The Best 54 Cruise Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Cruise jokes. There are some cruise aboard jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these cruise overboard puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Cruise Jokes and Puns

A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. "Captain," one of the passenger asks, "who is that man over there?"

"I have no idea," the captain says, "but he goes nuts every year when we pass him."

My mom told me Jesus died on a Royal Caribbean ship. But my priest insists he died on the cross.

Was that cruise a fiction?

Just bought a raffle ticket, top prize a Mediterranean cruise.

Last week's was a rollover

Cruise joke, Just bought a raffle ticket, top prize a Mediterranean cruise.

Two Jewish banker escaped from that sinking Italian cruise ship

They were both clinging to a life preserver. One guy, knowing the other can't swim, says, " I'm going to try to swim to shore to get some help. Can you float alone?"

The second Jewish banker says, "how could you talk business at a time like this?"

Gimme your best Mickey Mouse/Disney character joke!

Going on a Disney Cruise and need your funniest, raunchiest or most nasty joke involving a Disney character.


So Katie Holmes is divorcing Tom Cruise...

Apparently she found out that he'd been in A Few Good Men.

So a magician on a cruise night has a show every night...

NOTSONINJA

Cruise joke, So a magician on a cruise night has a show every night...

I stole a Tom Cruise movie from the store the other day...

It was Risky Business.

my friend said he would buy me a game on steam if i can come up with a joke based on these subjects. if you guys could help! id be really appreciated! if not i understand this is asking a lot.

Russians,a Small Animal, an American,a Brazilian and a Cruise Ship. thanks in advance for anything any one comes up with!

[Original] This is the only time of year...

.... that it's acceptable for middle-aged men to cruise around town looking for Girl Scouts.

I got my wife tickets on a cruise ship.

It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic.

You can explore cruise luxury reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean cruise pacific dad jokes. There are also cruise puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Men are greedy bastards.

A married couple in their 60's are visited by a fairy who grants them both a wish.

"I want to travel around the world with my darling husband." says the wife. 2 tickets for a luxury cruise magically appear in her hand.

The husband says, "Sorry love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."

So the fairy waves her wand and the husband becomes 92.

Moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember - fairies are female.

Tom Cruise walks into a gay bar...

The barman says, "Why the long farce?"

Somewhere off Gilligan's Island...

On a Christmas cruise on a luxury ocean liner in the Pacific,
a passenger sees seven straggly people on a small island
jumping up and down and waving their hands and shouting.

"Who are they?" the passenger asks the captain.

"I've no idea. But each year when we pass, they go nuts."

The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind....

The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said: Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?

Yes, I know, said the lady, I need both hands to hold onto this hat. But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed! said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!

Cruise ship and the bearded man

From a passenger cruise ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands.

"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.

"I have no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts."

Cruise joke, Cruise ship and the bearded man

Steven Spielberg is casting for his upcoming blockbuster on the history of classical music.

He asks his stars who they want to play. Brad Pitt says, "I want to be Mozart. His pastiche of influences from several European countries has always fascinated me." Tom Cruise chimes in with, "I'd like to be Beethoven. I love the way he handled the transition from Classicism to Romanticism." Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "I'll be Bach."

A racist joke (be warned and don't take offense)

Why is it that you never see a black person on a cruise?

They're not falling for that one again..

A pink cruise ship crashed into a purple cruise ship.

You could say the passengers were marooned.


Two wires at sea

Two wires were on an ocean cruise when the ship sprung a leak and sank. The solid core wire managed to climb into a lifeboat and head to safety.

The other was stranded.

A cruise ship passed a tiny, isolated island.

Everyone on board could see a bearded man on the island, shouting and desperately waving his hands.

"Who is that man?" a passenger asked the ship's captain. "Why is he so upset?"

"I have no idea," said the Captain, "but every year when we pass by here, he goes nuts."

Asked my black friend if he wanted to go on a cruise..

I just asked my black friend if he wanted to go on a cruise this summer. He said his ancestors made that same mistake and he's not falling for it.

Movies you wish Tom Cruise would star in:

Remission Impossible

A rabbi, a lawyer, and a priest are on a cruise ship as it starts to sink...

As chaos ensues and people are running around frantically, the three men huddle together and try to make a grave decision.

The rabbi says, "we must save the children!"

The lawyer says, "no, screw the children!"

Then the priest says, "do we really have time to screw the children?"

Have you heard about the new Scientologist car?

It's got cruise control...

I Asked My Black Friend If He Wanted to Go on a Cruise with me.

He said that his ancestors made that same mistake and that he's not falling for it.

What's big, black and loaded with aids?

A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.

A catholic priest, Baptist minister, and a rabbi are on a cruise ship

When the ship begins to sink. They are making their way to the life boats when they notice that there are a bunch of un-escorted kids standing there. The Baptist minster says to the others, "what about the children?"

The rabbi says,"fuck the children."

The catholic priest asks, "do we have time for that?"

I was nervous about meeting new people on a cruise...

