Crush Jokes
135 crush jokes and hilarious crush puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about crush that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Crush jokes are a collection of funny jokes inspired by popular culture and the experience of crushing on someone. From the funny to the unique, we outline the best crush jokes to bring a smile to your face! From jokes about liking someone to jokes about getting married, there is something for everyone to enjoy. Crush your cravings with candy crush jokes and smash and demolish out of the ordinary ones!
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Funniest Crush Short Jokes
Short crush jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The crush humour may include short crunch jokes also.
- What's the difference between a lobster and a chinese man who's been run over by a bus? One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.
- My crush told me that I'm pretty. Well, the whole sentence was "you're pretty annoying", but I focus only on the positive things.
- My uncle was taking our picture at a dairy farm in Wisconsin when he was crushed by a giant wheel of cheese. We tried to warn him.
- My crush just sneezed and I accidentally replied "bless you !" Now she's staring at the bush, wondering who said that.
- I accidentally said Gazuntite after my crush sneezed. Now she's staring at the bushes wondering who said that.
- Y'know, I was feeling sad after my crush told me that she liked me as a brother, But then I realized that she was from Alabama.
- At a wedding reception, the best man said, 'would all the married men please stand next to the person that made their lives worth living.' The poor bartender was crushed to death.
- The D.J. at a wedding reception yelled, "Would all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was almost crushed to death.
- My childhood crush and I are finally getting married this year! Me in august, and her in November.
- Three years ago, I asked my crush out. Last week, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
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Crush One Liners
Which crush one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with crush? I can suggest the ones about crash and smash.
- grape don't cry when they're crushed But they do wine
- what is it called when your crush has a crush on you too? Imagination.
- I used to have a job crushing cans. It was soda pressing.
- Me and my childhood crush are marrying next year Hers is in February and mine in July
- I was feeling really sad while crushing cans today... It was soda pressing.
- What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
- Schrodinger's Crush: Before you ask her out, she is both single and taken
- What would war with Korea be like? Seoul-crushing
- Dad, are you having a crush on a young popular actress? Am I what, son?
- My friend got crushed by a pile of books. He's only got his shelf to blame.
- My crush said I'm like a brother to her Lucky she likes game of thrones
- I stepped on snail once as a child. I guess it was my first crush.
- I crushed my coke can today... It was soda pressing :(
- I absolutely hate my job at the can crushing facility. It's soda pressing.
- Man crushed by pile of old books His wife said he only had his shelf to blame
Candy Crush Jokes
Here is a list of funny candy crush jokes and even better candy crush puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you call it, when a sugar daddy falls in love with a girl? Candy Crush.
- I was playing Candy Crush the other day But I'm still recovering from falling on all those piñatas.
- Hey girl, are you a candy? Because i have a crush on you
- What is a cokeheads favorite video game?... NOSE CANDY CRUSH!
wompwomp! ayoooooooga! - What is the mission of Chinese Candy Crush Saga? #"Clear all the j**...".
___________
^(I will just get out from this conveniently placed door, thank you) - What does the Chinese Candy Crush Saga say..? Clear all the j**...!
The Funniest Crush Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about crush you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean crumble jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make crush pranks.
I have a crush on my teacher AND on the girl sitting next to me
It's getting so bad, I may fail out of home school.
My marriage is over.
I loved my wife Lorraine in the beginning, but for the longest time I've had a crush on my friend Claire-Lee Robins, who I know feels the same way about me. Eventually Lorraine found out about my secretive feelings, and just like that, she packed her bags and left.
I do feel bad about it all. But then I realised; I can see Claire-Lee now Lorraine has gone.
My crush asked my help to impress a boy. So I told her we should pretend to date to make him jealous.
We've now been married for 10 years and have a kid and she hasn't made any progress with that guy. Maybe I should stop beating him up every time he tries to meet her?
Nah. Need to stay in character.
My crush: You know, you remind me alot of my brother.
[Pulling out]
Me: Excuse me, what?
Why does the can crusher hate his job?
Because it's soda pressing.
Soon be Christmas...
WHO SAYS doing Christmas shopping early avoids the crush? Last year, I did mine a full 12 months in advance, and the shops were just as busy as ever.
How do you make a Whiskey Sour?
Crush it's hopes and dreams.
Cans
I work in a can recycling factory.
My job is to crush cans.
I don't enjoy it. It's soda pressing.
Why did Dr.Pepper blush?
He received a Sunkist from his Crush
"Every kiss begins with k"
I whisper to myself as I read the one letter reply from my crush.
A few years ago i asked out my crush, today i asked her to marry me
She said no both times
Having a crush on someone is like solving a math problem.
If you know you can't get it, all you can do is just stare at it.
TIFU by sleeping with my Crush
Now there's orange soda all over my bed. :(
You guys! I'm so excited, I just hooked up with my crush from middle school.
...but now she keeps calling me expecting me to show up at her graduation.
Auto correct got me arrested while proclaiming my love to my crush.
Apparently there is no explanation for saying "I wish you were nine."
Finding out a gay guy has a crush on you is like finding 1,000,000 pesos.
You'll think "Well, I can't do much with this right now, but if I ever cross that line I'll be just fine"
A computer science student...
...was writing a note to his crush before lecture. The student next to him grabbed the note.
The first student tried to grab it back. You can't see that, it's private!
The second student protested, But we're in the same class
I asked my secret crush if she wanted to invest in my new invention idea, chloroform kleenex.
She decided to sleep on it...at my place.
Hey Girl, do you recycle?
Because I'd love to crush that box and leave you by the curb tomorrow morning.
Why can't the hydraulic press guy bring himself to crush a can of sprite?
Because it's soda pressing
What does a young girl from Arkansas say just before she loses her virginity?
"Careful, dad, don't crush my smokes."
8-year old Alex had a crush on his teacher, so he stayed behind in recess.
The teacher asked Alex if something was wrong, since he wasn't out with the others.
"It's because I'm in love with you, Alex told her.
"Well," the teacher replied - "What If I don't like small children?".
"Then...we'll just have to be careful, I guess".
A can crushers job must be...
Soda pressing.
One day sister told me she has a crush on Amy Poehler
I think she might be bi-Poehler
Crush: My parents aren't home
Me: Don't worry, they'll come back
Fifteen years ago I asked my high school crush out on a date, yesterday I asked her to marry me...
... She said no both times.
I used to crush cans for a living, didn't like it though...
It was soda pressing.
I'm a vertebrate that's in love with the president elect.
I guess you could say I've got my spine, I've got my orange crush.
I finally just slept with my high school crush.
Now she expects me to go to her graduation.
I have a massive crush on a world leader, my wife thinks I'm joking...
...but it's Trudeau
My crush told me someone was stalking her when she was walking home.
I instantly called her on her b**... because nobody else was following her when I followed her home.
My crush told me that I was like a brother to her while we were in the car...
We were driving to New York at the time, and about halfway up the east coast she told me I was like a brother to her. She was surprised when I proceeded to turn the car around and drive the other way without even acting phased. She asked "where are we going now?" My only answer was "Alabama."
I had a crush on a girl with a lazy eye.....
We never hooked up, she was always seeing someone else.
Slow typing...
After 25 years... I was chatting with my classmate -my childhood crush online. She asked me why am I typing so slow. I said because my other hand isn't free.
She's not replying anymore.
Lesson learnt
-Never smoke while texting..
My crush and I have a lot in common
One thing is that we both like her but none of us like me.
A man visits his 70th class reunion
He drinks a fair amount there and then asks for his crush from high school's hand in marriage. She accepts and then they drink some more. The next morning the man remembers that he had asked the woman to marry him but not her response, so he calls her up and asks if she said yes. She replies, "Of course I said yes. Thank goodness you called me though." The man, puzzled asks why. She replies "I had forgotten to whom I had said yes to."
My crush is completely paranoid
She told me someone was stalking her yesterday when she was going home. I followed her all the way and didn't find any stalker.
My crush is like a coin
Lots of tail, and 50% chance of getting head
I think I have a crush on my teacher
Me: I think I have a crush on my teacher
Friend: That's g**...
Me: I've heard it's pretty common
Friend: But you're homeschooled
My crush said that i am pretty fat. I am not even mad
She called me pretty, after all.
So my crush wants a guy with a phd
And apparently that doesn't mean pretty huge debt
Yesterday a girl I had a crush on for 3 years told me she sees me like a brother...
Luckily she's from Texas
Yesterday my crush told me that I was like a brother to her I was sad at first then I remember
She was from Alabama
Someone had a crush on you, was totally secretly in love with you, dreamed at you at night and you have no idea
That was the joke
What's the difference between a demoralizing loss, and someone with a f**...?
One is a crushing defeat, the other has a crush in the feet.
If you were crushed by a piano...
Would you B-flat?
When I was young I remember me and my crush behind the school bins.
Fortunately I didn't get caught disposing of her body.
If you have a crush on Neymar, just ask him out.
He'll fall for you easily.
I gave my crush a glass of lemonade yesterday, and she seemed to instantly fall in love with me.
I think I schwepped her right off her feet.
Today, I got to kiss my crush. I leaned in, ready for the big moment, with the suspense building up...
Then my lips hit the mirror
(Me, trying to impress my crush) You're like my will to live
I wish both were with me
Me: it smells like upsexy in here...
My crush: what's updog?
A deaf person has a crush on me
She's giving all the right signs
Why did God create women?
Because hopes and dreams cannot crush themselves.
I just told my crush how I felt and apparently she feels the same.
With her hands
Today is National ask your crush out day
Today is also Rejection day
I wrote down my bucket list on a piece of paper, and my crush decided to use it to roll up her joint.
She is now high on the list of things I want to do before I die.
I wanted to impress my crush, so i told her about my millionaire dad
now she is my mom
Why was the crushed Pepsi sad?
Because, he was soda pressed.
I had this horrible nightmare last night!
It was just horrifying, I was on a boat in a lake, when suddenly my boat tipped over! As I fell into the lake I realized it was orange, orange crush infact! Tasted delicious, but after a minute I started sinking, I was going to drown in a lake of orange crush!
That's when I woke up and realized, it was just a fanta-sea
I have just been crushed by a huge pile of books
I've only my shelf to blame.
Why did the can crusher quit his job?
Because it was soda pressing
My friend has a f**... and his crush asked him out last night
She told him to meet her on Sunday but he already had plans with me and some friends
He decided to come with us and told us you know I wouldn't ditch you, bros before toes!
My crush gave me her phone number!!
I didn't know she works at the Rejection Hotline, hope they pay her well :)
I have this crush on a girl at work, so I got her address
She seemed a little creeped out when she saw it was a wedding dress though.
The girl I like really loves orange soda. Sadly, she's way out of my league.
Is this a Crush, or just a Fanta-sy?
Four years ago to this day I asked out the most beautiful girl that I had a crush on. Fitting, today was the day I decided to propose to her...
...and she still said no both times.
Today while FaceTiming , my crush stared at me for an hour so I stared back at him .
Turns out his internet connection was very slow and asked me if I had the same problem too .
The girl I had a crush on asked me to make an account on tik tok and follow her.
My country banned Tik tok the very next day.
My crush kissed me!
I wish I could post it in other subs.
I asked my crush out and got rejected. My friend was shot in a school shooting on the same day
Well on the bright side, atleast I wasnt the only one that got shot down.
How did the lamb tell the other lamb that it had a crush on her?
Sheepishly.
Me: How about you sit on my lap and we talk about the first thing that pops up?
My crush: No thanks, I don't like small talk.
I've been a beekeeper for years and when my crush said "It's me or it's those n**... insects, make up your mind", at first I didn't think she was serious.
Then I saw her face.
Now I'm a bee-leaver.
My crush finally noticed me
I should have picked a tree with more leaves.
