The Best 64 Crush Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Crush jokes. There are some crush steamroller jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these crush brian puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Crush Jokes and Puns
My marriage is over.
I loved my wife Lorraine in the beginning, but for the longest time I've had a crush on my friend Claire-Lee Robins, who I know feels the same way about me. Eventually Lorraine found out about my secretive feelings, and just like that, she packed her bags and left.
I do feel bad about it all. But then I realised; I can see Claire-Lee now Lorraine has gone.
My crush asked my help to impress a boy. So I told her we should pretend to date to make him jealous.
We've now been married for 10 years and have a kid and she hasn't made any progress with that guy. Maybe I should stop beating him up every time he tries to meet her?
Nah. Need to stay in character.
My crush: You know, you remind me alot of my brother.
[Pulling out]
Me: Excuse me, what?
Why does the can crusher hate his job?
Because it's soda pressing.
Cans
I work in a can recycling factory.
My job is to crush cans.
I don't enjoy it. It's soda pressing.
"Every kiss begins with k"
I whisper to myself as I read the one letter reply from my crush.
A few years ago i asked out my crush, today i asked her to marry me
She said no both times
Having a crush on someone is like solving a math problem.
If you know you can't get it, all you can do is just stare at it.
TIFU by sleeping with my Crush
Now there's orange soda all over my bed. :(
Auto correct got me arrested while proclaiming my love to my crush.
Apparently there is no explanation for saying "I wish you were nine."
Finding out a gay guy has a crush on you is like finding 1,000,000 pesos.
You'll think "Well, I can't do much with this right now, but if I ever cross that line I'll be just fine"
You can explore crush demolish reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean crush crusher dad jokes. There are also crush puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A computer science student...
...was writing a note to his crush before lecture. The student next to him grabbed the note.
The first student tried to grab it back. You can't see that, it's private!
The second student protested, But we're in the same class
Schrodinger's Crush:
Before you ask her out, she is both single and taken
Hey Girl, do you recycle?
Because I'd love to crush that box and leave you by the curb tomorrow morning.
What does a young girl from Arkansas say just before she loses her virginity?
"Careful, dad, don't crush my smokes."
8-year old Alex had a crush on his teacher, so he stayed behind in recess.
The teacher asked Alex if something was wrong, since he wasn't out with the others.
"It's because I'm in love with you, Alex told her.
"Well," the teacher replied - "What If I don't like small children?".
"Then...we'll just have to be careful, I guess".
A can crushers job must be...
Soda pressing.
Fifteen years ago I asked my high school crush out on a date, yesterday I asked her to marry me...
... She said no both times.
I'm a vertebrate that's in love with the president elect.
I guess you could say I've got my spine, I've got my orange crush.
what is it called when your crush has a crush on you too?
Imagination.
I have a massive crush on a world leader, my wife thinks I'm joking...
...but it's Trudeau
My crush told me someone was stalking her when she was walking home.
I instantly called her on her bullshit because nobody else was following her when I followed her home.
My crush told me that I was like a brother to her while we were in the car...
We were driving to New York at the time, and about halfway up the east coast she told me I was like a brother to her. She was surprised when I proceeded to turn the car around and drive the other way without even acting phased. She asked "where are we going now?" My only answer was "Alabama."
I had a crush on a girl with a lazy eye.....
We never hooked up, she was always seeing someone else.
My crush said I'm like a brother to her
Lucky she likes game of thrones
My childhood crush and I are finally getting married this year!
Me in August, and her in November.
I stepped on snail once as a child.
I guess it was my first crush.
Slow typing...
After 25 years... I was chatting with my classmate -my childhood crush online. She asked me why am I typing so slow. I said because my other hand isn't free.
She's not replying anymore.
Lesson learnt
-Never smoke while texting..
My crush and I have a lot in common
One thing is that we both like her but none of us like me.