... until I realised, we are all in the same boat.

Olympic Sailing results are in!

Denmark have taken gold

Finland have taken silver

Somalia have taken a middle aged couple who were on a worldwide cruise

A cruise ship sinks in the middle of the sea...

The people on the ship manage to escape on life boats. A woman comes to the captain and asks him: "How far is the closest land?"
The captain answers :"3 km."
The woman says after: "In which direction?", to which the captain replied :"Down"

A cruise ship is sailing in the Caribbean..

The cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man with an eyepatch running around and waving his arms wildly.

Captain, one passenger asks, who is that man over there?

I have no idea, the captain says, but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.

Two old men are sitting on the deck of a cruise ship…

The first one asks, Have you read Marx?

The other one replies, Yes. I believe that comes from sitting on these wicker chairs.

Linkin Park fought among themselves in choosing which ocean to take a cruise on.

The Pacific ocean was favored by Chester. The Atlantic was desired by Mike. The Arctic was appealing to Rob and Brad because it is an ocean they've never been to before. The Antarctic was chosen by Dave and Joe because they've heard tales of great sea creatures to see in that area. With great argument, they decided against them all.
Indian, it didn't even matter.

Did you hear about the cruise that was rated 3.14 out of 10?

It was a pi-rate ship

How many Scientologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the light bulb, one to tell Tom Cruise that it cost $40,000.

Why do you never see a black people on a cruise?

They aint falling for that one again.

I wanna do stand up comedy on a gay cruise...

...so I can open with: "Hey, everyone. Thanks for coming out."

Tom Cruise is making a movie about distilling moonshine during prohibition

It's called Whisky Business

A cruise magician...

... Had a parrot who spoiled every trick. You know, like, "That box has a hidden floor".

One day during the performance, the cruise ship exploded, but the magician and the parrot saved themselves on a piece of debris.

They floated along in silence for three days, when the parrot quips "Okay, I give up. How did you manage to make the ship disappear?".

A joke from work

Four famous actors get together and decide to dress up as famous artists for Halloween.

Leonardo DiCaprio says he'll go as Da Vinci since they have the same first name.

Tom Cruise says he'll go as Van Gogh so they have two painters.

Bill Murray says he'll go as Beethoven since he likes his music.

Arnold Schwarzenegger just looks at them and says "I'll be Bach."

I played "My Heart Will Go On" on a public piano and people yelled at me.

Can't wait till this cruise is over.

A magician gets himself a parrot for his act

After a couple weeks of performing with the magician the parrot begins to heckle the magician during his shows. "it's under his hat, it's up his sleeve, his assistant has it."

The magician is performing on a cruise ship when the ship sinks. The magician wakes up on a piece of driftwood with the parrot standing on the opposite end. The parrot and the magician spend 2 days floating at sea without saying a word.

Finally the parrot says, "Alright, I give up. Where's the boat?"

Why won't black people board cruise ships?

We're not falling for that bullshit again.

The aircraft carrier captain saw a light whilst at sea

"Tell the signalman to warn that boat to turn to port to avoid a collision."

But the light flashes back "\*YOU\* turn to port to avoid a collision."

The captain, incensed, sends the message "This is a 200 kiloton aircraft carrier with 50 warplanes, atomic bombs and cruise missiles! \*YOU\* turn to the left to avoid a collision!"

The light flashes back "This is a lighthouse. Your call."

I told my barber I wanted my hair cut like Tom Cruise

So he sat me down on a couple of phone books.

My mom told me that Jesus died when his Royal Caribbean ship sank, but my priest said he actually died on the cross.

So...was that cruise a fiction?

It's nice to see that celebrities have taken up book writing during the pandemic

One Direction by Kanye West

Guitars by Mel Gibson

Mining by Brad Pitt

Pear Cider by Katy Perry

Ship Building by Tom Cruise

How to Move Things by Jim Carrey

Escape from Prison by Morgan Freeman

American Motors by Harrison Ford

Wild Animals by Will Ferrell

what do you call a cruise full of college graduates?













(a Scholar-ship)

A movie studio is casting roles for a documentary about classical musicians.

Tom Cruise says I'll play the part of Mozart
Liam Neeson says I'll make a great Beethoven
Arnold Schwarzenegger says I'll be Bach

Several aristocrats are having a party on a cruise ship, when the captain comes down and interrupts.

"I have some good news and some bad news," he says. "Which do you want to hear first?"

"Good!" everyone says in unison.

The captain says, "We won eleven Oscars!"

Two Married Unicorns are Lying in Bed

The husband Unicorn, without looking up from his newspaper, says big storm's a brewin . The wife Unicorn then replies, well then I'm glad we didn't go on that cruise with your whack job friend Noah!

My wife is really worried about our upcoming cruise because of the Corona Virus.

I said, Don't worry. We are all on the same boat.

Carnival is offering a new voyage where you set sail and leave a bunch of senior citizens behind in the snow.

It's called a Ted Cruise

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the cruise seafaring jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working cruise cruise ship piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes