Cruise Ship Jokes

Following is our collection of aft puns and hms one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Cruise Ship jokes for adults, dirty ship jokes and clean lifeboats dad gags for kids.

The Best Cruise Ship Puns

A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. "Captain," one of the passenger asks, "who is that man over there?"

"I have no idea," the captain says, "but he goes nuts every year when we pass him."

A magician gets himself a parrot for his act

After a couple weeks of performing with the magician the parrot begins to heckle the magician during his shows. "it's under his hat, it's up his sleeve, his assistant has it."

The magician is performing on a cruise ship when the ship sinks. The magician wakes up on a piece of driftwood with the parrot standing on the opposite end. The parrot and the magician spend 2 days floating at sea without saying a word.

Finally the parrot says, "Alright, I give up. Where's the boat?"

A cruise ship sinks in the middle of the sea...

The people on the ship manage to escape on life boats. A woman comes to the captain and asks him: "How far is the closest land?"
The captain answers :"3 km."
The woman says after: "In which direction?", to which the captain replied :"Down"

A cruise ship is sailing in the Caribbean..

The cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man with an eyepatch running around and waving his arms wildly.

Captain, one passenger asks, who is that man over there?

I have no idea, the captain says, but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.

The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind....

The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said: Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?

Yes, I know, said the lady, I need both hands to hold onto this hat. But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed! said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!


Why won't black people board cruise ships?

We're not falling for that bullshit again.

A rabbi, a lawyer, and a priest are on a cruise ship as it starts to sink...

As chaos ensues and people are running around frantically, the three men huddle together and try to make a grave decision.

The rabbi says, "we must save the children!"

The lawyer says, "no, screw the children!"

Then the priest says, "do we really have time to screw the children?"

Several aristocrats are having a party on a cruise ship, when the captain comes down and interrupts.

"I have some good news and some bad news," he says. "Which do you want to hear first?"

"Good!" everyone says in unison.

The captain says, "We won eleven Oscars!"

A cruise ship passed a tiny, isolated island.

Everyone on board could see a bearded man on the island, shouting and desperately waving his hands.

"Who is that man?" a passenger asked the ship's captain. "Why is he so upset?"

"I have no idea," said the Captain, "but every year when we pass by here, he goes nuts."

A catholic priest, Baptist minister, and a rabbi are on a cruise ship

When the ship begins to sink. They are making their way to the life boats when they notice that there are a bunch of un-escorted kids standing there. The Baptist minster says to the others, "what about the children?"

The rabbi says,"fuck the children."

The catholic priest asks, "do we have time for that?"

A pink cruise ship crashed into a purple cruise ship.

You could say the passengers were marooned.


my friend said he would buy me a game on steam if i can come up with a joke based on these subjects. if you guys could help! id be really appreciated! if not i understand this is asking a lot.

Russians,a Small Animal, an American,a Brazilian and a Cruise Ship. thanks in advance for anything any one comes up with!

A cruise magician...

... Had a parrot who spoiled every trick. You know, like, "That box has a hidden floor".

One day during the performance, the cruise ship exploded, but the magician and the parrot saved themselves on a piece of debris.

They floated along in silence for three days, when the parrot quips "Okay, I give up. How did you manage to make the ship disappear?".

Cruise ship and the bearded man

From a passenger cruise ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands.

"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.

"I have no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts."

I got my wife tickets on a cruise ship.

It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic.

Two Jewish banker escaped from that sinking Italian cruise ship

They were both clinging to a life preserver. One guy, knowing the other can't swim, says, " I'm going to try to swim to shore to get some help. Can you float alone?"

The second Jewish banker says, "how could you talk business at a time like this?"

Two old men are sitting on the deck of a cruise ship…

The first one asks, Have you read Marx?

The other one replies, Yes. I believe that comes from sitting on these wicker chairs.

The captain of a cruise ship tells to the passengers and the crew..

- Dear ones, I have a good and a bad announcement to make.
Which one do you want to hear first?

- "The good one".

- We're going for 14 Oscars!

Do you all have time for a the joke about the world's fastest cruise ship?

Don't worry, it's a quick one liner.


Why do you never see black people on cruise ships?

Because they won't fall for the same trick twice

My wife started her job on a cruise ship last week.

My mate asked, "How's she getting on?"

I replied, "I'm not sure, I think they use a crane."

A cruise ship with a Gay Pride party on board...

ran into a storm and began to take on water quickly but by some miracle did not sink.

What saved the ship?

"flambuoyancy"

Why should you never start a conversation about the Titanic?

Because that cruise ship is no ice-breaker.

A magician and the parrot

There was a magician on a cruise ship. He started off having a good gig, until the captains parrot started spoiling the tricks after watching them over and over. One day the ship sinks. And the only two survivors are the magician and the parrot. After sitting in the row boat for a couple of days. The parrot asks "Alright. What did you do with the ship?"

the latest trend

I hear the latest trend is to install trampolines on cruise ships - apparently everyone's jumping on board

What is a zombie's favourite activity on a cruise ship?

Shuffleboard!

Why don't you see blacks on cruise ships?

They're not falling for that one again!

BREAKING NEWS: A Red Cruise ship and a Blue Naval Vessel have collided in the Caribbean...

...and the survivors are marooned.

Watching the news about the stricken cruise ship

And the news presenter says "she's lying on her side with a gash the size of a tennis court". I just happened to glance at my girlfriend, and now it's all kicked off!

Three blondes stuck on a desert island.

When they find a magic lamp, after a quick rub out pops a genie.
"I shall grant you three wishes" he states.
The first blonde wished to be on a giant cruise ship.
With a click, she was gone.
The second blonde wished she was in a casino with millions to play with.
Click! She vanished.
The third blonde looked upset.
"Whats the matter" asked the genie.
"I dont want to be alone on this island, i wish my friends were back"

What was the most popular dish on the rave cruise ship?

Sea Bass

Italian cruise ship captain caught fleeing

The Italian captain of the tragic cruise ship incident was caught at customs trying leave the country. He disguised himself as an Italian women dressed in high heels, a red polkadot dress complete with a wig and red liptick. He was busted because he forgot to add the mustache!!

What does the Captian of the cruise ship say when you aks him "Are we sailing the wrong direction?"

"Off course"

German coast guard

An American cruise ship was following the German coast when it got caught off course in a storm, hit some rocks in the shallow water, and started to sink.

The captain of the ship got on the radio:

"Help! Help!"

He got a reply:

"Hello, ziss is German coast guard. Do you haff a problem?"

"Help us! We're sinking! We're sinking!"

..."Vot are you sinking about?"

I tried seducing a woman on a cruise ship

But we were just passing ships in the night

Why did only the gay people on a cruise ship survive when it sunk?

Because they were very flambuoyant.

My friend is an avid collector of models of famous boats. He just called up the nice lady at the local hobby shop and she was able to find him a small model of the Concordia cruise ship, but she only had the one.

She said she'd put it 'aside' for him

The one place to should head to straight away during a zombie apocalypse on a cruise ship.

A salad bar.

Two men and a woman were the sole survivors of a pleasure cruise ship that sank in the Bermuda Triangle.
They made it to an uninhabited island.
Two weeks later the woman jumped off a cliff because she was so ashamed of what she was doing.
Two weeks after that the two men buried her because they were so ashamed of what they were doing.
Two more weeks passed by and the men dug her up again–being so ashamed of what they were doing.

Did you hear about the British celebrity who was accused of sexual misconduct on a cruise ship out of London?

He got Β£metoo'd

A man is on a fancy cruise ship...

And he says, I really like this one liner!

What do you call a cruise ship built in Thailand?

Thaitanic

Golfing rage.

A man and his wife are out golfing one day. The wife tees off and breaks a window on an expensive looking house. Feeling guilty the man decides to talk to the owner and pay for the damages.
They knock on the door, but nobody seems to answer. Being the nice couple they were they enter the house to leave a number. A man calmly walks down the stairs and proclaims "I am a genie and I own this house, since I am a generous man I will grant you two 3 wishes but as you see I am very lonely having no contact with hardly anyone the only thing I as is for granting you these 3 wishes I would wish to have sex with your wife. The couple talk it over for a while and agree to the genie. The first wish, the man asks 'I wish for a million dollars.' 'done' says the genie. The wife says, 'I wish for a house on every corner of the earth.'
'done'
'As for the last wish, I wish for a cruise ship.'
'done.'
His wife then leaves upstairs with the genie, after a couple hours the genie and his wife come down the stairs.
'So how was?' says the man.
'Good, but it surprises me you still believe in genies!'

There was a cruise ship that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island.....

There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women.

After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself.

It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.

Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing. So...

They buried her.

Etiquette for beginners

[adapted from a scene in the film Carry on Cruising]

A steward on a cruise ship is hesitating outside a door to a cabin with a pot of coffee on a tray. The chief purser doing his rounds sees him and asks him what he's doing.

"Well sir, it's like this", the steward begins, "I'm completely new to this job and I'm a little worried as to what to do if I find passengers in a *delicate* state in their cabin, you see?"

The purser smiles and puts his hand on the young man's shoulder. "Ah", he says, "you just need to learn how to deal with such situations with a bit of dignity and blindness. I once knew a steward who walked in on a beautiful young woman completely naked in the shower. Well, he just put the tray down on the side, said 'Excuse me, sir' and left without missing a beat. Do you see?"

The steward thinks for a moment and smiles "Yes, yes! That's very good that! I'll remember that!"

"Well, what are you waiting for then?" says the purser pointing out the still closed cabin door. "Get on with it, before that coffee gets cold"

The steward takes a deep breath, puffs out his chest, knocks and opens the door. Inside, he finds a newly wed couple on their honeymoon, in bed and very passionately engrossed in each other, and they clearly haven't noticed his arrival.

He hesitates before remembering what the purser told him, and decides to interrupt: "Hello there, which of you two fellahs takes sugar then?"

There is an abundance of ferry jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 45 funniest jokes and cruise ship puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any sail witze you can hear about cruise ship.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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