A man visits his 70th class reunion
He drinks a fair amount there and then asks for his crush from high school's hand in marriage. She accepts and then they drink some more. The next morning the man remembers that he had asked the woman to marry him but not her response, so he calls her up and asks if she said yes. She replies, "Of course I said yes. Thank goodness you called me though." The man, puzzled asks why. She replies "I had forgotten to whom I had said yes to."
My crush is completely paranoid
She told me someone was stalking her yesterday when she was going home. I followed her all the way and didn't find any stalker.
My crush is like a coin
Lots of tail, and 50% chance of getting head
I crushed my coke can today...
It was soda pressing :(
I think I have a crush on my teacher
Me: I think I have a crush on my teacher
Friend: That's gross
Me: I've heard it's pretty common
Friend: But you're homeschooled
Y'know, I was feeling sad after my crush told me that she liked me as a brother,
But then I realized that she was from Alabama.
Yesterday my crush told me that I was like a brother to her I was sad at first then I remember
She was from Alabama
If you were crushed by a piano...
Would you B-flat?
When I was young I remember me and my crush behind the school bins.
Fortunately I didn't get caught disposing of her body.
A deaf person has a crush on me
She's giving all the right signs
Why did God create women?
Because hopes and dreams cannot crush themselves.
I just told my crush how I felt and apparently she feels the same.
With her hands
I wrote down my bucket list on a piece of paper, and my crush decided to use it to roll up her joint.
She is now high on the list of things I want to do before I die.
I wanted to impress my crush, so i told her about my millionaire dad
now she is my mom
I had this horrible nightmare last night!
It was just horrifying, I was on a boat in a lake, when suddenly my boat tipped over! As I fell into the lake I realized it was orange, orange crush infact! Tasted delicious, but after a minute I started sinking, I was going to drown in a lake of orange crush!
That's when I woke up and realized, it was just a fanta-sea
The girl I had a crush on asked me to make an account on tik tok and follow her.
My country banned Tik tok the very next day.
I asked my crush out and got rejected. My friend was shot in a school shooting on the same day
Well on the bright side, atleast I wasnt the only one that got shot down.
My crush finally noticed me
I should have picked a tree with more leaves.
Me and my childhood crush are marrying next year
Hers is in February and mine in July
6 years ago i DMed my facebook crush telling her that I am going to take her out on a date. Today I asked her to marry me.
She said no both times and blocked me
What's the only thing that can ruin your perfect relationship with your crush?
The alarm clock
I told my gf that i had a crush on beyonce!
And she said to me "Whatever floats your boat"
And i said "No that's **Buoyancy**"
Friend: I think I have a crush on the president and the first lady.
Me: You are bi-den?
Dad, are you having a crush on a young popular actress?
Am I what, son?
I hate my job. All I do is crush cans all day. It's just...
...Soda pressing.
My crush told me that I'm pretty.
Well, the whole sentence was "you're pretty annoying", but I focus only on the positive things.
I asked out my crush in school today
Now I gotta look for a new job
I've been single for so long…
My last Crush was an orange soda.
As I crushed the painkillers...
As I crushed the painkillers and poured them into a glass of vodka, I looked at a picture of my wife. "We'll be together soon, my darling..." I said.
"Did you say something?" my wife asked from the next room.
"I'm on the phone to your sister," I said. "Your drink is ready by the way."
If your crush is single...
It is 1v20
If she is taken...
It is 1v1
Work smarter not harder
me trying to impress my crush
me:
I heard you like bad guys only
.
.
.
well, I am bad....at everything.
*winks with both eyes*
My crush: I like car chase action scenes.
Me, a fruit stand vendor: I think we're done here.
How did the introverted teenager introduce himself to his crush?
He didn't
my crush is just like a marshmello
because she is soft, white and everyone put their stick inside of her.
Three years ago, I asked my crush out. Last week, I asked her to marry me.
She said no both times.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the crush infatuation jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working crush date piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.