funniest jokes and crust puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any caesers witze you can hear about crust.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes