Crush Jokes
133 crush jokes and hilarious crush puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about crush that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Crush jokes are a collection of funny jokes inspired by popular culture and the experience of crushing on someone. From the funny to the unique, we outline the best crush jokes to bring a smile to your face! From jokes about liking someone to jokes about getting married, there is something for everyone to enjoy. Crush your cravings with candy crush jokes and smash and demolish out of the ordinary ones!
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Funniest Crush Short Jokes
Short crush jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The crush humour may include short crunch jokes also.
- My crush told me that I'm pretty. Well, the whole sentence was "you're pretty annoying", but I focus only on the positive things.
- My uncle was taking our picture at a dairy farm in Wisconsin when he was crushed by a giant wheel of cheese. We tried to warn him.
- My crush just sneezed and I accidentally replied "bless you !" Now she's staring at the bush, wondering who said that.
- I accidentally said Gazuntite after my crush sneezed. Now she's staring at the bushes wondering who said that.
- Y'know, I was feeling sad after my crush told me that she liked me as a brother, But then I realized that she was from Alabama.
- At a wedding reception, the best man said, 'would all the married men please stand next to the person that made their lives worth living.' The poor bartender was crushed to death.
- My childhood crush and I are finally getting married this year! Me in august, and her in November.
- 6 years ago i DMed my facebook crush telling her that I am going to take her out on a date. Today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times and blocked me
- I have a massive crush on a world leader, my wife thinks I'm joking... ...but it's Trudeau
- I recently got crushed by a pile of books, I recently got crushed by a pile of books, but I suppose I have only my shelf to blame.
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Crush One Liners
Which crush one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with crush? I can suggest the ones about crash and crumble.
- grape don't cry when they're crushed But they do wine
- what is it called when your crush has a crush on you too? Imagination.
- I used to have a job crushing cans. It was soda pressing.
- I was feeling really sad while crushing cans today... It was soda pressing.
- Schrodinger's Crush: Before you ask her out, she is both single and taken
- Dad, are you having a crush on a young popular actress? Am I what, son?
- My crush said I'm like a brother to her Lucky she likes game of thrones
- I stepped on snail once as a child. I guess it was my first crush.
- Man crushed by pile of old books His wife said he only had his shelf to blame
- I wanted to impress my crush, so i told her about my millionaire dad now she is my mom
- Friends invited me to a meteor shower party, but I couldn't make it. They were crushed.
- TIFU by sleeping with my Crush Now there's orange soda all over my bed. :(
- My crush finally noticed me I should have picked a tree with more leaves.
- A deaf person has a crush on me She's giving all the right signs
- I feel like a crushed Coke can on the sidewalk. Soda pressed.
Candy Crush Jokes
Here is a list of funny candy crush jokes and even better candy crush puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you call it, when a sugar daddy falls in love with a girl? Candy Crush.
- I was playing Candy Crush the other day But I'm still recovering from falling on all those piñatas.
- Hey girl, are you a candy? Because i have a crush on you
- What is a cokeheads favorite video game?... NOSE CANDY CRUSH!
wompwomp! ayoooooooga!
The Funniest Crush Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about crush you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean grinder jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make crush pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I s**... my crush the other day, it wasn't pleasant
Soda cans are really sharp
I have a crush on my teacher AND on the girl sitting next to me
It's getting so bad, I may fail out of home school.
My marriage is over.
I loved my wife Lorraine in the beginning, but for the longest time I've had a crush on my friend Claire-Lee Robins, who I know feels the same way about me. Eventually Lorraine found out about my secretive feelings, and just like that, she packed her bags and left.
I do feel bad about it all. But then I realised; I can see Claire-Lee now Lorraine has gone.
Me being a math nerd I was certain that my crush would reject me if I asked her out
But either way, I was 2² to ask her out
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My crush asked my help to impress a boy. So I told her we should pretend to date to make him jealous.
We've now been married for 10 years and have a kid and she hasn't made any progress with that guy. Maybe I should stop beating him up every time he tries to meet her?
Nah. Need to stay in character.
My crush: You know, you remind me alot of my brother.
[Pulling out]
Me: Excuse me, what?
Why does the can crusher hate his job?
Because it's soda pressing.
Soon be Christmas...
WHO SAYS doing Christmas shopping early avoids the crush? Last year, I did mine a full 12 months in advance, and the shops were just as busy as ever.
How do you make a Whiskey Sour?
Crush it's hopes and dreams.
Why did Dr.Pepper blush?
He received a Sunkist from his Crush
My grandfather picked up a box of Grape-Nuts cereal...
"I didn't know grapes have nuts. No wonder they wine when you crush them!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day I teased my crush in class...
and told her, "s**... for you girls, you don't know what your last name will be ten years from now because it changes when you get married. I know my last name will be Smith my whole life." She replied, "Oh, but I do know. It will be Smith." She then turned pink and looked down. I gave her a wide smile.
Ten years later, she became my stepmother.
(This joke was translated from Chinese so sorry if parts don't make sense.)
"Every kiss begins with k"
I whisper to myself as I read the one letter reply from my crush.
Having a crush on someone is like solving a math problem.
If you know you can't get it, all you can do is just stare at it.
You guys! I'm so excited, I just hooked up with my crush from middle school.
...but now she keeps calling me expecting me to show up at her graduation.
Auto correct got me arrested while proclaiming my love to my crush.
Apparently there is no explanation for saying "I wish you were nine."
Finding out a gay guy has a crush on you is like finding 1,000,000 pesos.
You'll think "Well, I can't do much with this right now, but if I ever cross that line I'll be just fine"
A computer science student...
...was writing a note to his crush before lecture. The student next to him grabbed the note.
The first student tried to grab it back. You can't see that, it's private!
The second student protested, But we're in the same class
I asked my secret crush if she wanted to invest in my new invention idea, chloroform kleenex.
She decided to sleep on it...at my place.
Why can't the hydraulic press guy bring himself to crush a can of sprite?
Because it's soda pressing
Statistically speaking, every male has had a crush on a teacher...
For me, it's my wife's yoga instructor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a young girl from Arkansas say just before she loses her virginity?
"Careful, dad, don't crush my smokes."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
8-year old Alex had a crush on his teacher, so he stayed behind in recess.
The teacher asked Alex if something was wrong, since he wasn't out with the others.
"It's because I'm in love with you, Alex told her.
"Well," the teacher replied - "What If I don't like small children?".
"Then...we'll just have to be careful, I guess".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I finally had s**... with my crush, like a borg
Her resistance was futile.
A can crushers job must be...
Soda pressing.
One day sister told me she has a crush on Amy Poehler
I think she might be bi-Poehler
Crush: My parents aren't home
Me: Don't worry, they'll come back
I'm a vertebrate that's in love with the president elect.
I guess you could say I've got my spine, I've got my orange crush.
I was going to propose to this girl i have a crush on
But my mom woke me up
I finally just slept with my high school crush.
Now she expects me to go to her graduation.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My crush told me someone was stalking her when she was walking home.
I instantly called her on her b**... because nobody else was following her when I followed her home.
Did you hear about the guy who had a crush on the Grim Reaper?
I heard he beat it to death.
My crush told me that I was like a brother to her while we were in the car...
We were driving to New York at the time, and about halfway up the east coast she told me I was like a brother to her. She was surprised when I proceeded to turn the car around and drive the other way without even acting phased. She asked "where are we going now?" My only answer was "Alabama."
I had a crush on a girl with a lazy eye.....
We never hooked up, she was always seeing someone else.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I found out that girls f**..., I was in my 8th grade gym class.
The girl that I had a crush on let one rip while stretching, and I took the blame for it. I decided to ask her out after class that day as well. Needless to say, her parents were called and I lost my job.
Slow typing...
After 25 years... I was chatting with my classmate -my childhood crush online. She asked me why am I typing so slow. I said because my other hand isn't free.
She's not replying anymore.
Lesson learnt
-Never smoke while texting..
Did you hear about the ex body builder who can no longer crush a coke can?
It's just soda pressing
A guy walked up to me at school
And picked me up. He yelled "TRUE" in my ear and walked away. Then in the middle of the hall he kept shouting to me "FALSE". Finally he walked up to me when I was with my crush and said "true true true true false false". That's when I snapped.
"Stop boolean me!!"
My crush and I have a lot in common
One thing is that we both like her but none of us like me.
A man visits his 70th class reunion
He drinks a fair amount there and then asks for his crush from high school's hand in marriage. She accepts and then they drink some more. The next morning the man remembers that he had asked the woman to marry him but not her response, so he calls her up and asks if she said yes. She replies, "Of course I said yes. Thank goodness you called me though." The man, puzzled asks why. She replies "I had forgotten to whom I had said yes to."
Crushed...
Crush: A feeling of love and admiration for someone, often someone you know you cannot have a relationship with.
Crush: Deform, pulverize, or force inwards by compressing forcefully.
::-Very much same
My crush is completely paranoid
She told me someone was stalking her yesterday when she was going home. I followed her all the way and didn't find any stalker.
My crush is like a coin
Lots of tail, and 50% chance of getting head
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I think I have a crush on my teacher
Me: I think I have a crush on my teacher
Friend: That's g**...
Me: I've heard it's pretty common
Friend: But you're homeschooled
My crush said that i am pretty fat. I am not even mad
She called me pretty, after all.
So my crush wants a guy with a phd
And apparently that doesn't mean pretty huge debt
Yesterday a girl I had a crush on for 3 years told me she sees me like a brother...
Luckily she's from Texas
Someone had a crush on you, was totally secretly in love with you, dreamed at you at night and you have no idea
That was the joke
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a demoralizing loss, and someone with a f**...?
One is a crushing defeat, the other has a crush in the feet.
When I was young I remember me and my crush behind the school bins.
Fortunately I didn't get caught disposing of her body.
If you have a crush on Neymar, just ask him out.
He'll fall for you easily.
Today, I got to kiss my crush. I leaned in, ready for the big moment, with the suspense building up...
Then my lips hit the mirror
(Me, trying to impress my crush) You're like my will to live
I wish both were with me
Me: it smells like upsexy in here...
My crush: what's updog?
My chances with my crush are like jesus's second coming...
My mom believes in them but it ain't gonna happen.
Why did God create women?
Because hopes and dreams cannot crush themselves.
I just told my crush how I felt and apparently she feels the same.
With her hands
Today is National ask your crush out day
Today is also Rejection day
I finally got the attention of my crush
But... I'm not sure if I still want that date...
Like really she overreacted like she's one of the crazy ones! She even called the police. I just asked for her number and brought her a cup of her favorite coffee!
I mean I would LOVE for someone to wake me up with coffee, a kiss to my forehead and live music in my living room.
I wrote down my bucket list on a piece of paper, and my crush decided to use it to roll up her joint.
She is now high on the list of things I want to do before I die.
Why was the crushed Pepsi sad?
Because, he was soda pressed.
My crush thinks I'm a bit too invasive even at school.
That's what she wrote in her diary at her house anyway.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend has a f**... and his crush asked him out last night
She told him to meet her on Sunday but he already had plans with me and some friends
He decided to come with us and told us you know I wouldn't ditch you, bros before toes!
Why are Unhappy Marriages like the Police
They crush the life out of you.
My crush gave me her phone number!!
I didn't know she works at the Rejection Hotline, hope they pay her well :)
I have this crush on a girl at work, so I got her address
She seemed a little creeped out when she saw it was a wedding dress though.
The girl I like really loves orange soda. Sadly, she's way out of my league.
Is this a Crush, or just a Fanta-sy?
Today while FaceTiming , my crush stared at me for an hour so I stared back at him .
Turns out his internet connection was very slow and asked me if I had the same problem too .
The girl I had a crush on asked me to make an account on tik tok and follow her.
My country banned Tik tok the very next day.
My crush kissed me!
I wish I could post it in other subs.
I asked my crush out and got rejected. My friend was shot in a school shooting on the same day
Well on the bright side, atleast I wasnt the only one that got shot down.
How did the lamb tell the other lamb that it had a crush on her?
Sheepishly.
